Peace
by Sybil Corvax
Summary: Even though she hated what was happening to the world, she knew that she couldn't turn back the clock. That was probably what hurt the most. Besides knowing that her love would never be returned. MelloxOC Pre-Kira/Kira/Eventual Post-Kira
1. Life Begins

**See?! I started my Mello Romance too!**

**THis one has much longer chapters too! **

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Prologue

Things usually start simple. Like life, for example. A female's ovum is fertilized by the male's sperm which then implants itself in the uterus. Over a course of forty or so weeks, a baby is born. As simple as that.

Life starts off pretty easy if you think about it. But it's once you leave the womb that things become hectic. For instance, sometimes women die during childbirth. The baby might get away with its life, but the mother who had nurtured it in the womb for those forty odd weeks- is gone.

Sometimes everything works out okay and the baby has the man who helped to create him or her in the first place through that tiny, microscopic sperm. Sometimes the baby has a father AND a mother because the mother actually survived through childbirth and the father wants to actually help and spend the rest of his life with the woman he helped impregnate. Then, that baby has two people to love and care for it for the rest of his or her life.

But, sometimes- leaving the womb means coming into a world where no one wants you. The woman who nurtured you immediately wants to hand you off to some strange woman in white who then takes you away and hands you off to another. You never even get the chance to bond with the one person who SHOULD love you. Who should care for you.

Sometimes, you come into a world where there's no place for you. No mother, no father- no one. Nurses and doctors give you some affection, yes, but it's only because you'd die if they didn't. Babies need some sort of connection in order to survive. They need some sort of- reason to live through their lives abandoned by those who should have cared. It's been proven that if a baby does NOT get the required affection, it will literally turn to the wall and die.

Babies die because they have no one to love them. Babies die because they left the one safe place in this world where they could hear their mother's voice and sometimes their father's if they're lucky.

It's once you leave the womb that everything usually goes haywire for the baby.

You see, the abandoned baby is then sent to a place for other babies who have either too been abandoned or have lost their parents tragically in some sort of bizarre accident. It's then that the baby can recognize the sound of laughter from the vocal cords of much older children who too, recognize the feeling of loneliness. It's then that the baby coos and smiles up at the faces of the nurse who helps to raise him or her until he or she can walk, talk and read and write.

So, months pass for the baby, who is no longer known as a baby, but a child. It's three years to the day that the baby was born. Three years. Just three.

The child, previously known as baby, can walk, talk, read, and write. Of course, no NORMAL child of three could do all that. No, that would take quite some time to learn to read and write as WELL as talk clearly.

This child is different from other children. It's mind grows and develops at a faster rate than a normal toddler.

Nurses are astounded as it solves math equations fit for six year olds and writes scribbled paragraphs in an old notebook it discovered under a bed that belonged to another child. It's then that the child meets an old man.

After just a few sentences, he smiles in a way that the toddler has never seen before. The old man smiles in a caring, affectionate manner as he takes the child's hand and says that this isn't where the child is supposed to be. The child belongs somewhere that will help nurture its 'genius' mind.

The child doesn't understand that it's leaving the place it was raised in since pretty much birth, but it's eager to follow the kind old man who made such promises. Not that it knows what 'genius' means, but still. Anywhere the child can see that smile, it will follow.

And so, the child leaves the place. It leaves the place called an 'orphanage' to go with the old man who smiled so kindly. It watches the scenery from up high in an airplane and smiles brightly. The old man chuckles and holds long conversations with the child, as it has a much longer attention span than most children her age.

It's then that the child is told that she is going to another orphanage, different from the last. This one, full of other children with the same level of intellect, if a little higher or lower. The child doesn't know what intellect means, but she has a feeling that it has to do with the head. The old man pointed to his head as he said this.

So, the plane lands. The child is then brought to a long black car. She's never seen anything like this before, but decides that she wants to have one of its own some day. When she's older. A grown up.

The long car then drives down a long road which leads to a huge house. The man calls it Wammy's House. The orphanage he was talking about earlier. The child is so mesmerized that she can merely nod as the car stops.

She peers out the tinted window curiously upon hearing the familiar laughter of children and her eyes brighten with joy when she sees them kicking a ball across the grass.

The old man laughs at her expression and lets her know that there are some things they need to do first before she can go play. She responds with a simple nod and follows the old man from the car, to the huge doors of the house. She ignores the stares of the other children as she is used to them.

Back in that other orphanage, they stared too. Because she was different. Had more intellect, she guesses now.

These children must not see many newcomers. Either that or they don't expect her to just be barely three years old. Nevertheless, the little girl ignores the stares and proceeds after the kind old man, who soon meets up with someone else.

The girl stops in her tracks and stares up at the strange, her eyes large with interest. He is tall and older than herself, though not nearly as old as the old man. He has black hair that hides his blue-gray eyes. He is dressed in a white, long sleeved shirt and baggy blue jeans. He also has very pale skin and dark smudges beneath his eyes. She will remember him for the rest of her life, for he is very strange. Yet, at the same time, she feels kindness radiating off of him.

Yet, out of the two of them, surprisingly, she is the first to speak.

"Why don't you wear shoes, Mister?" Her voice is clear and her words pronounced.

The young man looks to the older man in some surprise. The older man chuckles and explains the circumstances of her arrival. The girl waits patiently, expecting an answer from her strange companion.

The old man continues to smile and tells the younger man that he should be the one to escort the girl to her room while he 'prepares'. The younger man agrees and indicates to the girl to follow. Almost immediately, she reaches up and grasps his shirt sleeve.

The young man looks to the girl in surprise before a tiny smile graces his lips at her pouty expression.

"You never answered my question! I wanna know!"

"Shoes are uncomfortable."

"No socks either." She states, looking down thoughtfully and then looking back up.

"Socks are unnecessary without shoes! But, you could always wear sandals- those count as shoes?" The young man blinks in surprise before his tiny smile returns.

The two talk shortly until they reach a bedroom with the number four on the door. The girl stares at it before glancing to the man and letting him know that she has no property to fill the room with if the true intention is to let her remain in this house. His response is simple.

"I will take care of it." And, no further questions are asked about it as the old man soon locates the pair.

He indicates that preparations are made and the girl stares blankly, confused. Shortly after, she is in a room writing stuff down on a piece of paper. It doesn't take her long at all to fill it in and again, not longer after for the people in the room to discover that she has a high score.

The old man smiles at her as he places his hand on her shoulder.

"One seventy six. It's been awhile, hasn't it, L?" The younger man nods, obviously impressed.

The girl looks back and forth between the two, confused, but she points to the younger man nonetheless.

"Your name is L?" He placed his index finger to his lips.

"Yes, but don't tell anybody. It's a secret."

"A- secret? Aren't secrets supposed to be shared with friends? Oh! Does that make me your friend, Mister?!" The man called L blinks several times before he simply nods, knowing it is probably true.

The girl giggles excitedly.

"Yay! My first friend! I've never had a friend before!" Little does she know, neither has L and to hear her say that makes him feel- happy.

It is an emotion he doesn't often feel. He would remember this for all of his life as well.

The old man chuckles and it catches the girl's attention.

"Now, we need to come up with something to call you, seeing as using your real name here won't suit at all. What did they call you back where you were before?" The girl blinks and tilts her head slightly.

"I dunno. No one really talked to me. I'm not sure if I remember what my real name is."

"I see. What phrases stick in your head, then?" The girl's head shoots up as she points upwards, matter-of-factly.

"Peace and quiet! Nurse always says that's what she likes. She says I like it too. I don't. I like music."

"Peace and quiet? I see then. Peace it is." And that's how the abandoned baby entered a place that would help her to understand human affection and love, if only a little.

It was certainly a hell of a lot more than what she was getting back in the first orphanage. However, that is certainly not where her life ends. There's a lot more to it then that.

As mentioned earlier, life is only simple when it first is created. Once you leave the womb and take your first breath, it becomes hectic as Hades Domain. Then again- sometimes those babies never even get the chance to leave the womb.

Maybe death is a whole lot easier than life.


	2. Peace and Friends

**As I mentioned in the Prologue, I'm very proud of this story! Everything is so much longer! **

**I've never really thought much of Mello before until I recently started reading OCXMello fanfics. They're awesome and a friend of mine is a total fangirl, so I thought I'd do this for her.**

**Peace is entirely mine (with exceptional help from my friend) and later on, there will be some language, hence why the story is rated M. Better safe than sorry.**

**Please Review**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Peace tilted her head slightly at the piece of paper in front of her, brows furrowed deep in thought at what to put down for the next verse.

Her long, blue-black hair was tied back into an extremely messy ponytail and her storm cloud eyes flashed in annoyance.

Being a twelve year old amateur musician was tough. Especially for this type of music. To write something different, yet wonderful and fulfilling was very hard to do.

She bit down on the end of her pen rather hard, mainly out of frustration and then sighed.

Guess she wasn't writing a lot today. Maybe she just needed inspiration?

A sudden knock on her bedroom door drove her from her thoughts and she fell from her chair in surprise, clashing to the ground. She quickly regained herself, however, and hurried to open it. No sooner did her hand touch it, then did it burst open.

She was thrown against the wall behind the door and pinned there, her frail body threatening to break in half from the pressure.

"Peace! Have you seen Matt?! PEACE!!!"

"M- Mello? Y- you're- crushing me. Again." The door was pulled back from her body and she was soon on the floor, gasping for breath.

"Heh." A hand reached down and grasped her wrist, tugging her to her feet.

"Sorry." Though it didn't sound very sincere, it was something.

Mello didn't apologize for anything he did. It was who he was. It was a miracle how he and Peace were even friends. Oh, right. Matt.

"Have you seen Matt?! The moron made off with my chocolate stash again!"

"Are you sure you didn't just eat it?" He blushed at her comment before crossing his arms.

"Of course I'm sure! Now, help me find him!"

"Oh. Okay. Um- yeah." Passive as ever, Peace.

Mello shot her a look.

"What's wrong? You don't wanna help me find him?"

"I never said that. I'll help you, Mello." He smirked.

"Good. Now, come on!" He grabbed her wrist roughly and dragged her from her room, the song she had been working on falling to the floor.

It was okay, though. She did need inspiration, didn't she?

--

"MATT!!!" The other children ran as Mello barrelled down the hall towards the arcade.

Peace had to ask herself why he had come to ask her where their friend was, if he knew all along where he was? Then again, Mello was the type of guy who needed support. He was fourteen, after all. And a boy.

Testosterone- Peace couldn't say she cared for the hormone much. Even if she had started her own cycle at the young age of eleven. Oh, how far behind that seemed now.

Mello's face was red with fury as game addicted Matt paid him no attention and continued to play whatever he was playing. Judging by the sound effects and music, Peace narrowed it down to Mortal Combat. She had hung around Matt long enough to decipher that much, even if she wasn't much of a gamer herself.

"What's up, Mel?"

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?! And what the hell did you do with my stash?!" Matt responded, goggled covered eyes still glued to the television.

"Are you sure you didn't just eat it?" Peace pulled away from Mello and covered her mouth, snickering.

Mello flushed.

"Mello, Matt didn't steal your stash. You just ate it all again." He glared at her.

"Shut up!" Her snickering stopped and she looked somewhat hurt.

Although, she should have probably been used to it by now- his words could sometimes hurt.

The blonde saw her expression and immediately calmed himself down in an attempt to cheer her.

"Uh, sorry. J- just don't cry, 'kay? You know I hate it when you do." And it seemed Mello had a soft spot after all.

"O- okay." Her eyes then lit up and she grinned.

"That's it!"

"What's it?" Matt questioned, eyes still glued to his game.

Mello just stared at her as if she were crazy.

Peace giggled.

"The next verse! I was working on a new song all day and I got stuck! Mello just gave me new inspiration!" She hugged the blonde teenager tightly and thanked him repeatedly before taking off down the hall.

It was then that Matt paused his game to look up, grinning when he saw his blushing best friend.

"Ooh, isn't someone lucky with the ladies, eh?" Matt received a punch to the skull for that one.

"Shut the hell up, Matt!" Meanwhile, a white haired boy of thirteen watched on, a one thousand piece puzzle box under his arm.

He glanced in the direction Peace had went and soon followed after. Now was a better time than any to spend with the girl, as they too were friends. Mello was too busy to notice anyway, seeing as he'd be going out soon to restock on his prized chocolate bars.

Needless to say, the blonde would be gone awhile and therefore, the white haired boy could enjoy Peace's company, in quiet. Until Mello barged in and kicked him out, that is. This rivalry was truly going to be the end of him.

--

Peace swung her legs as she neatly scribbled down the next verse of the song, a cheerful smile on her face.

Mello had a great habit of coming in right when she needed him to. Perhaps that was why she was friends with him. Besides the fact that she was friends with Matt, anyway.

She was friends with Mello because they helped each other. Seeing as they were both tied, with the exact same scores, for second behind Near, she could help him study way better than Matt could. He was only ranked third, after all. Needless to say, the gamer didn't really care. Neither did Peace. She didn't want to become a detective, like L. She liked the man, but didn't like the set career. Near could have it if he wanted it as she held nothing against him either.

But, there was a slight problem. Because Near was first, the chances of him becoming the next L were greater than Mello's and herself. She didn't care about herself, honestly, but Mello desperately wanted to become the next L. Hence, he had a true rivalry with Near. Not that Near really cared about it. If anything, he probably went along with it because it was interesting to see Mello try so hard to beat him. Even going so far as to pull cruel pranks with Matt by his side.

Matt followed Mello everywhere.

On several occasions, Peace was even recruited to help. Although she had been told that they were 'harmless' pranks. She only went along with them because she believe Near would catch on fairly quickly.

There was a very soft knock on her door and she mumbled a 'come in'.

Well, speak of the devil.

"Good afternoon, Peace." Near whispered softly, seating himself down and opening up his blank puzzle and dumping the pieces out onto the carpet.

He knew he was welcome here. Peace had made that known on several occasions. She rather liked the boy that Mello despised so greatly.

"Good afternoon, Near."

"I believe we have about two hours together." She smiled and nodded.

"Mello is fairly picky. Add another ten minutes, though. Matt will be going with him with whatever wad of money he has to get that new game he wants so badly." Not that she knew what it was called or anything.

Near gave a very tiny smile.

"True." Peace had to admit to herself that Near would make a great L.

They were very similar to the way they thought and their mannerisms. Their eyes were also quite similar, but Near's were a much darker grey. More of a steel gray than a blue-grey.

"I just realized something." She suddenly spoke and Near continued with his puzzle.

He was already a quarter done.

"What is that?"

"L has grey eyes. You have grey eyes. I also have grey eyes. It's interesting, isn't it? Especially since I'm not nearly as analytical as you or L are. I mean, I don't even want to be a detective." Near glanced towards her briefly.

"Why would you associate grey eyes with an analytical mind or detective work?"

"Because, dark eyes are like black holes. They suck everything in."

"Then it's not grey eyes, is it? There are many shades of grey. There are also many types of people who have grey eyes." Peace smiled.

"That's true. Then I guess I should say, dark grey eyes."

"Your eyes aren't dark grey."

"No, you're right. They're the medium in between. I guess that means I'm in the clear then." Near smirked slightly.

"Yes, I suppose it does." Silence and the white haired boy spoke again.

"Tell me, why is it that you don't want to become a detective?"

"I don't like death. I don't like puzzles. They frustrate me. I don't have the patience for it."

"Yet you have the patience to write a song?"

"It comes natural to me as puzzles come natural to you and games come natural to Matt. Music and song writing is what I love to do."

"Hmm." She looked up and smiled at the ceiling.

"It's the only way for me to truly FEEL, I suppose."

"You do have a passive personality." Peace frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Passive: submissive."

"Submissive?"

"I saw Mello hit you with your door. You simply take whatever he forces upon you. You are submissive to Mello."

"Because he's my friend. He says sorry."

"Mello isn't one to apologize and mean it, Peace."

"Perhaps, but he doesn't say sorry to anyone else. Not even Matt." Near blinked and actually looked up from his puzzle to stare at the girl, who had returned to writing.

She had actually made a point. Mello DIDN'T apologize to anyone else. At least he actually said it to this girl, even if he didn't necessarily mean it.

"Then, perhaps he actually does mean it."

"I'll probably never know though. I don't think I'm ever going to understand Mello. I mean, I don't even understand myself at times. Life's one big highway. You gotta figure out where you are as you go because there aren't always signs you can read." Her eyes then widened.

"Hah! That'd be great! That sounds like it could be a great song, don't you think, Near?"

"Perhaps. I'm not nearly as interested in music as you are, Peace." She giggled and nodded vigorously, her ponytail bouncing as she did so.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure it could be a hit though. At least I've got another song to work on to pass the time."

"Indeed." Peace released a quiet sigh before she felt a twisting feeling in her gut that she didn't like one bit.

"Near?"

"Yes?"

"I haven't seen L for awhile. This new case- do you know what it is?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but it was loud enough for her to voice her concern.

Near responded.

"It is a serial murder case in Japan. Kira, I believe."

"Kira? Isn't that Japanese for killer? I don't like it."

"L will solve this case, Peace. You shouldn't worry."

"I- can't help it. I just have a really bad feeling, that's all. They say you should ALWAYS go with your gut because it's usually right. My gut's telling me to stay out of Japan and that L is in danger. I don't like this feeling." He glanced up and saw that she was rubbing her eyes excessively with the sleeve of her pink hoodie.

"Do not cry, Peace. Nothing has yet happened. I'm quite sure this will be over shortly."

"Maybe." She wasn't convinced.

"Near, why do people kill others? It's not something I can get my head around. I don't understand it." He stared at her.

So innocent. The alias 'Peace' definitely did suit her.

"For different reasons. Mainly for monetary gain."

"Money? That's- not a good reason to kill someone. If I ever had to kill someone, it would be to protect my friends. Family too, if I ever have one."

"Friends are sometimes considered family." He replied softly.

Peace lifted her head, her tearful eyes filled with joy.

"Really? Then I definitely would kill somebody if it meant protecting my family! Family is important. Especially since I never got the chance to meet mine!" Peace then fell silent.

"I wonder- what happened to my biological relatives."

"There is little point in dwelling on it now. What's done is done." Near could sometimes be so cold.

Peace felt tears prickle her eyes again and she huffed, rubbing at them again with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"Still, there are too many unanswered questions. I'm going to figure them out someday. It's a promise that I'm making myself today." Near didn't respond, but merely continued to put his puzzle together.

Peace sighed and stood up, climbing up onto her bed and laying down on the pillow.

"I'm going to figure it out." And, her eyes fell shut.

She was tired enough to not even bother to change into sleepwear. Either that or she was too self-conscious to even think about allowing her white haired friend to see her in such a thing. Then again, she was only twelve years old and was still getting used to her feminine attributes which were now beginning to become more obvious with each passing day.

Near glanced up, his eyes actually showing concern for the girl.

There were not many people he would truly admit to liking, but Peace was definitely one of them. In fact, he believed that she was only one of two. Her heart was pure- much too pure for her own good at times.

She took way too much abuse from Mello and smiled all the same. Sometimes, he had to wonder why she did it.

Peace had the ability to put someone at peace with their inner self. It was probably why Mello found himself apologizing to her when he refused to do so with anyone else. He enjoyed her presence and apologized when he hurt her so that she wouldn't leave.

Mello actually wanted Peace to stay by his side. Near could recognize that. It didn't take a genius to figure that much out. Peace's reasons for continuously undergoing the abuse of the blonde and remaining as he wanted her to, he wasn't able to pinpoint.

Near had taken it upon himself to figure that out.

It was then that he heard the footsteps coming down the hall, abruptly stopping in front of the open door of Peace's bedroom.

--

"M- Mello! Wh- where are you going?" Peace managed to ask, tripping over her words.

The blonde glared at her from over his shoulder, biting down viciously on his chocolate bar.

"I DON'T want to talk to you! Just leave me the hell alone!" And he stormed off, leaving a clueless Peace behind.

Matt sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry about him, Peace. He's- in one of those moods."

"B- but, he's mad at ME. I can just tell. Wh- what did I do, Matt?" The gamer shrugged and pulled out his gameboy, switching it on.

"I wouldn't worry about it. It probably has nothing to do with you." Peace shook her head violently, clenching her fists together tightly.

"No! It has something to do with me! The way he glared at me was different than all those other times. I gotta know why."

"You should probably just leave him alone, Peace." Her eyes widened and she turned to him, her expression knowing.

"He- he's mad at me about- hanging out with Near. I- I-" Her knees quivered and buckled under her weight.

She collapsed to the floor and tears ran down her cheeks for the first time since she was at the first orphanage.

"- I- I-" Matt stared sympathetically as Peace then got to her feet and ran back into her room, slamming door behind her.

Near was still inside.

Matt released a quiet sigh and hesitated before taking his leave after Mello. There wasn't much else for him to do. Peace had locked her door.

--

"What are you doing?" Near asked softly, watching as the dark haired girl dug through her dresser, tossing clothes all over her room.

"I- I've been saving up money to get a custom electric guitar from the music store. I- have enough now and I was- going to get it the next time I went to town, but- I need to make it up to Mello."

"Why? You did nothing wrong."

"He's my- friend. I hurt him. It was unintentional, but I still hurt him. I- need to get him something special." Near frowned.

"Why do you continuously seek his affection? What has Mello done for you?"

"Friendship doesn't work like that. Mello doesn't need to do anything for me." She whispered.

"All he needs to do is offer me support when I need it and I do the same for him. It- might not seem like it to you, but Mello can and does offer me that support." Actually, Peace didn't even see it at times.

She just wanted to believe it. So, she did.

Peace could easily trick herself into believing anything she wanted to. Even if she knew it wasn't the truth.

Her hands wrapped around a metal box that was hidden inside a secret compartment within her wooden dresser.

She had put it there herself.

"Here it is. I- I'll give this to Mello and start all over. It- shouldn't take me too long if Roger will allow me to work extra hard to clean up after the others." She smiled weakly at Near.

"I'm- sorry, Near. I- I'm going now. I'll- I'll see you later." With the silver box in her hands, she left her room.

Near blinked and gave a tiny smile.

At least this situation wasn't going to come between THEM. Peace seemed to have her heart set on continuing this friendship.

Yet, he knew that she would never end it over something so trivial as this. Peace treasured friendships with her life.

--

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Matt questioned.

Mello glared at him.

"She was hanging out with NEAR, Matt! Near! Just when I thought I had something he couldn't have!" Matt sighed and shook his head, returning to his handheld while Mello continued to mutter and brood over the situation.

It was then that there was a soft knock at the door of their shared bedroom and Mello grunted.

"Answer it and tell her to go away."

"Mello-"

"Do it!" Matt sighed and went to the door, but before he could even turn the knob, it fell forwards due to extreme force and Peace ran in.

She hurried to Mello's side and knelt down, holding up the silver box as a servant offers up sacrifices to their god.

"I- I'm sorry, M- Mello. F- forgive me, please? I don't want you to hate me." Tears streaked her cheeks and the boys both stared as the younger girl kept her eyes tightly shut and her head bowed to the floor.

Her bangs covered her tear covered cheeks and quiet sniffs could be heard coming from her.

Mello's anger towards her was forgotten when he saw her in this state, as he hadn't seen her ACTUALLY cry before. He took the box from her and flipped it open, eyes widening at the amount of cash inside of it.

"Holy- where the hell did you get this?!" Peace looked up, smiling weakly.

"It- doesn't matter. It's- yours now. My way of saying sorry. I- didn't want you to be mad at me. I don't, but- Near is my friend." Mello snapped her a glare, but Peace stood up and continued.

"Even so, I was friends with you first. I'm- closer to you than I am to him." Mello's eyes widened and a smirk then played on his lips.

Finally. He beat Near at something.

"Apology accepted. Now, stop crying you big baby." A strong smile now formed on her face as she lunged forwards and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

Her face buried in his chest and he flushed pink at her affections. Matt just blinked and looked down at the door she had knocked down.

"Uh- did you really need to knock down the DOOR to do this?" Peace immediately pulled away and shuffled her feet embarrassedly.

"I- knew Mello didn't wanna see me. I didn't- I didn't have much of a choice." She rubbed at her arm subconsciously and it was then that the two boys saw the blood that trickled slightly from her forehead.

"It- hurt, but it was worth it. You're not mad at me anymore, right?" Mello rolled his eyes and then grabbed her wrist, placing the silver box down on his bed.

"No. Now, let's get your head checked out. Matt, fix the damn door." Matt gaped as the blonde dragged Peace from their room, leaving him behind.

Then, he sighed.

"That's not exactly FAIR, is it?" His eyes then travelled to the box and a light frown touched his lips.

Did she realize how long it took her to get all that money? Now she'd have to save it up all over again. It surprised him to no end how devoted she was to Mello. She even gave up one of the things she wanted most- just to apologize.

He sighed.

Peace was definitely sacrificing for this. He had to wonder how Mello would take it when he found out exactly WHY she was saving that money.

--

Peace worked hard to clean up after the other children, her ponytail messier than usual and a deep exhausted flush crept into her cheeks.

Mello watched her, biting down on a chocolate bar. Matt stood off to the side, shaking his head.

"When will she learn?" Mello grumbled.

"What does she get for working so damn hard?"

"Money." Responded Matt, his face glued to his handheld.

Mello rose a brow.

"Money? Heh, so that explains it." Peace wiped her brow with the back of her hand and then shook her head.

Beads of sweat rolled down the side of her face.

"There was a lot of money in that box."

"She was saving it." Matt mumbled and Mello glanced towards him, raising a brow.

"Saving it?"

"There's this thing at the music store she wants. Some sort of custom made electric guitar or something. She just recently saved enough to order one." Mello felt his breathing hitch and he grunted, looking away from the overworking girl.

He actually felt guilty.

"Stupid girl."

"No kidding. Putting friendship ahead of personal wants is really stupid, isn't it? She should follow your example at all times." Matt added sarcastically.

Mello blinked.

"Wha' d'ya mean?! I put friendship ahead of everything!" Matt didn't respond.

There was no need to. Mello knew he was just kidding himself. The guilt he felt inside that he'd never admit to actually feeling.

"She didn't- need to." Mello stared at Peace for a few moments longer before he turned and left the dining room, grumbling under his breath.

"Hey, where are you going?" Matt questioned, only making out some of his friend's mumbled words.

"Stupid girl. She's making me go soft." But she was helping him reach his goal, one step at a time.

Even if she was fraternizing with the enemy.

--

The twelve year old girl was fast asleep on her bed, dressed in her pale pink nightgown and clutching her grey stuffed rabbit close to her chest.

The letter P was stitched into its chest. A twelfth birthday gift from L. She was a bit old to own stuffed animals, but this one was special to her. Every time she held it, she felt that much closer to her very first friend. It helped her keep her inner peace as well.

It's why she slept with it. Not that anyone knew.

The clock on the wall of her room ticked. It read ten o'clock at night.

She had been working much too hard in an attempt to gain back all the money she had given to Mello in a much shorter time span than the first time she had been saving. Yet, so far, after two weeks, she had nowhere near as much as she had before.

It had taken her over a year to save up the last time. Now it seemed that it would take longer, as she was overworking herself. Again, that was something she would not admit.

Peace mumbled in her sleep and tugged the rabbit closer to her chest, sweat sheeting her face.

A nightmare.

The blonde boy in the room stared at her, watching as she curled up into a tighter ball before she began to mumbled again.

"L." His eyes widened before he sighed.

Always worrying. When would she learn that L was going to be just fine? He was the BEST after all. Just like he wanted to be.

Mello wanted to be just like L. Perhaps even better than L. That's why he NEEDED to beat Near at all costs. His friendship with Peace was just the beginning. Her loyalty was astounding. He just wondered who she truly believed would win this. Who she WANTED to become the next L.

She spent all her free time, when not doing work or writing those songs of hers, to help Mello study. It was surprising that she caught onto things he would have never noticed the first time around. It ticked him off, yet made him admire her all the same.

Probably because she had no intentions of becoming L's successor. Peace merely wanted to be a musician. That's all she had ever wanted. Although, much to Mello's distaste, he admitted that she COULD become the next L if she wanted to. It was why she was in the running and tied second with him. Because she WANTED to be his equal.

At least- that's what he assumed. Mello wasn't completely oblivious to her intentions. She tried very hard to keep him happy. It was something that he enjoyed, actually. She was just as loyal as Matt, if not more.

He knew that if he was ever in a bind, he could count on her.

His eyes rested on the stuffed rabbit and he rolled his eyes.

"Baby." Well, she WAS two years younger than him.

Damn it, and she was so innocent too.

Yet, he felt a pang of jealousy deep within him. L had given her that stuffed rabbit. He seemed to give her so much more attention than him. But Mello also could see how she recognized that and he saw how she attempted to put the spotlight on him whenever possible.

Whenever she tried, however, L's attention switched to Near.

Better Peace than Near, any day.

The blonde sighed and stepped into the soft moonlight, a silver case held in his left hand which he placed at the foot of her bed.

"You stupid girl. Toughen up. Learn to take crap from nobody, you hear?" Of course, he knew she couldn't hear him.

Peace was fast asleep AND having a nightmare. Not a great combination. But, he was sort of grateful for it. Then she couldn't see him giving HER something for the first time since this friendship of theirs had started.

If she knew, she would only hug him again. The next time that happened, he was afraid that he'd hug back and ruin his tough guy image.

Mello couldn't have that. If he lost that, he had nothing to differ himself from Near. Well, nothing besides actual emotions.

Peace's eyelids twitched and Mello flinched, backing away towards the door. She soon settled down and faded back to sleep, allowing him to release a quiet, relieved sigh. Then, he turned and quietly opened the door, slipping out and closing it behind him.

He knew that she'd now it was HIM who gave her that thing in that case. Peace wasn't stupid, despite what he might actually SAY about her. She would figure out that there was a reason he did it in the night when most people were asleep. She'd actually fallen asleep at one in the afternoon.

Peace would go along with it- and play that instrument for as long as her little heart desired.

"You better play the damn thing good, you big baby." Now he didn't need to feel guilty.

Mello didn't like feeling guilty. Especially not over some girl that treated him like God Almighty. Although, he did enjoy it. There was no denying that precious fact.

--

"Hey, where'd you go last night?" Matt asked as Mello bit down on a chocolate bar.

The blonde looked away.

"Nowhere."

"R-ight. Whatever you say." Matt didn't believe him.

He didn't say anything more about it, either. He knew better than that. It would only lead to a punch to the head or gut. He'd suffered through enough of those.

--

Peace's eyelids twitched and opened. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, clinging to the rabbit tighter before she slowly sat up. She blinked her grey eyes several times before she swing her legs over the edge of the bed, placing them down on the plush carpet.

She placed the rabbit down on the bed and stood up, nearly toppling over when she tripped over a silver case.

"Huh? What's this?" State the obvious, Peace.

She knelt down and tilted her head before she unclipped the case and opened it, eyes going wide before filling up with tears. A smile broke out across her face as one syllable escaped her vocals.

"Mello."


	3. Instincts Are Always Right

**Hey! I finally got a new update in on this! I'm really trying hard on this one!**

**I just wish more people would review...**

**Review Please**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 2

Almost a year had passed since Peace had received her precious guitar from who she would always call her best friend who rivalled even L. It was true, that though she was great friends with Near, she much preferred to spend time with the overly-emotional Mello, though no one was ever certain why. Not much had changed in the months, in that aspect.

One year was not much time for change. Everything was still the same. Except, however, Peace's intuition.

Her gut always told her that something wasn't right. That something horrible was going to happen. Most told her to ignore it, especially Mello and Matt. Near, however, listened to her fears. It was probably why she was visiting him more often in the week before her thirteenth birthday, much to Mello's jealous dismay.

Yes, there were more outbursts during this time, but they soon were smoothed over with a simple song played gracefully from the guitar strings Peace's slender fingers moved so easily over. Her voice too, could easily be mistaken for someone much older as it was that mature. It was beautiful. Hence why Mello tended to order her, more or less, for these songs as repayment for her 'betrayal'.

Peace would always take it with a smile and do as she was told. She knew that this was just who Mello was. There was no changing him.

Today, was one of those days. Peace's pale and slender fingers plucked and strummed her electric's guitar strings, but for some reason, her voice would not come to her. It was reason for Mello to worry, though he didn't actually say anything. It was Matt who brought it up as he played that blasted gameboy of his.

"Hey, somethin' wrong, Peace? You seem choked up about somethin'." She stopped strumming and her grey eyes lowered to stare at the guitar in her arms.

The Union Jack style covered it with a simple yellow peace sign on the left hand side. On the right, in black magic marker, was Mello's sloppy signature.

She had personally asked for it that day, once she had gotten him alone.

"_We're both going to be famous one day. If you sign it, it'll be worth a fortune!"_

Her eyes watered and she stood up from the stool, swinging the guitar so that it hung on her back. The way she always carried it.

Peace always had that guitar with her. She didn't go anywhere without it. If it wasn't on her back, it was safely in its case which she still carried with her. Either that, or in her arms where she played it ever so perfectly.

She loved that guitar.

The dark haired girl walked over to a large window and stared out of it, at the rain. A stray tear rolled down her cheek.

"I- I'm getting that feeling again, guys. Something bad is going to happen." Mello scoffed as he bit down on his chocolate bar.

"Stop being so gloomy! Nothing's going to happen!"

"But-"

"I said, stop being so gloomy!" As she always did, Peace relented.

"O- okay." And as she always did, she made her way down the hall to Near's room.

Mello nor Matt bothered to come after her, though the blonde had desperately wanted to. He wanted to knock some sense into her. Yet, he also wanted to hug her and tell her not to worry.

Ugh, damn teenage hormones.

--

A soft knock.

"Come in." Near whispered and Peace soon showed herself, closing the door behind her.

He glanced up briefly and acknowledged that expression on her face. The solemn one that had begun to show up more and more recently in the past year.

"What seems to be the problem?" He already knew.

"It's back. No one wants to know about it. Besides L, you're the only one that will listen. L's not here. I only have you." And so, she sat down and began to pour out her worries just as she had been doing for nearly every day for the past week or so.

"I see."

"Near- do you think L's going to die?" A tiny smile formed.

"Why would you think that, Peace?"

"I've never had these feelings before this Kira thing. It unnerves me to think it- but I think it's going to happen any day now." Tears now streamed down her face as she spoke and Near forced himself to return to his puzzle.

"I see." Peace continued to cry, wiping at her face with her navy hoodie as she did so.

"L is my friend. My very first friend. I don't- I don't want him to die. I don't want anyone to die. This Kira person- whoever they are, I don't like them. I hate them. I don't know squat about what's going on now in Japan, L won't tell me through his emails, but what I do know- scares me." Peace, scared?

Near silently fathomed the idea.

Yes, she certainly was the opposite of Mello. Perhaps that was why they were together so often. Opposites attract? Yet, that was merely a possibility. Strangely enough, he couldn't fathom the idea of Mello and Peace becoming a couple.

They were TOO different.

It was then that her words sunk in.

"You are in contact with L?"

"Yeah. Through my computer. No one in the house can hack into it though- L himself put up the firewall. Not even Matt could do it."

"I see. Does Mello know about this?" Peace's eyes saddened and lowered to the floor.

"I'm going to be in enough trouble as it is, if L found out I told you. The possibility of me telling Mello this- it would send him off his rocket. I'm under enough stress as it is. He doesn't need to know." Near nodded to her words, then spoke again.

"What type of stress is it that you are speaking of?" Peace flushed and twiddled her thumbs for a moment before replying.

"I- just- no ones seems to hear me, Near. Just you and L. You're the only ones that listen to what I have to say. It's stressful to have to hold everything in all the time. I- don't want to keep burdening you with my feelings."

"You should stop listening to Mello. He gives horrible advice." She shook her head.

"No, this time Mello has nothing to do with it. It's simply- me. I've got everything to do with it. It's part of who I am. In that sense, Mello and I are very much alike. I guess it's why I can understand him so easily. Because I know how his mind works."

"It works similar to yours?"

"Something lie that." She paused and lowered her eyes, biting down on her cheek.

"Mello might not act it at times, but- he does care about me. A lot. He's scared of losing me to you just like those stupid tests. He's very stubborn. All those tests- he's never come to me once for help before them." She smiled.

"He wants to beat you on his own. Without my help. Without anyone's help. Just like- L." Her voice dropped again and her eyes watered.

Near twirled a strand of his white hair.

"Perhaps you should go and speak with him yourself. You seem to wish for his presence more so than mine. It's understandable. You have not seen him for over a year." Peace blinked and lowered her head.

"I- don't want to bother him with such a trivial thing."

"If it is about his death- I'm quite sure he would like to know." She blinked again and then smiled, wrapping her arms around Near who acted indifferent.

He still continued with his puzzle. Just like always.

--

Peace locked her bedroom door and turned to her computer, sitting down before it. However, before she could log into her email account and begin typing her message to her best friend, his image appeared before her.

Peace's eyes widened as L smirked slightly.

"I'm glad to see that you're where I predicted you to be, Peace." Tears formed in her eyes as she grinned, feeling slightly better if not for that damned feeling in her gut.

"L. I'm glad to see YOU, period. I was about to email you."

"I know. I'm certain that now is as good a time as any to let me know what has you troubled." She blinked and tilted her head.

"How did you-? Ah, nevermind, that's not important." He chuckled.

Peace continued.

"I'm scared for you, L. I know you'd never admit it, but I know you can sense it too. The dark cloud looming over us." The man on the other side frowned as he saw her expression fall.

She WAS concerned, that much was obvious. Yet, there was more.

"Yes, I will admit, I have too sensed it. That's not all, though, is it?"

"Not at all. L, I've been getting this feeling. I don't like it, but I want to ask you if you have the same one. I've always been told to listen to my instincts, and I've always done so. Now, they're telling me to tell you to be careful. They're telling me that- that- you're going to die." His blue-grey orbs widened as she whispered out the words he had never expected to hear from her.

Tears streaked down her cheeks and she tried ferociously to clear them with the sleeve of her hoodie.

He responded with his own voice, strong and soft.

"Peace, I too feel it." Her head jerked and her eyes were wide.

"The bells are ringing especially loud this week. In fact, it is why I have contacted you in this manner. I wish to tell you something."

"You- can tell me anything, L." He smiled.

"I know. Now, in the secret drawer of your desk, there's something I want you to have. Do NOT search for it yet, as I want you to wait until after my death." It was then that Peace realized that he expected to never return.

L never expected to come back. He never expected to live.

"And of Mello and Near?" She whispered.

He wasn't surprised that she had caught on. Not in the least.

"Unfortunately, Peace, I cannot choose. Both have weaknesses and both have strengths. In any case, if you were an option-"

"L."

"- I understand. You have made up your mind." A tiny smile made it's way back to his face.

"Perhaps you would be able to talk Mello into joining forces with Near? It would save a lot of trouble in the future." She bit her lip.

"I- doubt he would cooperate."

"I see." His blue-grey eyes bore into her own storm cloud orbs, seriousness flowing throughout the entity of his expression.

"Peace."

"Our conversations have always been confidential, L. Not a word of this will be spoke to anyone. Not even Roger. You have my word. Until my own life runs out."

"I know." And Peace smiled, offering her best friend the only comfort she could.

"I love you, L. I want you to remember that. Forever and ever, I'll remember you even if no one else does. I think that'll be unlikely, but- to be forgotten is what we orphans fear the most, isn't it?" He blinked and then gave a simple nod.

"Indeed."

"In any case, happy birthday." Again, L smiled his rare smile.

Peace herself didn't often see it, but she knew that when she did- L was truly happy. In the end, she knew that's what he truly deserved to be. She only wished it didn't have to end so soon.

"Happy birthday, to you too. In case I miss it." He whispered.

"I know you wouldn't miss it for the world. Even if you die- you'll still be with me like you've always been. From the beginning and to the end." She paused.

"Tell Watari I said 'hello' and 'goodbye'."

"Of course." Again, another pause.

There was more that needed to be said.

L broke the silence.

"I- care deeply about you, Peace. Because of this, I find it my place to tell you this. Never allow anyone to harm you. Certainly you should put those marital arts I taught you to good use? Before you do get hurt." It was then that the video cut out and Peace smiled, despite her pained emotions.

"Anything for you, L. I'll take your words to heart. Just like always." Her eyes drifted to the window and saddened when she saw that it was raining.

It always rained on the worst of days.

--

Matt could sense it without even having to look up from his gameboy. Mello was worried.

Not that the chocolate loving blonde would actually admit it, but in the past three days, his concern for Peace had grown. She had stopped playing her guitar and had been spending much of her time outside, staring at the sky.

Perhaps that wouldn't have been so bad, apart from the fact that it was RAINING and she wore no coat. The almost thirteen year old girl hadn't even been getting dressed in proper clothes, either. She simply wore her pink pyjama top and bottoms, donning no socks or shoes. Her hair would hang, as she refused putting in up in its usual ponytail for some odd reason, plastered to her cheeks due to the ongoing rain.

Not one of the boys were sure of what exactly was causing this strange behaviour and neither had asked about it. After all, she WAS smiling when she was staring at the sky. It was an odd smile, but a smile nonetheless. Her eyes also stated, as did her words, that nothing was wrong.

Obviously, Mello didn't believe either. The blonde was working himself up over it, especially since out of the blue- she had stopped complaining about how horrible she felt about this Kira thing. It was- strange to say in the least. Very strange.

"Guh, what the hell is she doing out there, AGAIN?!" Mello exclaimed, sounding extremely annoyed.

Matt knew better.

"I wouldn't worry about it. Peace can take care of herself."

"She's going to kill herself if she keeps it up!" And, as usual, Mello went outside to retrieve her.

The copper haired boy sighed, shut off his game, and followed. Soon, they were out in the rain with a quiet Peace as she stared up at the sky.

"Damn it, you gotta stop comin' out here! You're going to get yourself sick!" Mello snapped at her.

The younger girl blinked once and turned her head slightly to him, her storm cloud orbs piercing right through him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." She whispered.

Mello flushed.

"I WAS NOT WORRIED!!!"

"Relax, Mello." Matt murmured, eyes focusing on the girl.

She turned her attention back to the sky while Mello went off on some sort of rant.

"Hey! Aren't you even listening to me?!"

"Do you think there's such a place as heaven, Mello? Matt? I've been pondering about it for days on end, yet I can't fathom the idea." Mello's expression went into one of shock as she spoke, ever so softly.

It reminded him of L in a way. It was creepy.

"Huh? Why're you thinking about something like that?" Mello then questioned.

"You don't just space out for three days over something religious, Peace." Matt added and she tilted her head, blinking.

"I- just want to know if the people I care about will go to such a beautifully described place. And if I DESERVE to go there. Am I a good person?" Now, this caused yet another outburst from Mello.

"What the hell has gotten into you?! You're sprouting nonsense!"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry." Her brow furrowed.

"I just- really want to know. When people die, is there really some place for them to go afterwards? It's a scary thought really, death. To think of nothing being there once I die- it unnerves me."

"Gah! Of course there's something on the other side! Once you die, you go to heaven and live there with friends and family and stuff! God will take care of you when you're dead! Now, shut the hell up about it and come inside before you die of pneumonia or something!" As simple as that, Peace snapped from her daze and one of her true smiles graced her lips.

"Of course. Whatever you want of me." She went inside and to her bedroom, where she got changed for the first time in days.

Matt looked with Mello with a sly grin.

"Dude, you really DO care, huh?" Mello flushed and spluttered out of mere embarrassment of his rash actions.

"J- just shut up before I beat the crap out of you!"

"Like you'd ever-" A punch to the face and a nose gushing blood told Matt that Mello was completely serious.

--

November fourth. The day before Peace's thirteenth birthday.

She clung tightly to the rabbit L had given her and cried her heart out.

The past three days had been soothing, so to say as her mind had been occupied on something important. However, now that her mind was clear to focus on what she knew was to come- she could do nothing other than sit in her room and cry.

Matt and Mello had tried several times to get her to come out- neither of which knowing what was her problem. In the end, they gave up, assuming that it was just her cycle again.

It wasn't. THAT wasn't to come for another week.

Her face buried itself into the soft cuddliness of the stuffed animal and she inhaled, tears still squeezing from her eyes.

It was then that the door to her room softly opened. She didn't hear it and didn't look up when she felt Near's presence.

"Peace- what seems to be the matter?" Her face remained hidden in the rabbit for a few moments longer before she sniffed and rose her head.

"I- can't tell you." She whispered.

He simply nodded in understanding and sat down on the floor to simply offer her his presence.

In the end, that was all she really needed. Someone quiet to listen to her, even when she had nothing at all to say. It was for that reason that she and Near got along so well.

He knew when she wanted to talk. She knew when he wanted her to be close.

But, she needed to admit it to herself. Her relationship with Near was nowhere near as strong as the bond she shared with Mello. It never would be. It was a friendly relationship, as Near tended to shy away from others in the house, but there was just something much stronger between her and her overdramatic blonde friend.

"Near- tomorrow-" She sniffed.

Near waited for her to continue.

"- tomorrow something bad is going to happen."

"What has been troubling you recently, I assume?" She gave a simple nod and returned to hugging the rabbit as tight as she could.

How would things turn out when Mello found out? Not good at all, she assumed.

L was Mello's hero.

--

November fifth. Peace's thirteen year had begun.

Her ponytail was messy, as it always was, as Peace walked through the halls silently beside Mello and Matt towards Roger's office.

She hadn't said a thing all day. Her face hadn't changed. It was emotionless.

"What're you sulking about anyway? You've been acting strange all week." Mello murmured, biting down on a chocolate bar.

It was then that Peace spoke.

"I'm just sad." She had her predictions of this visit to Roger.

She didn't like the outcomes of any of the scenarios she had thought up.

Matt and Mello glanced towards her as she turned her eyes slightly to them, forcing a tiny smile.

"I hope nothing bad happened." Hoping was all she could do, but she already knew what was wrong.

This trip to Roger's office was something she had been dreading all week. It was why she lingered in the doorway as Matt held it open for her.

"Peace?" Her eyes drifted up to meet his through his goggles.

They locked for just a moment before she looked away and stepped on through, knowing full well that it was for the best. If she didn't go in now, she would only regret it later. It was for the best that she knew what had happened.

Near was already in the room, sitting on the floor, putting together his blank puzzle. Mello stood off by Roger's desk and Matt stood in a corner playing his handheld. She decided to remain by the door, as it would be easier for her to run if instincts told her to do so.

The older man behind the desk sighed at the sight of the children, resting immediately on the youngest and only girl in the room. His eyes then flickered to his computer and he opened his mouth.

"L is dead." Peace felt her heart skip several beats, but was surprised when she wasn't the one to react.

"Wh- what do you mean?!"

"He's dead. Killed by Kira." Roger repeated, rather bluntly.

He was not a very empathetic person. He didn't care for children.

"Did- did he at least choose?!"

"No. He was killed before he could do so." Mello growled, tears stinging his eyes.

Peace wanted desperately to place her hand on her friend's shoulder, but found herself unable to move at all. Her fists were instead clenched at her sides and for some strange reason, she found herself unable to cry and speak.

"Damn it! What do we do now?!"

"It might be best for you three to work together." Roger murmured, motioning to Peace, Near, and the blonde.

"That sounds fine." Near whispered, but Mello disagreed.

"I AM NOT WORKING WITH HIM!!! I'll do this on my own! I'll be the one who catches Kira first!" Despite saying that, Peace noticed Mello glance to both herself and Matt.

Her stomach was doing flips and it was soon after the outburst that the blonde pushed roughly passed her, grasping her wrist in his hand. Matt also followed, sliding his gameboy away.

"We're leaving." Peace frowned at this and finally regained her voice.

"Mello." He roughly pushed in the doorway to his and Matt's shared room, dragging the small girl behind him.

"Mello." After she repeated his alias, he stopped and looked to her with flaring blue eyes.

She stared back with her storm cloud orbs.

"What?!"

"I- can't go with you."

"Sure you can! I'll kidnap you if I have to!" Her eyes widened and Mello got to packing.

As much as she didn't want to, she needed to.

"I mean, I don't want to." Again, he stopped, eyes wide.

"What?" In the blink of an eye, she was pinned to the wall, his hands roughly on her small shoulders.

It knocked the wind out of her.

"You're on Near's side, aren't you?! ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!!!"

"Mello! Let her go! You're hurting her!" Matt protested.

More like scaring her shitless.

Peace's face was drained of blood as she stared fearfully into the eyes of the boy she now called her closest friend. The only friend that she could even remotely care about in the same way she cared about L.

Mello growled, but listened to his friend. Peace immediately collapsed and stared up helplessly.

"I- I'll only slow you down." She managed weakly and the blonde's eyes softened slightly, though were still full of anger.

"How the hell would you do that?!" He demanded.

"Mello, Peace doesn't want any part in this Kira business. You know that." Matt murmured.

Mello clenched his fists viciously.

"So- you're just going to abandon L?! I thought he was your best friend?!"

"L is dead, Mello." She whispered and he fell silent in surprise.

"What?"

"L is dead. You can't abandon those who are no longer amongst the living."

"How can you say something like that?! He was your best friend!"

"L- is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. L is dead. I- need to live for him in my own way. I'm going to live for him in my own way." It was then that a hand came across her face and her eyes went wide.

"Shut the hell up you big baby! All you ever do is whine! Toughen up, damn it!" She whined?

Then what the hell was he doing? Sure as hell didn't look like he was roughing it.

"Mello! What the hell?!"

"She deserved it! She's turning her back on all L ever stood for! On us, Matt! As far as I'm concerned, she's just a coward!" Peace looked up, nursing her swelling cheek with her right hand.

She didn't say anything as he glared down at her with disgust before he grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. He then roughly pressed a bag into Matt's hands. The goggled boy hesitantly took it, flashing the girl an apologetic look.

"Come on, Matt! We don't have any time to waste with cowards!" Mello never looked back as he disappeared from his room and Peace's sight.

Matt stood in the doorway for a moment and stared at her sadly.

"Sorry, Peace. I- I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Mello means everything he says, Matt. You and I- we both know that." Matt allowed his gaze to flicker to the bed for the moment.

"I'm not sure if this is the right time, or day for that matter, but- he got you a birthday present. It's under his bed." And with a short nod, Matt too left.

Peace was left all alone with a swelling cheek and a broken heart as she did all she could to not cry. After a few minutes, she looked up to the ceiling and then to what used to be Mello's bed. Her eyes focused on it for a minute before she crawled over to it and reached under.

Her small hand grasped around a small wrapped box and she pulled it out, staring at the dark blue tissue paper that covered it. Tears stung the corners of her eyes and she let out a quivery sigh before gently pulling on the paper, which ripped easily. Then, she opened the small box and finally allowed the tears to flow down her face when her storm cloud eyes met with the bright red leather choker on the inside.

She gently reached down for the choker and grasped it tightly before reaching up and wrapping it around her neck.

It might not have seemed it then, but that choker was completely her style.

--

She stood in her room, or what was once her room, slinging her own small purple backpack over her slender shoulder. The hood of her navy hoodie was pulled up to hide her face, apart from several pieces of her messy hair which poked out. Under her arm, she held the bunny L had given her so long ago.

Peace glanced around the room, looking for anything she could possibly need. It was then that she remembered the conversation she had with her best friend. The last conversation.

"_I'm scared for you, L. I know you'd never admit it, but I know you can sense it too. The dark cloud looming over us." _

"_Yes, I will admit, I have too sensed it. That's not all, though, is it?"_

"_Not at all. L, I've been getting this feeling. I don't like it, but I want to ask you if you have the same one. I've always been told to listen to my instincts, and I've always done so. Now, they're telling me to tell you to be careful. They're telling me that- that- you're going to die." _

"_Peace, I too feel it. The bells are ringing especially loud this week. In fact, it is why I have contacted you in this manner. I wish to tell you something."_

"_You- can tell me anything, L." _

"_I know. Now, in the secret drawer of your desk, there's something I want you to have. Do NOT search for it yet, as I want you to wait until after my death." _

She moved over to her desk and pulled open the secret compartment, eyes soon resting on a single envelope. Her fingers wrapped around it, and though she was desperate to open it, the small girl merely stuffed it into the safety of her hoodie for a later time.

"L."

"You're leaving too." Her head turned and her grey eyes locked with those of Near.

He stood in her doorway, twisting his white hair around his finger casually. As he always did.

"I'm unsurprised. You always follow Mello." Peace smirked bitterly.

"I'm not going after Mello, Near. I thought I made it clear that I want nothing to do with detective work. I'm a musician. That's all."

"Yet, you're leaving on the same day."

"There's nothing more for me here at Wammy's. You'll be leaving tomorrow, right? I'll be all alone and forgotten. I think it's time I made my own life."

"You're hardly old enough." Near whispered.

Peace stared for a moment before shaking her head.

"I'll manage." She grabbed her guitar case and looked to Near again.

"If I matter so much to you, I'm sure you'll find me without trouble. I'll be using the name 'Lily Loliet' and if I leave the country, it'll be for America. I won't be hard to find."

"Peace, this is hardly the way to go about this stressful situation." She responded quickly.

"It was bound to happen eventually, Near. We both know that. Just- promise me one thing."

"Only if you agree to promise me something as well."

"Fair enough." Near continued to stare.

"Be careful."

"_I- care deeply about you, Peace. Because of this, I find it my place to tell you this. Never allow anyone to harm you. Certainly you should put those marital arts I taught you to good use? Before you do get hurt." _

She smiled.

"I'll be careful. In turn, make a doll of me, okay? I don't want to be forgotten." And then, young Peace left her old room with just a casual glance over her shoulder.

Near still stood there, watching as she left.

She didn't hear the words he spoke next. No one did as no one else was there.

"Happy birthday, Peace." And he turned his back, heading in the opposite direction of the girl forever changed.

The clock struck midnight and November sixth, the first day of Peace's thirteen year, began. By that time, she was long gone into the streets of the city.

On November sixth, Peace, now known as Lily Loliet, didn't cry a single tear.

She didn't care.

She didn't want to be forgotten, but hell did she want to forget.


	4. Peace, Serenity, and Jacob

**Hey! It's another update!**

**Please Review**

**Oh and the songs used in this story ARE NOT MINE. I'm not a songwriter.**

**This chapter features the song 'Gotta Be Somebody' by Nickleback. It's on their new album Darkhorse.**

**The songs I'll be using will probably either be Nickleback or Greenday because they're just my faveorite bands.**

* * *

Four Years Later - Los Angeles, America

Storm cloud eyes peered up at the darkened sky, flashing with recognition as lightning struck about twenty feet in front of her. Messy black hair, streaked with bright crimson, was pulled back into the same messy ponytail she always wore. At least the same messy ponytail she wore on days like this.

"Hey, Lily! You should get inside before you catch a cold or something!"

"I'll live through it." She replied softly.

"Ah, but we need your voice!" She stifled a sigh and looked over her shoulder at the crimson haired man just three years older.

He wore purple contacts and had streaks of black through his hair. Very handsome.

Beside him, there stood a man with grey hair. He was a young man as well, also rather attractive, but in a more mature way. His eyes were brown. A dark brown.

"Serenity, I'll be okay. I- don't get sick easily." The young man with crimson hair, named Serenity, frowned at this and hurried to her side.

The other followed closely behind, but at a much slower pace.

"What exactly are you doing out here that makes you WANT to stay?!" Silence.

"Lily! Talk to me!"

"Serenity, she'll be fine. Lily's right. She doesn't get sick easily."

"Ja-acob! You always take HER side! It's not fair! " Serenity whined and Jacob sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Please don't start this again. You're twenty for crying out loud. Act your age." Serenity pouted and crossed his arms.

"Grey-head." Jacob glared.

"I thought we went through this! It's a condition! I can't do squat about my hair! Besides, it's part of who I am." The girl sighed and clenched her fists together tightly.

"I'm hungry." She murmured, spinning around on her heels and entering the hotel.

Serenity and Jacob looked after her, blinking before the eldest of the two sighed again.

"Damn. What's eating her?"

"I don't know. She's been acting strange all day. Really sad." Serenity whispered.

Jacob placed his hand on the shorter man's shoulder.

"Then, let's make her feel better, hm?" Serenity clung to Jacob's arm and looked up.

"How do we do that? We don't even know what's wrong."

"That's why we ask. I'm sure she'll tell us."

"I- hope so."

--

_Peace,_

_As you read this, I'm sure the knowledge of my death has recently reached you._

_I must ask of you that you continue to read this letter as there is very important information in its contents._

_The first day you entered Wammy's, there was something oddly familiar about you. I remained uncertain of what it was for the first few days of you following me constantly, but soon I realized exactly what it was. In rapid speed, I had Watari perform some tests._

_It seems, my hunch was correct. You are-_

The door to her room opened and Peace hurriedly stuffed the letter in its envelope before sliding it under her feather pillow. Serenity and Jacob soon entered, concerned expressions conquering their faces.

"Lily, what's wrong?" She blinked and then lowered her gaze.

Was it really THAT obvious that something was wrong?

"I'm not feeling particularly well."

"I TOLD you that you'd get sick!" Serenity exclaimed, receiving a blunt, open-palm smack to the back of his skull from the grey haired twenty seven year old behind him.

Serenity winced and then flashed a glare at Jacob.

"Hey!" The quiet giggling of a girl.

Both men looked to Peace and blinked.

"You guys don't need to worry about me. Really. I'm just a little down. It's- one of those days." Her expression then fell again.

Serenity sat down on the bed beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He glanced to Jacob, who leaned up against the door and frowned.

"You said outside you were hungry. Did you eat anything?"

"No. My mind's been drifting all over the place today. I- forgot." In truth, she had only said that so that she could be alone.

Although, she was a little hungry.

"I'll order something. Serenity, keep her company."

"Yeah, yeah. I know that." Peace got pulled closer to her friend, who stuck his tongue out at Jacob's back.

"Bossy." She smiled weakly.

"You're such a sucker for him."

"True. Guess I like the type of guy who can take charge." A smile of satisfaction reached Serenity's face and Peace flushed red.

"I- didn't need to know how it is in the bedroom."

"Of course you did! One day, you'll find a love of your own! Then you'll be thanking me for all of the pleasurable details I've shared with you." She lowered her gaze.

A love of her own. Funny how such things got her so easily depressed. It reminded her so much of those who had long ago left her behind.

"Hmm. Yeah. Thanks." She smiled weakly.

Serenity grinned and released her.

"Jacob will be back soon! Wanna tell me what's bothering you?"

"Just old memories."

"Oh, like about how you got abandoned?"

"Something like that. I- don't really want to burden you with it. It's pretty depressing actually." She replied with a bit of a stronger smile.

Serenity was so caring. Although, he understood what it was like to be abandoned.

At the age of sixteen, his parents disowned him because of his sexuality. It was at this time that Peace ran into him after leaving Wammy's. Serenity had a job at the time and since she was still just a kid, he allowed her to move in with him once he got an apartment of his own.

Four Years Ago- London, England

The thirteen year old girl struggled to keep from dropping all of what little belongings she had onto the wet sidewalk. It was raining, and raining HARD. Her clothes were soaked and her body was growing numb because of the cold.

She had enough money to rent a hotel room, but she knew that wasn't what she could use it for. Besides, who'd let a child rent a hotel room without an adult present? She should have thought the whole 'leaving' thing through more.

She stopped walking and shivered before looking up at the grey, cloud filled sky. Her eyes matched that look of the clouds. Dull and depressing.

Was L disappointed in her decision to abandon Mello? To abandon the entire prospect of becoming a detective? No, he had told her many times to follow her OWN dreams. She didn't need to become a detective.

"_Every human being on this planet is different. Different DNA and different ways of thinking and believing. Some people enjoy puzzles, like Near, while others enjoy being the best, like Mello. Some others are a combination of the two, like myself, and some just enjoy life, like Matt."_

"_What category do I fit into, L?"_

"_You, Peace, fit under the category of those who enjoy pleasing others their entire life. It is a nice quality to have, but there will come a time where you need to do something just for yourself. Your decision to not become a detective is more than likely that one thing that sets you apart from the rest of us. I admire that in you."_

He admired that aspect in her. He had said that many times as well. If anything, it made her want to follow her dream of becoming a famous musician even more.

Peace took a deep breath and pulled her eyes away from the clouds before pressing forwards.

She needed to find SOMEWHERE to sleep tonight. Possibly a homeless shelter? No, they'd probably just send her to an orphanage and she'd get dragged back to Wammy's. That wasn't what she wanted. She had left for a reason.

"Help me, L. Please. I don't know what to do from here. I never was good at coming up with last minute plans." She stopped again and placed her back against a brick wall, lowering herself so that she sat on the ground.

Hot tears that she had been holding in, finally slid down her cheeks. No passerby stopped to notice the girl. Then again, due to the rain, they wouldn't know that she was crying. If anything, being it so early in the morning, they probably figured she was walking to school.

"Hey, are you okay? You look like you're crying." Her head shot up and her grey eyes locked with the amethyst orbs of a teenage boy.

The eyes were obviously colored that way due to contacts and his hair was obviously dyed to be that shade of red. Streaks of black ran through his hair.

"I- don't-"

"Are you lost?"

"No."

"Ah, a runaway then, huh?"

"It depends on your way of thinking." The boy gave a crooked smirk.

"I know where you're from. You're one of those orphans from the orphanage on the outskirts of the city, right?" She nodded numbly.

He looked thoughtful.

"Well, if you're not lost and you're not a runaway, what exactly ARE you?"

"I suppose I'm a little bit of both. I have no destination and I left Wammy's three days ago with no intent in returning."

"I see. Why?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"I like getting answers." Peace smiled slightly.

She could tell part of the truth.

"My best friend died and all my other friends left me behind." The teenage boy stared at her, a slight frown upon his lips.

"So, you're alone then." It was a statement, not a question.

Peace blinked at his expression before she nodded numbly.

The boy stared at her for a minute longer before reaching his hand out to her and speaking again.

"Not anymore. My name is Serenity Richardson." Peace didn't hesitate too long on placing her hand out on his.

"Lily Loliet. Just- call me that."

Los Angeles, America - Presently

"Here we are. I even asked for grapefruit juice, just like you always want." Jacob said with a grin as he placed down the tray.

Serenity shifted himself so that, though he was still close to his friend, she was able to reach forwards and grab the glass of pink-orange liquid citrus.

"Thank you."

"Ah, it's not a problem, Lil. You haven't been eating much lately." The older man responded.

Serenity nodded in agreement before sniffing the air.

"Hey! Is that pizza I smell?!" Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Well, it's probably the only food we BOTH agree on. 'Sides, Lily likes it the most and she could use the calories."

"What toppings?!" Peace spoke next.

"Pepperoni, bacon, mushrooms, green olives? No, they're black olives." The men looked to her as she casually tilted the glass of grapefruit juice to her lips.

"Heh, shouldn't be surprised that you could tell. YOU could smell it from outside the door, couldn't you?"

"Of course." She replied with a tiny smile.

"Hmph, I hate olives." Serenity mumbled.

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"I got one with just cheese too, just for you, Pudgy-boy." Serenity stared at Jacob.

"P- Pudgy-boy?" He looked down at himself, frowning at his stomach.

"You think I'm fat?" Jacob immediately gained energy and shook his head frantically.

"No! I- don't think you're fat! You're perfect just the way you are."

"Liar. You called me 'Pudgy-boy'! You think I'm fat!"

"I didn't mean it like that." Serenity glared.

"You're so cold, Grey-head!"

"Don't bring my hair into this!" Peace glanced back and forth between the two, smiling slightly to herself before biting into a slice of pizza.

It was just another normal day, or night, for the band. The guys took care of her, got along for awhile, argued, and then went to go have makeup sex.

"You two are lucky to have each other." The argument ceased and the men looked to the young woman, who had pushed herself from the bed and was now standing in front of the large window.

Her arms were hanging limply at her sides, her eyes focused on the storm outside, and her hair hung messily in her face.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

"It's- nothing. Nothing you should concern yourself with, anyway. Just-" Her body began to shake and Jacob placed his hand firmly on her shoulder.

It just made it worse.

"_L is dead, Mello." _

"_What?"_

"_L is dead. You can't abandon those who are no longer amongst the living." _

"_How can you say something like that?! He was your best friend!"_

"_L- is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. L is dead. I- need to live for him in my own way. I'm going to live for him in my own way." _

"_Shut the hell up you big baby! All you ever do is whine! Toughen up, damn it!"_

"_Mello! What the hell?!"_

"_She deserved it! She's turning her back on all L ever stood for! On us, Matt! As far as I'm concerned, she's just a coward!" _

The pain in he had caused her cheek that night was nothing compared to the pain he had left in her heart.

"I can't get it out of my head. Every time it rains." She whispered.

Her mind fell back onto her memories of people who were once her friends. Of Near. Of Matt. Of Mello. L.

"Hey, Lily." Serenity's voice jerked her from her thoughts and she let out an involuntary gasp, turning around quickly.

Her eyes locked with the worried ones of her friends. Then, she gently brushed pass them and allowed herself to sit down on the floor. Her back pressed up against the wall and she buried her face in her knees, biting down on her lip.

After a few minutes, the two males sat down on either side of her. Serenity hugged her gently to his side while Jacob placed his hand on her head, running his fingers through her messy hair.

"Lily, you gotta talk to us."

"Lily, you can't keep bottling it all in. It'll hurt even more, whatever's bothering you." They cared so much about her.

Mello USED to care about her too. Then, he left. Did that mean that Serenity and Jacob would leave too?

"Promise me something." She whispered as she lifted her head.

"O- okay. What?"

"I- want you to promise to never leave me. To always be there." Serenity pulled the seventeen year old into a very tight hug, nearly cutting off her oxygen.

"I'm not going ANYWHERE, Lily! I promise."

"If that's all that's been bothering you, it was pointless. But, I promise too." Serenity grinned and also pulled Jacob into a hug.

Peace was in the middle of both men, instead of feeling upset, now feeling extremely awkward with the situation. However, she felt so much better all the same.

She didn't need to worry anymore.

--

_This time I wonder what it feels like_

_To find the one in this life_

_The one we all dream of_

_But dreams just aren't enough_

_So I'll be waiting for the real thing_

_I'll know it by the feeling_

_The moment when we're meeting_

_We'll play it like a scene_

_Straight off the silver screen_

_So I'll be holdin' my breath_

_Right up 'till the end_

_Until that moment when_

_I find the one that I'll spend forever with_

'_Cause nobody wants to be the last one there_

_Everyone wants to feel like someone cares_

_Someone to life with my life in their hands_

_There's gotta be somebody for me like that_

'_Cause nobody wants to go it on their own_

_Everyone wants to know they're not alone_

_There's somebody else that feels_

_The same somewhere_

_There's gotta be somebody for me out there_

_Tonight out on the street_

_Out in the moonlight_

_And damn it this feels too right_

_It's just like déjà vu_

_Me standin' here with you_

_So I'll be holdin' my breath_

_Could this be the end?_

_Is it that moment when_

_I'll find the one that I'll spend forever with?_

_'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there_

_Everyone wants to feel like someone cares_

_Someone to life with my life in their hands_

_There's gotta be somebody for me like that_

'_Cause nobody wants to go it on their own_

_Everyone wants to know they're not alone_

_There's somebody else that feels_

_The same somewhere_

_There's gotta be somebody for me out there_

_You can't give up_

_(When you're lookin' for)_

_A diamond in the rough_

_(Because you never know)_

_When it shows up_

_(Make sure you're holdin' on)_

'_Cause it could be the one_

_The one you're waiting on_

'_Cause nobody wants to be the last one there_

_Everyone wants to feel like someone cares_

_Someone to love with my life in their hands_

_There's gotta be somebody for me_

_Nobody wants to go it on their own_

_Everyone wants to know they're not alone_

_Somebody else that feels the same somewhere_

_There's gotta be somebody for me out there_

_Nobody wants to be the last one there_

_(When you're lookin' for)_

_Everyone wants to feel like someone cares_

_(Because you never know)_

_Somebody else who feels the same somewhere_

_(Make sure you're holdin' on)_

_There's gotta be somebody for me out there_

The entity of the song was intense as her fingers flew across the strings of the electric guitar and as her beautiful voice practically cried into the microphone. Such intensity could only be caused by frustration of her emotions.

Not one of the onlookers cared, though as they were all fans of the young woman upon the stage and her band. The more "intense" of the fans wore black and red t-shirts bearing the band name across the chest in white gothic font.

**Peace's Keepers.**

The music ended and she was left, as well as her two band mates, panting heavily with sweat sliding down their faces.

A weak smile touched her face as she scanned the cheering crowd, storm cloud eyes searching their faces.

As she suspected. It was just herself, Serenity, and Jacob. But, in all truth, she just couldn't move forwards as Mello had.

She couldn't move on as Mello had moved on without even looking over his shoulder to spare her one last glance.

Lowering her head to catch her breath, Peace made sure that her face couldn't be seen by anyone as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"I made my choice. I can't turn back now." That was a promise.

A promise to herself for a change.

Her eyes closed tightly and then she raised her head, grinning madly at her fans. She outstretched her arms and continued grinning.

She may not have been able to do the same as Mello, but she could continue to do what she had been doing. She could continue to be strong. To be brave.

"I'm NOT a coward." She whispered under her breath before she inhaled sharply and grabbed the microphone again.

"Heh, come on! Is that all you guys have?! I KNOW you can be louder! The louder you scream, the more we'll play!" The cheering increased and Peace ignored the headache located in the front of her skull.

"Louder!" It got louder.

"LOUDER!!!" It did.

Peace smirked and glanced to Serenity and Jacob before she struck the strings of her electric guitar. The very same electric guitar she was given over four years ago. The name 'Mello' was still scribbled across the Union Jack coloring in black marker.

It always would be.

--

She picked up the ice cold glass of grapefruit juice and stared at it for a few moments before gulping it down. The citrus juice flowed down her throat and her eyes were closed.

"Man, what a crowd, eh? My ears are still ringing." Serenity rubbed his temples.

Jacob grunted.

"Did you have to tell them to be louder?"

"Sorry. Just- couldn't help myself. I needed to get my frustrations out somehow." When she spoke, her voice was raspy and hoarse.

Both men frowned slightly at this.

"Lily, you're all raspy." The younger man murmured.

Peace smiled weakly.

"I overworked tonight."

"Well, you're going to lose your voice if you keep it up. You should rest." Jacob murmured.

"I know." Serenity brushed her hair from her face.

"You should eat something first. Um-?"

"It's not good to eat before bed, Serenity. I'm okay. Really."

"Serenity, she's right. Besides, sleep is more important for her right now. Tomorrow, though-" The grey haired man allowed his gaze to flicker to the youngest of the band members.

She nodded in understanding.

"I know, Jacob. I've just had a lot on my mind lately. I tend to forget to eat if I have a lot going on."

"Yeah, we've noticed." Jacob then glanced to Serenity.

"Come on, Pudgy-boy. You need your sleep too." The crimson haired man flashed him a glare.

"Stop calling me that!" Jacob smirked slightly, brown eyes flashing with interest.

"Why?"

"I don't like it!"

"I happen to like it VERY much."

"Must you have this conversation here? You do realize it will lead to sexual intercourse and I REALLY don't want to witness it." Serenity gaped at the young woman's words and then crossed his arms stubbornly.

"It will NOT! I won't allow it!" Jacob shrugged.

"Doesn't matter to me. I'm going to bed. If you're still mad about stupid nicknames and arguments, don't come to MY bed. You'll still be pissed in the morning if you do." And, the twenty seven year old left.

Serenity remained planted on the edge of Peace's bed and she watched him carefully. After a few seconds, he began to quiver and only a minute passed before he jumped up.

"Ja-cob! I'm not mad anymore!" And she was alone.

Peace slid herself from her bed and stood up, albeit shakily. Most of her energy was spent from the concert, but she couldn't bring herself to go to sleep just yet.

Her eyes focused on the lights of the city outside of the window and she frowned slightly.

"Mello don't let such a trivial thing be the end of you. Kira's getting stronger. He's getting stronger and he's getting more glory for killing. He's winning and has been since L died. No, since L was MURDERED." She clenched her hands together tightly.

"Frankly, I don't really care whether it's you or Near who puts him away. I just want him gone. L's death can't be in vain. I know I should be helping, I've always known that, but just because I should doesn't mean I WANT to." A tiny smile reached her face and her eyes closed as her head lowered slightly.

"I'm selfish that way."

Downtown Somewhere

"Damn, can you believe that? Really, I never saw that coming." A copper haired man murmured, fingers tapping on the keyboard of a laptop that sat on his lap.

The blonde in the corner bit down on a chocolate bar and glared at his companion.

"Shut up."

"I mean, look at this! Look at what she's WEARING! Who would've thought?"

"I said, 'shut up'!" The copper haired man looked towards his companion, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Pieces of ash fell onto the floor.

"Really now, you're not even gonna LOOK? Damn, she's hot as hell!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!! I could care less, Matt! What part of that don't you understand?!" Matt frowned slightly, staring at Mello through his goggles.

"You understand the problems we're having right?! Near's in direct contact with a suspect already!"

"More of a reason to contact her. She could help."

"No way in hell! Besides, not after what was said back then." Matt detected a slight hint of regret in his best friend's voice and gave the barest of smiles.

"Come on, Mel! Peace wouldn't let that little thing get in the way of friendship! She never was the type to hold a grudge for very long." Mello grunted and bit down on his chocolate again, glancing away.

That was true. He remembered the last time he fucked things up with his temper.

"She made it clear then that she wanted NOTHING to do with this. She's just as stubborn as she is forgiving."

"And you're not stubborn? You can't say that part of you not wanting to see her is because you don't want to apologize."

"Shut the hell up! We're not going to see her and that's final! We'll do this on our own! Like we've been doing all this time!" Matt sighed and shook his head and stared at the computer screen at the video taken at a concert.

"You're the boss." Matt made a mental note to go see her anyway.

"Can we at least see the next concert? I'm getting a little claustrophobic in this place." Mello grunted, again biting on his chocolate bar.

"Fine." He wouldn't admit it, but he wanted to go too.

Just to see her again. It had been WAY too long.

"_Mello." _

"_What?!"_

"_I- can't go with you."_

"_Sure you can! I'll kidnap you if I have to!" _

"_I mean, I don't want to." _

"_What? You're on Near's side, aren't you?! ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!!!" _

"_Mello! Let her go! You're hurting her!" _

For four years, he'd regretted it. Though, he'd never admit it. He never was the type who liked admitting he was wrong. It meant admitting that someone else was better than him.

"_L- is dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. L is dead. I- need to live for him in my own way. I'm going to live for him in my own way." _

"_Shut the hell up you big baby! All you ever do is whine! Toughen up, damn it!" _

His eyes closed and he leaned against the wall, cringing inwardly.

He'd slapped her after that. He'd slapped one person who had been loyal to him from the beginning. Of course, he had Matt, but Peace ALWAYS put him first.

First. Before Near.

Mello again took his frustrations out on the chocolate bar between his teeth.

He'd SLAPPED her. Slapped her.

In all truth, the reason he didn't want to see her now was because of that. How could he face her after that? She'd heard cold words before, undergone some violence, but Mello didn't recall hitting her at any of those times.

Peace had stood by his side, along with Matt, and helped him to reach his goal. She had put aside her OWN goals to do so.

"We can go. We're NOT talking to her though. I- hate her." He forced the bite back into his voice.

He made himself believe for just a minute that he really did hate her. He knew it would come to bite him in the ass later, but for just a minute, he didn't care.

He returned to the task at hand. Beating Near and getting Kira first.


	5. Rememberance

**I know it's been a little while, but this chapter IS a little longer than the others. By a couple hundred words.**

**Now, there's two songs incorporated in this chapter. **S.E.X. _by Nickelback_** and **Never Gonna Be Alone _by Nickelback_**.**

**I know I'm using a lot of lyrics, but they help show Peace's personality. **

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 4**

Peace would never admit it to anyone, but she always got nervous in the short time before the band did a concert. She didn't know exactly why, but she had a feeling that it had something to do with the leaving of her closest friends.

Friends. Yes. L, Matt, and- Mello.

Every minute she prepared to go out on stage, she couldn't help, but feel that they were watching her. Yes, L was dead and knowing how long Mello could hold a grudge, he probably wasn't watching her, but Matt probably was.

He was a good friend.

"One hour 'till show time, Lil." Jacob told her.

She was jerked from her thoughts and her eyes darted from the guitar on the wall to the older man.

"Hm? Right. You tell Serenity?"

"Of course, but you know how he is. He's stuffing his face with ice cream to calm his nerves. I swear, by the time he's my age, he'll be fat as hell. I'm surprised he's not already with his bizarre eating habits. "

"Not that it bothers you." Peace replied with a tiny smile.

Jacob leaned against the wall and nodded once.

"Of course not. I'm just concerned for his health, that's all. At this rate, he'll get diabetes or something."

"I doubt that. He doesn't intake enough sugar for that. He'll probably just suffer a myocardial infarction by the time he's thirty three." Jacob tensed at that, only relaxing when Peace shot him a cheerful grin.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Jacob. Serenity might have horrible habits, but he does exercise often enough to burn-off those excess calories." She paused, smile fading.

"He does it for you, you know."

"Huh?" Her eyes went back to the guitar on the wall, raising her hand up so she could brush her fingers along its curves.

"He loves you. So much. It's why he works so hard. He'd do anything for you."

"Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual." Her eyes closed half-way.

"You don't understand, Jacob. He works so hard to please you. It's why he gets offended so easily. Pointing out any sort of flaw, worries him that you're judging him. Like his parents." Jacob stared at the lead singer, his eyes wide.

"His- parents?" Peace allowed her gaze to flicker to meet his.

"He never told you?"

"No. What happened?"

"It's not my place to say. I've said too much as it is. But- be patient." Jacob watched the quiet girl turn her attention back to her electric guitar.

She was usually quiet, giving off a somewhat depressed aura, but she always seemed that much more depressed before a gig.

His dark brown orbs flickered to the guitar. The bizarre signature had always stumped him, but he'd never asked about it. Until now.

"Who's 'Mello'?" Her eyes went wide before they went dull.

She wasn't expecting that. How was she to answer?

"Someone I betrayed." It was the only answer she could come up with.

It was true enough.

Jacob rose a brow.

"You know, I don't know that much about you. I don't think either of us do. The most we know is that Lily isn't you're real name and that you come from some orphanage." Peace closed her eyes tightly, biting down on the side of her cheek.

"I don't like talking about myself."

"Fair enough, but- you will eventually tell us, right?" She was silent.

What could she say?

"Yeah. I'll tell you soon enough. It'll just take me some time." She needed to make sure they weren't going anywhere first, despite their promise.

Jacob glanced to the ceiling.

"Heh. Hey, Lily, can you tell me how we got to be this way?"

"Got to be what way?"

"So close knitted without knowing squat about each other."

"True friends don't need to know everything, Jacob. They know when to let people be. I can only assume that's why."

"Ah, I see." Another pause.

"Funny. We've known each other for two years, all three of us. We all met by chance too, just wandering through the streets."

"Not chance, Jacob." Peace whispered.

"Eh?"

"We didn't meet by chance. We all met for a reason." Jacob rolled his eyes and stood up straight, stretching his arms behind his neck.

"Right then. I'm going to stop my boyfriend from eating himself sick before the show." He checked his watch.

"We've got half an hour. Relax before then, okay?"

"Of course." She watched as the grey haired man left the room before she allowed her gaze to flicker back to the guitar on the wall.

Soon it would come down and the music would commence. Then, she would temporarily forget the past. Temporarily being the word. Once the music ended, the memories would flood back, just like they always did.

Her eyes slipped shut and she took a calming breath before recalling the folded piece of paper she always carried with her. Her eyes lit up at the thought as she opened up her cropped denim jacket and pulled out the paper from the inside pocket.

She had only just finished reading it the night before. It was sad, considering she had received it four years prior, but a lot had happened since L had died, but it had cheered her up significantly.

Peace unfolded it, a tiny smile forming when her eyes scanned over the paper, sloppily handwritten. There was another piece of paper folded with it and the seventeen year old also looked at it.

"Heh, now that I have this, I'm unsurprised. I should've suspected it sooner."

"Hey, Lily!" Her eyes rose from the test and locked with the purple contacts of Serenity.

"It's starting! We gotta get on stage now!"

"Eh? Already? Alright. Give me a minute." She placed down the letter and the other paper down on a nearby table before she slipped off her jacket.

It fell to the floor as she also slipped free from her track pants. After stripping free from these clothes, all that was left was a laced, hot pink satin camisole and a pair black denim of short shorts. She also slipped off her black Airwalks and replaced them with four inch, pink peep toe heels.

Peace reached up and pulled the scrunchie from her hair, which fell pass her shoulders. She ran her fingers through it several times and then smirked as her storm cloud eyes focused on her guitar once again. She reached up, wrapped her fingers around the guitar and carefully lifted it down, wrapping the strap around her neck.

The lead singer turned and placed one hand on her hip, smirking slightly at Serenity and Jacob's own smirking expressions.

"Heh, let's get started, eh? The fans won't wait any longer."

--

"Peace's Keepers? She didn't get very original did she?"

"Will you ever shut up?" Matt ignored Mello and carried on as he stepped into the concert hall, the blonde close beside him.

The goggled smoker let out a low whistle at the packed area, wrapping an arm behind his neck.

"Who woulda thought? Peace, a rockstar of all things. I thought she was more into the classical stuff." Mello snorted.

Honestly, hadn't Matt read ANY of the songs she wrote? Probably not. Peace wasn't fond of letting people see her work. The only reason Mello saw this coming was because he had kidnapped one of her works when they were still kids. It didn't take her very long to get it back.

Peace was gentle, but when she wanted something, she got it and she got it by herself. It's why she worked so hard all the time. So she could reach the goals she had set for herself. So she could become someone who she always wanted to be.

Mello glanced to the poster of the band and stared blankly at the three people.

If Matt hadn't of been as good with faces as he was, Mello wouldn't have known it was HER on that poster. She certainly had changed.

Of course, one aspect of her had remained the same. Her eyes. Those deep storm cloud grey eyes that could pick away at someone's soul, much like L's own gunmetal orbs could.

"Hey, Mel! I found us a good spot here! It's right up close to the stage!" Mello frowned at this.

Peace was good with faces too. One glance and she'd recognize them both. He supposed it was a good thing he wore a black hoodie.

He tugged it over his blonde hair and face, glaring at his friend.

"Matt, keep it up and she'll recognize us when she steps out! We're not TRYING to be recognized, you idiot!" Matt shrugged with a smirk before he tugged his own charcoal hoodie over his head.

As soon as his face was hidden, his smirk fell. Mello didn't notice.

Mello didn't realize that, as usual, Matt had a plan of his own. Whether or not Mello wanted to see her didn't matter to the goggled video gamer. HE would see Peace as soon as he could sneak backstage without Mello noticing.

He assumed it wouldn't be all that hard. Mello would be pretty astonished with what he'd be seeing. Especially at the type of music she was singing. Yes, it was sort of expected for this to occur after their last confrontation back at Wammy's, but her style had definitely changed since then.

Matt was well aware that, depending on her mood, the songs Peace sang changed. He knew. He had been keeping an eye on her as soon as he caught sight of her first music video nearly three years ago. Needless to say, he was surprised to see THAT, but he shouldn't have been surprised at all. People change over time depending on life's situations.

Mello and Near were leaving to take care of Kira. L was dead, Peace was alone.

The only decision she had left was to leave herself and live her own life. Make new friends. Get discovered and live her dreams.

The gamer smirked slightly.

She'd done just that. Peace had followed her dreams and made them come true. But-

His smile fell again as he went back into thought.

- she wasn't the same as she was. Yes, it was true they hadn't seen or spoken to each other since the day of L's murder, but just by looking at those music videos and listening to her music and lyrics whenever Mello didn't bother the shit out of him gave it away. Her eyes had changed. They had become somewhat- distant. Her voice had become strained too. It was nowhere near as carefree and innocent as it used to be.

Before the angry words. Before the physical violence Mello had inflicted upon her.

It was then Matt released a very quiet sigh. Mello didn't seem to hear it. Thank God. The blonde would only ask questions and would never surrender until he got his answers.

Would- Peace even WANT to see him? Wait, of COURSE she would! It was PEACE! Peace was a forgiving and loving soul. That would NEVER change. Of course, he wouldn't expect a warm welcome, but he knew he wouldn't be pushed under a bus or something. Or shot.

He cringed at the thought.

Well, if it came down to it- Peace probably was a horrible shot. He'd rather get pushed under a bus or off a ten story building. No, she probably wouldn't ever do THAT. If anything, much like any normal woman, she'd grab anything she could get her hands on and chase him around with it until she could either beat his head in with it or stake him in the heart like a vampire.

Those were NOT pleasant thoughts, yet WERE at the same time. Damn testosterone. And DAMN Peace for getting so fucking sexy in such a short amount of time.

Even more of a reason to sneak off to meet up with her. But it was only a SMALL part of it. Really. It was.

Hmm. What was she wearing for tonight's show?

--

"Hey, are you sure you're okay, Lily?"

"It's nothing, Serenity."

"Lil, come on. We know you better than that. You're just saying that because you don't want to involve us in your problems." The teenager's fingers twitched involuntarily, as they usually did when she was caught in a lie.

Nonetheless, she forced a smile.

"You caught me, okay? I just got a lot on my mind. Now, when's this show supposed to start exactly?"

"I dunno. The dude said we were to be here by nine and to wait until he told us to get on stage." Serenity replied, brow furrowed in annoyance.

Jacob placed his hand down on his shoulder, applying a little pressure.

"There's nothing we can do about it apart from come prepared next time."

"Yeah, I know. Still pisses me off, though." Peace gave a tiny, yet genuine smile.

Despite all that had happened, at least she knew she wasn't alone. She gained some comfort with that knowledge. Serenity and Jacob were the only people who hadn't left her behind by walking away or losing their lives.

Her fists clenched, but continued to smile.

"Oi! You three! Everything's set up for ya now! Get on stage!" The band turned simultaneously and stared at the very short man bossing them around.

Jacob crossed his arms and narrowed his gaze.

"About time. Right, so we got everything memorized?"

"When don't we?" Peace asked.

Jacob smirked at her.

"Just asking, Lil. Now, let's get a move on."

"Since when did YOU become the boss?" Serenity questioned.

"Since I'm always on top." Peace flushed at the bluntness of the older man's tone and was grateful that Serenity didn't get the TRUE meaning behind it.

If he had, her usual headache would only come sooner. She had to sing, not worry about whether or not her brain would explode.

Seven Years Ago: Wammy's House

"_You're such a baby. A little pain won't kill you."_

"_I know, but- my ARM is broken, Mello." She whispered weakly, holding the said arm gently so not to cause herself more pain._

_She had just fallen out of her usual climbing tree. How? Mello had startled her by calling out her name while she was taking a nap after a long morning of hard thinking about the next verse for her new song._

"_Bah, it's not. You're just being a baby. You barely fell two feet." Her grey eyes peered up at him._

"_Mello. It's- a green-stick fracture. My arm is BROKEN. It- hurts a lot, Mello." Her voice became weaker and his eyes finally flashed with concern._

"_Hey, let me take a look first! It can't be THAT bad." Needless to say, a few hours later, Peace soon had her arm in a sling._

_It was most certainly broken._

_--_

_She sat under the very same tree that she had tumbled out of, staring blankly at the half-written sheet of paper that she held in her only good hand. The hand she couldn't write with._

_Footsteps stopped in front of her and she glanced up, staring blankly at the tall man in front of her._

"_You're- back early, L." _

"_It wasn't much of a case."_

"_Oh." She stared down at the piece of paper and folded it as best as she could before slipping it away in her hoodie pocket._

_L frowned slightly._

"_You seem sad." _

"_A little. I'm unable to write my music. It was the only way for me to pour out my inner emotions. It made me happy." L then gave a tiny smile._

"_Your arm will heal, Peace. It will take time, but it will heal. You make it seem as though you'll never write again."_

"_I'm sorry. I guess- I'm a little enraged at the thought too. I fell asleep in a TREE of all places. I know better."_

"_But it's human nature to learn from the mistakes you and the people around you make." She tilted her head slightly as L then reached down, offering her his hand._

_She reached up and took it gently._

"_Mello is upset with himself, Peace. He blames himself for your injury." Her eyes saddened._

"_That's partially my fault, I suppose. I have been rather miserable for the last two weeks. He must assume I blame him. I need to speak with him and apologize for my childlike behaviour." _

"_When you're as young as you happen to be, Peace, sometimes it's alright to be childish. Just don't let it cloud your judgement. I would hate to lose the only sister I have." However, when the detective spoke the words, the girl had disappeared. _

_He smiled._

_All in due time. She would learn the truth._

Presently: Peace's Keepers Concert

"Aww, man! Hurry the hell up! I wanna see her!" Matt received a brute blow to the side of the face.

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut the hell up?!" Mello secretly wanted to see her too.

He just wouldn't admit it to anyone. He had a hard enough time admitting it to himself.

--

Peace stepped out into the darkness of the stage behind Serenity and Jacob. Not one of the fans could see them yet. It was too dark.

She was thankful for that. She felt rather vulnerable at the moment. She didn't like the feeling at all.

She shakily grabbed hold of her guitar and took several deep breaths.

Any second now, it would start. Then, everything would be okay. Her frustrations could be released the only way she could release them.

Through music. Through HER music. Through the music she played for Serenity, for Jacob, for L, for Near, for Matt, and for Mello.

What would the Wammy boys think of her if they could see her now? Would L be proud of her living her dream? Near would probably be indifferent. Matt would probably cheer as she was dressed rather scantily and Mello- Mello would probably only despise her more.

She'd rather sing her heart out than let her heart suffer cardiac arrest because she got in the way. She would rather sing her heart out than allow it to be broken as she watched those she cared about die like L had. She wouldn't be able to handle someone else, she dare say LOVED, die.

That much Peace knew for certain.

She smiled to herself, albeit bitterly.

"Hey, no time to think of that, Peace. No one close to you is going to die." And, the lights snapped on.

Cheers erupted and her eyes sparkled with joy.

She felt so ALIVE. The anxiety always left once she saw them. Once she HEARD them cheering for her. She felt important. She felt as if she could forget this whole Kira thing until it was done and over with.

"Let's get this started, shall we?!"

--

His eyes stared up at her as she grinned into the microphone.

"She- is so much different than I remember." Luckily, Matt was too busy cheering his ass off to hear him.

Mello's crystal blue eyes studied her face for a moment longer before he realized exactly WHAT she was wearing.

He bit down violently on his cheek considering he'd finished his chocolate bar almost an hour ago.

It was going to be a long night. He'd kill Matt for this later- when he could feel below his waist. And also when he could get her almost nude image from his mind. Needless to say, the song she started off with probably didn't help his situation.

--

_No is a dirty word_

_Never gonna say it first_

_No is just the thought_

_That never crosses my mind_

_Maybe in the parking lot_

_Better bring your friend along_

_Better off together than just one at a time_

_S is for the simple need_

_E is for the ecstasy_

_X is just to mark the spot_

'_Cause that's the one you really want_

_Yes sex is always the answer_

_It's never a question_

'_Cause the answer's yes_

_Oh the answer's yes_

_Not just a suggestion_

_If you ask the question_

_Then it's always yes_

_I'm lovin' what you wanna wear_

_Wonder what's up under there_

_Wonder if I'll ever have it under my tongue_

_I'd love to try to set you free_

_All of you all over me_

_I'd love to hear the sound you make the second you're done_

_S is for the simple need_

_E is for the ecstasy_

_X is just to mark the spot_

'_Cause that's the one you really want_

_Yes sex is always the answer_

_It's never a question_

'_Cause the answer's yes_

_Oh the answer's yes_

_Not just a suggestion_

_If you ask the question_

_Then it's always yes_

_S is for the simple need_

_E is for the ecstasy_

_X is just to mark the spot_

'_Cause that's the one you really want_

_Yes sex is always the answer_

_It's never a question_

'_Cause the answer's yes_

_Oh the answer's yes_

_Not just a suggestion_

_If you ask the question_

_Then it's always yes_

As usual, her fingers flew over her guitar as the world around her became nonexistent. Her eyes were closed as she actually PICTURED the actions of the song in her mind's eye.

She was rather pleased with herself and judging by the amount of cheering she was getting, the fans were pleased as well.

Peace opened her eyes partway and gave a soft , semi-seductive smile.

Her release was her music. She became a different person. She felt her burdens become lifted. If only for a few minutes. Of course, once the song ended, the feeling of pleasure ended with it.

Nowadays, she was only herself when she released. She mentally promised herself that she'd play her guitar more often.

--

Mello opened one eye as the song ended. Relieved and disappointed at the same time.

It was difficult to see the woman in front of him as exactly that. The last time he'd seen her, she was nothing, but a little girl that had barely become a teenager. It was awkward in itself.

Extremely so. He was glad she wouldn't recognize either himself or Matt. After this, he couldn't confront her.

Not that he was planning to in the first place. Just NOW he DEFINITELY wasn't going to do anything like that.

Matt yipped like a maniac, waving his arms about frantically. Mello remained silent.

"Sweet! She's gotten so much better since we last saw her! Did you see how her fingers just FLEW over the strings?! It was awesome!" Mello blinked and growled.

"Of course I saw it, you idiot! Now, shut up! You're giving me a headache!" Of course, that was a lie.

Partially.

Mello WAS indeed getting a headache, but that was because they were in an extremely loud environment. However, he hadn't seen her play the guitar since he had his eyes closed.

He focused on the guitar and his eyes immediately widened.

"She- still has that stupid thing?" He grumbled in confusion.

It was indeed the same guitar he had given her five years ago. It was still looking as bright and new as it did then.

"Heh, good to know she took care of the damn thing. It was expensive as hell." Now he was going to pay more attention.

Just how much better had she of gotten? Could she have gotten? Hadn't she already mastered it back then?

Looks like he was about to find out. Well, that and he wanted to. Mello did whatever the hell he wanted. Especially now that no one was going to stop him.

--

It was usual routine for her. As she always did upon finishing a song, she opened up her eyes which scanned through the crowd. Usually, her eyes would just do this scan once, looking for any familiar faces from her past and always coming up empty. Tonight, however, was different.

Peace's storm grey eyes rested on a single person wearing a hoodie, jumping up and down frantically, cheering. Yes, she was used to that sort of- fandom, so to say, but it was strange. She could tell that the person was male based on physical attributes and the tone of his voice as he shouted out to her. It was much louder than any NORMAL fan of hers.

Oddly familiar.

She pushed it to the back of her mind and brought the microphone back to her lips to begin another song.

--

Neither Mello nor Matt could make out EXACTLY what she had said once the first song was finished. Frankly, Mello didn't think it was important. He figured it was probably some sort of call-out to those stupid, loud-mouth fans of hers.

That just so happened to include Matt at the moment. Pathetic idiot.

_Time, is going by_

_So much faster than I_

_And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you_

_Now I'm wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside_

_So I'm starting to regret not telling all of it to you_

_So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know_

His eyes immediately flickered up to her, wide at the first verse of the song.

He recognized it. She always sang this one back at Wammy's whenever she was trying to make it up to him for some stupid reason.

"_I wrote this song for you, Mello. Whenever you're mad, I hope that this helps you calm down and feel better."_

Mello glanced away and allowed his gaze to settle on the overly excited Matt.

He was going to pass out as soon as they got back to the hideout. Thank God that then he'd shut the hell up.

The song made its way back to his ears and he kept his gaze from going back to her.

Obviously, she was hoping he was watching this. It was her way of letting him know that she'd still be there, however long it took.

_You're never gonna be alone_

_From this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go_

_I won't let you fall_

_You're never gonna be alone_

_I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone_

_And now as long as I can_

_I'm holding on with both hands_

'_Cause forever I believe_

_That there's nothing I could need but you_

_So if I haven't yet_

_I've gotta let you know_

_You're never gonna be alone_

_From this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go_

_I won't let you fall_

_When all hope is gone_

_I know that you can carry on_

_We're gonna take the world on_

_I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone_

_You've gotta live every single day_

_Like it's the only one_

_What if tomorrow never comes_

_Don't let it slip away, could be our only one_

_You know it's only just begun_

_Every single day, may be our only one_

_What if tomorrow never comes_

_Tomorrow never comes_

_Time, is going by_

_So much faster than I_

_I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you_

_You're never gonna be alone_

_From this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go_

_I won't let you fall_

_When all hope is gone_

_Know that you can carry on_

_We're gonna take the world on_

_I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone_

_I'm gonna be there all of the way_

_I won't be missing one more day_

_I'm gonna be there all of the way_

_I won't be missing one more day_

"Stupid girl."

--

After the concert, Matt found it quite easy to ditch Mello. After all, it was easy to lose ANYONE in a crowded area full of people of all sizes.

From his under hood, he watched Peace and her band mates step off backstage and made sure to be careful as he snuck backstage as well. He immediately discovered that there were NO security guards whatsoever and smirked.

"Figures." Peace probably didn't want anyone to see her face other than her current employer and her closest friends.

She was being extremely careful. Although, hiring security guards should have been one of her top priorities. Unless she already had ways to protect herself and her band mates that went unnoticed to the human eye.

Matt snuck after the three companions, quietly, smirking the entire time.

Knowing her, she'd probably be in the hotel across the street. A hotel so obvious, no one would assume a rock band was staying the night there.

--

She yawned and sat down on the bed in her hotel room, reaching out and grabbing the grapefruit juice Serenity handed to her.

"Thank you." He grinned and sat down next to her.

"Not a problem, Lily! You're sounding hoarse anyway."

"Well it can't be helped. It happens when you don't get a break." Jacob replied for her and Peace nodded numbly.

"Yeah."

"It's why we should cancel the tour." Serenity and Peace looked to the older man with wide eyes, obviously surprised at this news.

"C- cancel the tour?! Why?!"

"Lily's health seems to be declining. Look at her, Serenity. She's lost ten pounds and hardly sleeps." The twenty year old looked at the girl, who seemed to be looking away out of shame.

Jacob continued.

"Lily, something's really bothering you lately."

"I'm just remembering some things, that's all. I'll be better soon." Jacob nodded.

"Let's hope so. If you don't start taking care of yourself, we just might HAVE to cancel the tour, whether you like it or not. Right, Serenity?" The purple eyed man hesitated only a moment before agreeing completely.

"Jacob's right, Lily."

"I'll be okay soon. I- promise. I'm just going through a rough time right now." Jacob nodded and then looked to his boyfriend.

"Come on, Pudgy. Let's leave her be to rest. I'm tired anyway."

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?! I'm not fat!"

"I never said you were. Now, come on. Lily needs her rest." And Serenity just followed Jacob, bidding a 'goodnight' to Peace before continuing to grumble under his breath.

Peace, meanwhile, placed down her half-empty glass of juice and stood up. She moved over to the window in her room and stared out, frowning slightly.

After a few moments, she glanced to the night table and stared at the papers she had been reading just hours earlier. A very tiny smile crossed her lips. It faded quickly and she returned her attention to the window.

"It's hard to rest, when you've got death on your mind, isn't it?" Her grey eyes widened and she focused on the reflection in the window.

That face. That voice! It'd been so long, but she'd remember it anywhere!

A quiet chuckle.

"Forget me, Peace?"

"M- Matt." There was no point in asking if it was him.

She'd recognize those goggles anywhere.


	6. Running In The Rain

**Well, here I am again! This chapter is a little shorter, but a lot happens!**

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 5

He smiled at her as she turned around, her storm grey eyes wide with shock.

She recognized him and hadn't sent him flying out a window. That was DEFINITELY a good sign.

Her eyes, then showed comprehension and a tiny smile made it's way to her lips.

That oddly familiar, overly chipper fan! It made sense now why she was so drawn to the jumping, cheering man hidden by a hood. It made sense now why she recognized his deepened voice.

"It was you in the crowd. I thought- it WAS you." He grinned.

"Been awhile, huh?"

"Too long." She whispered.

Matt nodded in agreement before he plopped himself carelessly down on her bed. Peace didn't hesitate to sit down next to him.

Her heart was still pounding and some part of her told her that she was dreaming, that this wasn't really happening. Then, she looked back at him and that part of her immediately shut the hell up.

This was most definitely the same boy from all those years ago. No, he wasn't a boy anymore. He was a young man, as she was a young woman.

Matt pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth, not bothering to light it at the current moment. Peace's expression remained the same.

"Matt, why are you here?" Ah, so she hadn't asked HOW he got into her hotel room.

Then again, there probably wasn't much need to. They were from Wammy's after all. It probably didn't surprise her so much that he got in, she was more curious about WHY he was here. About why he was speaking with her.

"You've made quite the name for yourself. I wanted to hang, that's all." She rose an eyebrow.

"To hang? In the middle of the night?"

"On stage, you looked tired. I figured that you don't get much sleep." Peace nodded in agreement before she began to absentmindedly twist a strand of her hair.

Her thoughts were running wild at the moment. If Matt was here, where was Mello? Surely he wasn't far behind.

"Mello was at the concert too?" Matt stiffened slightly before nodding.

"Yeah."

"He heard it then." A cheerful smile spread across her face.

"Eh?"

"You're never gonna be alone. From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall. When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on. We're gonna take the world on. I'll hold you 'till the hurt is gone." She simply whispered the lyrics, eyes focused on the window.

Matt followed her gaze and frowned slightly.

"That's one of the songs you played tonight."

"Yeah. I- wrote it back at Wammy's. I wrote it for Mello." Matt looked towards her, the eyes behind his goggles showing shock.

She caught this and continued to smile.

"I always wondered if there was ever going to be a time when the three of us would be together again. I take it Mello's not here because he's still mad about me not wanting to help." It wasn't a question.

Matt sighed.

"I don't think he hates you, Peace." She sighed sadly.

"I'm not sure if I can believe that, right now, Matt. After what was said and done-" She absentmindedly rubbed her cheek.

"- I'm not so sure if he's forgiven me yet."

"He feels guilty. He might not say it, but he does." Peace listened to Matt intently, before she threw her arms around him to hug him as tight as her weary body would allow.

He blinked and then chuckled, placing his hand on her head.

"You probably shouldn't be so close to me, you know. You'll end up smelling like smoke."

"I'm used to it." She replied quietly.

"Yeah, I guess you would be. Comes from being a rockstar, no doubt." She flushed and pulled away.

"I'm not a rockstar."

"Sure you are. Posters are all over the place. You've got music videos out and everything. Not to mention- you dress like one. Which reminds me, do you have ANY idea how hard it was for me to restrain myself? You've gotten hot!" She swallowed, the red in her cheeks remaining.

"If that's an attempt at flattery, it's- only making me want to wear a raincoat."

"Sorry." She grinned.

"It's okay." Her expression then fell as she twiddled her fingers.

The silence that followed was awkward, neither friend knowing exactly what to talk about. Matt was the first to speak up, as usual.

"I, uh, overheard that you're not taking care of yourself." Her eyes shot to him, flashing nervously.

"Don't lecture me. I get enough of that with Serenity and Jacob on my ass." He laughed.

Peace blinked.

"What's so funny?"

"You swore! I never thought I'd live to see the day!" He continued to laugh, but Peace just stared.

After a few moments of listening to Matt laugh, she too joined. It only lasted a few more minutes, but it made her feel so much better. It had been a long time since she'd laughed. Then, she suddenly stopped and looked at Matt seriously.

"It's been too long since I've felt this way."

"I guess it has. You looked happier on stage."

"Music is my release. As smoking and video games are yours. I only truly feel alive when I play my guitar or when I'm coming up with a new song." Matt placed his hand down on her shoulder.

"It helps, eh?"

"Yes, it does." Her voice dropped several octaves.

"When I play my music, I think back to how everything used to be. When L was still alive and when Kira wasn't an issue. You know, Kira destroyed us, Matt."

"I know."

"I- I just want him gone. L's death can't be in vain. I know I should be helping, I've always known that, but just because I should doesn't mean I WANT to." She looked back towards her copper haired companion.

"_She deserved it! She's turning her back on all L ever stood for! On us, Matt! As far as I'm concerned, she's just a coward!" _

"Peace-"

"He was right. I'm a coward. I recognize that. I've always known that."

"What're you saying?" Her eyes dulled.

"_Are you positive, Peace? You are an excellent candidate to take my place one day."_

"_I'm not interested, L. I want to be a musician. Besides, I don't have the guts to be a detective. There's just too much- blood and death. I wouldn't be able to stomach it."_

"_I see. That's quite understandable. I respect your decision."_

"_Thank you. This conversation won't leave these walls, right? I don't want Mello to find out."_

"_No, of course not."_

"_Good."_

She forced herself to grin as she looked back to her friend.

"It's nothing important, Matt. I'm just a chicken. Now, tell me- if you can, how exactly do you guys plan on stopping this madness?" Matt took her sudden cheeriness as a good sign.

He didn't see that her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I can't exactly tell you. For two reasons. One, Mello would have my head. Two, you'd be put at risk. Can't have that."

"I see." She reached over and grabbed her grapefruit juice, putting the glass to her lips.

"Well, I better get some rest. Serenity and Jacob will have my head if I'm tired in the morning. We're moving location shortly to continue the national tour."

"National tour?"

"We happen to be traveling all over the world, just playing our music. We just came from London, actually. Our next stop is Tokyo." Matt stared at her.

"Tokyo? You do realize that's where Kira is right?" She nodded and finished her juice.

"Of course. But, I don't have much to fear as I'm not attempting to hinder whatever he's doing, nor am I a criminal. As for my band mates, neither of them have any criminal records. They're completely safe as well, unless Kira is against homosexuality."

"You know, you sort of sound like L when you talk like that." She gave a crooked, yet sad smile.

"I'd rather not be compared to L, Matt. I'm nothing like him." Well, ALMOST nothing like him.

Matt then stood up and stared down at the young woman who looked up tiredly at him.

"You're leaving."

"Yeah, Mello's probably pissed as fuck that I ditched him. I'll keep in contact." She nodded numbly.

"Secretly." She added softly.

"Well, yeah. Mello still has a stick up his ass." It was an attempt to make her laugh again.

Needless to say, it worked. Peace giggled and stood herself up shakily to wrap her arms tightly around her friend. He placed his hand down on top of her head and ruffled her already messy hair.

"I- miss how it used to be." His eyes widened and then softened as he hugged her back.

"Me too, Peace. Me too."

--

Matt lit up his cigarette immediately upon stepping outside of the hotel, taking a long drag. He exhaled and a cloud of smoke rose up into the night sky.

Now that he had that off his chest, he had to figure out how he'd deal with Mello once he got back to the hideout.

He closed his eyes and took another drag on the cigarette, a drop of rain hitting his nose. He sighed as more raindrops followed, creating a downpour.

"Damn it. Does it have to rain NOW? I have to walk." It was soon after that he picked up the sound of footsteps in the forming puddles and he opened his eyes.

The footsteps stopped and the gamer looked over his shoulder, unsurprised to see the glaring figure of Mello. The blonde bit viciously down on his chocolate bar as Matt took yet another long drag on his cigarette before picking it from his lips and flicking it to the ground.

He then proceeded to use the heel of his foot to crush said cigarette before looking up at the raining sky.

"She's miserable." Mello growled.

"I could care less! You weren't supposed to see her!" Matt continued to look at the rain clouds in the sky, his arms crossed casually in front of his chest.

He continued ignoring Mello's anger. He was used to it after all. Matt wasn't afraid of Mello. He had no reason to be.

"If you had of seen her, Mel- you'd understand what I'm saying. She looks like she hasn't slept in weeks. Heh, you know, she kinda looks like L." Mello fell silent, his eyes wide.

L.

"She- looks like him?" Matt sighed and looked towards his best friend, lifting up his goggles to reveal his eyes.

"Yeah. She's a mess, but her personality hasn't changed at all." Mello looked down at his gloved hand, frowning slightly.

"Did she ask about me?"

"She was happy that you were at the concert. Happy that you heard the song she wrote for you. She thinks you hate her still." The blonde tensed slightly before gritting his teeth.

What a weight on his conscience. As much as he tried to make himself believe it, he knew he didn't hate her.

"We both know that's not true though, don't we?"

"Hmph."

"She's on a national tour, right now. Her next stop is Tokyo." Tokyo.

"Stupid girl! Does she WANT to die?! One slip up and-" He trailed off, his hands clenched tightly into fists which trembled due to the immense emotion he felt inside.

"- she'll die." Matt stared at Mello before pulling his goggles back down over his eyes.

"So, what are we gonna do about it?" Mello glared at Matt.

The blonde hesitated for a few minutes before he responded.

"Nothing. She made her decision. If she dies, it's because she fucked up. She should've took our side."

"You know, she said something else that's been bothering me." Mello looked back up to Matt, who was deep in thought.

Unusual in itself.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I thought you didn't care?" Mello again stiffened.

Damn. He was caught. Still, denial seemed to be the only option.

"I don't! She can go rot in hell! Just like Kira!" Matt stuck his hands lazily in his pockets and allowed his head to hang forwards.

His shaggy copper hair hung in his face and a bitter chuckle escaped him.

"Fine. She can rot in hell. Just like Kira."

--

Peace stood in the lobby of the hotel, eyes staring out at the soaking Matt and another man donning a hoodie. Some strands of blonde hair could be seen, but what convinced her most was the way he held himself as he thrust forwards, obviously shouting.

She didn't focus on the voices, the words, she just focused on the body language. Actions spoke louder than words after all.

She stared at the conversing men for a few minutes before she decided that it was indeed who she thought it was. It was soon after, she quietly stepped outside the hotel in nothing but a white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Her messy black hair spilled over her shoulders and her feet were bare.

She paid no heed to the pounding rain as she near silently stepped into the dim light of Los Angeles. Neither Matt nor the hooded man heard her, as they continued with their conversation. Or, argument, based on the voice level of the hooded man.

Peace fought back the tears threatening to come to her as her storm grey eyes continued to study the current scene. The people in front of her.

Perhaps a normal person would have spoken up by now, after standing perhaps just five minutes and watching this. Perhaps a normal person would have, but Peace was not normal. She wanted to be completely certain before she said anything to give away her position.

"_You spend a lot of your time just watching people, L."_

"_People are interesting. Annoying, but interesting."_

"_Is that why you don't talk to people?"_

"_I talk to you. I talk to Watari-"_

"_That's not what I meant." He chuckled._

"_You learn a lot about a person by analyzing their appearances and body language. After all, you can't just trust words."_

"_Oh. Wait, is that why you're always standing in the shadows, all mysterious?" He chuckled again._

"_It's easier to analyze a person when they don't know you're there."_

The coldness that was currently causing goose bumps to form on her bare arms didn't register as Peace took another step forwards, her left foot connecting with a puddle of water. It was quiet, so over the shouting it wasn't heard.

In all truth, Peace had more than just that reason alone to be hesitant. She wasn't certain how Mello would react to seeing her. Especially since he seemed to be in a bad mood. Maybe- maybe it would be best to go back inside.

But, wouldn't that prove that he was right? That she was a coward? Yet, that was something she already knew.

Damn it, Peace! You really are a coward. A pathetic idiotic coward who's too self-obsessed with her stupid music to care about the lives at risk because of a serial killer that had killed her very first friend. That had killed someone who was so much more than that to her.

Her eyes went moist as she whispered something under her breath. A light wind blew and her soaking wet tresses blew slightly, sticking to her ghostly pale face.

"I thought you didn't care?"

"I don't! She can go rot in hell! Just like Kira!"

"Fine. She can rot in hell. Just like Kira." Her body went stiff and a few tears managed to pass her eyes.

Those words registered with her ears and it hurt.

Was she- was she really as bad as Kira? Well, she wasn't doing anything to prevent his crimes. Maybe- yes, she WAS as bad as Kira.

Peace closed her eyes tightly and clenched her fists. Then, she burst forwards with all of her energy, her shoulder bumping up against a body. She was too upset to care who it was, though she had a feeling who already. All that mattered was getting away. She just needed to get away.

"Hey, you little bitch! Watch where you're going!" She didn't apologize, as she would have if she was in her right mind.

Mello's words just kept constantly ringing in her ears.

"_She can go rot in hell! Just like Kira!" _

--

Matt stared in the direction the girl had run, his eyes wide. Mello fumed and cursed, as he had been forcibly pushed over into a muddy puddle.

Once the gamer had come to his senses, he too took off after the young rockstar. After all, he knew she'd just get herself into trouble if she kept running as blindly as she was.

"Hey! Where the hell are you going?! We're not done here, Matt!" Matt was going to retort, bur he knew it would probably be best to focus only on the main task at hand.

Besides, knowing Mello's temper, he'd follow just to finish what he'd started.

"Damn it all to hell! Answer me!"

--

Peace leaned against a brick wall in a back alley, burning tears sliding down her face as she slid down to sit on the ground.

It had been awhile since she had ACTUALLY given in to the need to cry. Years, in fact. She hadn't cried anything, but a few stray tears since her thirteenth birthday. When L had died and when Mello and Matt had left her behind.

"Am I, really that bad?" She stared up at the sky, blinking when the rain continued pouring down.

The tears then stopped flowing as she allowed her head to fall forwards, so that she was now staring at the asphalt she sat on.

A few weak chuckles escaped her.

"I've really gotten emotionally unstable, haven't I? But I guess compared to a serial killer is enough to make anyone snap. Would you snap, L? No, knowing you, you'd handle anything that was thrown at you. You always were so calm, even when you knew you were going to die. I could never be like that." She closed her eyes.

"I suppose that's why I never wanted to become your successor. No one will take your place. Not Mello, not Near and ESPECIALLY not me. I never understood why you showed such an interest in me. At least, not until I read the letter you left for me. And those test results. I guess it all makes sense." Silence followed, only her quiet breathing could be heard until she chuckled again.

"I wonder, can you even hear me? Wherever you are? Mello once told me there's a heaven. I've never quite believed in it. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. I guess that's something I should've asked you when you were still alive." Rain continued to pour and Peace looked back up at the sky, wishing she could see the stars.

"I hate the city. There's too many lights and it blocks out the view." Peace blinked and then closed her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to get to her feet.

Her hair hung in her face and she frowned. She turned her attention to the wet purple scrunchie around her left wrist, which she used to tie her hair back out of her face.

"I guess when I get on the plane tomorrow I'll see the stars better." A slight chill ran through her spine and she smiled sadly.

"I promise to be careful. I know the risks. Although, I probably SHOULD have thought through running away with hardly any knowledge of the city. After all, I'm not an American girl, am I?" There was suddenly a click of a gun being cocked and the feeling of a strong arm wrapping around her waist.

Her body instinctively stiffened and a laugh was heard.

"What's a pretty girl like you doin' out this late?" Peace bit down on her cheek and closed her eyes tightly.

Really. If she had of been as calm and collected as L, she wouldn't be in this mess. And it wasn't like she could blame anyone, but herself for being in this situation.

She then opened her eyes and kept a stoic expression.

If overreacting to her inner emotions got her into this mess, perhaps remaining calm and thinking things through would get her out of it? It's what she could picture L doing. Not that he'd ever be in this position in the first place, but that's what imagination was for, right?

"I thought it would be obvious. I was trying to be alone."

"Don't cha know it's not safe to be out alone?"

"You don't know me. I've been in worse situations." Not exactly true, but perhaps bluffing would give this guy an idea of who he was messing with?

At least the darkness and the lack of makeup allowed the idiot to be unable to recognize exactly WHO she was. He then might kidnap her and use her for ransom, if not something much worse.

A rockstar probably could go for a pretty penny.

--

Matt skidded to a halt and cursed.

"Where'd she go?"

"Damn it! You're chasing after the bitch who knocked me over?!" Mello exclaimed, glaring.

Matt sighed and ran his fingers through his sopping wet hair.

"That 'bitch' who knocked you over was Peace." Mello's expression immediately changed from rage to- was that concern?

What a time for him to NOT be in denial.

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?!"

"There wasn't any time. She's faster than she looks. Besides, you said so yourself, she deserves to rot in hell because she's just as bad as Kira." Mello tensed and looked away, guiltily.

"Of course, I know you didn't mean that. I'm sure she knows that too. It was probably a spur of the moment thing."

"Stupid girl. She completely let her emotions get in the way of logic!"

"So, are we finding her or not?" Matt questioned, looking towards the blonde.

Mello kept his gaze off to the side, thoughts running through his mind like clockwork.

Damn, he hated this feeling. Guilt. He knew he had every right to feel it too. He let his pride get in the way. Again. After all, if he lost to Matt, how would he win against Near?

He let out a sigh.

"Looks like we don't have much of a choice. We're gonna have to split up. Take left and check the alleys. It's probably where she'd go, thinking she'd be alone." Matt smirked and shook his head.

"Not in Los Angeles. So, you're taking right?"

"Shut up and get going!" Matt nodded and took left, continuing to smirk as he did so.

Seemed like Mello was finally coming to his senses.


	7. Ressurection

**Here's yet another chapter! I'm really working my butt off trying to get somewhere...**

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It was interesting and fun. Alot of inner thoughts on Peace's part.**

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 6

Peace felt the muzzle of the gun press further into her spine as the "kidnapper", at least that's what she assumed he was, tightened his grip around her wrist.

"Brave words for a little girl."

"Perhaps you should learn not to judge someone based on appearance alone? It will be your eventual downfall." He chuckled.

"You keep forgettin' whose got the gun."

"No, it's quite evident to me that YOU have the gun. I'm simply unafraid of being shot. I know I can handle you."

"Can you now?" Peace smirked.

Well, perhaps she should begin backing up her words?

"Of course." No sooner did the words leave her mouth than did she reach and tightly grasp the hand that held the gun.

--

BANG!!!

Mello's heart skipped several beats when he heard the gunshot. He grit his teeth and picked up speed, one hand reaching up and wrapping around the rosary around his neck.

He prayed to God that gunshot wasn't for who he thought it was for.

The blonde detective slipped in a puddle and slid forwards, skidding towards the alley that the shot had come from. His blue eyes peered down into it and, considering it was much darker than on the sidewalks where streetlights happened to be, it took a few minutes for them to adjust. However, he could clearly make out two figures.

One was on the ground and the other was standing up. A gun was in its hands.

Immediately, he pulled one of his own guns and pointed it towards the figure with just one hand. The other still held the rosary around his neck.

"Drop the fucking gun!" He felt little relief when whoever it was listened.

"Good. Step forwards!" No response this time and Mello glowered.

"I said 'step forwards'!" The figure hesitated and then did as told.

Mello's eyes immediately flashed with relief when a very pale, small young woman came into view. Her head was held up high, but fear was obvious in her deep grey orbs.

"Peace."

"Mello." He blinked, not used to hearing such a different tone coming from her.

What was that? Fear? No. Anger? No. Perhaps it was a combination of both. Well, it wasn't exactly like he could BLAME her. One, he had compared her to Kira. Two, he was holding a gun to her face.

He lowered the gun and returned it to its place. He also released his hold on his rosary, now reaching for a bar of chocolate. He brought it to his lips and bit down.

It came apart with a 'snap'. Peace kept eye contact, obviously waiting for something more to be said.

"You shouldn't run off like that in the middle of the city. Especially NOT down dark alleys. Are you an idiot or something?"

"Quite the contrary. I figured that if I was going to be compared to the serial killer that killed my closest friend, I might as well run off and see where I'd end up." He flinched and soon found the brick wall interesting.

Peace continued, motioning with her thumb to the guy on the ground.

"He came up from behind me as soon as I regained my senses and calmed down. It wasn't so bad, I suppose, but I'd rather it not happen again. It was a waste of energy." What was with this sudden personality?

He didn't recall her being like this four years ago.

Peace stared for a few moments longer before cracking a tiny smile.

"If it weren't for my martial arts skills, I'd be somebody's fuck-buddy right now. Well, probably." That caused him to turn so that their eyes met once again.

He rose an eyebrow.

"Did you just say 'fuck-buddy'?" Peace rubbed the back of her neck, a slight blush in her cheeks.

"Well, I am around men almost twenty four hours a day. I've learned a lot of new words." The blush soon faded and she closed her eyes.

"Did you- mean what you said? Am I really as bad as Kira?" He lowered his eyes and gave a tiny smirk.

"I'm sorry?" Her eyes snapped open at the 'apology' and she stared at him for a minute before grinning and hugging him tightly.

Mello fell backwards into another puddle, but didn't push her off. There was no point in it. He'd obviously missed her. He knew it the entire time, but was just too stubborn to admit it.

Peace buried her face into his leather vest, using what little strength she currently had to hug him as tightly as she could.

"I'm sorry too." He rolled his eyes.

"You're still a big baby. Apologizing for things you can't help." Peace stood up and offered him her hand.

He ignored it and got up himself, biting back down on his chocolate.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it this time, Peace. I'm sorry." He ground it out, praying that Matt wasn't anywhere nearby to hear him actually sounding like he meant it.

Of course, every time he apologized to her, he meant it. It just never sounded like that. This time would be the only exception. After all, even Mello had to admit to himself that he'd been an idiot to hold a grudge for so long.

Peace blinked and then smiled again, but it was a very weary smile.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I've already forgiven you. I'll always forgive you, no matter what you do." Mello kept his gaze fixed on her.

She sounded tired. She looked it too. Almost like she could pass out at any minute.

"You really are an idiot. Why'd you follow Matt?"

"It was merely a hunch. I figured that you would show up. I simply wanted to see you again, if not speak to you." His eyes softened at her words, but only for a brief moment.

She was still as loyal as he remembered. He figured that would never change. She'd always be loyal.

Mello then remembered that it was still raining. He grunted.

"Come on. You're gonna get pneumonia or something if you stay out here." Peace said nothing.

The rain didn't bother and neither did the cold. She'd spent many of her spare hours just standing out in it, after all. To Peace, the rain symbolized the emotions she felt deep within herself that she wouldn't openly admit.

"Hey! Did you hear me?!" She looked towards him, blinking back sleep and trying to ignore the fact that everything was blurry.

"Mello." Her voice was much softer than it had been.

He kept his hard gaze on her.

"What?"

"I'm on no one's side. To me, it- doesn't matter who ends it. Who gets Kira first. I just want him gone." He continued to stare, his gaze again softening.

Peace looked at him, her grey eyes moist with the sting of tears begging to come out. She wouldn't allow it.

No more crying, Peace. It's time to get strong. Use these emotions for new songs. Not for tears. Tears are useless after all. They only show weakness.

"But- I'm always here. Always. Whether it's for Near or for you, I'll do what I can to help without getting too involved in this Kira business." Mello's eyes narrowed slightly upon the mention of his rival.

"_I'm always here. Always."_

Those words, though- he knew that they'd echo in his mind for a long time to come.

"Tch, whatever. Now, c'mon." He roughly grasped her small wrist and began to lead the way back to the hotel.

Peace felt something warm flicker within her chest as she smiled and followed as eagerly as her tired body followed.

It was just like when they were kids. He lead and she followed. She figured then, that it was always going to be like that. After all, she wasn't going to complain about it. Mello was a good leader. Whenever his temper was in check.

Peace was just like Matt in the sense that she preferred to be a follower. She took orders, she didn't give them. If she tried, she probably would be good at it, considering-

Her wet bangs fell into her face as she continued to stumble after her friend. As she continued to stumble after one of the two people who she truly looked up to. The first, was of course, L.

L was calm. L was collected. L was a genius. L was her first and closest friend, despite how little time they had actually spent together. L's intent was shown through his words and through his eyes. His actions, not so much. He was extremely awkward when he was alive and knew little about how to show his feelings.

Why did she look up to Mello when he was nothing like the great detective? He was emotional, yes, but he cared deep down inside. Peace saw that through his eyes and the few actions he made to support it. She looked up to Mello for this and also for his extreme leadership skills.

L was a leader too, but he didn't allow his emotions get in the way. Mello, not so much.

Peace saw herself as a mixture of both of her friends. She knew that there were times, as she used to be often compared, that she was calm and collected much like the great detective before his passing. There were other times, much like tonight, that her negative emotions clouded her logical side and she acted on mere impulse. That was when she was like Mello.

There were many times Peace had analyzed her own weaknesses and her strengths. There were many times that she questioned WHY she didn't just go along with Mello like she had so many times before. In the end, the conclusion was always the same.

She was afraid.

She had already lost one person she looked up to and LOVED with all of her physical and emotional being. She didn't want to lose another and she especially didn't want to be there if it happened.

At least, that's what apart of her wanted. Her childish side. The side she tended to listen to more so than her logical side. After L's death, she didn't want to be labelled as a child 'genius' any longer. It was part of why she left Wammy's apart from said loneliness as she had explained to Near those years ago.

It was a very difficult decision for her to make. After all, the childish side of her had ACTUALLY wanted to stay behind and help Near capture Kira instead to go and pursue her own goals. The answer was simple.

She had seen a lot of L in Near.

But, her logical side had won that important battle. If she had of joined Near when Mello had wanted her to be on HIS side, there would have been little chance of reconciliation. Besides, it would have been like she was attempting to replace L with the white haired young man.

No one could take L's place. Not Mello, not Near.

That fact alone made her try to make her own life on her own. It had worked.

She had made a name for herself in less than two years as she had run into Serenity in the first few days after running from Wammy's. About a year later, they had met Jacob and started the band. A few months after that, they had gotten a company to produce their music and had sold several million albums by the end of the second year.

She had a lot on her plate, being what some would call a rockstar, but always had the time to think back to how things USED to be. It was her childish side that had taken over once she had left. There was little reason to be logical anymore, after all.

There were, of course, some times when it would shine through and she'd push the little child's voice off to a corner of her brain somewhere, but it never lasted very long. Usually a few minutes or so later, the child in her would take over again.

She didn't like it. There had always been some sort of inner battle with herself since November fifth of her thirteenth birthday.

She had assumed that it was both her sides merely coping with the trauma in their own way. The logical side, accepting that L was dead and that she was almost completely alone, while the childish side merely attempted to ignore it and focus more on her career.

She had even grown to have a habit of talking to L as if he was still there. It gave her a sense of security. It made her feel better, though she still wasn't quite certain if it was her logical OR her childish side that had caused this new- habit to arise.

Despite feeling better, she also felt somewhat insane. Surely if L was watching her now, he'd think the same thing? Yet, he was always someone no one could truly understand.

Besides, everyone had their own way of thinking things through. Her habit of talking to him despite his lack of presence and- life, was hers. It helped her come to a conclusion. That's what mattered. Wasn't it?

The seventeen year old then blinked and returned to her senses. Mello was still leading her, his face turned towards the direction he was more or less dragging her, but that wasn't what she was focusing on.

Peace was currently focusing on the fact that soon they'd be separated again. Well, Matt said he'd keep in contact, but since this whole Kira situation was seemingly getting worse, she couldn't actually rely on his promise. Besides, chances were, Mello wouldn't let him even after he'd obviously forgiven her for a grudge of four years.

He'd probably try and protect her as best as he could by staying away. He didn't seem happy about the knowledge of her going to Tokyo, judging on the words he'd growled at Matt earlier.

She furrowed her brow.

That meant that his involvement in the case was already known by Kira, then, didn't it? Kira tended to kill whoever got in his way, as well as criminals. It's why L died.

Her eyes flashed.

Because of her closeness to L before his death, if Kira happened to discover it, it might be used to his advantage. Or, their advantage as there seemed to be more than one based on what little information L had given her before his murder.

So, she had to be extremely careful. Just because she wasn't delving and attempting to stop the murders of criminals, didn't mean she would get out. If Kira happened to discover how she knew L or Mello or Near, not only would her life be in danger, but they would be too.

She knew many things about them that they refused to tell anyone else. Like their names. She had Mello's name and he had hers. She also had Near's name, and Matt's. In fact, the only name she wasn't openly told was L's. Not until she read the letter he'd written her.

Still, even that information could help Kira in some way. Especially if he got his hands on those test results-

"You found her, eh?" Mello stopped and released her wrist, staring off to the side as he replied to Matt.

"Yeah. Some moron tried to take advantage of her."

"He didn't succeed. Guns don't scare me." Matt chuckled.

"Thought as much. You know how to defend yourself." Mello grunted and turned his attention directly to Matt.

"We gotta get back."

"Oh, right. I guess this is it then, eh?" Matt asked Peace.

She lowered her head slightly.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. There was no excuse for my actions." Mello rolled his eyes.

"Stop apologizing, you big baby. You're forgiven. Just don't do it again." She nodded and then looked up at the sky as the heavily rain lessened to a light drizzle.

It would stop raining soon.

She spoke softly.

"We might never see each other again, will we?" Despite being posed in question format, both young men knew it wasn't a question.

Peace was merely stating the obvious, yet the way she spoke was somewhat unnerving.

Mello was silent as Matt was the one who replied.

"It's a possibility." She smiled and closed her eyes, her face still posed towards the sky.

"So it is." Peace lowered her head and allowed her eyes to run over them for a long minute before looking to the doors of the hotel.

"I guess this is goodbye, then." Her back was to them, her eyes slightly foggy.

"Yeah, it's goodbye." Matt looked to Mello who suddenly seemed to be deep in thought.

"Whatever." The blonde finally murmured.

Peace lowered her head again, bangs obscuring her vision before she took one step forwards.

"Goodbye can have one of two meanings." She stated calmly.

Both men looked towards her, rather confused.

She continued.

"One: you will not see another person for a long period of time, which is to be expected in this case. Or two: we will never see each other again. Either is an option in this specific situation, is it not?" Mello's eyes widened as a small smile reached her lips.

Her eyes were still hidden by messy, wet bangs, but that crooked smirk of a smile said it all. Even before she spoke to voice it.

"I know that your methods differ drastically from Near's. Dangerously so. It's part of the reason you didn't wish to see me, am I wrong?" Silence followed and Mello turned around, his back now facing hers.

"Our meeting never happened, then." He grumbled.

"It seems my hunch was correct then. Yes, this meeting never happened. Until another time, hmm? Whether it be in this world or the next." Matt's eyes widened as she then entered the hotel without so much as looking back.

He turned his attention to Mello.

"What-?"

"S'nothing. C'mon. We need to get back." Matt nodded and then followed after the blonde.

Neither noticed Peace watching them leave, the tiny crooked smirk still on her visage. Her bangs covered the left of her grey eyes, giving her a more dishevelled look. She didn't care.

Watching her friends walk away to risk their lives to put Kira away. Of course, Mello's goals weren't only to do exactly that, but it didn't matter. The point was, Mello, Matt, and Near were risking their lives to do something L could not.

In her mind, she had come to a final decision. After everything that had been said and everything that had been done, it was now certain that there was no other way.

It was time that she stepped up and did what she should have done long ago.

--

A dice was held in his pale fingers as he studied the skyscraper in front of him.

Well, more like a scaled down skyscraper made of many more die, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was where should he put this one?

With his other hand, the white clad young man twirled a lock of his snow colored hair. After just a few mere seconds, he had made a decision.

The dice was placed on the top. The skyscraper did not fall.

"Near."

"Yes, Gevvani?"

"There's a message for you." A message?

How unexpected.

"I see. From whom?"

"Maybe I should just print it?"

"Yes, please do." Obviously he didn't know what to make of it himself.

In a few short moments, the piece of crisp paper was placed into the young detective's awaiting hand. His greyish eyes scanned the black font and a tiny, rare half-smile made its way to his face.

**Near.**

**I'm sure you're surprised to hear from me after so long. In truth, I'm surprised I went through the trouble of searching for you and typing up this letter. Alas, that's another matter.**

**The true matter at hand is quite obvious. Kira.**

**I said once that I did not want to get involved, but I was but a mere child then. My mind has been swayed by facts and facts alone. My emotions have nothing to do with my decision.**

**Attached to the bottom of this letter is a DNA test that I received many years ago. I find it important that you have it so that you understand one of the main reasons my mind has changed. My only request is that you destroy it soon after. No one, but myself and those I closely trust are to know of these results.**

**I'm glad you understand.**

**- L**

"L." He murmured.

"It's too much of a personal letter to you to be just a hoax. It can't be Light Yagami either. Even he's not capable of getting the information of our whereabouts. And- the real L is dead." Near's eyes scanned the attached DNA test and his smile widened ever-so-slightly.

"Correct and incorrect, Gevvani."

"What do you mean?" Near placed another dice on his skyscraper.

It still remained standing.

"I'm sure it will become clear in due time. Now, if you excuse me, this letter needs to be destroyed." Near reached over and grasped a nearby box of matches.

He struck one and watched it for a short moment before holding it to the corner of the crisp paper. The paper caught fire almost instantly and the final words to be burnt were forever in his brain.


	8. I Love You

**I've been working extremely hard to get this chapter out!**

**The flashbacks were EXTREMELY difficult for me to do...but I loved how they turned out! My favorite is the first one.**

**You get to see a little more of Peace's inner conflicts, so that's a good thing. I think.**

**Oh! I almost forgot! I've got a poll out for choosing out her name! It's on my profile page!**

**There's several choices and the meanings and origins of the names are given as well. I'd like all my readers to vote because I just can't decide. It took me about an hour to come up with all these names and another hour to figure out I couldn't decide on just one.**

**Please Vote and Please Review!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 7

Twelve Years Ago - Wammy's/L's Room

The little girl watched him curiously, silently. Her grey eyes were studious as she was attempting to figure out what he was doing up so late in the evening.

Well, it was actually one o'clock in the morning, but the time didn't matter. It was dark out, so in the eyes of the child, it was night time.

"You should be in bed, Peace." His soft voice spoke.

She tilted her head, staring silently for just a moment longer before stepping closer and reaching up. Her small hand grasped his white shirt and she tugged gently.

"I always have a hard time sleeping at night." His eyes flickered to meet hers.

Blue-grey stared into storm grey until he finally sighed and lifted her up onto his lap as he adjusted his unusual position to suit them both. She smiled brightly and snuggled up close to the seventeen year old L. He smiled slightly and placed one hand on her head, ruffling her already messy hair.

"It seems we share that in common, then." She blinked and then looked thoughtful.

"Is it a disorder, L?"

"Hm?"

"Why can't we sleep?" He glanced at her and sighed again.

"You and I are very much alike, Peace. I assume our insomnia is for the same reasons as well." She tilted her head, wide eyes peering up at her friend filled with admiration and curiosity.

"Oh. What type of reasons?" He looked to the computer and continued to work.

"People like us tend to have a lot on our minds."

"People like us?" She looked down, eyes foggy.

"Our intellectual ability? Is that what makes you say it as if we're different than other people?" For a five year old, she certainly had an understanding for words.

Then again, she did spend much of her time reading a dictionary to better her vocabulary.

L smirked and ruffled her hair again with his large hand.

"It's indeed what makes us different, Peace." He paused.

"Would you care to answer a question for me?"

"What type of question, L?" It had to be something personal, something only she could answer.

L knew so much more than she did for it to be anything else.

"Personal, of course."

"I'll answer as best as I can, then." His eyes kept to the computer in front of him.

"If given the choice, would you care to follow in my footsteps?" She stared up at him, unblinking.

His gaze flickered back to meet hers.

"Follow in your footsteps? Become a detective like you?"

"Exactly." Again, she had a thoughtful foggy look to her eyes.

"I don't know, L. I suppose it's a possibility one day, but-"

"But?"

"I'm five." He blinked and then chuckled.

"Indeed you are. That is a very good point to pose. You have plenty of time to make a decision with what to do with your life. However, if you had to choose now, at this very moment, what would your answer be?" Peace stared at L for a few moments before she looked off to the side.

"It's a difficult decision. I want to be a musician, but that's something that can be done later on down the road. However- I can never see myself as a detective." He kept his hand firmly on her head and his stoic face returned.

"Why is that?"

"It- scares me. If you make one mistake, your identity is free and your life is endangered. Not only that, but people's very lives are in your hands. I don't think I could do it." He then cracked a tiny smile.

"That's not the entire reason, though, is it, Peace? For you being afraid?" Her eyes closed and he sighed.

"I understand. It's not your life that you worry about. It's being secluded and cut off from the world." He looked to her.

"We may be very similar, Peace, but we are very different as well. It's why you pursue a career where you can show your face, make friends-" He trailed off and continued to stare at her with his wide blue-grey eyes.

Like it was an attempt to stare into her very soul.

Most young children, and even most adult would feel uncomfortable with this type of attention. Not Peace.

To her, it was simply L being himself. Everyone should be themselves. She embraced his oddities. After all, she knew that she had a couple weird quirks of her own.

Like the way she always seemed to take a trance-like state when she was deep in thought. Her eyes would ALWAYS get foggy, almost as if she were dead. She wouldn't respond to anything, unless she pulled herself out of her thoughts.

Then, there was the way that the only thing she'd ever drink was some sort of citrus juice. She preferred grapefruit, but would drink anything that contained lemon, lime, orange, etc. Her need for citrus juice was like that of L's need for sweets and cakes.

L brushed a stray piece of her hair behind her ear and continued.

"- you are the type of person who needs someone to relay your thoughts to at all times. You talk aloud, getting your thoughts across to the person nearest to you. You need friends. You're deeply afraid of being alone." Her eyes widened, but no words of denial passed her lips.

There was no point in denying, after all. L knew someone's deepest thoughts and feelings by just looking at them. Almost as if he was telepathic. Their body language and eyes would always give it away before they even spoke.

Peace stared at L for a few more moments before she gripped his shirt tighter.

That had been the first time she had said them. The four little words that she had never spoken to anyone before.

"I love you, L." His eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat.

That had been the first, but not the last time she had said them. That had been the first, but not last time he had heard them.

Presently - Somewhere Over the Atlantic

Her eyes were foggy as she stared out the round window of the jet, her expression indicating that she was not really there. Both Jacob and Serenity could see that.

"Hey. Lily. Lily?"

"Leave her alone, Serenity. You know how she gets."

"But-"

"I know. I want to know too, but we're not going to get answers if she's like this." Serenity frowned, concern flashing through his purple contacts, and Jacob sighed before hugging the younger man to his side.

"Besides, she said she'd explain when we land."

"_Jacob, Serenity, get up. We're leaving early."_

"_Wha'-?"_

"_I'll explain when we land in Tokyo. Just get up and get dressed. Don't even worry about belongings. We'll get more when we arrive."_

Serenity rested his head on Jacob's shoulder and sighed.

"She was in such a hurry she wouldn't even let us get our things!"

"Stop pouting. We've got more than enough money for that sort of thing when we land."

"I know, but still-!" Jacob smiled slightly and shook his head at his boyfriend's childish behavior, hugging him a little tighter.

"Get over it, Serenity. Complaining about it won't change anything. Whatever it is that made her want to get to Tokyo a day earlier- it must be something important." Brown eyes rested on the youngest of the three band mates who suddenly twitched and pulled her gaze from the window.

"How long has it been, Serenity?" The twenty year old blinked as Peace's storm grey eyes prodded him with her stare.

Almost as if she were peering into his soul.

"What do you mean?" Her eyes kept to him for a long minute before flickering to Jacob.

"How long has it been since someone tried to stand up for those who can no longer speak for themselves? How long has it been since someone tried to stand up for the people who have had their lives unjustly taken from them by this vigilante serial killer? Their lives taken from them by Kira." The men didn't respond.

Peace continued.

"Do you know why I say 'people' instead of 'criminals'? Kira targets those who have been accused of crimes, even if they've been proven innocent by the court of law. In other words, anyone who can be doubted dies. Anyone who gets in the way of Kira's plan for the "perfect world" dies. Even those with the right intentions." She paused and blinked, looking back towards the window.

"Did you know that almost half of "criminals" in prison are actually innocent? Mistakes with forensics and evidence are made all the time. That means that Kira, though he has the right intentions, is actually killing tens of innocent people every day." Serenity inhaled sharply as it dawned on him WHY she was talking about such things.

Her head jerked and she locked eyes with him. A tiny smile made its way to her face.

"I see you understand what I'm getting at now, don't you, Serenity?" Jacob furrowed his brow in confusion and interrupted before the redhead could respond.

"Mind explaining to me what this has to do with us?" Serenity looked towards Jacob and then towards Peace.

She looked down and, twirled a crimson highlight with her index finger before she spoke again.

"You can explain if you want to, Serenity. I can wait to continue when you're done." Serenity nodded and looked back to Jacob.

"Lily wants to go after Kira and for us to help." Jacob's breathing stopped and his heart rate picked up speed.

"Go after- Kira? Are you insane?! We'll get killed! As you said, he kills anyone who gets in his way! What gives you the idea it'll be different for us?!"

"I do see why you're concerned. Let me explain." She stared at Jacob and continued twirling her dyed-red lock of hair.

She looked back to the window.

"Whether you agree to help me or not, I plan to follow through with this. It would simply be an added bonus if you agree. You both are rather intelligent, after all and would be of great use to me. No, that's not the right way to put it- it would be a great use to the WORLD if you agree to assist me in the capture of this serial murderer."

"Lily! WHY is this coming up NOW?! Explain THAT!"

"Jacob!"

"It's alright, Serenity. I will continue explaining. I've told you before that my name is not 'Lily Loliet', correct?" She asked.

"Yeah. So?"

"There is a reason I'm going about using an alias, Jacob. Based on what I know about Kira, it's safe to say that he cannot harm us unless he has our face and our name." Serenity blinked.

"In other words, if he doesn't know what we look like, we can't be killed?" Peace nodded.

Jacob looked thoughtful.

"So, Serenity's safe then. He always wear's those contacts of his. And I DOUBT anyone would believe that his name is actually 'Serenity'. But, what about me? Jacob's pretty believable for a name."

"Again, it's simple. My current alias is Lily Loliet, but back at the orphanage where I spent the vast majority of my life, I went by something different."

"Again, what does this have to do with me?" Peace sighed and shook her head.

"Listen to what I'm SAYING, Jacob. You'll be safe as long as no one calls you by both your first and LAST name. You can still go by Jacob and be SAFE! However, I wouldn't recommend it. It might be best if you come up with something more suited for our destination." She eyed his unusual head of grey hair.

"And maybe wear a wig or something. If any mistakes are made-"

"Hey! I haven't agreed to this yet! Besides, I'm just a drummer and Serenity's just a guitarist! You're a fucking GENIUS! I doubt we'll be that much of a use to you! We'll probably only slow you down!" Her eyes closed and her smile faded.

"Why is it you want to risk your life anyway?! If I'm going to agree to help you, I want to know that at least!"

"I- agree with Jacob on that." Peace opened her eyes half-way, revealing that they were slightly foggy.

She reached over and grabbed a bottle of what seemed to be mixed citrus juice of some sort and popped off the lid, taking a sip.

"Alright then. I'll tell you WHY I'm risking my life to get involved in something that doesn't seem to really involve me. I mean, I have no criminal record, right? I've got a huge career in the music industry with two of my closest friends- why would I want to lose everything by getting involved?" She took another sip of her juice.

Her eyes went back to the window. Jacob and Serenity watched her curiously, awaiting what her answer would be.

"I was abandoned just mere minutes after being born. I never knew my parents. From the very start, I was alone. The first three years I spent in an orphanage where no one cared about me. The nurses gave me some affection, lest I turn to the wall and DIE, but they didn't love me. A few days after my third birthday, I was transferred to another orphanage. There, I met him." The men's interest grew when she said that.

When they saw the brief tears glittering in her stormy irises.

"Him? Is this some sort of love story?" Jacob asked.

Serenity shot him a glare.

"Let her finish, Jacob." Peace laughed bitterly and looked up.

"I suppose you could call it that, but not in the romantic sense. By saying "him", I'm referring to someone I desperately care about. Or, cared about, considering the circumstances." She looked back to the window, staring at the white clouds outside the plane.

"The circumstances? Kira?" She nodded.

"Who is 'him'?"

"The first person I can gladly say that I loved. No, that's not the right word. You can still love someone after such a horrible thing occurs. It's just- different." She smiled a sad smile.

"You know, the first time I said the words "I love you" were when I was five years old. To him. I think that was the first time he heard them too. I mean, you don't get a lot of affection when you're an orphan. Especially one like me. He was abandoned too, but I think it hurt him more than it hurt me. I guess I got it better than him in the end."

"So, who exactly is this guy?" She blinked and looked back to her band mates, who were staring at her with rather wide eyes.

Her smile became slightly more cheerful as she dug down into a small bag at her feet, pulling a small, slim, crimson photo album from it.

"Four years ago, he sent an order to destroy all records of his existence. Photographs and everything. This is the only one he let remain because he trusted me with his life. There weren't many people he trusted and I'll forever be glad that I was one of them."

"Get to the point, Lily!" Her eyes became foggy once again and the tiny smile remained.

"The man I'm talking about, was one of the people who worked endless hours attempting to put a stop to this madness. Attempting to put a stop to Kira." Jacob's eyes widened.

"Then the reason why-?"

"Four years ago, on November fifth, he was killed by the serial killer he had vowed to stop." Serenity shot up.

"So, you're doing this for him, then?" He asked.

Peace shook her head.

"Perhaps it's part of it. Before his death, he had asked me to take his place if something like this were to happen. I refused. Another one of my closest friends also asked me to help him put a stop to Kira. I refused."

"So, why is it that you're changing your mind now?" Peace blinked and then bit down on her bottom lip in thought.

"That's a difficult question for me to answer. I suppose it'd be easier to just tell the entire truth, but then I would be possibly endangering your lives. I'll just say that I realized that it wasn't THIS I was scared of. My life isn't much compared to those who have been prematurely murdered by this "Kira", I know that. What I was afraid of was having to do this on my own, like HE did." Serenity and Jacob stared for a few moments before the twenty year old leaned forwards and grabbed her small hand in his.

"I'm not so sure about Jacob, Lily, but I'm going to help you. Not sure exactly HOW much of a help I'll be-" He let out a surprised sound as her arms wrapped tightly around his torso.

Serenity glanced down and watched as she buried her face deep within his chest and shortly after, his snaked his own arms around her. Then, he glanced to Jacob who looked extremely conflicted.

"Jacob. We promised we'd never leave."

"_Promise me something." _

"_O- okay. What?"_

"_I- want you to promise to never leave me. To always be there." _

"_I'm not going ANYWHERE, Lily! I promise."_

"_If that's all that's been bothering you, it was pointless. But, I promise too." _

His brown eyes widened at his boyfriend's soft words and hesitated just a minute longer before he moved himself over to be beside the youngest member.

Then, he wrapped his arms around her as well.

"Count me in. A promise is a promise." Peace smiled and shifted his arms so that they were now around the grey haired young man.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"I- love you guys." Serenity and Jacob held her a little tighter, soon feeling her small body begin to tremble as she fought back tears.

Four Years Ago - Somewhere in the streets of London

Her storm colored irises were foggy and filled with tears as she sat in a back alley, staring up at the raining night sky.

L and Mello had been plaguing her thoughts for the last twenty-four hours since she had left Wammy's. Since she had been left alone. Since L had died. Since Mello had called her a coward and left her behind with Matt apologizing for him.

She had just been sitting there, staring at the sky, mumbling to herself. It was the only way for her to comprehend what had just happened.

A silver guitar case sat beside her, as well as her small backpack.

"Why? Why am I always left alone? L, can you answer that? You always answer the questions I ask. Can you answer that one?" As much as she wanted to, Peace would not allow herself to cry.

She would not become anymore of a baby. She would not prove Mello right. Not this time. This time, she needed to prove herself right. Live for herself. Mello had abandoned her. She had betrayed him, in a sense, but he had still abandoned her.

"Why is beating Near so much more important to him than me? Why doesn't he understand? Matt understands. You understand. Why doesn't Mello understand?" She bowed her head, allowing her messy black bangs to fall into her pale face.

Her grey eyes rested on her backpack and she blinked, reaching forwards and opening it before reaching inside. Her slender fingers wrapped themselves around a small photo album and a she bit down on her lip. Blood trickled down her chin, landing on the asphalt beneath her as she stared at the red album in her hands.

She flipped it open, knowing that the photos would be protected from the rain by the protective covering over them. Her eyes now rested on the photograph in front of her.

L was holding her three year old self as she slept peacefully against him. He looked somewhat confused at what to do, but he had a hand awkwardly on top of her head. She had fistfuls of his shirt in her fingers, uncaring of the cruel world around her.

Her eyes flickered to the photo beside it.

Her six year old self hugging an eight year old Mello as tightly as she could. He was glaring at her, blushing out of embarrassment. Matt was on the bed, playing his gameboy, a smirk playing across his lips. It wasn't aware, but she knew he was secretly laughing at the situation. It wasn't aware, but HE saw more than he let on.

She still didn't allow the tears to fall.

"Why doesn't Mello understand, L? I love Mello too."

Presently - Still Somewhere over the Atlantic

Her eyes were screwed tightly shut as she held onto Serenity and Jacob as securely as she could without suffocating them.

"_I- love you guys."_

"_I love you, L."_

"_Why doesn't Mello understand? I love Mello too."_


	9. Similarities

**Look, I know it's been awhile...sorry, but my mind's on a slump for all this.**

**I have an idea about how Lily/Peace is going to meet the Task Force (Light), but I wouldn't mind some input from my reviews:)**

**Oh, and I need more votes for her name~! I need them~! The poll is on my profile page! Please, vote! Vote! Vote! I can't decide on one, so I need you guys to do it for me~!**

**Please Review**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Matt stared at the computer screen, his cigarette limply hanging from his lips in shock.

His eyes scanned over the screen, rereading the words over an over again.

This- didn't make any sense. Why would she do this?

"Mello?"

"What?!" Matt looked up from the computer screen, locking his eyes with Mello's own blue ones.

"You should see this." Mello rolled his eyes, grumbled under his breath, and came up behind his friend.

"What?" Matt pointed to the screen.

Mello looked towards it and his eyes soon widened.

"What the fuck is this?!"

**Peace's Keepers National Tour Cancelled For Reasons Unknown**

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Not one week after we see her- she cancels the tour she was talking about." Matt murmured.

"It can't be good. She seemed to actually look forward to this tour."

"Damn it! Why the fuck would she do this?! It doesn't make any sense!" Mello growled under his breath.

"Mello, calm down. There might be a reason for this. I mean, she wasn't exactly in the best of health when we saw her. Right?" Mello furrowed his eyebrows.

Peace. This didn't sound like her at all! That's what pissed him off the most! Even if she was sick, she wouldn't cancel any sort of promise. These tours, concerts, were like promises.

"Fuck." It didn't make any sense.

Why?

And then, it hit him like a sack of bricks.

"_Goodbye can have one of two meanings." She stated calmly._

"_One: you will not see another person for a long period of time, which is to be expected in this case. Or two: we will never see each other again. Either is an option in this specific situation, is it not?" Mello's eyes widened as a small smile reached her lips._

"_I know that your methods differ drastically from Near's. Dangerously so. It's part of the reason you didn't wish to see me, am I wrong?" _

"_Our meeting never happened, then."_

"_It seems my hunch was correct then. Yes, this meeting never happened. Until another time, hmm? Whether it be in this world or the next."_

That voice she had spoken. It was so eerily familiar. So eerily like L's.

L's.

L's voice.

Peace's voice.

L's voice.

Their voice.

It all made sense now.

_Her eyes were still hidden by messy, wet bangs, but that crooked smirk of a smile said it all._

_In truth, Mello hadn't really heard what she had said. Not much of it, anyway. He was too busy comparing. Comparing Peace to L. Comparing his idol to the small, innocent girl in front of him._

_The same pale complexion. The same messy hair, if a little more black. The same eyes. Everything about her was the same._

_Especially the way she spoke and the way she seemed to stare directly into your soul._

_Those eyes and that voice._

_L lived on, not in Near or himself, but in this innocent girl. He wondered why he hadn't seen it until now. _

_He should have forced her to come with him that day, four years ago. It probably would have saved a lot of damn time. And certainly a lot of emotional pain._

"_I know that your methods differ drastically from Near's. Dangerously so. It's part of the reason you didn't wish to see me, am I wrong?" His eyes widened slightly at this._

_Always able to read him. Just like L had been._

_Yet another damn thing that they had in common._

_When Peace needed to be, she certainly could pull it out of her ass. He'd always known that. He'd always known that she was better than him. He just never held it against her because- he liked her too much to hate her._

"_Our meeting never happened, then." Why did it seem like there was something on her mind?_

_She sounded much like she had four years ago, during that week before L died. Depressed, yet somehow not. The damn goofy smirk was on her face, like it had been then too._

_Why?_

_He wished, like he had many times before, that he was just like L. Then he'd be able to read her fucking mind. Then he'd be able to know that much more about her._

_Compared to what she knew about him, he knew shit about her. Nothing._

"_It seems my hunch was correct then. Yes, this meeting never happened. Until another time, hmm? Whether it be in this world or the next."_

Yes, everything made sense now. Everything was pieced together.

There was only one word to describe it all, though.

"Fuck!"

--

Her eyes were downcast, staring blankly at the slab of granite that bore just a single word.

_Ryuuzaki_

Her messy black ponytail blew gracefully around her pale face, which bore no emotion apart from the dull pain that swirled in her storm cloud orbs. There were distinct dark smudges under those eyes, deeply indicating that she hadn't slept in at least thirty six hours.

Behind her, stood both Jacob and Serenity. Both men wore expressions of pity.

They had seen the girl they knew only as Lily down before, but nothing like this. Obviously, this Kira thing was desperately important to her. They had made the right decision in agreeing.

The three band members stood in the cemetery, all now focused on the stone. Both men garbed in dull grey, black, and white clothing while the young woman donned a bright red leather jacket. She stood out.

Her hands were stuffed deep into the pockets, formed into tight fists as she continued to stare at the rock. Peace subconsciously reached forwards and brushed her fingers along the engraved name of a man she loved dearly, her face remaining the same.

It was then that it must have dawned on her, the true reality of her situation. Yes, she knew what she was getting into when she had contacted Near, but coming to Japan and seeing- seeing the grave of L made her come to terms with exactly how serious the situation was.

He gave his life to stop this Kira vigilante and by doing so, gave all of those to follow his path the necessary equipment to continue on his legacy. All those who had decided to take on the case had everything they needed to end it all. The results of their efforts, however, depended on how they used that equipment.

Peace knew that if she were to make one wrong move, she would end up dead. There was a chance that could happen to her friends as well. She didn't want to put Serenity and Jacob in danger, but she knew that she would be useless without them.

She wasn't L after all. She refused to pull away from society as he had. It was why she became both the lead guitarist and singer for the band. It's why she STARTED the bad in the first place.

People needed to remember her.

"It's sad." Jacob and Serenity stared at the young woman, bewildered that she had finally spoken.

The wind whipped her hair and jacket, and black skirt around her.

"Huh?"

"They only put his alias on this stupid rock. No 'Rest in Peace'. No 'Here Lies Justice'. Just 'Ryuuzaki'. Then- they left him. They forgot all about him. Almost as if all his efforts didn't matter. As if- he never existed at all." Jacob stepped forward, his grey hair swirling around his face in the cool wind as he placed his strong hand on her shoulder.

"Lily-" She closed her eyes tightly.

"It's an orphan's worse nightmare to be forgotten. He might not have said it, or admitted it, but I knew him better than anyone. When I looked into his eyes and told him exactly how much I cared about him all those times- when I told him that I loved him, I saw something only few people could see in a lifetime. I saw relief, happiness- affection. Though he never said it, I know that he loved me too." Flashes of the past crossed her memory banks and Peace smiled softly.

"You say that you loved each other, but- how? You were thirteen when he died." Serenity asked quietly.

Jacob nodded, also wanting answers to the question.

Peace opened her eyes and stared at the tombstone again. It was a few minutes of standing in silence before she responded.

"I loved him like family. I mean, that's all we really were. Upon being admitted to Wammy's House, I'd never really experienced love before. I'd never really experienced friendship, either. But, keep in mind, I was only three when we met. Three, but I knew kindness when I saw it. I was not a naïve child."

"Lily-"

"I love him still, you know. Just because his body is beneath our feet does not mean the affection will die with him. Even though they forgot about him, I know at least two people who won't. One of which is myself and the other-" The men stared at her curiously as she lowered her head.

"The other?"

"There are very few people I'll admit to caring deeply about enough to say 'love'. You two are some of them. The other is the man beneath us at this moment. Still, there is one more person I care about enough to go as far as to say that I 'love' them. Just one other." Peace picked her head up and stared at the cloudy sky.

"I've loved him for as long as I've known him, maybe in a different way than I care about this man here. Maybe. It's safe to say someone like ME hasn't had romantic feelings for someone before. I don't know a lot about it." Her breathing hitched in her throat.

"I need to be alone now. Please return to the hotel." Serenity started forwards, but Jacob reached out and stopped him by grabbing his forearm.

"Just- be back before nightfall, Lil." She didn't respond, but the two men knew they had been heard.

Serenity and Jacob left the cemetery to return to the hotel. They left and Peace was all alone with the body of a dead man trapped underground.

She, however, didn't mind. In fact, it was exactly what she needed to think things through more thoroughly. To think over her motives for finally relenting and following in this man's footsteps. To think over her motives for coming to his grave, only to feel such negativity towards those who had put him here in the first place.

Yes. For the first time in her life, Peace truly resented someone. Hated someone.

Kira and that damned Task Force that L had tried so hard to protect.

She knelt down, one knee on the ground and dug deep into her jacket. Her hand wrapped around a long rabbit ear and she pulled it out gently, just to stare at it for several long moments before tugging it to her chest. She held it tightly, securely, as if it was everything she had.

Peace held that stuffed animal and said nothing to the stone in front of her. At another time, she probably would have, but not now. Now, she just wanted to reminisce the good memories. The I love you's she had said, but he had never had the chance to return.

Her grey eyes filled up with tears and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, drawing some blood which now dribbled down her chin and onto the ground at her feet.

She could only imagine how he had felt. The pain he had suffered through. Then, it just had to end like this. Where he was stuck underground- alone.

Peace reluctantly loosened her grip on the rabbit and reached forwards, placing it down in front of the tombstone.

It was then that she spoke using her soft, gentle voice that also was on the brink of breaking down again.

"I'm leaving my rabbit here. To keep you company when I can't come." She paused, taking a quivery breath before speaking again.

"I promise- I'll put a stop to this. I may require some help, but, it'll be done and I'll be a part of it. When I capture Kira, you can rest in peace at long last." She smiled bitterly.

"Don't think I don't know you're roaming around this plane, still. It never was like you to drop a case this important, I doubt it's changed now." Peace bowed her head.

"I remember that the last thing I told you before you died was that I loved you, that hasn't changed. I'm glad that I understand WHY I care about you so much, now, though. Why I think about you the way I do. I'm glad you understand it too. Though you may not have said it in so many words, I could see it in your eyes that- you loved me too. Just in the right way." Her eyes closed tightly shut and she clenched her fists together.

"I- just wish you weren't ripped away from me like that! Because of Kira, I lost the only person I knew loved me! Because of Kira, Mello left and I was alone! So alone. I love Serenity and Jacob, don't get me wrong, but not in the same way I love you. Not in the same way I love you and not in the same way I love Mello." She was truly pouring out her heart.

She was pouring out all the feelings she had kept mostly to herself. Peace wasn't one to complain, but she had held it all in for way too long.

Perhaps she wouldn't get a response. Perhaps she wouldn't get comforting words, but in all truth, L was all she had at the moment. He may not have been amongst the living, but he was all she had since Mello was still back in Los Angeles, probably never going to contact her ever again. Even Matt wouldn't come to her again, now.

The wind continued blowing and once she had done her venting, the seventeen year old girl felt extremely ashamed of herself.

"I- I'm going to have to pull myself together if I'm going to do this right. If I'm going to put an end to the singular person who's taking all these lives, criminal and innocent. If I'm going to protect your memory." She stood up and stared down at the one-worded tombstone once again.

"If I'm going to protect those I care about. Matt and Mello- they're up to something dangerous and I've got a feeling we'll be seeing each other sooner than later. That suspect you kept talking about in those files you sent to my laptop all those years ago, without my knowing. I suppose I better start with him. It may be dangerous, but I'll be okay." She smiled softly, eyes sparkling with amusement.

There was this feeling now. This feeling she usually didn't feel unless she was playing her music.

Was this how L felt when he started a new case? Excited? Energized? Needed? All these feelings mixed into one. Peace felt as if she was going up on stage to sing and play her heart out.

"Yes, I've made the right decision." Her eyes then narrowed and she tugged her jacket closed before stuffing her hands into her pockets.

"Light Yagami. Kira. You should have learned the first time. L never loses."


	10. Invinsible

**Forgive me!**

**I know it's been way too long since I've updated, but writer's block is trying to kill my muse!**

**Anyway, I think I've got a hold on it now, hopefully and Bob is locked away where he cannot reach Toree....do not insult my need to name my writer's block or my muse. Really. I already know I need a life.**

**Back on topic, I'll try to update more often now that I've got it. **

**Featured songs: **_Before the Lobotomy - Green Day _**(although I only used the gentle part of it ^_^)**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9**

Light Yagami chuckled to himself as he wrote down yet another name into the Death Note. Ryuk hovered over his shoulder, also chuckling.

Misa Amane sat on the bed behind her beloved Kira, swinging her legs.

"What's so funny, Light?" The vigilante glanced over his shoulder, but his hand kept writing.

"The crime-rate has gone down, but they just don't learn." He chuckled again and Ryuk cackled a little louder.

"So you're just gonna keep showin' them, huh?"

"With L gone, there isn't anyone really standing in my way. Other than Near, but he's clueless. I've got this all planned out." With one final flourish of his pen, the young man stood and ripped out the new page.

He then tucked the notebook safely back away and burned the ripped out page so that there would be no proof. He dumped the ashes out the window.

--

Swinging her legs casually, Peace spun around in her chair. Her ponytail came loose and several strands of her hair fell in her face, but she ignored it as she pressed an index finger to her lips in thought.

"It's glad to hear from you, Near." She said softly to the computer monitor.

"Likewise…L." A smile twitched at her lips.

"I'm liking the sound of that. News from Mello?"

"No. But we should expect something soon. Then we can put your plan in motion."

"Good." Her heart thudded against her ribcage as she glanced over her shoulder at Serenity and Jacob, garbed in black.

Both men wore sunglasses, hiding their eyes. Leather jackets with the letters "P" and "K" embroidered over their hearts in white gothic font.

"It seemed as if he was going to do something rash. Something no one would expect." Peace told the computer.

Near's expression in the video remained as stoic as always.

"I take it you have an idea?" A curt nod.

"Of course. If I know Mello, it would be something direct. Very direct." Taking a sip of grapefruit juice, she continued, spinning in the chair again.

"Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"I believe so."

"You can be direct. Or you can be very direct. Mello, is very direct. His target will be the notebook, surely. That means, we can expect he'll be taking severe measures to retrieve what he wants from the Japanese Task Force. Violence, if necessary. More than likely so." Serenity straightened significantly at this and Peace gave him a slight smile as Jacob placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax, Serenity. I can assure you that we'll all be safe. Isn't that right, Near?"

"Yes. You know Mello more than anyone, L. It's highly unlikely that you're incorrect in your prediction. Violence is a high probability. What type of violence do you think he will resort to?" The young woman tilted her head in thought and closed her eyes as she took another drink of her juice.

"That's something that can't be hypothesized at this moment, Near. You are in contact with Light Yagami, correct?"

"Correct."

"That's what I thought. I'm sure you're keeping my return a secret?" A smile twitched at Near's lips.

"Of course. How long do you plan on staying hidden?"

"When Mello makes his move, I will make my own move rather obvious as well. Someone needs to look after him, after all." Swinging her leg casually, Peace ran her fingers through her hair.

"Until then, I'll stay underground. But…expect something soon, however small it may be."

"Of course." Near would only take orders from Peace.

She always seemed to have more insight to a situation with her level-headedness. Though at times it didn't seem to be there, the girl knew more about how people's minds worked than most. Her intellectual ability rivalled the best as well as mirrored it at times.

"Then, until a later time. Contact me when you get more news, please."

"Need you even ask?" Peace smiled again, slightly.

"Of course not, but I'll ask anyway." She could of sworn she heard Near chuckle quietly as he cut the video feed.

Peace sat a few more moments in the chair before she finished off her juice and looked to her companions.

"It won't be long, now. Everything will come together and all you two need to do is keep close and listen to what I tell you." Jacob gave a curt nod.

"Alright. We got it. But…what do we now?"

"We can't just sit here. Can we?" Serenity added curiously.

Peace twirled some of her red highlights and released a small sigh.

"I understand that this is confusing for you, but for the time being, there is very little we can do. Mello is setting the pace. Near is confronting the suspect. I have set a plan that will go with what I've predicted will happen in the future since America's surrender and the attack on the SPK." Kira was no doubt behind that.

From the information given to her from the few moves he had made, she had been able to predict a possible pattern of events. Of course, it wasn't perfect, as it was only a prediction, but she assumed that it would be at least somewhat accurate.

"But…we should at least do something!" Serenity argued.

Peace sighed again and bowed her head in thought.

He was right, she figured. They couldn't remain in hiding forever. Perhaps she had a plan for once Mello showed himself, but she hadn't an idea as to when that would be. It might be as soon as she thought it would be, or it might even be months later.

Could she really wait that long? She knew that she'd need to confront the Japanese Task Force for closure. To get her answers.

She especially needed to confront Light Yagami.

L had been so certain that he was Kira. She had no doubt that he was right about that. L was L, after all. There were few times that he was wrong in his lifetime and Peace doubted this was one of those times.

Tapping her fingers on her desk, Peace looked up, a new light to her eyes as something came to mind.

"Well…there is something." She had known she would need to put this plan in action from the beginning.

Mello may have been setting the pace, but that didn't mean that she would sit off on the sidelines like she had in the past.

Spinning back around in her chair, Serenity and Jacob watched, the younger man soon beginning to feel a little dizzy.

"Something?" Jacob probed.

"Mmm…" Peace mumbled, giving a nod.

There was something that needed to be done either way and since they were all rather restless, now would be the best time to do it. Although, she had planned to wait a few more days, she doubted that would be for the best.

"…but you may not like it." She added softly, coming to a halt in her spinning and turning her head towards her companions.

Serenity looked to Jacob and the two men locked eyes before turning back to the young woman. Her eyes had taken the usual foggy look they had when she was deep in thought.

"What is it, Lily?"

"Just tell us and we'll do whatever you need us to do." They were definitely behind her one hundred percent by this point.

They knew how important capturing Kira was to her. Why it was so important to her and they were going to do everything in their power to help her. After all, they had made a promise.

Pulling out of her trance, Peace looked up towards her team mates. Her expression more serious than they had ever seen. Obviously, it would be something that would not and could not be taken lightly. She knew that. That expression told them that.

"It's dangerous and it involves direct contact with the suspect." She told them.

"But, it needs to be done. Whether it's now or a week from now makes little difference. Confrontation needs to be done." Confrontation…?

Serenity's eyes widened.

"Y- you don't mean…" Peace nodded and spun back around in her chair, pulling out her keyboard, her fingers began to rapidly move across the keys.

"I need to meet face-to-face with Light Yagami and Misa Amane. Whether it be as Lily Loliet, as L, or as another alias. It needs to be done and it will be done." She hoped she wouldn't regret this decision.

--

Why was it that he had agreed to this? Right…to keep Misa happy and out of his hair. Although, agreeing to go shopping with her wasn't the most important thing on his list, at least it would shut her up for a little while.

Releasing a sigh as he waited for the model, Light Yagami ran his fingers through his hair and took a glance around. He smiled inwardly at himself at the lack of crime.

It was all working. It had taken some time, but in the end, everything worked out how it was supposed to and no one was going to or could stop him. Not Near, not anyone. The only person who possibly could have stopped him was dead like a doornail and not coming back. All because Light was better.

No, Kira was better.

Sighing again and closing the honey brown eyes, Light shook his head.

How much longer would that girl take? And where the hell was Ryuk? Maybe he didn't enjoy the shinigami's company as much as he would like, but at least he wouldn't be bored…

And that was when he caught sight of a small, dark haired girl standing outside of the building window with an old acoustic guitar in hand that she was fingering the strings to.

Now, normally, he probably wouldn't have looked twice at someone like that. However, there was something about her that made him forget entirely about the model in the dressing room and step outside.

He noted that most people just passed her by, hardly sparing her a second glance, though she played the worn-looking instrument beautifully. Perhaps it was her appearance that drove them off.

Messy black hair tied back in a ponytail, but the bangs were hiding her eyes. Pale skin. Jeans with holes in the knees and a navy blue hoodie that looked a little too big.

It seemed to him that she hadn't slept in what appeared to be days. The dark smudges under her hidden eyes gave that away. Despite this, however, there was no money hat awaiting tips for her beautiful playing. As if money wasn't important. As if playing that instrument was all that mattered to her, whether she got paid for it or not.

And then, as he grew closer to her, he heard her voice.

_Dreaming_

_I am only dreaming_

_Of another place and time_

_Where my family's from_

_Singing_

_I can hear them singing_

_When the rain had washed away_

_All these scattered dreams_

Perhaps it was a little cliché, but she had a very beautiful voice that seemed to reached the soul. Her words seemed to be coming from the heart. Every single one of them.

As if she had suffered a great loss. Such words could even bring a god to tears. But…Light did not cry. He merely watched this girl silently as he stepped closer. By this point, he was only about two feet from her, a bill already in his hand for when she finished.

_Dying_

_Everyone's reminded_

_Hearts are washed in misery_

_Drenched in gasoline_

_Laughter_

_There is no more laughter_

_Songs of yesterday_

_Now live in the underground_

No more laughter. Now that he thought about it, when was the last time Light had heard a child laugh?

Since before Kira's reign…almost immediately, he pushed the thought to the back of his mind as the young woman finished up her song.

Blowing her hair from her eyes, she lifted her head and locked eyes with him as he handed her the bill. And that was when something changed. Instead of the small, worn looking woman in front of him, he saw _him_.

Him. L.

It was the eyes. Those soul-searching eyes. Though the shade of grey was different, they held the same look.

Closing his eyes and reopening them, he was back looking at the young woman who was peering up at him.

Studying her for a moment, he offered a small smile, though it was somewhat forced. What had just happened was unusual. And scary, though that was something Light would never willingly admit.

"Here. You deserve it. You play very well." She still peered up at him for another moment before offering her own smile.

He couldn't help, but notice that the smile looked so genuine on her face. She looked so innocent. Gentle, despite her worn appearance. Though the similarities between this woman and L were there, it was just a coincidence as she was much too different.

At least, that was what he managed to convince himself.

"No thank you." She told him softly, swinging her guitar carefully up onto her back and pushing away the offer.

He blinked in confusion.

She wasn't after the money he had offered. Well, he had suspected that much from the beginning, but still…most people took any money they were offered. It was part of being born evil. Was…that theory possibly wrong?

Of course not. Another offer would change that.

"I insist." Light told her, handing it towards her again.

She turned towards him again and offered another genuine, sweet smile before shaking her head.

"I don't need money. Really. Thank you, anyway." Pausing, she looked up at him.

"I'll be here again tomorrow though…if you would like to hear more." Then, she left, not even sparing him a second glance.

And that was when Light knew that he had a rare encounter with someone…different. Of course, L himself was unusual, but this young woman was someone he would remember as well.

Again, something else the two had in common.

Light made a mental note to come by here again tomorrow. Just so that he could find out more about her. To see what made her tick. Surely it wouldn't take much. People were easy to read as inside, they were all the same.

Some were just better actors than others.

"Light-kun~!" Inwardly, he cringed at the familiar voice; even before he looked over his shoulder and forced another smile.

Misa wrapped her arms tightly around his waist for a long minute before pulling away and pouting up at him.

"Why'd you run off?!"

"Misa, be quiet." He told her calmly and she obeyed, a look hurt coming to her eyes.

"Come on. Let's get back to the apartment…" He'd come back here tomorrow.

Without this blonde clinging to him.

--

The wind swirled the green grass delicately. Gently. Beautifully. Eloquently.

The storm cloud eyes watched it as she stood in the cemetery, thinking up every possible positive adjective or adverb that happened to come to mind.

Lovely. Pretty. Wonderful. Kind. Handsome. Terrific. Lively…

Then, she ran out. Nothing else positive came to mind. But, wasn't eleven words something positive to look upon?

It was two digits. Couldn't be divided evenly into a whole number. Beautiful in itself.

Eleven.

Peace closed her eyes.

Inept. Sickly. Horrible. Terrible. Evil. Sad. Miserable. Deathly. Damned. Corrupt. Angry. Dark. Despicable.

Her eyes opened, tears filling the brims.

She could have come up with more, if only she wasn't feeling so many of those things all at once. But, the number she had stopped at?

Thirteen.

Also two digits. Also couldn't be divided evenly. Considered an unlucky number in most parts of the world.

That included this one.

Perhaps it was childish to be going over such things in her mind, but was there really much else she could do? After seeing him…the one who had started this all, Peace couldn't come up with anything else to take her mind off of everything that was happening and that had happened. All she could do was stare at a slab of rock, go over words in her mind, and try to put it all to an end. All of which would be so much easier if she had someone by her side.

Serenity and Jacob didn't understand. They hadn't known L. They hadn't known him. Mello had known him. Matt had known him. Near had known him. But, out of everyone, she had known him the most.

Perhaps it was selfish to think of it like that, but that's how she truly felt. As if, out of everyone, she had known L the most. Like she knew Mello the most. And Near. And Matt. She knew them all better than anyone. However…

Her ponytail whipped around her face and grey eyes rested on the stoned.

…L had known her best. She had no doubt in her mind that he had foreseen this exact moment the time he last spoke to her. She had no doubt in her mind that he had foreseen the day she took up his name and began to follow in his footsteps. He had probably foreseen everything. Everything.

Clenching her fists, she lowered her head and her bangs covered her eyes. No tears touched her cheeks.

It would be an insult to him if she kept crying whenever she thought of it. It, being the end of everything as she had known it. It being the beginning of something she never thought would be.

"_There's one thing you should know about human beings, Peace." It was something said out of nowhere, which was to be expected._

_This was L after all._

_The seven year old girl peered up at him with stormy grey eyes for a long moment before she tilted her head curiously._

"_What's that, L?" It was her typical response to one of these random statements._

_After all, there wasn't much more to be said._

_He stared down at her for a moment before placing a hand on her head and giving one of those rare, awkward smiles._

"_They all have their weaknesses. No one is invincible. Not even me."_

Footsteps caused her to rouse from her memories and the seventeen year old straightened significantly. She then turned and her eyes rested on the surprised face of a young man. He was dressed casually. Dark hair and eyes. A gentle face, showing that he cared.

He stumbled a little and dropped something. Peace watched as it fell and her eyes flashed when she saw that it was a bag. A bag filled with candy.

It took a few moments for her to register this. What it meant. And that was when she gave a gentle smile, stepping forwards. Kneeling down, she picked up the bag before moving back to the grave and setting it down gently.

"…he said that sweets helped raise his mental capacity." She mused.

"He actually suffered from low glucose. The constant sugar intake was what kept him from passing out."

"H- how do you know that?" The young man stuttered and Peace gave a quiet laugh before looking back to him.

Then, turning, she began to walk towards him and gently placed her hand to his shoulder.

"…if I told you that, I'd have to kill you…" It was an empty threat, but judging by the way his skin paled, he seemed to believe her every word.

He swallowed nervously and Peace smiled, patting his shoulder before continuing on her way and as she walked, a gentle smile graced her lips.

No one was invincible…

That was one of the many things L had taught her. It was an important thing to remember that anyone could fall because there was always someone better. Of course, L hadn't exactly said that, but that was something obvious to Peace in itself.

Her feet kept moving as her mind brought something else to her sights that caused her breathing to hitch in her throat.

Near was Mello's better, in a sense. Would that mean that Mello would fall due to one of his own careless mistakes? If so…would Matt also fall because of it?

Now there was something else that would bother her.


	11. Last Day On Earth

**Ah, it's so nice for me to update this again.**

**I hope it's good enough. I'm having a little trouble lately...**

**Featured Song: **_Last Day on Earth - Green Day_

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 10

"God damn it!"

"She's hard to find…" Trying for hours and still nothing.

Mello ground his teeth in anguish before biting angrily into the dark chocolate, glaring up at the ceiling.

Days on end, in their spare time, Mello and Matt had been searching. Searching for any possible place Peace could be.

They had figured she would be easy to find, but it seemed that she had taken quite well to whatever camouflage she was hiding behind as hiding seemed to be one of her newfound talents.

"God damn girl…she has no _idea_ what she's getting herself into." Mello grumbled.

Matt glanced up at him and released a small sigh.

"She's not an idiot, Mello." He told his best friend.

"If there's anyone who can pull off catching Kira, it's Peace. You and I know that better than anyone." Mello's eyes flashed and he snapped Matt a glare.

"She's going to get herself killed!" He couldn't live with himself if she ended up dead.

Not after all that they'd been through. All that this strained friendship had survived.

"We can't keep looking if we're going to go through with the plan." Matt reminded.

Mello flinched almost unnoticeably, knowing that the gamer was completely right. In order to pull this off, they'd need to forget about Peace and get their head in the game. No, _he'd_ have to forget and get his head in the game. He was the one in charge.

"Hmph…" He hated the idea of dropping it, but Peace would have to wait.

--

_I text a postcard sent to you_

_Did it go through?_

_Sending all my love to you_

_You are the moonlight of my life every night_

_Giving all my love to you_

Again, here he was. Standing in front of that strangely captivating young singer, who fingered those guitar strings so beautifully.

Light hadn't much of a taste for music. He figured it was a useless skill to have. Besides, as God, he didn't really need it. However, he liked this music. Or maybe it was the girl who was playing it…at the moment, he wasn't entirely certain.

_My beating heart belongs to you_

_I walked for miles 'till I found you_

_I'm here to honor you_

_And if I lose everything in the fire_

_I'm sending all my love to you_

Her grey eyes never glanced down at her fingers as the tugged at the strings. It seemed that she had them completely memorized, which was unusual in itself. Not a mistake was made as she stared impassively through the young Yagami.

The gaze sent shivers down his spine, but he didn't dare look away. For, if he did, he couldn't help, but believe that something would happen that he wouldn't like.

_With every breath that I am worth_

_Here on Earth_

_I'm sending all my love to you_

_So if you dare to second guess_

_You can rest assured_

_That all my love's for you_

A gentle smile suddenly tugged at her lips, he noted, and her eyes closed. Her expression taking on somewhat a depressed look.

It seemed as though that the words she sung meant everything to her. Probably about a loved one. Well, that would be something that he'd ask. As a "concerned" human being. He could play that card well. His acting was beyond excellent. After all, he'd fooled L, hadn't he?

_My beating heart belongs to you_

_I walked for miles 'till I found you_

_I'm here to honor you_

_If I lose everything in the fire_

_I'm sending all my love to you_

Yes. It was definitely a loved one. Whether it be a dead boyfriend, or a family member, he didn't really care. Well, the majority of him didn't. A part of him actually felt sympathy for her, which was unusual. He hadn't really felt sympathy since before this had all started.

Since before he'd managed to beat L. Then he'd felt a pang of guilt he would never really admit to.

_My beating heart belongs to you_

_I walked for miles 'till I found you_

_I'm here to honor you_

_If I lose everything in the fire_

_Did I ever make it through?_

With the final verse hanging in the air, she allowed the guitar to hang on her back. Then, Light spoke.

"Was that about someone you know?" Her eyes lifted and locked back with his and, again, he suppressed a shiver.

He'd never expected to see such eyes again.

"It was." The young woman replied, another gentle smile.

A brief pause before she continued.

"I have to admit, I didn't think you'd come back." Light blinked and then smiled.

"I didn't want to pass up the chance to hear you sing again. You're very good." She laughed a little and stepped forwards.

She was short, he noted. Shorter than he'd originally thought. The top of her head came to just below his shoulder. That was shorter than Misa when she wasn't wearing heels.

"Yeah. I get that sometimes." Now it was time for the introductions.

Reaching his hand out, he waited for her to take it.

"I'm Light." He told her.

"Light Yagami." Her eyes darted up to him and then smiled before gently taking his hand.

He inwardly smirked as he felt the gentleness in her touch. Obviously, she wouldn't be much of a threat. In fact, if need be, he could probably even manipulate her to his will.

"Ren Hideki." Hideki?

That sounded familiar. However, he didn't think much of it and pushed it to the back of his mind.

"Normally, I wouldn't give my name away." She added with another bright smile that caught his attention.

"Because of Kira and all." She spoke it so casually.

As if she wasn't afraid. That only intrigued Light.

"Then why give it away?"

"Oh, that answer's simple." Ren replied, again smiling.

It looked as though that was all she ever did. Even when upset, she still smiled through it. He hadn't seen a girl like this before. Not even Misa…who was hyper, but not nearly as carefree as this girl.

"Is it?"

"Yep." Placing a hand on her hip, Ren continued.

"Trust. I trust you. Besides, I don't have a criminal record, nor do I plan to. I don't have much to worry about." Light blinked again and then smiled.

Trust…well, a lot of people trusted him. They were idiots too. This girl probably wouldn't be any different in that category.

"Would you like to go on a date?" He asked casually and that caused the young woman to look up curiously, her grey eyes giving away her surprise at the question.

"A…date?"

--

"A date?!" Serenity exclaimed, waving his arms frantically and overdramatically.

Jacob sighed and shook his head, obviously not liking the idea either. Peace merely nodded as she unwrapped a grape flavoured lollipop.

"And you agreed to it?" Jacob questioned before Serenity had a chance to shout again.

The younger male would probably die of an aortic aneurism if he kept it up and Jacob was trying to keep that from happening. Besides, he was getting a headache and he was certain that Peace was too. He'd at least spare them both that.

"Yes. I agreed to it." Peace replied quietly.

"What exactly are we getting from this?" Placing the lollipop in her mouth and shifting it a couple times, she sighed.

"I need to infiltrate the Japanese Task Force. Light Yagami is masquerading as L, which means I need to prove myself to him. Infiltrating the Task Force will give me the ability to get closer to them all. Get some information on Light. We suspect that he's Kira. We just need to be able to prove it." Serenity had words, but they died in his throat as she finished speaking.

"Lily, are you sure that this is safe?"

"Nothing's one hundred percent, Jacob. It's quite possible that I could lose my life."

"WHAT?!!" Serenity shouted.

Though he knew that it was true, that didn't stop him from being completely infuriated with the thought of losing one of his closest friends. Peace looked up at him, her storm colored eyes glimmering with slight fear at his tone and he clenched his fists tightly.

"Serenity…calm down." Jacob attempted to soothe, but the other wouldn't have it.

"No! Don't you get it?! She's risking everything! I know we agreed to help, but we're not going to assist you in a suicide mission!" Peace trembled and Jacob quickly stood in front of Serenity, roughly taking him by the shoulders.

"It's not a suicide mission, Serenity." He told him.

"Remember? As long as she doesn't give up her name and as long as the second Kira doesn't see her face, Lily isn't in any danger. Especially if she manages to get on Kira's good side." Still, that news didn't even settle well with the guitarist.

"And you're willing to risk that?!" He snapped.

"I don't know if you've realized it, Jacob, but you and Lily are the only things that keep me together! Either of you leave…and I'll fall apart…" Peace weakly stood and backed away from the men, her eyes glassy.

"Serenity…" Jacob pulled him into a tight hug, holding the back of his head securely.

"I know it's hard…" Peace finally spoke, removing the lollipop from her mouth.

Her eyes were still glazed in memory.

She understood how they felt. Right down to the last shred of pain. It was a struggle. It would be until it was all over.

"_Huh? Y- you're leaving already?" Her eyes were filled with tears and L sighed, gently brushing some of her hair from her face._

"_Peace, don't look at me like that. You understand my duties, do you not?" All work and no play._

_She lowered her head and nodded, her expression becoming blank._

_It always hurt when he had to leave. Mainly because she missed him and partially because Mello always was the most irritable in the days after. She hated both._

_Absolutely hated them._

"…but in order for this to all come to an end, I need to risk my life. Like the one before me." Peace finished softly.

Serenity looked towards her and caught the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

"Lily…"

"There's no other way!" She finally snapped.

"I need to! I need to do it! There will be worse things I'll need to do in the future and this is one of the first steps I need to take to prove to myself that I can do it!" Yes.

Prove to herself. Prove to herself that she could do it. Proving it to everyone else was just a side bonus, but proving it to herself was the real prize. Proving it to herself and putting an end to Kira's reign. That was the new everything to her. Music was a thing of the past.

Her small body trembled, only stiffening when she felt the pair of arms wrap around her in a comforting manner. Opening her eyes, they widened when she found herself staring up at Serenity. He had his face buried into her shoulder.

Never had either of her friends seen her like this before. It was proof to them that capturing Kira was near the top of her priority list. Before her very own life, even. Then again, why hadn't they known that before? The way she was putting everything she had into planning and predictions…doing all she could to protect everyone. Everyone but herself…

"Lily…I…just don't want you to kill yourself over this."

"I agree with Serenity. You can't be careless." Jacob added gently.

"The three of us are in this together. You're in charge, but that doesn't give you permission to go and get yourself killed."

"I don't plan on dying…" Peace finally spoke.

"Good. Because if you do, I'll bring you back, just so that I can kill you myself!" Her eyes widened.

That…sounded so much like something Mello would have said to her.

Peace smiled faintly.

"It'll work out in our favor. All you need to do…is believe in me." Yes.

That was all she would need to keep moving. They'd need to believe in her like she believed in them all.

Jacob. Serenity. Near. Matt. Mello.

Then, she could believe in herself and lay this all to rest. And maybe…she would even finally trust herself enough to convey those deep inner feelings.

Maybe.

--

"Ah, there you are. I was beginning to worry that you weren't going to show up." Light said with a charming smile and Peace smiled gently in return.

She brushed strands of her hair from her face and walked forwards, pausing to stand beside Light.

"I'm sorry that I was running late. My roommates kept me up last night." It wasn't necessarily a lie.

It was true that she had been up late, but not because of her "roommates"…well, not entirely anyway. But, at the moment, the reason why she was late didn't matter. All she needed to do was make sure to keep herself alive while trying to get as close as she could to Light without giving herself away.

Maybe it wasn't the best thing she could do, but for the moment, it was _all _she could do while she waited for Mello to make his own move. Certainly he wouldn't be much longer with doing something. It wasn't like him to wait.

Light continued to smile at the younger woman before glancing at his watch.

"Well, you're not that late." He replied.

"We can still call it a lunch-date."

"That's good. Again, I can't say enough how sorry I am, Light-kun."

"Don't worry about it, Ren-chan. You don't mind walking do you? We can take the time to better know each other." To better know each other.

She had no doubts that he'd probably bring up Kira if he was Kira himself. It made things on her part a little easier if that was the case.

Walking close beside Light, her fingers played nervously on the hem of her ruffled skirt. After a few more moments of silence, she pulled them up into the sleeves of her favorite red leather jacket. Light must have caught on to her obvious nervousness with the situation, because he spoke.

"You've never been on a date before, have you?" Being called out on it, Peace's fingers twitched involuntarily.

Turning her head, she smiled nervously.

"I haven't. Typically, men don't pay much attention to me." Now wasn't _that _true.

"Then they're all idiots." Her eyes snapped back to him, wide and surprised.

Light smiled in her direction before gently reaching for her hand. She allowed him to take it without hesitation. Despite the fact that he was a suspect, she had to admit that she somewhat enjoyed the attention. Although, that was probably her childish side kicking in.

"Whoever doesn't pay attention to you doesn't see who you really are. Maybe we've just met, but I already have a feeling that I see who you are and I want to know more about you." He certainly knew what she wanted to hear.

And he certainly knew how to say it in the right way. Peace hated the conflict within herself that she was feeling now, because part of her _liked _this. Part of her wanted to befriend him. Maybe it wasn't in her best interest to feel this way, but she was someone who was friends with _Mello_ after all. She wasn't exactly known for befriending the best people, or so Near would say.

Looking up at Light, her storm colored eyes shining with obvious joy.

"I…would like to learn more about you too, Light-kun." She admitted softly, stuffing her free hand into the pocket of her jacket.

"Well, there's not much to me." Light replied, still smiling.

"Besides, I'd rather know about you." About her…

No. She couldn't be an idiot. It was unacceptable. Especially not since L's legacy hung on her shoulders. Besides, she'd already planned to _not _die until she saw Mello and Matt again. At least that.

Peace tilted her head to give a slightly innocent look before releasing Light's hand and pulling ahead of him. Turning so that she was walking backwards and facing Light, Peace placed a finger to her chin in mock thought.

"That depends on what you'd like to know. Some information is not available to anyone, but my closest friends."

"And what would it take for me to fall under that category?"

"A lot of hard work." And Light smiled once again, rubbing the back of his neck.

This was going to be a little harder than he'd originally thought.

--

Another day. Another date with Light.

This time, however, it was Peace who was waiting for him. Their small lunch-dates had been continuing on for the past week and it was unnerving to her how easily he was worming himself in. Though there was no doubt in her mind that L was right, she _actually _didn't want Light to be Kira. She was beginning to like him, which was something she also didn't want.

But, proving Light to be Kira was still one of her priorities. No matter how much she didn't like the idea of Light being such a person, she knew that she couldn't just drop it. L had _died _over this and L had always been near the top of her list of priorities. Especially now that she was taking his place.

"_I don't mean to pry…" Light began._

_It was their second "date". Surprisingly, on their first, he hadn't asked her a thing about her opinion on Kira. However, it seemed that now would be his time._

_She tilted her head a little, giving off a more innocent, naïve look._

"_Yes, Light-kun? I'll let you know if I feel like telling you or not, depending on the question." She answered with a smile._

_Light glanced to her from the other side of the table and smiled himself. She found it strange how he could act so natural. She found it interesting how he was somehow getting closer to her without her even wanting him to be._

_Strange and interesting. In a bad way._

"_I've just been wondering what you're opinion is on this whole "Kira" situation." He replied._

"_You mentioned that you're not afraid of him, but how do you feel about him?"_

"_What makes you think that Kira is a "him", Light-kun?" Peace asked impulsively, quickly._

_Light blinked and then smiled, rubbing the back of his neck._

"_Well, I suppose it could be a woman. I guess I just immediately thought he was a man since the majority of serial killers turn out to be males in the first place." Peace frowned inwardly, but put a small smile back on her face._

_He knew how to cover up._

"_Ah…I guess you're right there." She murmured in response._

_He leaned in._

"_So…what's your take on him…or her?" She looked down, in mock thought._

_She had this answer prepared for this exact moment._

"_In the beginning, I'll admit, that I wasn't entirely sure. I know that killing is wrong, but I also know that Kira is doing something with his heart in the right place." A nod from Light told her to go on._

"_Despite this, however, I must say that I find myself leaning more to L than to Kira. I look up to L more." A flash in Light's eyes occurred when she said this, before he smiled._

"_Well, that's what I thought you'd say. But…may I ask why?" _

"_Of course, Light-kun." She continued._

"_L is true Justice. Hiding himself away like he does is his way of protecting himself, yes, I'm sure, but it's also his way of protecting society as we know it. The WORLD as we know it." She was making sure to emphasize her point as well as watch Light's reaction to her words._

_So far, he was just listening. However, she had gathered that he was an incredible actor. If he was surprised in the least, or angered, by her words, he would probably be able to hide it from prying eyes._

"_I believe fully that L is our Justice and Kira is simply a vigilante attempting to become a god. Power is an important thing to humanity. L has it…but he uses it only for the good of society. Kira kills people. Whether they happen to be criminals or not…surely some of them were innocent as innocent people are convicted by the judicial system every day…" The girl trailed off, knowing that she could probably continue with something completely unplanned in her rant._

_She didn't want that._

_Glancing to Light, their eyes locked and she watched as a light smile crossed his features. Although, it did look somewhat forced._

"_So…you're on L's side, huh?"_

"_Always and forever." The words had spilled from her mouth before she could stop them and Light looked at her curiously._

"_Always and forever? You sound like you're in love with him, Ren-chan." A slightly jealous tone to his voice._

_Peace assumed it was only acting._

_She smiled faintly before moving to cover up her mistake, scolding herself inwardly the entire time. She had been much to careless. Impulsive. It couldn't happen again._

"_Ah, not necessarily." She mused with a grin._

"_Then why say it like that?"_

"…_that's something that's classified, Light-kun."_

Checking her watch, Peace frowned a little.

He was running late, which was unusual in itself. Light had a habit of being on time, even early. Something was obviously wrong. Or right. It meant that maybe Mello had finally made his move.

No sooner had this thought crossed her mind, did Peace hear her cell phone begin to ring. Reaching into her jeans' pocket, she pulled out the red colored phone and flipped it open before holding it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Ren-chan? It's Light." It wasn't much of a surprise that he was calling, now that she had some sort of prediction as to what was happening.

"Light-kun…is something the matter?" There was this tone to his voice.

It made Peace feel sympathy. Something that probably wasn't entirely new to her. Something that was to be expected from her.

"No, nothing's the matter." He responded calmly, but the tone was still there.

"Don't lie, Light-kun. You sound like something's bothering you." She listened as her companion released a heavy sigh on the other line.

"You're also late. I haven't known you long, but you're not the type of person to be this late. Not without serious reason. Has something happened?" There was a long pregnant pause before between the two before Light responded again.

"You're pretty quick to pick up on people."

"Don't change the subject, Light-kun."

"Sorry, Ren-chan." Another pause.

"You're right. Something has happened. I can't really talk about it over the phone, but would you mind coming over to my apartment?" Amazing.

It seemed like now was her chance. Ren had certainly gained Light's trust in some manner. She hadn't expected this so soon.

"I wouldn't if I knew where it was."

"Right. I'll send someone to pick you up." No more words were exchanged as Light hung up the phone and Peace leaned up against the wall of the building, waiting patiently.

She wasn't one hundred percent certain as to what was going on, but she did suspect it had something to do with Mello. It must have been as Light seemed really troubled and there was no way he could hide that.

Closing her eyes, Peace allowed a small sigh to escape her.

It would only get harder now. Certainly it would and if Mello discovered exactly how deep she was getting herself into this…

"Don't think about that. Think about the real task at hand." Right.

Think about what the real L would do and follow a similar example. She would save more lives that way. In the end, that was more important than anything. Even more important than what Mello would think of her impulsiveness.


	12. True Feelings

**I apologize for the late update, but I did work really hard on it.**

**It's shorter than I would like it to be, but it's a great start, I think ^_^**

**Oh...and I bet some of you guys are wondering why Peace hasn't been recognized as her "rockstar" self yet. Well, the answer's simple. Peace's Keepers are a British band known only to some parts of the world. North and South America, Central America, and Europe. The Tour was supposed to be their debut in other countries as well. So, Japan doesn't know all that much about them yet. Although, I'm sure that someone will recognize her.......I didn't say that.**

**Please Review ^_^**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 11**

As soon as that girl got into the car, Matsuda felt his heart skip several beats as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles went completely white.

He recognized her immediately as the same girl he'd seen at L's grave. That scared the living daylights out of him to be completely honest. After all, she'd threatened him in such a tone that sounded like she'd follow through with it if she had to.

He didn't like the sound of that.

As the door closed and her seatbelt clicked, he watched as she glanced to him and he quickly looked away. His face was pale and sweaty and he could feel his heart pounding hard against his chest cavity. As if it would explode and burst at any given moment.

Frankly, Matsuda wanted to keep on living. For a long time, at that.

--

It was an awkward drive to Light's apartment from the moment Peace had buckled up her seatbelt. Of course, she already knew why. The young man beside her was as pale as a ghost. More than likely it was because he recognized her.

Inwardly, she smirked.

She could most certainly use this to her advantage. The more scared of her he was, the less likely he'd go and tell anyone about her obvious connection to L. That meant, though, that she'd need to make sure that he kept being afraid of her. She couldn't risk any news of her connection to the deceased detective getting to Light. It would ruin her entire plan, then L's death would be in vain and everything she'd been working so hard to finish would be worthless.

"There's no bugs in this vehicle…right?" She murmured quietly enough so that any microphones wouldn't pick up her voice, but loud enough so that her companion could hear her.

He jerked a little, swerving the car into oncoming traffic, but quickly regained himself and got back into the right lane.

Throughout this ordeal, though her heart was pounding like a horse, she kept a calm expression. Her eyes never wavered from his face and he paled again.

"Hehehe, of course not!"

"Good…" She trailed off and stared at him more intensely than before.

"Wh- why do you ask?"

"A friend of mine was killed four years ago. Anyone who gets in my way of avenging him will be killed, understood? So…if you tell Light-kun that you saw me at the real L's grave, I will not hesitate to get rid of you permanently." He laughed nervously and continued to avoid her gaze.

"Hehehe, what makes you think I'll tell anyone about you?!"

"Then we have an understanding…" Yes, now Peace had leverage.

Control.

Something she'd never really had before.

The times of being the follower were over. Now she was the followed. The one in charge. Though it was scary, it was fulfilling as well because she knew that she'd never be alone either way.

"S- so…you knew L…?" The sudden question surprised Peace and she narrowed her gaze slightly at her companion.

"What of it?" He laughed nervously again.

"I- I didn't mean anything by it! I swear, there's no bugs! I was just curious!" Again, she could tell that he was incredibly nervous.

It made her suspicious, but she highly doubted that there were bugs in the car. Someone this nervous would have looked in their general direction by this point. Body language was everything, which was something L had taught her.

"Yes. I knew him. We were very close in fact." She admitted softly.

"Which is all the more reason I need to be kept a secret." After that, nothing more was said and the awkwardness continued.

--

Peace had expected the Task Force to be distracted, so it wasn't overall surprising for her to see that they didn't really care about her presence as she stood off to the side and watched them all working.

She didn't know what was going on, but she could tell from Light's tone that it was very urgent. That alarmed her to Mello's safety for only a brief moment, which eventually reminded her that she could have gone to Near to gain this needed information as he probably already had the other's whereabouts. Mentally, she kicked herself, but her expression was that of desperate concern.

"L- Light-kun?" After about half an hour of standing, completely alone, just watching everyone, her presence was made known to her "friend".

Everyone else was still preoccupied with whatever was going on.

Light turned and his honey colored eyes rested on the small girl, flashing in remembrance. After a few moments, he turned and spoke quietly to his father before making his way over to the dark haired young woman.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and released a heavy sigh.

"Sorry about this, Ren-chan…" He apologized as he led her away from the room and up some stairs, his hand now holding hers.

"It's okay, Light-kun…, but will you tell me what's going on?" Peace noticed that his grip was gentle.

Much gentler than Mello's had ever been…

She lowered her gaze, which became foggy.

Mello…he hadn't been on her mind as much anymore since she'd been "seeing" Light. Quickly, he'd become second to her. It made her feel a little guilty, especially since that her feelings for Light were so positive. Still, she wouldn't admit that she loved the potential Kira. No. That much she would never actually admit to. In that way, Peace figured that made Mello still first in her heart.

She would admit to loving him.

Eventually, the two came to a room and Light opened up the door, leading Peace inside. Almost immediately, Peace could tell that this was more than likely Light's bedroom. Her eyes briefly scanned it and she noticed exactly how neat it was.

"Wh- why did you bring me up here, Light-kun?" Light turned back towards her, his eyes penetrating through hers.

Her heart pounded and she flushed a light shade of pink as he reached out, gently running his hand along her cheek.

"Remember when I asked what you thought about Kira?" He asked gently.

Peace stared up at him, her little heart pounding so much harder and faster than it had been just moments before.

What was he going to say? Do? She found herself anxious and unsure, which was scary.

She soon found herself nodding weakly, speechless as she waited for him to continue on with whatever he was going to say.

Light smiled, although she noticed that it was a little sad. Afraid even. Whatever was happening was getting to him. Mello's actions were getting to him.

What happened next, though, took the small girl by even more surprise. It was probably not a good thing.

Light spoke. Each word coming from his lips having been a word from her small speech on justice. On L. He repeated her, word for word. Generally, Peace was surprised that he'd remembered it all. However, she was even more surprised with the sincerity of the tone that he was using to speak with her.

Maybe it _was_ all an act, but Peace couldn't help finding herself completely entranced. After all, despite being the "replacement" for the true L, that didn't make her any less herself. Deep down, she knew that she was being stupid. Making a mistake. Her logical half told her this, but the childish half just wouldn't listen.

As he finished speaking, Light further used his intense gaze to stare into her eyes.

"Ren-chan…you also said that you'd be on L's side "always and forever"." Storm grey never left honey brown.

"I…I did." She whispered in quiet agreement.

"…what if I told you that I was L? Would you stand by your promise?" And her eyes widened.

L.

Her body was rigid, and her breathing was sharp and quick. Any normal person would have taken these signs as nothing more than complete shock. However, it was more than that.

Shock, yes, but not entirely.

Inside, Peace felt complete and utter fury. How DARE he?! How DARE he take L's name and rub it in her face?! He wasn't L! The real L was dead because Kira killed him and now he was using it for his own benefit?!

But…there was a small voice of reason behind his actions as well.

If the world had discovered L's death…there would have been a panic. In that sense…maybe Light wasn't doing this for himself.

"Ren-chan? I know it's a shock, but would you please answer me?" Light's voice brought her back from her fury and confliction.

Tears stung her eyes and she continued to stare up at him. After several moments, she looked away.

"L- Light-kun…you do understand that it's difficult for me to believe something like this so suddenly…" She said quietly.

"Of course. Although, there really isn't much of a way for me to prove I'm telling the truth." He told her in return.

Peace looked back towards him, her eyes focusing on the young man. She was struck speechless once again. She was unsure of what to say. What to do. It terrified her.

Light stared at her and placed his hand against her cheek once again. His thumb trailed her skin and she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth coming from his touch. Enjoying the fact that someone wanted to touch her, whether if it was a suspect or not.

Hell, Mello wouldn't do this…

"You're just going to have to trust me." Trust.

Trust him? How…could she do that? She was, more or less, the new L…she wasn't supposed to trust anyone she hadn't known before, never mind a probable serial killer.

However…it was damn near impossible. Light had, more or less, caught Peace in his trap. She trusted him. She trusted him with her life…almost. That was a huge mistake on her part, she recognized that, but really…can you control how you feel? Mello and Near would argue that yes, yes you could, but Peace knew better.

She couldn't control her feelings and she couldn't control her feelings towards Light Yagami and the fact that they were so positive. She had tried, but she had failed.

"I…trust you, Light-kun…" Her voice trembled and Light stared into her eyes for a long minute before pulling her into his chest for a hug.

The smaller girl's eyes went wide as she felt her ear listening to the gentle beating of his heart. Then, she felt the warmth of the arms around her. Warmth…

Mello hadn't ever hugged her back…

"Thank you, Ren-chan. Believe me, you won't regret it."

"I know…Light-kun…" The words had escaped her before she could even attempt to stop them.

That made her mad at herself. However, she knew that if she continued to play this right…

Maybe she didn't want Light to be Kira. Maybe she could, perhaps, love him as she loved Mello if she further lowered her guard. Maybes, all maybes. Peace knew, though, that she would have to finish L's goal for him either way this went. Against her heart she'd have to fight. To either prove L right or prove L wrong.

Light kept his face in her hair, his arms around her much smaller form. Misa wasn't going to be home for another hour or so. That meant he had time. Time to further weave himself into her heart. Already, he knew, it was working.

She was taking less time to think before answering his questions. In fact, she was mostly answering on impulse. Telling the truth to him about everything. It made him smirk sinisterly, but for some reason, also made his heart swell.

This confused him.

Was…Ren Hideki weaving herself into his heart as well?

The thought in itself was slightly terrifying as he wasn't entirely sure how to react. Really, since their meeting, what told him that he needed her? Could use her for his own benefit? He wasn't entirely sure and that was probably what bothered him the most. He was just drawn to her…as Misa was drawn to him, he supposed.

Light closed his eyes and inwardly growled at himself in complete annoyance.

Forget about that. There's more important things to worry about. Dealing with that moronic Mello that had kidnapped Sayu. Hell, that was at the top of the list and Ren-chan didn't even know about it yet.

He pulled away, hands placed firmly on her small shoulders as he stared deeply into her storm colored eyes. She stared back. That deep, soul-searching stare that L always had. It took all of Light's willpower to not look away as he told her almost everything.

He told her about Sayu, Mello, Near. He told her what they knew about the current situation. And…he told her about the Death Note.

He watched her as she took all of this in, her small body trembling a little more at such the thought of something so…inanimate being able to kill so many people. Then, Light watched as she lowered her head and clenched her fists. As her breathing became a little more rapid, showing her anger. However, he also watched as she unclenched her fists and looked up at him with such a determined face.

He hadn't told her that he was, more or less, Kira. He hadn't told her that he was the "God of the New World". He knew she was too dedicated to L to believe that for a minute he would kill anyone. Hence, she would more than likely catch onto that one little lie.

From what he had seen, Ren Hideki was far from stupid. Perhaps gentle and somewhat shy, but not stupid. He knew that any mistake on his part may be the end of him. Hence, he kept his mouth shut about anything that only _he_ knew, despite wanting to tell her absolutely everything. That, in itself, was a strange thing for Light Yagami.

He never wanted to tell anyone anything unless it would deeply benefit himself in one way or another. This "want" wasn't going to benefit him at all.

Peace stared up at Light, her determined expression remaining as her eyes hardened a little.

Mello kidnapped Sayu Yagami. Surely, she had expected something along these lines, that was more than certain. She also had to admit that he'd used the situation to his advantage. Judging by Light's concern with this entire…drama, she doubted that if he truly was Kira that he would kill his own sister. There was just something about his body language and tone that made her truly believe that.

"Light-kun…" Her voice was a little hoarse as she spoke, but it was firm and strong all the same.

Their eyes locked again. Honey brown and stormy grey. They both tried to read into the other's mind as they stared and as she pondered over what to say next. It was but a minute later that something came to mind.

"I understand that this is difficult to take in, Ren-chan, but I truly think that you will be of a great help." Peace lowered her head slightly, strands of her highlighted bangs falling into her pale visage.

"…no, Light-kun. It's not difficult at all for me to take it all in. I'm rather adaptable." She admitted softly.

"I…don't doubt for a minute that you are telling me the truth. I believe every word of it." Though, that was because she knew most of that information anyway.

Peace gently lifted her head and their eyes locked again.

"I want to be able to help in whatever way I can. I'm prepared to give my life to help you get Sayu-chan back unharmed." Already, everything had clicked into place as a new plan formed in her mind like a map.

A light flashed in her eyes and Light blinked, rather surprised by her willingness. Then again, she had said that she was completely devoted to L.

He smiled slightly and took her face in his left hand.

"Thank you, Ren-chan." He whispered.

Then, he leaned forwards. It was sudden. An impulse. Neither of the two expected such a thing to happen. However, it did all the same.

Their lips met and her eyes went wide at the contact. It was extremely surprising on her part as she had never expected such an action on either part. Yet…she did not pull herself away as she had originally thought she would. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

As if her body had a mind of it's own - which was probably the case - Peace leaned in herself and Light snaked his arms around her small waist.

She wasn't entirely sure what to think about it. She wasn't sure if this was…love or lust she was now feeling. However, Peace knew it was something. It was something and she was enjoying that something.

It made her feel special.

It made her feel wanted.

It made her feel loved.

Even if none of those was what she should have been feeling, that was indeed what she was feeling.

She hadn't felt like this since before the death of L.

He thought she was special.

He made her feel wanted.

He loved her.

Maybe not in the same ways she felt for Mello or Light - at this given moment - but that was how L had made her feel and Peace compared this moment now to then.

However wrong it was, that was the truth.

Peace had now fully come to the conclusion that what she was feeling with Light was indeed similar to what she felt with Mello. If it wasn't the same, that is.

It was quite possible that she was falling in love all over again. Whether she wanted to or not.


	13. Unworthy Screw Up You Are Not L

**Ugh...I'm not terribly pleased with how this turned out, but it was the best I was able to manage. I had planned to put more action into this chapter and I know that it's mainly negative thoughts.**

**Apologies for it not being better, but Please REview anyway.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 12

After that, Peace wasn't quite able to look Light in the eyes. She felt rather ashamed of herself, though, her body language could easily come across as embarrassed. After all, she felt both, considering that the kiss she just shared with the probable Kira was her first.

She shuffled her feet nervously and rubbed at her arms and Light stared down at her, his arms now at his sides.

"Ren-chan…?"

"I- I've…never been kissed before…" She whispered, a light blush creeping into her pale cheeks as she kept her face turned away.

Damn it, this was not supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to feel this way. Yet…she did and there was nothing she could do about it. There was no way she could change how she felt which was possibly her greatest weakness.

Peace tended to always see the good in people that wasn't supposed to be there.

Light blinked and then offered her a gentle smile.

"Well, once we rescue my sister…if you'd like, I could kiss you again." Her eyes lifted, shining with some admiration.

Her logical side desperately wanted to turn down the offer. However, her childish side did not want that to be known.

"I…I think I'd like that…" A brief pause as she looked back down at her feet.

She…really shouldn't have agreed to that. Why could she not gain control of that one little voice? Why couldn't she be more…like the real L? He would never have gotten himself in this type of situation. Conflict of interest was not good. Not good at all. It would be her downfall unless she got away from it all.

Which reminded her…

"Light-kun…? Do you plan on surrendering the notebook to this "Mello" person?" His eyes quickly moved to hers as she lifted her head and stared at him.

His heartbeat quickened, but his breathing somehow remained calm.

Damn it all to hell…it wasn't like he could say "no". He wasn't sure what Mello would do to Sayu and he couldn't kill her himself. He'd tried. It was just one thing he was unable to do. His morality had gotten in the way.

"I…really don't have much of a choice…" He murmured, his voice quiet.

Peace stared up at him, her eyes sympathetic.

"Light-kun…" She was certain that now was her chance.

Maybe she felt something more for Light than she would have liked. Maybe that made it a little harder to do her job. However, that didn't change it in the least. Peace still needed to fulfill her promise to L. Her vow to bring Kira's reign to an end.

That meant that she'd need to eventually get her hands on the notebook. Or have someone she truly, one hundred percent trusted get their hands on it. At the moment, Mello was the only option and she needed to be the one to give it to him.

Her eyes dulled a little, thinking to how her friend would react to seeing her "working" for the suspect. Yet, she pushed it to the back of her mind and spoke up anyway.

This was for L.

"…I'll do it for you."

--

Serenity stared at the empty box of Oreos on the table, his eyes dull. He wasn't wearing his contacts, so the true bright green color of his eyes were completely visible.

He felt insecure when Lily wasn't in the hotel suite. He felt somewhat alone. After all, she understood him in ways no one else did. Not even Jacob. He couldn't bare the thought of her being killed because of her newfound obsession over Kira.

He sighed sadly and leaned his cheek against his hand and he stared blankly at the beige colored wall as he finished up with the final spoonful of Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream from the gallon carton in front of him.

Jacob stood up against the doorway, brown eyes focused on his boyfriend. Worry and concern obvious in his gaze.

Lily was doing something today. Something she said was important for the overall plan she had come up with. Though, he supposed getting their hands on the notebook was important, did she really need to be so casual about how she may possibly be killed in the process? It was bothering the hell out of Serenity. In fact, the two men hadn't so much as spoken all morning and Serenity's need for comfort food had risen.

Already, he'd eaten an entire box of cookies and a carton of ice cream. It was only nine o'clock in the morning. That certainly was not a good sign.

"Serenity…?" The redhead turned and glanced over his shoulder dully.

Jacob stared into his boyfriend's eyes for a short moment before walking forwards and pulling another chair out from the table. Seating himself down beside Serenity, he reached forwards and used his thumb to wipe the sticky remnants of ice cream from the other's mouth.

"…hey." He wasn't entirely sure what else to say, but he knew he needed to say something even if it wasn't important.

Jacob hated seeing Serenity like this. Distraught over what _might_ happen. He worried too much. Then again, it might have had something to do with whatever his past was.

"_One hour 'till show time, Lil." He told her._

"_Hm? Right. You tell Serenity?"_

"_Of course, but you know how he is. He's stuffing his face with ice cream to calm his nerves. I swear, by the time he's my age, he'll be fat as hell. I'm surprised he's not already with his bizarre eating habits. "_

"_Not that it bothers you." She replied with a tiny smile._

_He leaned against the wall and nodded once._

"_Of course not. I'm just concerned for his health, that's all. At this rate, he'll get diabetes or something."_

"_I doubt that. He doesn't intake enough sugar for that. He'll probably just suffer a myocardial infarction by the time he's thirty three." He felt his body tense at that, only relaxing when Lily shot him a cheerful grin._

"_I wouldn't worry about it, Jacob. Serenity might have horrible habits, but he does exercise often enough to burn-off those excess calories." She paused, smile fading._

"_He does it for you, you know."_

"_Huh?" _

"_He loves you. So much. It's why he works so hard. He'd do anything for you." _

"_Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual." Her eyes closed half-way._

"_You don't understand, Jacob. He works so hard to please you. It's why he gets offended so easily. Pointing out any sort of flaw, worries him that you're judging him. Like his parents." _

"_His- parents?" _

"_He never told you?"_

"_No. What happened?" _

"_It's not my place to say. I've said too much as it is. But- be patient." _

His parents must have had something to do with his habits today. His anxiety.

"Jacob?" He snapped from his daze when he heard his boyfriend's soft voice say his name and when they locked eyes, he could see the worry and concern deep within the green irises.

It had been awhile since he'd seen Serenity's true eye color. Hell, he loved those purple contacts of his. He never took them out unless it was before bed. Even then, though, Jacob never really got the chance to see his eyes.

He stared into Serenity's eyes for another moment before lightly kissing him and standing up. His head was turned to the floor, eyes dulled themselves.

He wished Serenity would open up and just tell him something. _Something_ about what he was feeling. _Something _about his life. Hell, Jacob recognized that he knew very little about the one he cared so much about. He recognized that they knew very little about each other in general. That in itself hurt him in ways he'd never really thought about before.

"…I hope you feel better soon…" Jacob whispered, turning to walk away.

It was unusual to see him so down and it worried Serenity even more as he watched his grey haired partner slowly make his way back to their bedroom.

Typically, Jacob was the one who did everything he could to cheer him up. Typically, Jacob attempted to do everything in his power to stop his bingeing. It was unusual that neither was happening.

Serenity stood himself up, ignoring the typical urge to go rummaging for something else to stuff down his throat, and followed after Jacob. Entering the bedroom, he somehow kept standing straight when he saw the other curled up in fetal position, eyes closed tightly. It was dually noted that there was a tremor running through Jacob's usually strong form, showing his obvious vulnerability.

That was something that Serenity had never seen before. In a way, it touched him. Yet, it also scared him.

What was wrong with Jacob? Was he sick? Serenity wasn't sure what to possibly think…

"Jacob? Wh- what's wrong?" Immediately, the brown eyes fluttered open and the trembling stopped.

Jacob glanced to Serenity dully and then sighed before closing his eyes again.

"…nothing…" It was strange how the lack of the small girl could do so much damage.

Both men hated to think what may happen to them if she were to be killed because of this as it was obvious that Lily was the only thing that was keeping them held together.

Serenity trudged over to the bed, his eyes now firm and determined.

"Don't lie to me, Jacob." The older of the two felt arms wrap around his middle and hands rest up against his chest.

Serenity's cheek rested up against his shoulder and Jacob could feel the gentle beating of his heart against his back. It was pounding hard and it was pounding fast. The redhead's breathing was also very quick, showing that he was either concerned or scared. Maybe both.

"What makes you think I'm lying?" He responded calmly, his eyes reopening to stare at the wall.

Serenity pouted a little, biting down on his bottom lip.

"…Jacob…" His voice wasn't so much whiny as depressing, which made the grey haired drummer turn over.

Their noses touched and they both felt the other's breath against each other's skin. Gently, Jacob reached up and ran his thumb along his boyfriend's cheek.

"…what's…your favorite color?" Hell, it was sad that he didn't even know _that._

But, he was going to change that. Lily couldn't be the thing that held them together anymore because if she died at the hands of Kira today, Jacob knew they wouldn't be able to last. He wanted them to last. Hell, he cared so much about Serenity. Maybe he hadn't conveyed exactly how much he cared yet, but he was planning to.

When he was certain that it was all going to be okay.

--

He held the chocolate between his teeth and snapped it. His blue eyes held a determined, yet somewhat depressed look to them. Strands of his blonde hair hung in his face, which was hidden by his hood.

Mello held his gun at the ready, finger on the trigger which was pinned to the girl's back as he heard the footsteps coming down the hall of the temporary hideout. Glancing down at the girl, gagged and bound, he saw the tears running down her face. He saw her trembling form and scared eyes and…for just a brief moment…he saw _her._

Peace. Hell, to be honest, he hadn't been able to get the girl out of his head. He hated admitting it, but he was worried for her. Only Matt was really able to tell this as Mello's eyes didn't hold the same look to them as they typically did.

There was always that small element of worry in them, no matter what else he was feeling.

The footsteps against the concrete got louder as they got closer and Mello was prepared to come face to face with Soichiro Yagami, the girl's father. He was prepared for the hateful glares, which wouldn't bother him.

After all, news of this might bring Peace out. And maybe it would scare Near off.

Though it was only a hope for both, there were also some possibilities. Peace was loyal to him. Inwardly, Mello knew that if she sensed that he was in some sort of danger, she would try and stop him. Or at least be around to try and keep him from getting himself killed.

"_Goodbye can have one of two meanings." She stated calmly._

"_One: you will not see another person for a long period of time, which is to be expected in this case. Or two: we will never see each other again. Either is an option in this specific situation, is it not?" _

Her words kept echoing in his mind. Goodbye…damn, he'd never been so focused on just her before. He'd never seen such similarities between her and his idol before. It all came to ask one question.

Why hadn't he?

They looked alike. God knows they did. They shared the same eyes, messy hair…hell, they both even had…insomnia was it? During the times that Peace went logical, she'd act so much like L that it was almost scary.

And he _hadn't _seen it until they had said goodbye.

He glanced up as the footsteps came to a stop, his eyes focusing on the "delivery boy" who would be trading off the Death Note for this girl's life. Of course, he wasn't expecting who he saw at all.

Short stature. Slender frame. Hair pulled back into a ponytail, but it looked more half-assed than usual. Strands of her long dark hair hung into her pale face and stormy grey eyes which rested on him. It took a few moments to register that it was her and the fact that she was the one delivering the notebook. Although, he noted that it was wrapped in brown paper so she wasn't touching it. Whether that was her doing, he wasn't exactly sure, but that wasn't what he cared about.

Her eyes looked dull. Distant. That was probably something he wouldn't have noticed before, and he probably shouldn't have noticed it then either. However, it was just too obvious this time.

Peace stepped forwards further, her fingers trembling and her heart pounding so hard against her chest cavity.

This was hard. To see him again. Like this. She doubted he would be happy with finding out everything that she'd been doing since they'd seen each other last.

"Return Sayu-chan…I've brought what you've asked for." The tremor in her voice wasn't fake.

Something that real couldn't be fake…

Her mind drifted back to Light and she hoped to God that he wasn't fake either. She knew that she couldn't handle being left shattered again, even if the circumstances had been different the first time.

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath before reopening them again. She made sure to not make eye contact with Mello, in hopes of giving him the idea that she didn't feel like talking to him at the moment. Not until she got the damn bug off of her.

Whether he got the message or he suspected it in the first place, she didn't know, but he didn't seem to be acknowledging that he knew her.

"Put it in the slot…once I know it's the real thing, then you can have her back." Again, Mello noted that it looked like there was something on her mind.

Hell…since when did he go about noticing such things? Probably when he spoke to Matt back in Los Angeles. The time she broke down and took off on them. Seeing her like that was a bit hard. Then, she became so much like L and he'd become that much more intrigued.

He wasn't sure if she had molded her logic to fit his or if that was just the way she was. The times like that were few and far between, but they had happened enough for him to want to know that much.

Peace nodded dully, listening to the buzzing in her ear and Light's voice. It made her feel a little more relaxed, hearing him attempt to keep her calm.

"_Great job, Ren-chan…you're almost finished." _Yet, she couldn't help, but notice that he sounded as though he was speaking to a child.

A voice, speaking its annoyance with the situation, came to the back of her mind loud enough she didn't have any choice, but to think about it for a few seconds. Shaking her head free of the thoughts, Peace stood in front of the bullet proof glass box and stared down at the paper covered notebook.

Light's idea. He apparently didn't want to corrupt her anymore than she had been with all of this knowledge. Hell, he didn't know any of it, did he?

There was no possible way that the situation she was in could get any worse. Everyone she had known as a child…been friends with as a child, were almost so far from her she damned herself for being so small. One of them was dead. Two of them were on their way to being dead. The last one…he didn't offer the presence that they all had together.

She liked Near, but Peace knew that she couldn't thrive with just his presence alone. She needed Matt and Mello to thrive. The four of them…

It would be a difficult feat, but Peace then decided that her side goal was to get the four of them together in a room. Even if just for a short minute.

Taking another deep breath, she pushed the notebook through the slot and stepped back. Looking up, if only slightly, she watched as Mello snatched it up. A new light was in his eyes as he tore the paper from its cover and studied the black book beneath it.

It sent shivers down her spine.

"…what about Sayu-chan? I have done my part of the deal, now it is up to you to do yours." Again, the tremble in her voice was obvious.

As was the trembling throughout the rest of her body, though she wasn't entirely sure of what she was feeling. Fear? Anxiousness?

"_Calm down, Ren-chan…"_ Light's voice in her ear helped to soothe her trembling form.

He couldn't see her, but he could hear her voice. He could tell that she wasn't calm. That she wasn't exactly feeling all that brave at the moment. Of course, she wasn't scared of being shot and killed here at this moment. She knew Mello wouldn't do anything to her. Not anything short of shouting and calling her names…

Her eyes saddened a little and she glanced down, hoping to hide her emotions. Just wanting this to be done and over with. She felt unworthy to be in Mello's presence. Hell, she _was _unworthy having sunk so low as to fall for the suspect. Even L would be disappointed in her for sinking this low.

…wouldn't he? Surely he would be…but he'd try to set her on the right path anyway. Peace was still young, and though she didn't like to consider it an option, perhaps a little naïve. To have fallen so quickly and so easily for someone she was fighting against.

She needed some sort of guidance and no one could give it to her. No one who wouldn't somehow make her feel worse about her mistakes. Her weaknesses.

The Yagami girl tumbled into the other girl's arms and Peace quickly caught her, instinctively allowing her comforting side to take hold. Holding Sayu close, the darker haired girl lifted her eyes and stared at Mello for a long moment before having to look away.

"Shh, Sayu-chan…l- let's get out of here…" She didn't even bother to look over her shoulder as she helped the other out of the building.

That in itself was a red flag for Mello. One of the few he received.

One: She refused to meet his gaze

Two: When they did lock eyes, she looked away

Three: The tremor in her voice

Four: The way she held herself

Five: The conflicted look in her eyes

It was as if she didn't want to be in his presence at all. When they had first been reunited, the pain in her eyes had been there. However, it quickly diminished when he had muttered the words "I'm sorry".

Mello frowned a little, annoyance shining in his eyes.

How the hell did she become so miserable again? This time, it couldn't have been him…could it? Or was it the fact that she was in the position she had tried so hard to keep out of in the first place? Then again, she had placed herself in this position willingly, hadn't she? If she didn't want it…why did she decide upon it?

Was she a complete moron to her own wants?

All these damn questions just pissed Mello off.

What the fuck was her plan? Why the hell did she decide to join the _enemy_ of all other options?! Hell, even _Near _would have been better!

She better have had a damn good plan…

And just like that, his original questions were temporarily forgotten. Replaced by the ones of anger, betrayal, and curiosity.

Not catching the underlining reason for her actions once again.

Not the true reason.

--

"Did everything go as planned?" The voice of Near ran through her mind and Peace looked towards the computer screen blankly.

It had only been a couple hours since she'd returned from her "mission". Sayu was in the hospital and Light had designated that it be proper for her to return home to rest.

"_I'll stop by later…to check up on you. First, I need to know how my sister is doing. Make sure you get some rest, okay?" _

"_O- okay, Light-kun…"_

"…yes…everything went as planned…" Serenity and Jacob were fast asleep and had been when she entered the hotel room.

She'd only just checked on them, rather surprised to find that they were both fully clothed as well as snuggled up close to each other. Typically, they were naked, but she found this just as acceptable if not more so.

They really loved each other.

The thought in itself hurt Peace. She wondered if she was feeling or could possibly feel the same thing for Light. It scared her.

What had happened to her feelings for Mello? They were still there…she knew they were. However, to be in his presence felt so…_wrong_ to say in the least. Before, she would have never felt the same way. Was it just because of her feelings? Peace still wasn't entirely sure how to categorize her feelings for Mello, but she knew it was some sort of love.

She was also certain that she felt something similar for Light. It was similar. Similar, but not the exact same. But she was still confused.

Confused and concerned as she wasn't sure whether these feelings would erupt something good or bad.

Near stared at her impassively.

"…L…" Her eyes rose and she blinked, realizing that she had been lost in thought.

"Y- yes, Near?"

"Something is bothering you." Was it really that obvious?

"It's not all that important." She murmured softly.

"Considering you're as distracted as you are, I highly doubt that possibility." Her fingers twitched and she focused her eyes on the far wall of the suite.

Near stared at her, his fingers trailing around the small finger puppet that represented the troubled young woman. The eyes were wide and innocent, but also somehow gleaming with knowledge. And the mouth was nothing, but a small upturned smile indicating kindness and peace of mind.

With the following silence between two lasting several long minutes, he finally decided that she wasn't going to respond and shattered it himself.

"Whatever happens to be bothering you, you will need to fix before you ruin your own plans." He put it bluntly, but it was the truth.

If she continued to have her mind distracted, she would possibly ruin everything they had been working to achieve. She could lose her life or have others lose their lives. No matter what the option, it would more than likely not be a good ending for the young woman.

Peace looked back to Near hesitantly, fighting the diamond tears that wanted to stream down her face, somehow managing before looking back away. And, considering it was obvious to Near that something was bothering her to begin with, it was just as obvious that it was bothering her worse now.

"Y- you're right…" She murmured quietly.

For, probably the first time in a lifetime, Near cursed himself for not having the equipped people skills to deal with this type of…situation. Alas, he was not so lucky to have such skills.

Twirling a strand of his snowy hair around his forefinger, he released a very soft sigh before deciding to speak.

"Perhaps…discussing what is troubling you will help us solve this issue." Peace lifted her eyes and blinked a couple times.

Then, she looked back down in an ashamed manner.

He would most certainly judge her. How could she possibly talk to him about her conflicting feelings? She wasn't even sure if she would have been able to talk to L about it…

Still, she needed to get it out and she knew that if she didn't, it would more than likely be her downfall. She had promised Serenity and Jacob that she wouldn't die and she planned to keep that promise.

"Maybe…" Her dark hair hung in her pale face and she fell completely silent for several long minutes.

Near stared at her through the video feed, knowing that she was thinking this over by the position of her body. It typically took over a more slouched position when she was lost in thought. Not unlike the original L's, but different all the same.

She lifted her head and sighed sadly.

"…I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not going to be anything like the real L." She murmured.

"I like to think that there's good inside of everyone…murder suspect or not…which is a weakness that only I have and the real L did not. I will _never _be him." Whether that was the entire truth or not didn't matter.

No one else really needed to know about her true inner struggle. About just how badly she really screwed up.


	14. Peace: Inward Struggles In The Open

**Wow....I wrote a lot for this chapter...**

**hehehe xD I had too much fun with this. **

**Please Review.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"Light-kun~! Where are you going~?!" Light inwardly cringed, but didn't even dare pause as he continued to slip his arms through the sleeves of his coat.

After visiting Sayu in the hospital, he knew that it would be best to go and visit Ren as well. She hadn't been at her best when everything was done and over with. In fact, Light could pick up the tremor in her voice even during the trade-off. Not much had changed since then, he was sure and it was his chance to get all that much closer to her.

If he could get Misa to leave him the hell alone…

"I've got some things I need to do, Misa. Stay here."

"But, Light-kun~! We haven't seen each other in forever!" Probably because he didn't _want _to see her.

The one he wanted to see was in a hotel down the road and he had a feeling she would need his company more than this stalker-like blonde.

Light sighed and looked towards her.

"Misa, it's important that you stay here." So that she didn't spill everything and make all that he was working for completely useless.

That and he couldn't risk Ren-chan being discovered. Misa still probably had a page of her own notebook somewhere and if she discovered his and Ren-chan's relationship…who knew how she'd react. He would rather not risk it.

Of course, Light would have gotten rid of Misa permanently awhile ago if it weren't for the chance of someone catching on. He couldn't risk that either. So, he would just have to settle for this little _secret _relationship with Ren-chan. Though, it wasn't quite official yet and she still didn't know about the little tidbit that he technically already had a girlfriend.

Misa pouted.

"Alright…but you won't be long, right?" Light flashed a charming smile.

"Of course not, Misa." That depended on one's definition of "long", though.

Though, he doubted Ren would want to keep him for very long, Light figured he could probably talk her into letting him stay for a little longer.

"Righty then, Light-kun! I'll see you real soon !" Misa giggled and hugged him affectionately before he managed to squirm free from her hold.

Oh God he hoped she was asleep whenever he got back…

--

"It's understandable, the pressure you must feel to be indifferent to the original L." Near murmured softly, his fingers playing along the small finger puppet before placing it beside one that replicated Mello.

He had his own predictions about what would happen in the not-so-distant future. He was also prepared to deal with anything that would or could possibly happen as he was quite open to the possibilities.

Peace locked her eyes with Near's, a small frown tugging at her bottom lip as she listened to him continue.

"However, that is hardly an excuse. The immense pressure you feel, you need to use to your advantage so that Kira can be put to a stop at a faster pace." Why was he telling her what she already knew?!

Give her some advice that she could actually _use_ for herself. Please.

In her silent rage, Peace eventually realized that he knew nothing of how she really felt or of her current conflictions. Her hatred of her current self had kept her from telling him the entire truth.

Perhaps she felt the pressure to be exactly like L, but she recognized that wasn't the entire problem. She recognized that she was part of the problem. Most of the problem. Her feelings and emotions were truly getting in the way of her logic. Or what remained of it.

"I know…I'll work to fix the issue…" The girl murmured, her tone extremely soft.

Near stared at her, his eyes studying her thoroughly for any sort of break in her defences. He probably found the break, but probably figured it would be best to say nothing further on the subject. In fact, he probably figured it best to end their conversation for the day as that was exactly what he did.

"Good. Then, until a later time, L."

"Goodbye, Near…" He ended the feed first and Peace released a heavy sigh of relief, glad that it was over.

Her relief was short-lived, however, as there was soon a gentle sounding knock at the door of the suite and her eyes widened a little.

It was Light! Damn it…what timing he had. Really, she wasn't in the mood to speak with him right now. She was confused enough as it was and he was probably going to make it worse before he made it better. If he made it better. God she hoped he'd make it better…

And she hoped that he wouldn't care to ask questions about the size of the hotel room. Perhaps she could talk him into taking her for a walk instead. That way, the chances of Serenity and Jacob discovering her feelings were slimmer as well.

Much less shouting she'd have to deal with.

Stumbling from her chair, Peace nearly fell to the floor several times as she made her way to the door. Her small fingers clasped the brass doorknob and she opened it slowly, large storm colored eyes raising up to meet with honey brown.

Immediately, she caught onto the curiosity hidden deep beneath the obvious concern he wasn't bothering to hide.

She lowered her gaze nervously.

"H- hello, L- Light-kun…" Her tone betrayed her feelings, as did the slight trembling of her fingers against the wood of the door as she held it open.

Light blinked a couple times before offering her a small, hopefully comforting smile.

He didn't like to see her upset. A part of him reminded him of that constantly whenever she happened to cross his mind.

That was growing to be more often nowadays.

"Have you gotten any rest, Ren-chan?" Still, he wondered how she could afford such a large hotel room…

"A- a little…" She moved herself from the door and stepped outside the suite, clicking the door shut behind her.

Peace then hid her hands nervously behind her back, her fingers locking together as her eyes slid down to the floor. Almost immediately, Light reached forwards and cupped her chin, tilting her face upwards so that he could look directly into her eyes.

"Maybe you should go to bed…you look exhausted." She pulled her face away and shook her head before looking up at him and smiling weakly.

"I- I'm fine, Light-kun…really."

"If you say so." He looked around the hotel before looking back to the small, pale young woman who had taken to looking back towards the floor.

He frowned a little before reaching forwards and gently taking her much smaller hand in his. Light watched as she jerked a little and offered her another comforting smile.

"Relax, Ren-chan. You don't need to explain everything. It would be nice, but you don't have to." After all, it wasn't as though she was much of a threat as she was.

Physically, he figured he could take her on. Mentally, Light _knew _he could beat her. Ren may have been intelligent, but she was nowhere even close to his level from what he had seen.

Peace shook her head.

"Y- you deserve to know how I can afford this…" This she was going to tell him and she truly felt that he deserved to know it as well, even if it wasn't all of it.

Surely the fact that she was what most would consider a "rockstar" wouldn't be too hard to believe. Though, she would edit the rest of it, for the most part it would be the truth.

Looking up, she gently squeezed his hand and smiled gently.

"B- but…can we talk somewhere else? I- I think it would be better if no one saw us…" If Serenity and Jacob discovered how she'd fallen, they'd skin her alive.

So, she was going to tell him everything? Light was more than pleased to hear this. It meant that she fully trusted him. Unless she was lying. Quickly, he pushed that possibility to the back of his mind.

Hell, this was Ren-chan. Her lying successfully? He highly doubted she could pull it off without dropping several hints. Though, perhaps it was a little much for him to believe that, Light truly believed that. Besides, even if she was lying, he would figure it out and he would be sure to kill her off because of it. Even if he didn't want to…

He smiled again.

"Of course. We'll go wherever you want to go."

"H- how about the café you took me to before?" Right, the first place he'd fully spoken to L about the Kira case four years ago.

Somehow, Light found that extremely fitting. Though, he didn't understand why he felt that way. He just did.

If only he really knew it all.

--

Ashes from the cigarette hit the concrete of the sidewalk as Matt took a long drag. Removing the tobacco stick from his lips, he exhaled a large cloud of smoke and stopped off to the side of the large hotel building. Strands of his copper hair hung in his goggled eyes as he hovered outside of the building.

"Hmm…" Really, _what _was the point of this?

Right, Mello sent him to see if she was here.

After seeing her only hours ago and hearing her introduce herself under the name of "Ren Hideki", it hadn't taken very long to locate someone under the same name in this very hotel. Then, completely under Mello orders, Matt came along to see if she was really here. If she was, he was supposed to immediately report this news back to Mello so that he could deal with it. However, this was _Matt._ The chances of him fully listening to his best friend? Slim. _Very _slim. He had plans to talk with her himself and ask the following question:

What the hell was going on?!

Of course, he probably wouldn't wait to get his answer before tackling her into a hug.

Thank God she was alive! And okay! Both were a great combination! Although, the fact that she was hanging around with Kira was a bit of a downside…

Mello was grumbling about that still. He probably would be for a lot longer than Matt wanted to deal with. Hopefully, he'd get over this, though. Peace _probably _had a plan. It wouldn't be like her to _not _have one.

Matt took another long drag on his cigarette and glanced up at the darkening sky before exhaling. Then, he heard the voices.

He wasn't entirely sure what the hell they were talking about, but he picked up the familiar voices of Peace and that Yagami fellow. The guy they were trying to put an end to.

He tensed up and flattened himself up against the wall, snuffing out the cigarette against the wall. Quickly, he focused in on them. Of course, whatever they were saying wasn't important. Just the fact that they were together.

Together and holding hands.

Matt wasn't entirely sure what to make of this sight, though he knew most certainly what Mello would make of it. He wouldn't like it. Not in the least.

Though, that was probably an understatement. More than an understatement.

Well, this was probably just one big act. After all, it wasn't as though they were making out or anything. Getting close to Yagami was probably all part of her big plan…whatever the hell that was. Besides, before he jumped to conclusions, he should _spy _on them.

You know, get the real deal of _what the hell was going on?!_

--

She'd been taking a liking to sweets lately, Peace noted as she lightly placed a forkful of chocolate cheesecake in her mouth. It was only a small slice, a rather large strawberry balancing on its remnants.

Light sat across from her, his honey brown orbs watching her for several minutes before lifting his coffee to his lips and taking a small sip.

Wow. He could hardly believe what she had told him. Though, he did. He really believed her, not finding any reason to not do exactly that. After all, her being a decently known musician would explain how she would be able to afford such a large hotel room. It would also explain why she hadn't been so eager to accept his money when they had first met.

She didn't need it. She had enough of it. Ren-chan wasn't the type of person to take something she didn't really need.

It would also explain her great skill with the guitar. She played the instrument almost every day. Practice really does make perfect…she wasn't much older than a child, really.

"You're very successful then." He mused, reaching his hand across to rest gently over hers.

Briefly, the vigilante noted the softness of her skin before looking up into her eyes. Light immediately noticed the very pale blush in her cheeks as she looked down at their hands. Smiling outwardly, his fingers gently wrapped around her small hand and held it more securely.

"I- I guess…but not here in Tokyo." She replied softly.

"Why not?"

"W- well, it was supposed to be my debut, this tour, to other parts of the world…I've only played in England and the Americas…" Quickly, he jumped to question that, but smoothly.

"A quest for fame, Ren-chan? That doesn't sound like you." She flushed again and nibbled on her bottom lip, giving her even more the appearance of a child.

"I- I don't care about that, Light-kun." Peace admitted, pulling her hand out of his hold gracefully before returning to the final bite of her cheesecake.

It was just a strawberry actually and Light watched in semi-amusement as she picked it up and lightly began to nibble on it. Vaguely, he was reminded of L. Who, despite having a very different way of eating, also tended to save the strawberry for very last.

It was intriguing, yet scary…he really needed to stop comparing these two. It wouldn't be good for his health, most certainly.

She continued.

"Fame isn't the reason why I'm trying to get a debut in the world. Neither is money. I just want to play my guitar, have people hear my music, and make some friends. That's all I want. I don't have many friends…" Reaching forwards, Light ran his thumb against her cheek and stared into her soul-searching stormy orbs.

If only for a minute. Hell, no one could look into those eyes for very long before feeling insignificant and small.

It was the same for L.

Damn…he'd done it again. It seemed as though comparing the two was all he could do.

"Well, you are shy." He said with a smile, grabbing her hand once again.

"Hardly." Peace responded, gently smiling in return.

"I just tend to be a little inexperienced in some social situations. Shy shouldn't be the word that describes it…" She continued and Light again couldn't help, but compare her to L.

The way she spoke. So matter-of-fact. The way she held herself, though it wasn't slouched like L, it gave her the air of knowledge.

Peace stopped her idle chatter and fell silent, taking notice that Light was apparently lost in his thoughts. Falling completely silent, her eyes saddened a little and she looked down.

Right…she was probably boring him to death with her sudden rant. It wasn't often that she ranted about nothing, only when she was in a good mood. Apparently, being around Light was helping her to forget her issues - despite the fact that they involved him - and continue on with her life. Like she would have if she wasn't dating a suspected serial killer.

Her thoughts stumbled over themselves.

Dating…? Did she really think that? Well, they had gone on several different dates. Technically, that was dating, was it not? Though, she supposed that it wouldn't be called dating unless it was official…after all, they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Ren-chan? Are you feeling alright? You went quiet pretty fast." Quickly, she regained herself, blushing faintly before looking up at Light.

"I- I'm fine, Light-kun. Just thinking…"

"Oh? About what?" Light had noticed that she seemed troubled with something and he was curious as to what.

After all, it was probably best for her to talk about it instead of hold it in. He wanted to let her know that he would be there to listen to her whenever she needed him. Perhaps a little strange, but it was the truth.

Lowering her gaze to their interlocked hands, she tried so desperately understand why in the world he would be curious as to what she was thinking. The only one to ever bother to ask what she was thinking, was L. The rest of the time she could hide her troubled expression enough for no one else to pick it up. Other than Near of course, but truthfully, he wasn't one to ask what was bothering her. He waited for her to _tell _him what was bothering her. And if Mello thought something was bothering her, he didn't really care. He just got mad at her for moping…

Peace bit down on her lip.

Wow. She had known that she'd missed L before, but she never realized exactly how much he had given her that she hadn't received from anyone else.

Light was giving her a lot of those things.

"It- it's not all that important…" But she doubted that he'd keep it up.

Mello didn't keep it up. In fact, the positive feelings she received from him were few and far between. Positive feelings never lasted too long and she didn't want to get used to them like she had before.

Again, Light cupped her face and offered a gentle smile before lightly placing a kiss to her lips. Her stormy colored eyes went wide briefly and blood rushed to her cheeks. Light couldn't help, but think of her as anything, but adorable. Though, that wasn't something he would typically think of any girl, with Ren-chan it was very difficult _not _to think it.

When he pulled away, he continued to smile as he held her face gently in one hand. A quiet chuckle escaped him.

"You're too modest, you know that? Of course it's important. If something is bothering you, I want you to talk to me about it. At least then you can get it off your chest." Now this took her by complete surprise, having not heard anything remotely like that in such a long time.

Well, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration. Serenity and Jacob told her that, whenever she allowed it to be obvious that something was bothering her. In all honesty, though she knew that they were telling the truth about being there for her, she didn't feel as though she could talk to them about everything.

There were very, _very _few people she felt she could truly talk to about her true inner feelings. At least, there were few people that she felt would actually hear and listen to what she had to say.

"A- are you sure that you wouldn't be bored with listening to me?"

"Of course not. I like listening to you talk and if you're going to feel better afterwards, I can take a few extra minutes out of my day to listen to your problems." Their eyes locked and she quickly decided that he was telling the truth.

She gave a somewhat embarrassed, but mostly pleased smile.

Someone thought she was important. That her feelings _meant _something. Someone was willing to _listen _to her. And she felt as though she could talk to him too. At least about something like this. After all, the issue did involve him.

Her confused feelings could finally be released. If only part of them. At least some of the tension would be released. Maybe she could relax for a change then.

"Well, if you say so…" She whispered, looking around her mind for a few moments in an attempt to find the right words to pose her question.

"…this is a little embarrassing, but…I haven't really felt like this before and…" The girl flushed again and Light smiled softly.

"Well, in all honesty, Ren-chan, I haven't felt like this before either." Well, that was true.

He had never felt like this before himself and by placing himself in her shoes, he could only imagine how she felt. A small, awkward girl who had never been in any sort of relationship like this before. Though Light typically hadn't had any feelings for those previous "girlfriends", it was safe to say that he had much experience in this field.

Peace flushed again and smiled nervously before looking up at him.

"R- really? So…I don't look like a complete idiot?"

"Of course not." He ran his thumb along her cheek gently and lightly kissed her again.

"I understand. Really. In fact, I was about to ask you something myself…though I think you may be beating me to it."

"H- huh?" She was taken off guard for a moment before her face flushed red all over again.

Light smiled affectionately and continued, taking the hint that she was more than flustered and therefore unable to continue what she had been trying to say.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that…you were going to ask what we were to each other, weren't you? Well, I was going to ask you…if you'd like to be my girlfriend?" Her mind stumbled over the words she was hearing before completely failing and coming up blank.

She stared at him, eyes wide, and her cheeks tinged with the light color of pink.

Though it had been indeed what she was trying to ask, the very thought itself was…unfathomable to say in the least.

He _wanted _to be something else? To make this…"romantic" relationship official? Of course, despite truly wanting this much herself, the logical half of her was telling her that saying "yes" was _not _going to be a good idea. Yet, her childish need for affection was shouting the word over and over again in her mind.

Typically, Peace was confused and conflicted with exactly what to do. Though this had been the original idea, she was afraid of what others would think of her were she to follow what her heart was telling her. Especially one person in particular.

Mello.

Despite the such strong feelings she felt for Light, Peace recognized that she still felt strongly for Mello as well. The idolizing feelings she had for her "friend" as a child were still there as she assumed they would always be.

What he _thought _of her was important. Though his thoughts should have been considered unimportant at this time.

After all, she was L. Technically. She'd taken up his name and his role in the world, though she somewhat feared the title still.

So many lives in her hands. So many lives that relied on her to save them. So many lives that relied on her to not make a mistake and get them killed, as well as herself.

At this point, Peace could only rely on herself to keep herself alive. If she slipped up, she would more than likely die. She really wasn't looking forward to breaking the vows and promises she had made to those she cared about.

The logical voice went on and on about the reasons _why_ she shouldn't do this. The soft, gentle, logical voice that was proving everything that the childish voice was shouting, idiotic.

However, there was a slight issue with that.

"I- I would like that very much, Light-kun…" He smiled and brought his lips to hers once again.

The logical voice was soft. Too soft. It could not be heard over the loud shouting of the childish voice.

Pulling away, it was very much obvious that he was just as pleased as she was confused. Still, that quickly faded as he murmured words of equal affection in a low whisper by her ear. Words that she never thought she would hear in her lifetime from _anyone_.

It made her so happy. More happy than she could ever possibly hope to convey. The very fact that someone truly _cared _about her made her feel so warm on the inside. Warmer than she'd ever thought she would ever feel.

"I know it hasn't been very long…" He whispered softly.

"…but I think I might love you…" Love.

He…was possibly growing to love her. There was only one who she had known to love her, despite the lack of verbal words. She still had the written form. And she had the memories of how he had gazed at her.

L loved her.

Now, it was quite possible that Light was in love with her as well. Of course, the version of love was much different as L had looked at her with more of a brotherly love in his eyes than anything else. Peace was quite certain that the version of love Light was possibly feeling was in a romantic fashion. _Not _brotherly.

She once had only hoped to hear such words of affection from another. Of course, that other being one specific person. Now, she had all but given up on hearing such words, kneeling to the fact that Mello was too caught up with his own goals to care about something as insignificant as "love". But that wouldn't change her feelings.

It only gave her the knowledge that moving on - as he had four years ago - was the most she could possibly manage. Though, it seemed that she had a habit of giving her heart to not the most appropriate person.

"L- Light-kun…a- are you sure?" If he repeated it, she would need to stare intensely into his eyes and watch his every movement.

Being able to read his body language would be sure to give away whether or not the one she was growing to care so much about, felt the same about her. Body language and subtle movements were one's dead giveaway.

Such as the twitch her fingers tended to develop when she was telling a lie. It was almost unnoticeable and only few people knew about it. Save for Near and L, and quite possibly Matt.

Again, the affectionate smile came and another kiss was placed to her skin. This time, however, it was not to her lips, but to her forehead. A simple gesture, indicating true affection.

Instead of her skin flushing red, Peace paled visibly. Unsure of truly how to react. However, she soon relaxed and closed her eyes to further show her vulnerability with the situation. On cue, Light's hand moved back to caress her face, brushing strands of her red streaked hair from her eyes along the way.

"Hmm, I'm very sure, Ren-chan. These feelings will more than likely only intensify with each moment we spend together." After all, a god would need a goddess would he not?

Though he had told Misa the same thing, Kira was certain that the blonde model was not the right one to claim that position. The only one that could possibly be in that position by his side, was Ren Hideki.

She not only looked like such a goddess, but her personality would suit as well. Though she was attempting to put a stop to Kira the only way she knew how, Ren had a strong sense of justice. A kind sense of justice as well. He recognized that many despised Kira. Those that were stupid and had their own conceited version of justice - not unlike that of L's - hated him. Ren did not.

He was the god of justice, whilst she was the goddess.

Kira and Peace - the perfect name he had just decided upon. Different, but similar all the same. Though they went about getting justice in different ways, it was evident that the end goal of them both were the same. They both wanted a perfect world that involved no more violence, death, crime.

Another reason she would be the perfect goddess for Kira. Another reason he would truly win her over and persuade her to join his side.

Peace opened her eyes and smiled up at Light sweetly.

"As long as you're certain…it's possible that I feel…similar. It's quite difficult to explain, actually…" Now it was more than nice to hear those words.

It meant that he was succeeding. That he was further weaving himself into her heart. Exactly what he wanted.

"Well, that's understandable. You can be completely open with me about your feelings, alright?" Open about her feelings?

If only it was that easy.

Her fingers twitched as she spoke.

"I'll make sure to do that, Light-kun." He offered her a smile of his own.

"That's good. Now, are you ready to go home?"

--

He could hardly believe his ears. His _eyes _even.

Matt slowly left the café after Yagami and Peace, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it up with Super Mario Bros. lighter he had stored in his jeans' pocket. It was at a distance that he followed, making sure to act casually, despite his pulsing questions and slight…_not so slight _frustration with the situation.

They were holding hands again, but in his opinion that was _nothing _compared to the words and affections that had just been shared.

Apparently, he wasn't noticed as he leaned up against the wall of the hotel building and took a final drag on his cigarette as Yagami and the girl entered the lobby. After several moments, he watched as they exchanged goodbyes.

He wasn't all that surprised as she shied away briefly, only to have the Yagami…_suspect _lightly place a kiss to her lips. Matt also wasn't surprised that it didn't take her very long to break out in a heavy blush before leaning up on her tip-toes to return the kiss.

Patiently - fighting the urge to kick ass Mortal Combat style - the gamer waited until Yagami was gone from the building before he snuck inside. By this point in time, Peace had made it to her hotel room.

"Hey…can you give me the room number for a "Ren Hideki"?" It wasn't all that surprising that his Japanese was flawless.

He was a _genius _from Wammy's after all. Just because he had a habit to not _act _like it, didn't mean he hadn't mastered the basic skills that Mello had forced upon him. Well, that, and he figured that learning different languages would come in handy for trying out different video games from all over the world.

Though, it was safe to say that learning Swahili hadn't really helped him yet.

"Room 234, Sir."

"Ah, thanks, Ma'am." Had the circumstances been different, he probably would have been flirting with the hotel clerk.

She was _hot_, needless to say. However, he needed to focus more on Peace. And attempt to keep his cool so he wouldn't pull a Mello, sad to say.

It was important to come into this with an open mind and a _clear _open mind, at that.

--

The door to the suite clicked softly closed behind her as she entered. A large smile was across her face. Something Peace hadn't properly worn in what felt like years.

Perhaps she had some regrets about this current situation she had put herself in, but when she felt so _good_ it didn't seem to matter. Something that felt so good, couldn't be wrong. Could it?

Quickly, she pushed the negative questions to the back of her mind as she stepped forwards. Judging by the silence of the large room, Peace could only assume that Jacob and Serenity were still fast asleep. Frankly, that was preferred at the moment as she wouldn't have to explain herself.

"…what the _hell_ was that?!" Or, maybe she wasn't that lucky.

Instinctively, upon hearing the voice, the teenage girl spun around. Having had spent much of her younger years in the company of L, he had ground the knowledge of self-defence into her brain. It was typical, that when startled, she would spring into action.

So, it didn't take long for Peace to thrust a hard kick into the gut of her unauthorized visitor. A grunt indicated that they had hit the ground and she blindly flipped them onto their stomach before pulling their arms behind them. Her foot was placed into the middle of their back, keeping them pinned despite her lack in body weight.

After all, size didn't have anything to do with it. As long as you hit the right pressure points and hold them in the right position, that was all that mattered. Human beings always submitted when they were feeling the pain.

Her chest heaved heavily and her eyes flashed dangerously for just a brief moment before it registered with her who she had pinned to the ground.

"M- Matt…?" She was so stunned that she entirely forgot the position she had him in.

The left side of his face was completely against the carpeted floor, his eyes screwed shut as his current…position was more than painful. It was embarrassing.

"Nng…y- yeah…c- could you let me go now?" He hadn't expected that sort of reaction at all.

Especially not since she had reacted so calmly the last time he'd snuck up on her. Though, he supposed his reflection in the window had helped then. And his tone was more comforting than annoyed.

Quickly, without saying another word, Peace released her friend and helped him to his feet. Not long after, giving him a gentle hug. It took several minutes for him to register what was happening and his previous frustrations were forgotten as he returned her hug.

Really, it was entirely impossible to keep annoyed with her. Besides, she'd explain herself…surely. If he pestered her enough. He'd already decided that he wasn't going to go anywhere until he got the answers to his questions.

And Mello's questions too.

"I- I'm so sorry…b- but you snuck up on me…" Mental note: _Don't sneak up on women as they are likely to be able to kick your fucking ass when frightened._

He laughed nervously and pulled out of the hug, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ah, well…" Matt trailed off, remembering why he'd come.

Peace seemed to remember too, as the small girl peered up at him with large stormy eyes. They conveyed her confusion, even before she spoke her question.

"Wh- why did you…?"

"…uh…" Damn, this was turning out to be harder than he though it would be.

Luckily, Peace was a fucking genius and always had been quick to pick up on things. Her eyes widened and she flushed deeply in what was either embarrassment or shame, Matt wasn't certain. Though, it became more obvious when she turned away from him and began to fiddle with the hem of her shirt.

"Y- you were following me and Light-kun…" She should have noticed!

But…she was too distracted with Light's affections and unspoken words. She was really turning out to be a horrible detective. Hell, she'd known this would happen…why hadn't L seen it before he planned it for her?

Matt sighed.

"Yeah…"

"H- how much did you see? Hear?" It was obvious, given his bursting question, that he had seen much more than she had wanted _anyone _to see.

Heard much more than she had wanted _anyone _to hear.

"Enough to know that you're…" He trailed off, realizing that he was about to call her an idiot.

Mello's favorite insult for her.

Peace caught onto this quickly as well, her eyes widening and filling up with tears. Luckily, she didn't turn to face Matt as he would have more than likely felt much more guilt for his unspoken words had he seen her expression.

"…an idiot? I know…" She finished his sentence for him, though, which still ended up extending his guilt.

She had heard the word enough to know just how true it was.

"Peace…"

"…hm?" The tears were pushed back and she turned to face her copper haired companion, taking immediate notice that he had his goggles atop his head.

His eyes held the most sympathetic look to them.

"This isn't like you. What's going on?" The girl blinked several times before offering a smile.

"I made a vow, Matt, to put an end to Kira's reign. For L…" He had a feeling that there was more to the story, but judging by the look in her eyes, she believed what she was saying.

Still, he had a sense for these things. Peace was confused. Upset. Yet, seeing as she had placed herself in this position, surely there was some sort of plan that went with it.

"And Yagami?"

"It's all part of my plan. Of course…my growing feelings are an obstacle…" Damn it, this was beginning to piss him off.

She was talking like L would. To make her actions seem as if it was all part of her plan, whatever the hell it was. He wanted the truth. From _Peace_, not from some fake L. Though he could only assume how she would be feeling in her new position. Though it was her fault…technically, the pressure must have been intense. And certainly, Mello probably had an impact on this.

"Stop talking like that. Talk like _Peace_ and not like L." He watched as she flinched at his tone before peering back up at him.

L.

Was she…really talking like him? She hadn't noticed. Though with all on her mind, she was certain that could also play a part in it.

"H- huh?"

"Peace, I'm not sure what the hell is going on with you…" He didn't, that was true enough.

"…but this _isn't _like you. You spent all of your time at Wammy's trying to avoid this position, yet, here you are. You've actually accepted this…"

"And how would you know?" She asked harshly, her eyes now hardened as they stared into his.

Immediately, Matt felt his body go rigid. Staring into those eyes could scare the living shit out of anybody. Even he recognized that. Those soul-searching, L-like eyes…

And then…it hit him. Like a brick, actually. Everything came together.

"There _is_ more to this!" He exclaimed, pointing at her.

"Something that no one else knows! That you're keeping secret! And it's not what I saw today, is it?! It's something else…" Those eyes.

The pale complexion of her skin. The messy hair. The way she tended to speak when lost in thought. Her _genius _in general.

Peace felt her fingers twitch as she stared back, her eyes remaining hard. He noticed the twitch from the corner of his eye.

Her giveaway.

"I don't know what you're talking about. There is no…"

"Don't lie to me, Peace. Even if you won't tell me what it is…" Though he already had a feeling to what it was.

"…at least tell me the truth. Maybe you don't owe me anything, but I thought we were friends." Family, in a way.

Matt recognized that. As kids, the three of them had been inseparable. Really, he knew what happened to change it all. Kira. Mello's inability to control his temper. L's death.

She stared up at him, nibbling gently on her bottom lip. Once again, she was grateful for the fact that Serenity and Jacob would not hear any of this. It was important for her to keep it quiet.

Her eyes softened, becoming close to tears before she spoke.

"I…I'm sorry…" She whispered.

Peace trusted Matt. She trusted him with her life. As she trusted Mello and Near. She could tell him. She could tell _them_, as she had told Near. After all, she would have had sooner she known their whereabouts…

The only ones she would not tell. Serenity, Jacob - as telling them would put them in danger - and Light Yagami. As he was a suspect and she did not trust him with the lives of her companions, she refused to tell him.

"…it's fine, Peace. Just tell me what the hell is going on. I won't tell Mello, hell knows how he'll react…" At the mention of Mello's name, the girl looked down.

The word "coward" echoed through her mind. A word she hadn't thought of in weeks. Not since they had been temporarily reunited back in Los Angeles.

And again, she was reminded of her mistakes. Her failures. Her cowardice.

If he found out her deepest secret - other than her relationship with Light - he would probably _truly_ despise her. She couldn't have that. To have him hate her forever wasn't what she wanted. She needed to prove that she was none of those things to him first.

"…promise?" As long as Mello didn't find out yet, everything would be okay and she could pull everything off.

A simple nod was her response and that was when she delved into the detailed explanation. The detailed feelings of negativity she felt when she was alone, but the such positive feelings she felt when she was in Light's company.

With Matt, she felt that he would never judge her. That she could truly speak with him openly, very much like she would have spoken to L. Her sudden realization of exactly how _strong _her relationship with Matt occurred upon the moment she finished speaking.

She regarded him as her brother. As someone she could count on when she needed them. As someone she could turn to when she needed to speak.

Most certainly, she was unable to speak to herself nowadays and she couldn't risk returning to L's grave. Not with her relationship with Light growing to such a high level. To do such a thing and be caught would cause her to lose everything she had been working towards. Though she was now technically Light's girlfriend, it was impossible for her to ignore her duties as "L". That was something she was trying to get around.

Which she had thoroughly explained to Matt.

The silence between them stretched on. With her explanation -including her secret - exposed, there was nothing more for her to say. All that was left to do was wait and see what Matt would have to say.

"…that…explains everything…" He murmured, staring at her with sympathetic eyes.

To really be so confused about herself…her feelings. He would admit that he would _never _understand that. Especially since she was now under so much pressure. The need to prove herself had grown and she could barely comprehend why.

Peace blinked and looked up at him, waiting for the rest of his response.

Sadly, despite being comfortable with telling Matt everything, she hadn't truly told him _everything_. Purposely, she kept her inward feelings for Mello secret. It was best that no one knew about those, but herself. To risk him discovering them…she couldn't. Sure, she wanted it to be out in the open, but it was something she wasn't going to risk everything for.

Mello didn't need to know. No one needed to know. More sympathy would only come and she didn't need anymore.

Besides, it would be a waste of words. Mello didn't love her in any way, shape, or form. In his eyes, she was nothing, but the loyal follower he relied on. She could and would continue to give her heart to him - as much as she could - while expecting nothing in return. While knowing she would get nothing in return.

Whether she wanted it or not, didn't matter. She already knew what she was going to get if she put it out on the table.

Absolutely nothing.

Peace's eyes went wide as arms suddenly wrapped around her and pulled her into a strong chest. It didn't take long for her to comprehend that Matt was hugging her. A warm, comforting hug that she had needed oh-so-desperately.

Her eyes closed and she leaned against him, smiling faintly.

"…you can do this, Peace." Matt assured her.

"You can do anything. Just because you're "L", doesn't mean that you're actually _"L"_, okay? You don't have to be anything like him. Just be yourself. You're smart enough. Maybe a little soft…but you're still strong in your own way." And those words were all she really needed.

Words of encouragement. Strength.

Words that L should have been speaking to her, but wasn't because he was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

Perhaps that was something she wasn't ready to accept as easily as it had first seemed.


	15. One Step Forwards

**Huh. That was faster than expected. Sure, the chapter is a little shorter than I would have liked, but it gets the job done and I enjoyed it. Besides, it gives me a kick start to Chapter 15 : D**

**It too is complete, though I think something is missing, so I'm going to hang onto it for another day or so. In the meantime, make sure to tell me what you think : D**

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 14

Serenity gave a large yawn and snuggled closer to the warm body beside him, his arms wrapping securely around it.

Jacob, meanwhile, watched as Serenity continued to sleep, fairly amused. That man could sleep through anything, though it was surprising in the least that he wasn't awake by now.

Jacob glanced over to the clock, making sure to keep one hand running through his boyfriend's hair all the while. A small smile touched his face.

Eleven thirty.

Serenity usually awoke an hour and a half earlier to get himself some sort of…"breakfast". If it could be called that. Although, that depended on how he was feeling, more or less. Apparently, he was in a good enough mood to sleep in and not care about food.

He'd probably make up for it later, but for now, Jacob would enjoy this.

--

Peace, despite having a huge weight lifted from her shoulders, was not in the happiest of moods at the moment.

The previous night, after her talk with Matt, he had left to return to Mello. Probably to inform him of her current condition and the bits of the plan she had relayed to the gamer. Shortly after this, however, the young detective had received a call from Near.

It did not hold the best of news.

_The troubled look on his face - so alien - told her that something was seriously the matter. That something, not planned, had occurred. _

_Her foot swung back and forth, forwards and backwards, as she sat on the chair. Her storm-grey eyes never leaving the darker colored eyes of her partner in justice, so to say. They had been working a lot together, so it was more than typical of her to label them as such._

_Though, if Mello caught wind of that, he would not be pleased in the least. Not that it mattered anymore. She was attempting to push all such thoughts to the back of her mind and focus only on the current issues. Her talk with Matt had made her realize that it was probably for the best. That way, she didn't have to focus on the past. Just the present and the near-future. _

_So far, it was working for the most part…but it would take some time. A lot of time._

"_Near…?" _

"_L…there seems to be a bit of a problem." That, of course, not only made her curious, but concerned._

"_What happened?" Her mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that Light had figured out her true identity._

_It didn't really dawn on her what the truth really was. Not until Near spoke it from his very lips. Softly, almost as an attempt to keep her from breaking down._

"_It's Mello…" Her eyes shot wide open and her breath caught in her throat._

"_M- Mello…?" It came out as a strangled whisper as her mind once again jumped to the worse._

_However, the way Near stared at her, immediately calmed her down. His eyes told her that it was not what she was thinking, but something else. Probably just as severe. But…at least Mello wasn't dead. She wasn't sure if she could live with herself if he was._

"_Yes. It seems, that once he got his hands on the notebook…he decided to use it." Use it…?!_

"…_go on…" Her voice dropped several octaves and was hoarse with heavy emotion._

_Nonetheless, it was obvious now what had happened. _

_It was something else that was going to weigh on her conscience too. And something she was furious about as well._

_The next time she saw Mello…would definitely _not _be all smiles and hugs. _

Now, Peace was doing all she could to not think about it. It was hard, though. She knew that _she _had been the one to give him the notebook. She knew that she should have _expected _something to go wrong.

Her plans weren't perfect, she knew, as they were based solely on her ability to predict the outcome of a situation.

Her fingers played along with the hem of her pink and black striped long sleeved shirt. Her eyes focused on the outside world beyond her window.

"L…I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I'm scared, sad, confused, and completely infuriated all at the same time…" She would have been speaking to his grave, had it not been for her relationship with Light.

She'd made enough sacrifices and risks for the time being. Losing her identity would not be another sacrifice and she wouldn't risk it either.

Really, there was a chance that he would visit L as well.

Peace released a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes.

"…I'm doing the best I can, but I fear that it may not be enough. Despite the vows and promises I made…I may not be able to keep them. If worse comes to worse…please, protect those I care about…" She may not have believed in God or in a place called Heaven, but she believed in L.

And she believed that he would do what he could to protect what mattered to her most.

Serenity. Jacob. Near. Matt…Mello.

"…as I am certain that I won't be able to succeed if I fail at something so much less complicated." Her life meant little to her, compared to what _their _lives meant to her.

Bowing her head in a longer, silent prayer to her deceased companion, she allowed a single tear to slide down her face and fall from her chin. Then, she lifted her head and smiled despite her current situation.

She felt that it was going to be okay now. Even if some bad…_horrible _things happened, she still felt better. As if some positive presence was giving her the courage to be able to continue on.

As if on cue, a warm breeze blew by her, despite the fact that the window was closed. Her hair shifted slightly, as though someone ran their fingers through it.

Peace blinked once and then smiled again, closing her eyes.

She felt no fear. In fact, she felt highly comfortable. Safe, even. As if the unseen presence was someone she trusted. Yet, it soon faded and she was seemingly left alone.

Opening her eyes, she blinked again before taking a quick look around the room. Feeling oddly comforted, she turned and walked out of her room. Unsure of what this day would hold for her yet, it didn't matter. She was in a good mood.

--

"Do you believe in God?" Light blinked and rose his eyes from his menu to lock eyes with his dinner date.

Ren hadn't taken her eyes off of the menu at all, in fact, the way the stormy orbs moved across the words told him that she was still looking for something she would eat.

It took him several moments for him to understand what she had asked and he closed his eyes thoughtfully.

Why would she ask something like that? Ren wasn't the type of person to dwell on that from what he had seen of her.

"I believe in an ultimate being, but not necessarily "God"." He replied, setting the menu down on the table.

It had been about a week since their relationship had been declared official. Of course, Misa didn't know about it. Neither did anyone else. Which was for the best. Every other member of the Task Force thought he was in a relationship with the blonde model. To hear of his new romantic interest would be overly suspicious. Though, he could probably talk everyone into thinking that he'd only offered for Misa to move in so he could keep an eye on her…it was better not to risk it.

"Huh…interesting." Ren tilted her head a little, a foggy look taking to her eyes as she seemed to be lost in thought.

Light watched her silently, lifting his water glass and taking a small sip as he waited.

By this point in time he knew that his unknowing goddess had her own way of thinking things through. Falling completely silent and ignoring the rest of the world was just her way of doing it.

When she regained herself and went back to scanning her menu, he took to asking his own questions.

"What's so interesting? And why the sudden question of religion?"

"You can believe in God and have no religion, can't you, Light-kun?" Without waiting for a response, she pressed on.

"And I was curious, since I'm trying to figure out the possibility of someone so intelligent being Kira. After all, wouldn't it be easier for someone so well-trusted as L to be such?" She looked up from her menu, expecting a clever answer in the least.

Light could have sworn that he himself had a heart attack. However, knowing that he was much too healthy, young, and that he himself was Kira, he forced himself to calm down.

Looking to Ren, he stared at her. His true emotions, for once, slipping through his usually perfect façade.

"Heh, you really are thinking too much on Kira, Ren-chan." What he heard next was completely unexpected.

"And I'm beginning to think that you're not thinking on Kira enough." It was a soft spoken outburst on her part.

One that had most certainly taken Light by surprise.

Was she catching on?! He thought she would _never _have been able to pull it off. Especially not so swiftly after meeting him. It was a scary thought in itself. Was this girl smarter than he had taken her for?!

"Are you saying that you suspect L, Ren-chan?" He asked, for once not faking the hurt in his expression.

"I can't allow my feelings get in the way of logic, Light-kun. I'm sure that someone of such standards of yourself understands that. Though…I'm not entirely sure what to think, to be honest. The thought just suddenly crossed my mind…" Her words were soft and heartfelt, as they typically were.

And they were definitely enough to settle the majority of his worries. Not all of them. Hell, a scare like that definitely couldn't get rid of all of them.

"Are you sure you're just a musician, Ren-chan? Really, I'd think you'd make a better detective. You might even be able to surpass L someday." He said it honestly and with a smile.

Ren, however, seemed to have gained a looming negative cloud over her head.

"I don't think I could _ever_ be as good a detective as L, Light-kun. Besides, music and family are my life. That's all I want. Stopping Kira only means that I can have both without worries."

"I see…you truly are a selfless human being. I admire that in you. I never thought there was such a thing before." It made him pleased with himself when he saw her smile in an embarrassed way.

A light blush crept up into her cheeks.

"As pleasing as it is to hear that from you, Light-kun, I don't think that I'm really someone to be admired."

"And that's exactly why I admire you. I don't think anything that there's you can say that will change how I feel about that."

"W- well…I'm glad to hear it…" She murmured softly.

Blissful silence followed, shattered only with the coming of the waitress. The couple gave their orders and Light watched as Ren lifted her glass of citrus juice to her lips.

He then decided to voice his own question, much based off of her own.

"Do _you_ believe in God, Ren-chan?" Her response was one that came quickly.

"No. I don't believe in God at all, Light-kun. And I have my reasons for it too." Obviously, she had spent a lot of her time thinking about this particular thing.

This, though, only aroused more questions on his part.

Exactly what caused her to not believe in God? This very fact may help him in winning her over eventually to Kira's side. In fact, any small miniscule of information would come in handy for that.

"Oh? What reasons would those be?"

"…personal reasons."

"I see…are you going to hide them from me?"

"In all honesty, Light-kun…it hurts for me to think about such a thing."

"I understand, Ren-chan. But, don't forget that I'm always here for you. Always."

"_I'm always here for you. Always."_

Peace could have sworn that she had said the exact same thing to Mello at a point in time. And for the rest of the evening, though she promptly spoke to Light with a cheerful façade, she wondered about it.

Did that change now that she had discovered his capability to take a human life? Did that change now that she had discovered that he _had_ taken a human life? Several of them?

It was a hard thing to think of, as this was someone she had known for the entity of her life. Someone she had thought would _never_ do such a thing. Someone she had trusted with her _own _life.

It arouse another question.

Did she fear him now that she knew this? It was difficult to answer, seeing as she hadn't had the chance to speak to him about this. Yet.

It was something she was going to do as soon as she saw him next. Figure out all the answers to these questions. The _real_ answers so that she would never have to question herself ever again. Though, just because she didn't _have _to didn't mean that she most definitely wouldn't.

Though, all would become clear once she had that one, desperate confrontation that she truly needed. One, should she say, that she needed more than she had needed to confront the one sitting across from her.

What she didn't know was far more important than what she knew most certainly.

--

Entering the hotel suite after a _very _long and tiring day, Peace wasn't at all surprised to see Serenity and Jacob awaiting her. She also wasn't very surprised to see that they had noticed her troubled expression. She hadn't taken to hiding it today. There was little reason to it as it was important that they knew what she was going to do anyway.

"Lily? What's that look for?" It was Serenity who had asked the question.

By now he had gotten well acquainted with the fact that she was _not _about to just give up on finishing Kira for good. She was _not _about to give up on fulfilling the vows and promises she had made. Though he didn't necessarily like it, he trusted her enough that she would keep the promises she made to both himself and his boyfriend.

"…can I have a grape lollipop please? Then I will tell you…" And she'd also need to contact Near too.

She'd need to relay the plan to him as well. Giving him the basic of the details. After all, it wasn't going to be obvious how the turn-out would be until it was too late.

Serenity looked to Jacob worriedly, but soon took off to get his friend exactly what she had asked for. As well as a glass of juice. Just in case.

He didn't like the expression she was wearing. The voice she was using to speak. Yet, he knew that voicing those thoughts to her himself wouldn't help him to gain the answers he desired either.

Jacob, meanwhile, leaned up against the wall and watched as Lily twirled her red highlights around her index finger. A habit she had taken to a lot lately. Not unlike the same habit the white haired boy she spoke to had.

With that in mind, it didn't take much for Jacob to come to a conclusion. Lily tended to take on the quirks and habits of others when she was worried. It would probably explain her sudden want for grape lollipops, chocolate cheesecake, and strawberries as well as her typical citrus juice craving.

"It's serious…isn't it?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

"Very." Was the response.

The expected response, too.

Peace sighed softly and closed her eyes.

She knew something like this would occur. She hadn't been the one to bring it up - Light had - but it was obvious that something like this would happen. Especially given that it was becoming more obvious with each date she had with the suspect…that L was indeed correct about him.

She didn't like to think about it, but given that she had decided upon taking up his name, she had little choice. She could hold no bias and had to follow the evidence alone. In this case, it would be Light's growing comfort around her.

Light…was Kira.

There was no denying it now. Yet, though she felt somewhat upset about learning this, Peace also felt some huge relief all the same. There would be no more questioning. There would just be doing. In learning the truth…she also learned that the feelings she had been undergoing were slowly slipping. As if they had only been there because Light had been a symbol of comfort and protection that she had needed.

Knowing that she had more than likely been played. It practically destroyed any of the positive feelings she had. Especially the safety.

So, she was left feeling somewhat vulnerable. Though, it wasn't as serious as she would have thought. It was as if there was an unknown force offering her some sort of comfort. The desperate comfort that she needed.

Her train of thoughts were disturbed with the return of Serenity. Gently, he handed her the lollipop she had asked for and placed down the small glass of grapefruit juice.

Quickly, Peace tore off the wrapping for the lollipop and popped it into her mouth. Savouring the sweet, artificial flavor, she shifted said candy with her forefinger and thumb. Briefly pulling it out of her mouth, she spoke.

"I will now contact Near. Then, I will properly kill two birds with one stone. The three of you will need to know of this anyway."

--

The shock of the situation was evident on the faces of both of her band mates. On Near's visage, not so much.

Though, Peace expected this. She expected the stunned silence she was receiving at this very moment. Just because Near didn't look surprised, didn't mean that he wasn't. He had excellent emotional control. If he was shocked, Peace wouldn't know unless he wanted her - or anyone else - to know.

"And you are positive that this is what you wish to do? With the plan we discussed with Light Yagami?"

"Of course. I'm certain, that without me interfering, Mello will be killed. Then, all of what we have discussed between ourselves would be for nothing." Her voice was steady.

Steady and strong.

Her stormy eyes held the same intensity as she stared at Near. It was an amazing feat in itself that he didn't look away.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Serenity exclaimed and Peace glanced towards him.

"I understand the concern-"

"You're going to sneak into a SWAT invasion without anyone knowing?! With someone having the ability to see your real name?! Do you really understand my concern?!"

"Serenity…" Jacob went to place his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, but was shrugged away.

Peace held a hurt look to her eyes, but before even having the chance to speak, Near did it for her.

"I can assure you that L has the ability to do this without being detected unless she wishes. Her chances of surviving are very high, giving that she would be immediately recognized."

"Unless the chances are one hundred percent, I don't give a fuck!" Serenity snapped.

"Serenity…" Her voice was very soft, not able to be heard over her companion's shouts.

"Don't you even care about us, Lily?!"

"Serenity."

"God damn it! Don't you care?! You could die and then-"

"Serenity!" By this point, Peace was standing, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.

Her messy hair hung in her pale face, obscuring her vision. Her small body trembled violently, indicating that she was either furious, or on the brink of tears. Either way, no tears fell.

Silence enveloped each of the men.

Lifting her hand, the teenage girl brushed her dark hair from her face and sat back down. The tremble still remained, but her expression was calm. Her eyes held even more intensity than they had held before.

"Perhaps this move is idiotic on my part. Then again, what move have I made recently that _isn't_? Still, I've said it once and I'll say it again. Risks need to be made. If my life will save the lives of those I care about, then it's worth it. If my life will avenge the life of the _true _L…then it's worth it. Compared to everyone else, my life is _nothing_, understood?"

"Lily…"

"I don't expect you to understand, Serenity. I have a duty that no one else could possibly hope to fill. I've made promises that no one else can keep. The only thing I ask of you, is not to understand, but to _support_ me. Believe in me. If you do that, then there's no chance that I'll die." Perhaps it was a bit of a stretch, but not only was she trying to convince Serenity and all of those listening, but she was trying to convince herself.

She looked back to Near.

"If you give me the new coordinates, _I _can handle the rest."


	16. That Little Voice Inside Her Head

**-sighs-**

**I tried. I really did. Still, something seems to be missing...if anyone knows what it is, let me know? Please? I like it, but something about the chapter bothers me as well...**

**Anyway, I enjoyed how I made this chapter much more action filled than the last fourteen :D There will be at _least _one more chapter this exciting, but not for a little while. Tell me if I played it right. **

**You must remember, I have only seen the anime once and that was at least a year ago. I've never read the manga, either. Everything written in "Peace" is either of my own creation or from my foggy memory...damn dial-up.**

**Oh and in this chapter, you finally learn which name was decided upon for Peace! How exciting!**

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 15

The truth of the matter was, Peace already knew what Light Yagami was trying to do.

Peace already knew what _Kira_ was trying to do.

He'd said that this was to get the Death Note out of the wrong hands. Out of _Mello's_ hands, but she knew the truth. Perhaps that was part of it, but it wasn't the entire of it. It wasn't the important part.

Peace knew that Light Yagami - Kira - was trying to kill Mello. Mello, who obviously knew something that Light didn't want _anyone_ to know. Something that the notebook he held gave away. It would explain _why _there were two of them, after all.

Storm colored eyes were vibrant in the night as the small figure had her back pressed firmly to the wall of the building.

Giving her small stature, it wasn't hard for her to hide in the shadows. It wasn't hard for her to go unseen by the onset of police officers, familiar and unfamiliar that entered the mafia hideout. And even if she was spotted, the current uniform she was wearing would help her blend in.

A blue SWAT uniform, accompanied with a hard helmet. She had even tucked her messy hair up into it. In her hands, reluctantly, she held a gun. A small silver Glock.

It wasn't much, but it may prove necessary for her own protection. Though she didn't like to think about taking a life, Peace had the mentality that the gun's presence itself prove to be useful.

She could make out the figures of the officers that were awaiting the orders to enter the warehouse and she knew that she didn't have much time. If she wanted to get to Mello first, and _protect _him…she would need to get in there. That meant, get in there before all of them.

So, she knelt down to the ground. Her knees met with the cool, dewy grass and she kept a shaky hand on the pistol as her elbows did the same. Following the same strategy that she had seen in war movies several times, - she'd seen several back at Wammy's - Peace crawled.

The small, dark shadow went unnoticed to the other uniformed officers. Especially since she took care to look for a window instead of going in through the door like the real thing. Luckily for her - as she was so short - the window was low to the ground.

It was closed, but it didn't seem to be locked. Why, she didn't have a clue, but that didn't matter either. All that mattered was that it was easy to open, despite her small stature.

Placing her hands on either side of the window, Peace pushed up. Strands of her dark hair came loose from under the helmet and obscured her vision, but she still pushed up.

It took much of her strength, but she eventually got open the window. Placing her hands on either side of the sill, she catapulted herself inside.

The muffled sound of hiking boots touching concrete happened no sooner than the rain of SWAT officers coming in through the door.

Temporarily, she was taken aback by the tens of uniformed officers entering the building. Temporarily, she was distracted and unable to move.

There…was so _many_ more! Really, how could she hope to save Mello from an untimely fate if there was only _one _of her?! She didn't know. Frankly, it was a thought that scared the living daylights out of her. A thought that indicated more failure on her part.

Peace didn't want to be anymore of a failure than she already was.

_Coward._

The word echoed across her mind and her eyes flashed fearfully.

_You're nothing more than a coward._

It was a strange thing. For all of these thoughts to come waving over her now. Peace wasn't sure what to make of it. The voice that was saying these things too…it seemed so familiar.

_Coward! If you don't do anything…the one you claim to idolize will die! Do you want that?! Do you?!_

"No…" Her voice seemed so alien to her now.

However, that one simple word she had whispered oh-so-hoarsely gave her the strength she needed.

There was _no_ God damn way that she was going to let Mello die today! Even if she herself died in the process, it would all be worth it if she could save his life. Do something worth while for once.

Gaining courage, Peace gripped the small pistol a little tighter before bolting down the corridors. The small, dark tinted mask of her helmet hid the determination in her eyes.

The tap-tapping of her boots - though probably properly described as slamming - echoed through the halls.

She tried to ignore the sounds of gunfire. She tried to just focus on the mission she had assigned herself. The end result. Just how good it would be to do something and prove to everyone that she wasn't a coward. To prove to that little voice in her head that she wasn't a coward. To prove to Mello that she wasn't a coward.

Though that meant making it obvious to Light whose side she was on, it didn't matter. As she had properly told Mello before, it didn't matter to her who finished Kira, as long as he was gone. Besides, considering Light _was _most certainly Kira, she needed to be as far from him as possible. To be certain that the feelings faded for good.

She'd made the mistake of falling for a suspect and she wasn't going to let those feelings get anymore serious. Though, they would never completely fade, she knew, it didn't matter. As long as they faded enough for her to be able to do her job. As long as they faded enough for her to be able to keep her promises.

That was all that mattered.

_Stop thinking about Kira! Kira doesn't fall into this situation at all, you dumbass!_

She grit her teeth and skidded as she saw a brawl going on between several of the SWAT officers and several of the mafia. To keep from being caught up in the crossfire, Peace glanced around and thought quickly. Making a decision, she moved and began to run again down the left corridor.

By this point, not only was her mind running in circles, but her heart was pounding hard. Hard enough that she briefly thought she was going to die of a heart attack herself. Though, that thought was quickly pushed to the back of her mind as she tripped over the legs of a familiar person.

She collapsed to the hard concrete floor and slid several feet. Her back collided hard with the wall and her helmet fell from her head, rolling to a stop against the wall opposite of her.

"Nng…"

"R- Ren-chan?!" Th- that voice…

Peace opened her eyes blearily and it took a few moments for her to register that someone was staring down at her. Immediately, she lashed out. The gun she held in her small hands was pointed directly at their face, finger on the trigger.

"Gah! Don't shoot!" Her vision cleared and it didn't take her very long at all to register that the person hovering over her small form was Matsuda.

She lowered her gun and scrambled to grab her helmet, slamming it back on her head. Her long, messy, dark hair spilled over her shoulders, risking getting in the way. Yet, she didn't care about that.

Standing up straight, she briefly turned her hardened gaze on her companion.

"Light-kun is Kira. I have no doubts about that, Matsuda-kun." She told him firmly.

"H- huh?!" It was out of the blue, she knew, and she doubted he'd listen to her.

Still, she figured that she'd warn him at least. She owed him that. Peace didn't need to see someone with such a good heart die because of it.

"Light-kun is Kira and in the end, he must be stopped. Whether you believe me or not, I don't care. All that I care about is the fact that you don't deserve to die because you were deceived. I'm giving you the chance to know the entire truth."

"H- how do you know this, though?! There's no evidence! Why are you even saying this?!" Peace turned her back quickly, her mind spinning the gears in her head.

"You may or may not believe any of what I'm telling you, but I have my reasons. The evidence will show up when it's time for the truth to be revealed." She glanced briefly towards him, her expression blank.

It was then that even that young police officer could see the resemblance. It was most definitely in the eyes.

"As for why I'm telling you…well, it will all be revealed when this is over. Until then, I guess this is goodbye, Matsuda-kun." She offered a small smile and he stumbled a little, obviously surprised.

"It was a pleasure, most certainly." With those words, the teenage girl began her run again, not looking back.

Matsuda just watched on, completely confused and distraught over what just happened. Over what he'd just witnessed. What he'd just heard…

Yet, Peace just kept running. Her talk with Matsuda pushed firmly to the very back of her mind as she refocused on her objective.

_No more distractions, you idiot! Time is of the essence!_

Time…

Time meant everything in this situation. That meant that there was a chance that she was too late…

_God damn it! Don't you ever think of anything positive?! You idiot! Thinking of what might happen will only slow you down! Think about what will happen instead! _

What will happen…?

What will happen?

_You'll save him! God damn it, do I have to spell out everything for you?!_

Her eyes narrowed and she clutched the small silver weapon tighter as she picked up the pace.

Right. What _will _happen.

She would save Mello. She would save his God damn ass and he would have no choice, but to take her with him! He would have no choice, _but _to include her! To remember her…

Even if she died, he would remember her because she'd give her life for him. She'd give her soul for him. He meant so much to her…

_Back on track, Idiot!_

Right. Back on track.

Mello. Peace is coming and she's going to make sure that you live to see another day!

--

He was stark stiff, his surprise and fear probably quite evident by this point.

Mello hated that fact, but didn't care to focus too much on it.

He was focusing more on the fact that this old man knew his name. This old man knew his name and was threatening to write his name in that God damn notebook!

What a perfect situation…had he spoken that, it probably would have been sarcasm. Scratch that, it _would _have been sarcasm.

He was well pass exchanging words with this guy. Really, it was just the old man talking now. Telling him to give up and he wouldn't die. Like hell…

And so, he was left with little choice. He revealed the small little red switch that would destroy the entire warehouse. He didn't like the idea of starting all over. He didn't like the idea of killing all of the idiots still in the damn building. But, if it meant protecting his own life and beating Near, well…he'd go with it.

The blonde's thumb hovered over the button and he smirked a little, showing that he had no fear at this point. The old man wouldn't kill him. Something in his gut told him that. Mello trusted his gut as well as his brain.

However, neither was exactly prepared for what happened next.

It was pretty much a blur, actually. A blue blur. A blue blur that tripped, rolled, and stood up with it's arms outstretched directly in front of him. As if it was protecting him.

"Stop, Soichiro-san! Don't hurt him!" The small figure that was standing in front of him, - probably attempting to look as big as possible - cried out.

It took him almost no time at all to figure out who it was. The hair, the size, and the strangled voice gave it all away.

"Peace?! What in the _hell _do you think you're doing?!" The answer he received was _not _something he was prepared for either.

"Saving your ass, now shut up and let me do what I came here to do." The strangled voice he had heard not even a minute ago had changed so quickly.

The voice she used was harsh, demanding…_strong_. Mello was definitely not used to hearing that tone from her. Frankly, that annoyed the hell out of him too.

However, before he could even think to argue, Soichiro spoke up.

"I don't know how you got here, but step aside. I'm giving Mello the chance to escape with his life if he only turns himself in…" Like hell, old man.

There was _no_ way he was turning himself in. He'd rather die than lose his chance of beating Near!

His thumb hovered over the button, brushing along it. He would have probably pressed down by now if it weren't for the small girl still standing protectively in front of him.

"No. I'm not moving. You're going to have to write my name down too if you even dare start writing in that cursed book."

"You idiot!" Mello blurted it out before he could even think.

Peace just looked up at him blankly with those stormy, L-like eyes. After several moments, a slight smile graced her lips.

"I know." It was as if she didn't really care.

And she didn't. Peace had made it quite clear by this point that she found her life far less important than anyone else's.

Soichiro stared at the numbers and names above both of their heads.

"Mihael Kheel…" At the mention of his real name once again, Mello went rigid.

Peace felt this and her eyes narrowed.

"You better not be wearing a bug!" She snapped.

Light would have a field day with this…though she already suspected that the older Yagami was wearing some sort of camera. Light was probably shocked shitless.

The thought in itself was a little funny…

Soichiro looked to her, a sad look in his eyes. Peace blinked and then closed her eyes, gently lowering her arms.

She knew by now that it was obvious to him what she had done. Perhaps she hadn't originally felt bad, but…the guilt seemed to be getting to her a little now.

"All this time…you were acting." He murmured.

"The meeting with my son…joining the Task Force. All so you could help this criminal. You planned this entire thing…Leila Lawliet. " The very mention of her name sent shivers down her spine, but Leila kept her ground.

She stood strong, though was still making sure her guilt was obvious. However, it wasn't long until she rose her head and shifted the visor of her helmet so that her eyes became much more visible. They stared deeply into Soichiro's.

"It's all true. I planned it all. Every last bit of it." She flung her arms out and offered a slight smile.

Then, after several moments, she lowered them and the smile faded into a hard expression that Mello hadn't seen on her before.

He'd seen her wear many expression before, but not that one. He'd only seen that expression on L's face. It was an expression that hid how she truly, really felt. He'd of never thought she could manage that.

"However, you fail to see the truth behind it all because of your own bias. You fail to see the evidence. It is to be expected, as you also seem to be in a stage of denial. L spoke of this in his notes, though he also spoke very highly of you." Her eyes softened a little bit as she spoke, but then hardened as the shaky hand of Soichiro Yagami lowered to the paper of the notebook.

"L…? You knew him?"

"I did. However, I will say no more on the subject."

"Then I have no choice…I'm sorry…" The pen began to move across the paper and the fear in her heart became very clear on her face.

In that very instant, as soon as it became obvious, Mello took his chance.

Though he was surprised by her bold words himself, he made quick to push such surprise away to worry about later. Roughly, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her inwards to his chest, his thumb coming down on the switch.

Everything, then, went up in flames.

--

It was two funerals in one day. The funerals of Soichiro Yagami and Ren Hideki.

There were several standing about on the gloomy, cloudy day the coffins were buried, only one of which holding a body.

Jacob and Serenity were there, said redhead clinging tightly to Jacob - who was using the alias Cassidy - and trembling miserably. Jacob, however, stood strong. Stone faced. His eyes were hard as he subconsciously attempted to comfort his boyfriend.

Serenity was so torn up about this. Yet…there was _no_ body. How could that be proof enough that she was dead? Or…was there something more to this?

Such questions were the ones that ran through Jacob's mind as he analyzed the situation. Perhaps he wasn't a genius, but he was smart enough to know that there was more than one hole in this entire idea. Serenity, though, was much too caught up in his grief to realize it.

Jacob made a mental note to talk to his boyfriend about this later. To remind him of the simple fact that Lily had wanted them to believe in her. If they had done that, there was no way in hell that she'd let herself die like this. Unexpected.

Light was there too, of course. Soichiro _was _his father. And, whilst it went unknown to everybody else, Ren was also his girlfriend. The loss of both his father and his goddess? It hurt and it certainly wasn't planned.

He would have assumed her alive, of course, had the explosion not knocked both her and Mello deep into the flames during the explosion. He had seen it through the camera hidden in his father's helmet visor.

Though there had been no sound, the video was clear as day.

Immediately, Ren had been knocked unconscious. Light had no doubts that Mello had sprung off to save himself, leaving the girl that had just saved his life to burn to death. Which she most surely had to of done. He only hoped that she hadn't been conscious to feel it.

Why assume she was dead though if he had no body to prove it?

It was easier that way. Perhaps not the "genius" thing to do, but if he _assumed _she was already dead, he wouldn't have to _kill _her himself had she lived. Her betrayal had been like a stab to the heart.

Saving Mello of all things wasn't something he'd thought she would do. Then again, he hadn't known her all that long either. Just long enough to know that for the first and probably last time ever, he'd been in love.

Ren Hideki…judging by what his father told him about her before his death, that wasn't even her real name. Though he never did mention her real name either as he was much too pleased to find that he could see his son's lifespan clearly over his head. All courtesy of the shinigami eyes traded to him for half his lifespan.

Now, perhaps it was a little twisted, but the death of Soichiro Yagami was not too painful for Light Yagami to deal with. Not nearly as painful as the betrayal and death of his goddess, Peace. Perhaps he had grown to distance himself from the rest of the human beings? There wasn't really an answer for it.

Though, seeing as he considered Ren Hideki to be a goddess, - _his _goddess - it would make sense. The power of death that he had over people made him feel superior. God-like. It would be quite easy to distance himself from the rest of humans if he thought he was better than them, which Light certainly did.

It had just become a little more evident now if one were to look inside his complex, yet so simple, mind.

His acting skills were quite marvellous, so the fact that he felt little pain over his father's death would go unnoticed. And the pain he felt over Ren's supposed death was enough to mask it as well.

Well…perhaps it was better this way. Now that he thought about it, she wouldn't have willingly joined Kira. He would have had to force her to. Something inside of Light told him that he couldn't have forced Ren-chan to do any such thing.

She would have had to die anyway…


	17. The Letter and His Concerns

**Hm.**

**I'm not entirely sure if I'm proud of this or not. I like the way I finished up the letter and how I did Jacob and Serenity's parts, but I feel that I could have done better with Near's part and with the others as well.**

**-sighs-**

**Don't hate me if it isn't up to par. I wrote quite a bit and if it's not entirely pleasing, let me know nicely? Please? I want to know, but I don't want to get shouted at for it.**

**Oh and as for the lack of scar on Mello's part, I was pursuaded by a close friend of mine to write the story so that he never got it. You could say the Peace's interference helped him stay more focused and aware of his surroundings so he didn't get that badly burned.**

**No offence to the scar lovers as I am too one, but I take my friend's critism to heart despite the fact that it is my story...for the most part.**

**Please Review.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 16

Not much time had passed at all when Near had come to a final conclusion.

Seated down on the floor - as he typically was - he reached for the small female finger puppet that was standing beside one of Light Yagami. The white haired young man held it in his hand. His eyes focused on it for several long minutes.

Then, his lips twitched up into a very rare smile.

With a fluid movement, he placed the puppet representing that of the new L beside the puppet representing a certain blonde garbed in black. Close behind stood another puppet representing that of Matt.

His dark eyes focused on the scene and then flickered back to the scaled version of the Japanese Task Force. Finally, he moved to rest his gaze to the center where there rested the puppet of Light Yagami. Misa Amane sat beside him on his left.

"You've made your decision, L." He murmured, twirling his snowy colored hair around his index finger.

Perhaps Peace hadn't indicated what she had been up to, but Near had been perceptive enough to know. She was - in the beginning - no doubt wishing to meet with the one who was suspected of being Kira. It was also suspected that she would befriend him, whether she wanted to or not.

Light Yagami was good at manipulating and Peace was much too trusting, though Near suspected that she knew that.

It would explain her obvious shame in the past few weeks.

"I know that it is the best one you could have made…given your situation." Saving Mello was probably the best thing she could have done.

Now, everyone believed her to be dead even if Mello happened to be alive. Her own chances of surviving this to the end had significantly risen as well as his. As, not only would Peace be able to protect herself, but it was obvious - given her recent actions - she would do what she could to protect Mello.

With the one selfless move she had made, Peace had almost completely sealed Kira's fate.

Three great minds against one…

"…Light Yagami…you are outnumbered."

--

"W- what are you doing?" Serenity's soft voice rang out through Lily's abandoned bedroom as Jacob rummaged through it.

He was searching every nook and cranny for…well, he didn't know what for. Something in his gut just told him to do it. Whether or not Serenity would like it, he didn't really care at the moment. What mattered was finding that one thing he was looking for.

Whatever it was.

"Looking for something."

"B- but…"

"Go back to bed. I'll be with you shortly." Jacob cut him off completely, pulling out the drawers from her dresser one at a time.

His eyes briefly scanned through the drawers as he pulled out her clothes. He made sure not to be messy with them, but still removed them all.

"…Jacob…"

"What?"

"…please stop…" Serenity's voice was practically begging and Jacob turned to him briefly, his brown eyes softening significantly.

"Serenity, I know you're upset, but there's something here…I just know it."

"Damn it, Jacob!" Serenity finally burst out.

Jacob stumbled backwards a little bit as his boyfriend glared angrily at him, tears welling up in his eyes. Again…the green irises visible. He hadn't bothered with his contacts today.

"Lily's dead! Don't you care?!"

"Serenity…"

"She's gone! She's gone and not coming back! And you're acting as though she never mattered to you at all! Like her death isn't affecting you in any way! Well, it's affecting me! She's all I had when my parents kicked me out!" The words were hurtful, yet intriguing all the same.

Jacob blinked once and then looked sadly to his partner, though the element of shock was in his eyes as well.

Kicked out…?

Serenity's eyes were wide and his body trembled. Immediately, he took a step back and turned to stomp from the room. He was stopped though by the gentle hand that wrapped around his wrist.

"Don't…please…" There was a vulnerable tone to Jacob's voice that Serenity hadn't heard before.

It made him stop immediately in his tracks. The tears beginning to slide and trickle down his cheeks. There was little hesitation on Jacob's part as he wrapped his arms securely around Serenity's waist from behind.

"…I'm sorry. I just- I just feel that there's something we need to know in here…b- but if you'd rather talk-" Before Jacob could finish, Serenity spun around and hugged him as tightly as he could manage around his torso.

His face pressed into the older man's shoulder and the tears continued to fall.

"Sh- she was all I had to consider as family." He whispered.

"I was so happy that I wouldn't be alone anymore when we met each other on the street that morning…" Serenity trembled in Jacob's arms and soon felt the arms around him tighten in a securing manner.

Jacob could tell that he was on the edge of a breakdown. Had he not been as perceptive to Serenity's easy-to-anger self, he probably wouldn't have been able to. Yet, Jacob could tell. He could tell and he was planning to do what he could to help.

"Here…we'll talk in Lily's room, okay?" It was a way to begin the healing that probably didn't really need to happen if what he suspected was true.

--

_There wasn't time to think on anything, but getting out as the explosion sent them flying. Flames erupted all around them, singing his flesh as he attempted to do what he could to protect her._

_After all, she'd risked her life for him…he knew that he had to do the same for her now. Though, he probably would have done it anyways. _

_He hadn't expected her to come through all of this just for him. In retrospect, he underestimated her loyalty. He thought she'd just forget all about him and continue with whatever plan she had in mind. He never once allowed the thought to cross his mind that maybe something like this was part of her plan. He'd been much too caught up with other things._

_The flames singed at his flesh, but Mello remained strong as he ran with the much smaller girl in his arms, doing the best he could to protect her from what was harming him. Though, judging by the rugged coughs escaping her, he wasn't doing a very good job._

_Grunting under his breath, Mello picked up speed and used a leather clad hand to clamp over her nose and mouth. Protecting her from inhaling anymore of the smoke. He didn't know if she was conscious or not by this point, just that she wasn't talking or moving. Just coughing._

_That in itself was the only relative clue that she was alive and the explosion hadn't harmed her. Though, the same couldn't be said for him. _

_He hurt all over…but the pride he somehow felt outweighed it all._

_Peace…Leila had come to save his ass and not anyone else's._

Ash fell from Matt's cigarette as it lazily drooped from his lips. His back was pressed up against the wall of the motel room, his thumbs exercising the well-worn buttons of his handheld. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the small form on the bed.

Peace was still unconscious. It had been twelve hours and she still hadn't awoken from the brush with death that herself and Mello had. Though, if it weren't for Mello, she probably would have been killed in the explosion. And likewise, if it weren't for Peace distracting the old man long enough, Mello may have been killed as well.

Matt wasn't entirely sure who saved who. Everything may have gone well if she hadn't of shown up, or it may have gone _very _horribly wrong. Either way, it happened and she had been knocked unconscious in the process. No doubt from the force of the shockwaves. She was of very small stature, after all. It wasn't that surprising.

The snap of a chocolate bar occurred on the other side of the room, closest to the bed that she slept on. Mello focused on her firmly, his eyes hard. Though, it was again obvious to Matt that he was concerned. _Very _concerned.

Though he'd never actually admit that.

"She's an idiot for coming…" Mello suddenly grumbled and his friend looked up, still playing the game in his hands.

"It's Peace, Mel. You can't say you didn't expect that she'd come the moment she caught wind either of us were in danger."

"She's still an idiot." At the response, Matt rolled his eyes and glanced to the teenage girl.

She looked very serene, tranquil. Though he knew that her mind was probably wrought with so many thoughts. Some of which about the case, others were about her feelings. Hell, there were even concerns about how others would think of her.

Matt had to admit that it wasn't expected, despite what he'd previously seen, when Peace told him of her feelings for Light Yagami. Still, by looking into her eyes he could see that she really believed that to be true.

Matt knew better though. He'd been around Peace long enough to at least learn something about how her mind worked. She needed stability and security.

Back at Wammy's, it had been L, himself, Mello, and _possibly _Near that offered that to her. She knew them enough to be able to feel safe and secure with whatever they did as it was completely expected. However, when L was killed and everyone left her behind, she had no choice but to look for a new way to feel safe. Her first instinct was to turn to something _else_ she knew and loved. Music.

It worked for the first couple years, Matt guessed, but she eventually lost the feelings of security that came with it. Again, she was practically on her own, searching for someone from her past to offer her up something more of what she needed. Her band mates weren't giving it to her. In fact, he had a feeling that in some way, they made those feelings a little worse. He wouldn't really fully know that, though as he wasn't completely aware to how Peace's mind worked.

It probably felt like such a relief though when he'd come back into her life that night. He could see it in her eyes just how happy she was. But it was never really a happiness issue. Peace was probably happy at that time, if only a little lonely. Matt could only assume that his presence gave her a true hope and Mello's presence later that evening probably made her feeling like bursting into a huge smile.

Yet, it was all short-lived and she would be on her own again. The thought itself must have had her…_scared _in a way. It must have jumpstarted her want to take L's place. So that she could see them again. Whether it was protect them or herself, again, Matt wasn't sure. He just knew that along the way, she met Light and he symbolized the strength that she felt she needed to survive.

Instinctively, she clung to that and would be very hesitant to let go of it. But, judging by what she had done…she _had_ let go. Maybe she'd done something life threatening, but it was to protect her true sense of stability. Obviously, she had come to her senses enough to realize that Yagami was only going to get her hurt in the end, whether it was physically or emotionally.

Frankly, she didn't deserve either of those options.

--

Jacob continued to hold Serenity as securely and comforting as he could. His face held only sympathy and compassion as the younger man trembled against his chest while that sat on Lily's bed.

It had pretty much been out of the blue, but it seemed that under the given stress the redhead was under, he had felt it necessary to pour out his heart and soul. That was _not _a bad thing, mind you, only concerning.

Still, Jacob had learned everything about Serenity's past in just a short hour. He'd learned about how his boyfriend and Lily had met. He'd learned about _why _he was alone. What his parents had done to him…

Perhaps they hadn't hurt him physically, but to disown him for his sexuality was just as bad as any physical abuse he could have undergone. It made Jacob furious, yet close to tears himself.

He held onto Serenity tighter and pressed his face close to his neck, offering his support the best way he could. Not exchanging any words as he felt that silence would be the best answer he could give.

"J- Jacob…?" Serenity's softened voice brought the older man to his senses.

Lifting his head, brown locked with green.

"Yes?"

"…y- you promise not to leave me behind too…right?" Judging by what he had just been told, Jacob could tell that this was one of Serenity's main insecurities.

To be alone again.

With Lily's death - someone he had known would be by his side for however long she lived - the insecurities were stronger. Serenity needed Jacob to promise this. To keep him sane. And perhaps now was as good a time as ever to reveal how he felt as well.

Jacob wasn't really one for that, unless it was serious. And, given the situation, it was a serious enough situation and would be damn well impossible for Serenity to go on without knowing this.

The grey haired man softly kissed his boyfriend's cheek and did his best to offer the most comforting smile he could muster.

"I'm not going anywhere, Silly…" He murmured into his ear.

"…I love you too much to do that." Hearing such words caused Serenity's head to shoot upwards, his eyes wide.

Jacob…loved him? Never had he imagined hearing such words from the man. He'd dreamt of it, certainly, but to hear them…

"Y- you do?" It was like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders.

His heart wasn't so burdened anymore. He wasn't so damn _scared_. But - there was always a "but" - Lily had loved him too. She'd loved them both. She wasn't here at the moment…

Jacob kissed Serenity lightly, spotting his concern.

"Listen to me, Serenity. She's not dead. Do you really think she'd get herself killed so easily? I mean…that coffin that kid said was hers…it didn't hold her body." Yet more words that brought hope, but words that also brought questions.

"J- Jacob…wh- what if you're wrong? What if Lily really _is _dead?"

"Then would she want you to be like this? Crying over her? Lily wouldn't want that…we both know it. Not just me." Jacob watched sadly as Serenity looked down in shame and gently brushed the tears away with his index finger.

"I haven't stopped believing in her yet, Serenity. But…I'm beginning to think that you're so scared that you never believed in her to begin with. That was all she asked us to do and that's all we _should _do. As stupid and simple as that sounds, I think Lily knew what she was talking about." Jacob's voice held a soothing tone to it that once again caused Serenity to peer up at him with tearful eyes.

Not long after, they hardened and he gave a firm nod of understanding.

"Y- you're right. I've got to trust that she knew…_knows_ what she's doing." He corrected himself.

"Then…everything will be okay." Lily would be alive.

They would see each other again. If only he just kept believing that, it would happen.

No sooner had the words been uttered than did a folded piece of paper fall out from under the fluffy pillow and onto the floor. The men were distracted by the movement and as soon as Jacob's eyes locked on it, his heart skipped a beat.

"What is that?" Serenity asked, releasing Jacob and picking up the paper.

Jacob gently took it from him and was even more gentle with unfolding it.

_**Peace,**_

_**As you read this, I'm sure the knowledge of my death has recently reached you.**_

_**I must ask of you that you continue to read this letter as there is very important information in its contents.**_

_**The first day you entered Wammy's, there was something oddly familiar about you. I remained uncertain of what it was for the first few days of you following me constantly, but soon I realized exactly what it was. In rapid speed, I had Watari perform some tests.**_

_**It seems, my hunch was correct. You are indeed related to me by blood. Perhaps I am being vague in this letter that I write, but it is for your own protection. If anyone were to get their hands on this very piece of paper, your life could be in jeopardy. Hence, I have attached the DNA test with this letter for you to protect to the best of your ability. To give you the rest of the information you are more than likely curious to know.**_

_**Forgive me if I seem to be getting professional, but despite being in an intense situation, I feel that it was necessary to get my point across.**_

_**I have never been one to convey my emotions in the proper sense that one considered as "normal" would do, but I do feel that now is the last possible chance I can do exactly that. I never quite understood how to describe such feelings that I now feel, until you uttered the three simple words to me all those years ago.**_

_**I suppose that now is my turn to return such words, though I find it unfathomable for you to possibly understand exactly how I feel. You are still just a child, after all. A kind child who doesn't know when the time to give ends. I doubt, that even when you reach your adult years that you will learn this. It is a good trait to have, but I still fear that it may be the end of you one day. Though, I somehow doubt you would have it any other way. The thought itself is quite amusing and I can assume that you are smiling yourself as of this exact moment.**_

_**Whenever you happen to read this letter, may it be the time my life ends or years after, I pray that you take care of yourself. That you continue to be who you have always been and do only what you wish to do. You have an excellent concept of what is right and wrong as I taught you that myself. I have taught you many things and I hope that they prove to be useful to you in the future.**_

_**I am sorry to cut this letter so short, but I am getting distracted by the sound of the bells. I wish I could go on, but I somehow doubt the quality of my words should I continue writing with such noise.**_

_**Though, the sound is beautiful, I must admit. Perhaps, one day, you may hear the bells as well. Though, hopefully under a different circumstance.**_

_**And so, I end this letter with the promised heartfelt words I mentioned earlier. I hope, though somehow know, that you can understand how much thought I put into them before I wrote them down onto this paper. I also put much thought into how I would sign a letter filled with such emotion and decided that since I will no longer be amongst the living by the time you read this letter that there will be very little reason behind hiding my identity from you. **_

_**I love you.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**- L Lawliet**_

Jacob's fingers trembled as he read the letter. His voice cracked, from having been reading it out loud for Serenity to know as well. Serenity himself was on the brink of tears once again, despite being confused.

The letter itself was very touching, though somewhat vague. It didn't matter, though. Something about it made perfect sense. Something about its words even made grown men nearly fall into their wells of tears.

"L Lawliet…?" What an unusual name…

"Yeah." Jacob murmured, glancing to Serenity.

He glanced back to the strangely heartfelt words on the piece of paper and read them to himself this time. To get a better understanding. Though, nothing came to mind.

"A DNA test?" Though it was plainly mentioned on the page, Jacob could tell by looking around the room that there would be no other piece of paper with such information found.

"Jacob…" There was somewhat of a sympathetic tone to the redhead's voice.

Both men had known that she had suffered loss. She'd told them herself, after all. Yet, to read that letter from the man she _herself _admitted to caring so much about in her younger years…it made it so much more real.

She hadn't acted as if it bothered her. Not throughout the four years Serenity had known her and not in the two Jacob had known her. Perhaps on certain days she was a little down, but who wasn't? Lily, for the most part, had kept up a cheerful façade.

"…that grave…belongs to this guy, doesn't it?" Serenity whispered.

Jacob looked back to him, soon reaching forwards and wrapping his strong fingers around his boyfriend's. To offer him security and assurance.

"I think so." Glancing to the name signed on the letter, Jacob smirked a little.

"L Lawliet…heh. It all makes sense now." Jacob may not have been a genius, but give him the proper pieces to fit together and he could finish a puzzle.

Serenity blinked a couple times and watched as Jacob looked up to the colourful guitar hanging on the wall. After a few moments, the older man shifted himself from the bed and walked over to it. Not long after, Serenity decided to follow.

"What is it, Jacob?"

"Mello." Jacob replied calmly, his chocolate orbs studying Lily's guitar.

"Mello? What about him?" There was some bitterness to Serenity's tone and Jacob cocked a bit of an amused smile.

"It's the signature on her guitar. It's obvious that she knew him before, judging by how she spoke of him to Near, but I'm guessing they were really close too." He responded, indicating to the messy signature.

"Close enough for her to risk her life?" Serenity asked sadly.

Jacob just offered a small shrug.

"It seems that way. But, Lily would risk her life for you and me too. It's not that unusual for her. Even if she doesn't particularly like him…which I doubt, giving that she had him sign her guitar. She loves that thing."

"I still don't like it and…if she's still alive-"

"She's still alive, Serenity. Don't doubt it for another second." Jacob interrupted and Serenity gave him a half-hearted glare that was mixed with a very slight amount of doubt.

"Damn it, Grey-head! Now I forget what I was going to say!"

"Don't bring my hair into this!" And things were already returning to normal.

--

Quiet coughs wracked her small form and she groaned softly before opening her eyes.

The small teenage girl blinked blearily at the dull ceiling for several long minutes before slowly sitting up. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, her small feet rested against the rough grey carpet and a hand cradled her head.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. Once feeling a little better, despite having a dry throat, she reopened her eyes and looked around the room. Immediately, she took notice of her two sleeping companions.

The copper haired gamer in the corner, his back up against the wall and an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. His handheld was in his hands, turned off, indicating that he'd either switched it off before falling asleep or the battery died. Closer to the bed sat a sleeping blonde, slumped over with half a chocolate bar in his gloved hand.

She studied them both closely for several more minutes before smiling weakly.

Her body hurt all over and she was tired. She didn't know how long she had been unconscious, but it was obvious that the prolonged sleep hadn't helped her much at all. Though, she felt a little relief when she noticed Mello seemed to be quite alright. Physically at least.

No burns. No scars. He hadn't gotten hurt and neither had she. They had protected each other. That was the best thing Peace could ask for. She hadn't wanted anyone to get hurt.

Shakily, the girl stood up and looked herself over. She immediately took notice that her clothes hadn't been changed since the SWAT invasion and released a small sigh.

She'd have to go get cleaned up. Change her clothes. Knowing Mello, they were far enough away from the "problem" so she could go unrecognized. Although, there would be the slight problem of where she could find some new clothes…

_Well, sitting around here won't do you any good. Get up and do something. Go somewhere. _

Peace stood up shakily and fought the onset of vertigo that faced her before shuffling herself towards the exit door of the small room. Though, she paused for a moment and turned to face the sleeping Mello, gently snatching the half-eaten chocolate bar from his hand and biting into it herself. Afterwards, she turned and walked out of the small room to stand on the small balcony. It was raining and she was only kept dry by the overhang of the roof.

She leaned up against the guardrail and coughed a little harder than she had earlier. Taking a large gulp of air, Peace lifted her head and stared out across the parking lot of the - she'd guessed by the neon sign - motel.

Her eyes held a somewhat depressed look and her hair hung messily in her pale face. Her body trembled slightly, though that was probably caused by both the chill of the humid air and the fact that she still was rather shaky.

Something about the rain had always been soothing to her. It always somehow made her feel better when she was down about something. She remembered all of the times she stood out in the rain, but the most vivid memory coming to mind was back at Wammy's.

She rose the stolen chocolate bar to her mouth again and used her teeth to snap off a piece.

_Her mind wasn't really focused on anything else by this point in time. Just so many questions pulsed through her mind. She didn't have time to care about herself or the fact that L was going to die. She just knew that she needed answers and that she would stand there for as long as she could until she got them. Every day for the rest of her life if she had to._

"_Damn it, you gotta stop comin' out here! You're going to get yourself sick!" Mello's annoyed tone brought her back to her senses and she blinked once before turning to face him._

_Huh? How long had he been standing there? Well, it didn't really matter._

"_Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." She whispered._

"_I WAS NOT WORRIED!!!" He was blushing a little as it was obvious that comment embarrassed him._

"_Relax, Mello." Matt murmured, and she could feel his eyes on her._

_She turned her attention back to the sky while Mello went off on some sort of rant that she wasn't paying attention to._

_Her mind was right back where it was not a minute ago._

"_Hey! Aren't you even listening to me?!"_

"_Do you think there's such a place as heaven, Mello? Matt? I've been pondering about it for days on end, yet I can't fathom the idea." She asked suddenly, the question overtaking her mind once again._

_She couldn't really fathom the idea of a heaven. It made little sense to her. Who was to say who was evil and who was good? Wasn't there a bit of evil in everybody? Peace really wanted answers to these bothersome questions._

"_Huh? Why're you thinking about something like that?" Mello asked._

"_You don't just space out for three days over something religious, Peace." Matt added and she tilted her head, blinking a couple times._

_It wasn't a religious thing at all. It was a fair question, wasn't it? Was there really such a place as heaven? Was there such a place that only those dubbed as "good" could go? And if there was…would she be classified as "good"? Would L be classified as "good"? Would all those she cared about be classified as "good"? A repetitive question that really needed an answer._

"_I- just want to know if the people I care about will go to such a beautifully described place. And if I DESERVE to go there. Am I a good person?" Now, this caused yet another outburst from Mello._

_Though, it wasn't all that surprising that he was shouting again. Mello seemed to like shouting, not that she particularly minded. She was used to it by now._

"_What the hell has gotten into you?! You're sprouting nonsense!"_

"_Hmm? Oh, sorry." Her brow furrowed as she decided to elaborate some of what was bothering her._

_She doubted that either boy would really understand all of her troubles anyway. She shouldn't be thinking of such a thing anyway. _

"_I just- really want to know. When people die, is there really some place for them to go afterwards? It's a scary thought really, death. To think of nothing being there once I die- it unnerves me."_

"_Gah! Of course there's something on the other side! Once you die, you go to heaven and live there with friends and family and stuff! God will take care of you when you're dead! Now, shut the hell up about it and come inside before you die of pneumonia or something!" She smiled, but it wasn't exactly out of happiness or relief._

_God? Someone to take care of her once she died? Somehow, she really doubted that possibility. She doubted that there was a higher power. Because, if there was, why would they kill the greatest man on Earth? Why kill L? God was supposed to be in charge of life and death right? Why would he do something like that and put a being such as Kira on the planet? There was little reason for Peace to believe in a higher power when there was still so many questions without answers._

_Though, seeing as Mello obviously believed this himself, so she would not say this out loud. He believed in God so she wouldn't dash his beliefs. Besides, he also thought L would live. Peace knew otherwise. So, she just decided to pull out of her daze and move on with life as if everything was going to be okay._

_Not for her sake at all, but for Mello's. She didn't need him to be concerned anymore for her and she didn't need to ruin what he believed in._

"_Of course. Whatever you want of me." She went inside and to her bedroom, where she got changed for the first time in days._

Something caused him to jerk awake. Whether it was a nightmare, he didn't know, but what he did know was that it was a damn good thing he woke up when he did.

It didn't take long at all for Mello to figure out something was missing. Something other than the chocolate bar he could have sworn was in his hand before he fell asleep. Quickly, without even bothering to try and wake Matt, Mello bolted to the door as soon as he realized _she _was missing.

That _idiot_! Where the hell could she have gone?! Why the hell would she be walking around?! He didn't care so much for the fact that she'd stolen his chocolate bar as he once would have. All that really mattered was locating her and shaking her silly.

Yanking open the door, Mello was completely unprepared for what he saw. Though he should have expected it, he didn't.

There Peace was, leaning up against the motel guardrail with _his _chocolate bar in her teeth. Immediately, he fell to a complete stop in the doorway, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Mello stood there for several long moments, only brought back to his senses by the sudden sound of her voice.

"You're okay, right?" Her soft spoken tone startled him for a moment - though he'd never admit it -, but he quickly regained himself and closed the door behind him.

"Tch, that's a stupid thing to ask. You're worse off than I am."

"Perhaps, but-" She broke off into a series of coughs and he took this chance to come up beside her.

"Get inside, you moron, before you _really _get yourself killed this time." Maybe they were safe this far away, but it would only last so long.

He needed to come up with another plan and seeing as Peace was now _completely _involved, he had no choice, but to bring her along. That also meant that he had no choice, but to keep her safe as well. Take care of her.

It may be a setback, but he knew that it may also be of significant help. Her loyalty would probably come into play again and her mind…there would be little chance of Near beating him this time.

Her teeth met with the chocolate bar again and she snapped off a piece easily. Mello's eyebrow twitched in slight annoyance as he reached to snatch it away from her. Quicker than he suspected, she pulled back from him and bit down on the chocolate bar again.

He glared at her in annoyance.

"Damn it, Peace! Give it!" Blinking a couple of times in confusion, Peace reached forwards and handed the chocolate bar back to him.

Her expression had fallen a little more and she turned back to face the parking lot. Mello blinked a couple of times at her further decrease in mood before leaning his back up against the guardrail and biting into the remnants of his chocolate bar.

He didn't say anything to her, figuring that there was nothing he could say to make her come inside if she didn't want to. After all, she didn't seem to be in the mood to talk about anything and neither was he to be honest.

So, they just leaned against the guardrail for who knows how long. Well, at least until the door opened and a dishevelled looking Matt came into view.

He gave a huge head splitting yawn and lifted his goggles to rub his eyes with his left hand.

"Ugh, so that's where you two went…" He murmured, giving yet another yawn.

Mello rolled his eyes and glanced to Peace.

"She just doesn't know how to stay out of the rain. Stupid girl. Chances are, we're both going to get wet." The blonde complained.

Peace sighed a little.

"You don't have to stay out here if you don't like it…"

"Hmph, like I'm leaving you alone after your stupid stunt! You could've gotten yourself killed!" Mello argued.

Matt yawned and looked back and forth between the two of them.

"In other words, he was scared shitless that you were gonna die to save his ass." On cue he received a punch to the stomach and doubled over, groaning and gasping in pain whilst Mello blushed faintly.

Normally, Peace would have taken notice of this. However, her mind was once again elsewhere as she stared out into the rain. Her ongoing silence caught the attention of her companions.

"Peace?" Matt's obvious concerned was voice, but Mello said nothing as he watched her.

He would never speak his concern at a time like this, but if she bothered to turn around it would be plainly obvious in his eyes. Peace never turned around.

_Mello wasn't scared. Mello doesn't get scared. Matt's only saying that to make you laugh. It's like saying that Near has affections for you. Lies. No one cares about you enough to be scared anyway._

Why couldn't that voice shut up? And why couldn't she recognize it? Peace knew it was familiar, but she couldn't place it at all. It was beginning to annoy her to no end. Though it was only words, she couldn't help, but feel that those words might hold some truth to them. Another bout of feelings she would keep to herself until she figured them out.

"Hey, moron! Snap out of it!" Mello's tone brought her back to her senses and she heaved a sigh, glancing behind her over her shoulder before looking back to the rain.

The only thing she could really see in those blue eyes now was annoyance with her existence. Annoyance with her failures and mistakes, though he didn't really know of them all.

_They're all looking down on you. All of them. They think you can't do this. They think that because you're a coward that you can't do this. That because of your stupid mistakes that you can't make up for them. Well! We're going to prove them all wrong, aren't we?!_

Again, that word came up.

Coward.

She really was nothing more than a coward. Though, L himself had admitted to being a coward too…maybe all of these pointless fears would lead her to greatness? But…that wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to be remembered as "L" or as "Lily Loliet", she wanted to be remembered as Peace. She wanted to be remembered as Leila Lawliet. Yet, she really hadn't done anything worthwhile to be remembered for.

Taking up L's name wasn't going to get her remembered as herself. Being Lily Loliet the famous rockstar wasn't going to get her remembered as herself, either.

She hadn't the skills to be remembered. Especially not by those who mattered to her most, even if she wasn't the top care on _their _list.

Peace finally took notice that the thrill she had felt when she had declared taking up L's name…it was completely gone. An empty hole where it once was. No more thrills. It was all serious and no time to feel anything else.

_Prove them wrong. You're not just Peace anymore. You are L. Use that name like the real L would._

Like the real L would? But…she wasn't the real L. She could never _be _the real L. And Matt said that he wanted her to be herself.

_You can't be yourself anymore, don't you see that?! Besides, you've been doing quite well so far, save the situation with Light-kun. Though, what you saw and learned will definitely help in the future. So, the mistake wasn't really a mistake._

"Whoa, she's really out of it." Matt murmured and out of nowhere, Mello launched out his hand and grabbed the small girl roughly by the shoulders.

Spinning her around so that they were facing each other, he glared down into her eyes.

He didn't understand what the hell was going through her mind, but he knew that this shit had to stop. He was - though again he'd probably never admit it - worried as hell. He'd seen her in some sort of trance-like state before, but then she was responsive. Quiet, but responsive. Now, they weren't getting any acknowledgement from her.

She may have glanced over her shoulder, but the look in her eyes was saying that she really wasn't seeing them. They were completely blank. No emotions. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't like it one bit.

"Mello, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

"You fucking moron! Snap out of it!" The blonde shook her hard, but didn't get the results he'd hoped for at all.

The blank look remained as she stared up at him. Strands of her hair hung in her face, giving her a dishevelled, haggard look that aged her to at least be twenty five. Giving she was only seventeen, that was drastic.

"God damn it! Say something, you idiot!" He wasn't sure why he kept calling her an idiot.

Yes, she could be stupid, but who couldn't be? Everyone did something stupid, genius or not. Though it was possible that demeaning her made him feel just a little more superior. A horrible thought, but it was probably very true.

Peace looked up to him and by demeaning her, he looked stronger in her eyes. Or…that was the effect that he wanted. Ask him though and he would probably deny it.

Matt placed a hand on Mello's shoulder and pulled him back, getting his hands off of the small girl.

"That's not how you do it. Didn't you learn from the last time?" The gamer asked calmly, his expression serious as he stood in front of Peace and placed his hand gently on her head.

Mello watched on, in complete stunned silence as his best friend ruffled her already messy hair in a brotherly manner before pulling her into a gentle hug.

"She's stressed out, Mel. She's got a lot on her mind and is probably worried as hell. You know, with taking up L's position and everything…"

"Tch…" Though it sounded as though the thought of such a thing made him annoyed, it actually worried him.

Was this her breaking point? If that was the case, then not only would she be useless to help _him_, but her mental health was in jeopardy.

"…let's just get her inside and covered up." And hope she'd feel better in a couple of hours.


	18. AN

**Ugh! I am so sorry! I know it's been like forever since I've updated, but I'm telling you that I haven't given up on this story!**

**How could I? I love Peace too much and everything's getting so...awesome, haha. Anyway, I am trying to come out with Chapter 17 (having some trouble with that) and I haven't been able to come up with many good ideas for it. **

**So, as the troubled author of _Peace _, I must thank all those who are sticking with me here as I battle the Writer's block monster. Oh, and if you have some sort of idea, could you just throw it at me? Perhaps I'll get a stroke of inspiration and update faster -_____-;**

**But, again I must apologize for my lateness and I am trying desperately to get out the next chapter.**

**Thanks to all my loyal readers**

**- Sybil Corvax**


	19. Anger Management

**Yay! Finally here it is! I even made it longer than usual to hopefully make up for the long wait. I enjoyed writing this chapter cuz it was just so much fun. Though, hopefully it's as well written as I think it is. I nearly cried in the end of it all...**

**Oh! And on the bright side of the whole wait thingie, there's sorta a little MelloxPeace fluff. A little. But, since it's Mello I couldn't make it too fluffy. It would be weird and too OOC for him. Tell me what you think of it okay?**

**Please Review.**

**Chapter 17**

* * *

_**I remember it so clearly…I know I was just a child. Barely four years old at the time, but I still remember it. **_

_**I had barely been at Wammy's for a year. Just barely. I think it was actually that anniversary of my arrival that day, but no one was really keeping track. It may have been L that mentioned it to me…I was so attached to him during his lifetime. His life was cut much too short and though I feel that I know more about him than anyone else, I also regret not knowing even more than that. **_

_**But, the event…Mello's arrival at Wammy's is something I continue to focus on to this very day. Despite all that's happened. All that we've been through, I remember it so clearly. And…it doesn't hurt. I think it's because when we met and throughout our childhood things were so much different than they are now. Then again…children always grow up. They become teenagers, then adults, then seniors, and then they die. That is the way of life. Something I know much too well at this point in my own, especially given my origins. **_

_**But, I'm getting off topic. Somehow, I keep doing that. I thought that maybe writing all my thoughts down might help me to think clearer, but still, even on paper everything is jumbled. Nothing like the way L wrote his letter to me…I'm nothing like L. Compared to him, I AM nothing. But, that's something I accepted such a long time ago. I can live with that. If I were like L, I probably wouldn't have loved him as much as I did. Our…likeness as some people refer it to is still nothing compared to our differences. If we were truly alike, it would have been nothing short of creepy and there probably would have been conflict. I can't ever imagine myself fighting with L…**_

_**But, yet again, I'm getting off topic. I want to write out how I feel about other things. Not just L. If I focus just on how I feel about our connection, I'll get nowhere. Mello. That's the real issue I must focus on. Mello, Kira, and Light-kun. **_

_**Mello. He is someone who strikes me with such vengeful words at times. It hurts, and yet…I always come back. I can't turn my back on him. I suppose it must be because of these strange feelings of affection I have towards him so different to the feelings I had for L. **_

_**Despite the cruel things that he says to me, I come back to him more eager than before. Forever loyal. Not waning in the least. Why? I ask myself this more often than I used to. I question it. I know I should. I have to. I don't have L to explain it to me, though I'm not sure if he could. Or if he would. I guess this is just something I need to really figure out on my own, however impossible that may sound. Yet, Mello's arrival at Wammy's House those years ago…he was so different than he is today.**_

_**Back then, though he still had a temper, it wasn't so severe. Upon seeing him for the first time, I remember being curious. He looked scared almost. Vulnerable. I haven't seen that look since I forced myself out from behind my first friend and went to greet the stranger for the first time. Then, the next day it was gone. **_

_**The vulnerability. The fear…gone. Just like that. He didn't really speak to me either, focusing mostly on the other boys at the time, because girls had "cooties" and such nonsense. Still though, I somehow felt drawn to him and I followed him everywhere like I had once done with L. I didn't speak to him, I just followed him. Mostly from a distance…and eventually, we began to speak. Though, that was because of Matt asking me to join in with some sort of game…soccer, I think, where I proved that I was at least somewhat useful.**_

_**Matt, the bringer of nothing, but good. So kind, though sometimes childish…I care about him and wish nothing more than the best for him. He doesn't deserve any of these bad things. Because of him, Mello and I are…friends, I should say. Or…we were. As of now, I would call it more one-sided than anything. I love him and I want him to remain safe, but I feel that Mello doesn't feel the same way for me at all. No, I know that he doesn't.. Yet, despite that, I still love him…care about him enough to risk my own life for his. All I really got for it? Nothing…but I knew I wouldn't get anything in return.**_

_**The feelings hurt. It seems that no matter what I do, nothing is done right. Especially with this entire Kira business. Perhaps I should have thought out all my moves more clearly. Especially the most recent one involving the SWAT team. Had I not been so stupid, I could have used my connection with Light-kun, Near, and Mello all to my advantage to stop Kira. I really am an idiot, just as everyone says I am. This whole situation proves it.**_

_**In giving Mello the Death Note, I enabled him to be corrupted by it. Instead of just studying it like I thought he would, he actually used it. Mello used it. What makes matters worse is that he didn't even use it on a criminal or anything of the sort. He killed off several members of the SPK, no doubt to get back at Near for all the times he was humiliated. I feel so used…**_

_**Light-kun used me too. He made me feel so strongly for him so easily just so that he could use me for whatever it was he was planning. Considering that he is Kira as well, I shouldn't have been so surprised, but…the feelings and the connection I now share with him clouded my mind. Though the feelings are considerably weakened and the connection practically severed, they still remain. For a period of time, I felt so safe. Cared about and loved even. Here, with Mello, I get nothing…I am selfish and hungry for affection and always have been. But, I don't have anyone to give me what I need. **_

_**The whole Kira situation has brought nothing, but misery for all. L is dead, my source of most happiness, and Mello is so focused on beating Near to capturing his killer. I'm scared that if this attitude keeps up, he'll be killed along with Matt. Though Mello may not treat me with absolute kindness, I don't want him to die. I care about him too much, so I've got to do what I can to keep him safe. Or, at least give ideas that will probably be easier to do than whatever he's planning. **_

_**I know that I'm probably not even helping myself by writing all these thoughts down. In fact, it's probably more useless than anything else I could possibly do. But, it's all I can do at the moment. Everyone on the outside most likely thinks me dead…I don't really have anywhere else to go and with Mello watching my every movement, I can't do squat. I once voiced my plan to eventually show myself again and he shot me down, glaring and yelling at me…**_

_**For a moment, I thought he would hit me like he had the day he left me at Wammy's. He probably would have too, had Matt not gotten in the way. **_

_**Still, despite that, I know that I can't stay hidden forever. I did make a promise to put an end to Kira and finish what L had started. I know that there's a probability I'll get killed and I think Mello knows it too…is it possible that he's worried for me? Though, that just might be me being hopeful. Too hopeful…**_

_**So, in writing this, maybe it's not all that useless as I had thought. I've come to a conclusion as to what I have to do after all. It may not be today, despite what the voice in my head keeps telling me to do, but I do know what I have to do now. I will have to prepare and when the time is right, I will do what I need to do. Whether or not it results in my death doesn't matter.**_

_**My life means nothing to me, after all, if I have no one to live for. If I die for those I love and cherish, then it will be meaningful. Even if no one remembers me for it. Even if my worst fear is to be forgotten . To be forgotten would be worth it if I could just save someone I love so desperately. **_

_**If I can protect Serenity, Jacob, Matt, Near…Mello, everything would be worth it to me. Because I know that if I die, they can finish it for me. We all have the tools that L left behind for us to end this. We just need to figure out how to use them properly.**_

Peace sat silently at the desk of the hotel room (Mello had decided to move from the dingy motel to a more suitable area closer to the city), her storm colored eyes focusing and re-reading what she had written. She still held the pen in her hand, its ink a nice bright shade of red.

She was alone, for the most part. Or what she considered to be alone. Matt and Mello had long since fallen asleep, but due to her insomnia, Peace hadn't been able to sleep for a good twenty four hours. Not at all surprising. She hadn't been sleeping nearly as well as she once had been.

_Tch, none of what you just wrote made any sense. You just rambled._ The voice grumbled, and Peace scowled slightly.

Perhaps it was just paragraphs and paragraphs of nonsense, but it made sense to her. That's what mattered. It helped her to feel a little lighter hearted. It made her feel…better. It had been awhile since she'd felt even remotely as well as this. Which was a good thing, in a way. She was making an improvement.

Though everything that she had been through still bothered her - which was quite obvious still - just the simple act of writing everything down made her feel better. At least for now. Peace couldn't count on this to last for very long.

Gently, the young woman folded up the piece of paper into quarters before hiding it within the drawer of the desk. She doubted Mello or Matt would look in there anyway.

_Why not just rip it up? It's not like it's important or anything…_ The voice grumbled again, which resulted in a small sigh from the singer as she lightly rubbed at her temples.

Because. Ripping up what she had written would have defeated the purpose of writing it.

_Stupid girl. You only wrote the thing to clear your head. Obviously, it didn't help much, so it was pointless. _

Nothing is completely pointless, Peace mentally argued back. Keeping her eyes shut, she continued to rub at her head. Hopefully, the voice would go away, but it did not.

For the past few weeks she had been suffering through it. And for the past few weeks, she had the belief that she was finally snapping. Losing it. Going completely bonkers. However, she soon found that she was growing used to the voice and though it was rather annoying, it did offer some assistance. She still hadn't yet been able to place where she had heard it before, but soon found that it didn't really matter. As long as it wasn't completely driving her to the point of insanity.

_Well, you're an idiot for believing that. Everything you've done so far has been pointless. What has it done for this case? Nothing. _The voice argued back.

Peace frowned again, not taking notice of the slight tremble of her hands as she continued to rub at her head. Her fingers tangled themselves in her messier-than-usual hair. She grit her teeth and screwed her eyes tightly shut.

What had she done? Well, she had confirmed L was correct. She had confirmed that Light-kun was in fact Kira.

_Anyone could have done that. You made unnecessary risks._

Perhaps, but she had still done it. And, she had saved Mello's life as well.

_Well, that's one thing that was remotely useful. _The voice finally agreed, which helped to ease the dark haired woman a little.

Whenever it came to Mello, it usually seemed to agree. Though, the voice did have the habit of calling its host an idiot more often than not. Still, in a way it did help to push Peace forwards. Though, she wasn't sure if it was because she was trying to prove it wrong or not.

"…Peace? You okay? You're trembling…" The woman jerked slightly and fell out of her chair.

Or, she would have if it weren't for a pair of arms catching her gently around her waist. Quickly, she glanced up, trying to ignore her pounding heart as she locked onto the face of Matt. Luckily enough, Mello was still fast asleep. She was thankful that he was a heavy sleeper…

Matt, with his goggles pushed up out of his eyes, looked genuinely concerned for the small girl as he helped her to her feet. Still, she wobbled slightly and he had to hold her up. No doubt it was because her lack of sleep. Though Peace had a hard time sleeping, she rarely went so long without it. Not unless something was bothering her.

Matt wasn't entirely sure what had caused him to wake up. Maybe it was the light scratching of a pen that he had heard even in his dreams…he wasn't sure. Frankly, that didn't even matter right now.

He helped her over to the armchair (Mello had taken the bed) and helped her down into it. He then sat himself on the arm and ran his fingers lightly through her hair, almost in a soothing manner. He didn't even realize he was doing it really.

Peace peered up at him only briefly, her eyes dulled. Then, she looked down. The voice had fallen silent.

"I didn't mean to wake you…" She murmured softly.

Matt sighed.

"You didn't wake me up. It was probably just a bump in the night or something." Or perhaps the uneasy feelings that were waving off of her.

Though, if that were the case, then it actually _would _be her fault that he'd woken up. Matt kept those thoughts to himself. No need to make her feel bad about anything. She'd been through enough as it was, right?

"What are you doing up so late? I thought you would have been asleep by now…"

"Hardly. I have too much on my mind to sleep." The girl replied softly, closing her eyes lightly.

Matt stared at her for a few moments and then sighed heavily, absently pulling her into his side. The girl gasped faintly and peered up at him, her grey eyes wide with surprise.

"M- Matt?"

"Look, Peace; I know that you have a lot of pressure on you. I know that you feel as though you have to prove something, but you don't. Everything is going to turn out fine." He watched her closely, seeing as she bit her lip.

"If you pull out now, no one will be mad at you. You've done more than enough to last a lifetime." Maybe it would be best for her to pull out.

No, it _definitely _would be the best for her to pull out of this case. It would keep her safe. Mello might not like it ( he had made plans that involved her ), but this wasn't about Mello. This was about Peace and what she needed to keep from going completely insane.

The young woman stared up at him before pulling out of his grasp and standing up. She nearly fell over because of an onset of vertigo, but she managed to keep her balance. Matt stared on with surprise as she practically glared at him.

"Pull out?" She whispered.

"How can I do that now? Not after all this. I can't. I've risked too much to just…pull out. I've made too many promises that I have to keep." Her eyes were hard.

"You know the most out of everyone right now what I have to do. I told you myself. I'm willing to die, just so long as Kira gets caught. If I fucking lose my sanity along the way? Hah, well, it'll be fucking worth it." That goes to say, she was already losing her sanity.

She prodded Matt in the chest, her eyes not pulling from his.

"If I pull out now, what do I have left? Nothing. We both know that no one will want a single thing to do with me. We both know that if I pull out, Mello will be absolutely furious and probably kill me like he killed those members of the SPK." Matt frowned slightly, his heart pounding heavily against his rib cage.

So…she did know about that…

"My life isn't important anymore, I know that. I haven't done a useful thing for anybody." Her eyes saddened slightly.

"Up until now, I've just been a waste of space. But, I'm going to change that. There's so much I need to do. I can't sleep because I'm so caught up in it…" L…she needed to finish what he started.

She clenched her hands into fists, her small body shaking with emotion.

"Seeing Mello sleep like a fucking baby makes me furious. Why is it that he gets the ability to sleep when he fucking killed people?! I haven't hurt anyone and I can't even take a fucking nap properly." Matt watched her sadly.

"Peace…" She waved her arm angrily.

"Just leave me alone and don't talk to me! Everyone thinks I can't do this, but I'm telling you that I can and I will! I will fucking do this and I'll fucking die if I have to!"

_That's it! Tell him what you're really thinking for a change!_

Then, she all but ran from the room; leaving Matt to stare in…some shock at what had just happened.

"What…the hell just happened?" A tired voice murmured and the goggled male glanced over to see Mello sitting up and rubbing his eyes before looking in the direction Peace had just taken off to.

Then, the blonde looked back to Matt, an obvious frown visible on his face.

"What the hell did you say to her?" Well, no point in lying, right?

Matt sighed heavily and glanced to his friend once again. Then, a strange, but stern look came to his expression.

--

The rain felt soothing against her skin. Maybe that was why she always came outside like this to think…

Peace stared up at the sky blankly, her back to the side of the building. Her small form trembled with both anger and fear as she closed her eyes and looked down. Lifting her hands to be level with her eyes, she then opened them; biting her lip to keep from crying.

_No one believes in you anymore. It hurts me too… _The voice whispered softly, almost as if to soothe its host.

_You try and you try. You give and you give, expecting nothing in return. They know it too. They all know it. You're too soft…they take you for granted. They really don't think you can do anything… Especially not take L's place. But you did do it…and you're falling apart too. You're risking everything and gaining nothing. Not even the love of the one you care about most…not even his praise. Would it be so much to ask for a pat on the back once In awhile? _Peace didn't argue.

She did give so much. She risked everything to get to where she was right now. Her life and even her sanity. What was she getting in return? Nothing. Then again, she didn't expect to get anything. Still, it would be nice to be acknowledged for once…

L had acknowledged her though. He had. Because he understood her. He cared for her. He _loved _her. And Light-kun acknowledged her too, in a way. Even though he used her, he still cared for her and a part of her could see that _that _was not a lie. Used or not…it was something. Something was better than the nothing she was getting now.

Why was she putting herself through this? Why? Why…?

"You idiot…if you stand out here too long, you'll get pneumonia or something…" Peace gasped faintly and turned, droplets from her hair falling into the water puddle by her feet.

In front of her now, stood Mello. Tall and firm…strong. Unlike her in so many ways. Maybe that was why she loved him so much. He was her complete opposite. He was everything she wished that she could be.

_He's everything… _The voice trailed off and the small girl knew immediately knew what it was going to say.

Why shouldn't she? It was in her head, right? A part of her…the crazy part.

Peace wiped frantically at her eyes and stumbled backwards slightly, trying to make it look as though she wasn't crying. Mello always got mad at her when he saw her cry. He always called her a big baby. Which she was, she wouldn't deny that. Still, she didn't want to be called a baby again. Not when she already knew how true it was.

Mello watched her, his face unreadable for a change. He didn't seem mad, but he didn't seem pleased either. But…Mello was rarely pleased.

"I- I'm sorry if I woke you up…" She murmured softly, glancing away and back up at the sky.

Again, she wished that L was alive. Then everything would be the way it was before. Nothing would have changed. Peace wanted things to go back to the way they were when she was younger…a little naïve perhaps. When she followed Mello everywhere, treated him so special. When he gave her the guitar she treasured so deeply…

If everything was back to that, everything would be perfect. After all, back then, she didn't feel so strongly for him. She didn't…love him like she did now. She loved him so much that it practically hurt now. But…in a bearable way. Though Peace was nearly shattered, she was still strong enough to glue her pieces back together again. And again. And again.

"Something's been bothering me." Mello said suddenly and the girl looked up at him, slightly confused.

His expression didn't change. He remained where he was. Firm. Strong.

Storm grey locked with crystal blue and Peace bit her lip.

"Wh- what's been bothering you?" Mello didn't get bothered by anything.

Well, except for Near and Kira. But…other than that? Nothing. Unless…

Peace trembled a little and looked away again, which finally got a bit of a change in Mello's facial expression. His brow furrowed slightly and he gave a rough sigh, before snapping a piece off of the chocolate bar he held in his hand. Though, it wasn't as violent as it usually was. He seemed to take notice of Peace's obvious fragile state of mind. He was…being gentle. Or, gentle for Mello at least.

_He knows…he knows, he knows… _The voice repeated over and over again, in a tone that was almost giddy in a way.

Peace, on the other hand, was quite ashamed. Believing she had been caught. The one secret she truly, truly was trying to keep that way, exposed.

"Even though you knew that I killed those guys and were furious about it, you chewed out Matt. Not me." Peace's eyes widened at the statement and she looked up, watching as he stared back at her.

Mello then pointed at her.

"It's me you're mad at, isn't it? Just out with it, Peace. Tell the fucking truth." Despite the rough language, the girl noted that Mello's voice was not rough at all.

It was strange, but…strangely nice.

She clenched her fists together and fought back a sob.

Now, she had no idea why she was crying. Maybe it was the fact that everything was finally getting to her. All that had happened between them. All that had happened after L's death. During her relationship with Light. After her relationship with Light. Just…everything.

"You killed people, Mello!" She finally shouted, her eyes harsh as she stared darkly at him.

Luckily enough, the motel they were staying in was empty. Conveniently, Mello had chosen a room where none of what they said could be heard. They were that far away from the main office of the building. So, Peace could shout all she wanted and not draw any attention.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook, her anger finally getting the best of her for a change. She let her emotions run free, bottling up only the ones she desperately wanted to remain secret. But…at least the anger was out right?

"You fucking killed people! And you used me to do it! I trusted you enough to not use the notebook and you used it! You used it…and you didn't even do anything useful with it! You're a fucking idiot for thinking that I wouldn't find out!" Mello stood strong, watching her closely.

Still, there was an element of surprise to his eyes. As if…this type of anger wasn't expected. Sure, he knew she was mad. He had heard her inside, but to actually see her like this again…

He wasn't going to justify his actions. No. That wasn't him at all. He wasn't going to apologize. Not this time. He'd apologized enough as it was. Mello wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do. Now that she was finally going…how would he stop her? That incident was so long ago and now she was finally getting angry about it. It made him wonder just what else she was possibly hiding. And it made him question some things.

"You once compared me to Kira, Mello, but right now I think the closest one to Kira out of the two of us is you! Because you're the murderer, not me! I didn't kill anyone! I didn't…I didn't…" Her shouting died down and she began to choke out sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself.

And Peace wasn't surprised at all when she felt his strong hands grip her shoulders almost painfully, shaking her ever so slightly.

Peering into his eyes, she could make out his own anger. Probably because of the comparison that she had made, but then she took notice of something else. It was only brief, but the girl was almost positive that she saw a flash of regret. But, again, it was gone before it could really be truly identified.

"You feel better now?" Mello asked roughly, suddenly pulling his hands back from her shoulders.

Peace blinked, sniffling just a little as she peered up at him. By now, Mello's back was turned. She couldn't see his facial expression.

She didn't respond, but he knew what her answer was all the same.

"You said in there that you were willing to give up everything for this investigation." He said bluntly.

"If that's really true, then you're not only going to have to be willing to give up your life and your sanity, but also your morality." Was that…advice?

"M- Mello…"

"Get over it, Peace. If you really want to avenge L- to finish what he started. To _be _L yourself, you need to really _be _like him. Easy enough for someone like you to do, right? You can't be a snivelling twit and expect everything to be all fine and dandy. It isn't going to happen like that." He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes before reaching up to the cross around his neck.

He held it tightly for a moment before releasing it and sighing.

"You're not a snivelling twit, but everything isn't going to be all fine and dandy. This whole Kira thing just isn't for you." He put it bluntly.

Just like always.

"But you want to do it. You want to fucking risk everything. You're half-way there as it is. Jumping into buildings full of cops to save my ass…" He scoffed a little.

"I know you well enough to know that the one thing you won't be able to give up is your morality. You're just too much of a human being to do that…still, there's nothing that can be done about it now. Once you're in, you're in. And you're definitely in." Peace watched him closely, trying to keep her legs from giving out as she stared.

Her heart pounded heavily against her chest, the rain still pounding down against their skin.

_He's right. It all makes sense…_

The one thing she wasn't willing to give up…her morality? Was that why Mello could do what he did? Because he gave that up? No…how could someone give up their sense of right and wrong? Peace just didn't understand that. Then again, maybe that was the point Mello was trying to make. She _couldn't understand it. Therefore, the chances of her life coming to an end…huge. Because she'd be willing to die so easily…_

_Her slumped shoulders then straightened a little as the dark haired woman stood a little taller than she normally did. A look of determination flashed through her eyes._

"_I can't walk away now, just as you said." Peace replied, voice soft, but somehow strong at the same time._

"_And I can't just throw away my sense of right and wrong. My morality. I don't even understand how someone could do that. Still, I can do what I can. I can try my best to think like L, but never in my life will I achieve the goal of being exactly like him. He was much too great to be imitated like that. I don't want to be like him either. I want to be myself. I want to be Peace, standing by your side as always when we bring Kira down. When we put a stop to Light-kun." Mello frowned slightly and looked over his shoulder before turning around._

_She wanted to be by his side…? Well…that should have been expected. Since when didn't she?_

"_I don't want to be L, Mello. Though I may have "claimed" his title, I'm never going to be L. I will just be Peace for as long or as short as I may live." A light smirk passed his lips._

"_Tch, of course. You're no L anyway. You're too short." And for the first time in awhile, she smiled._

_Her heart, though still heavy, was lightened. And for the first time in awhile, the voice in her head had quieted. Not making a sound. _

_Maybe things were going to be okay after all…_


	20. Life After Death?

**BWAHAHA*coughs* okay, I'm not that good at evil laughter. I always choke and start coughing. (My randomness for now :P)**

**Anyway, I've updated again - YAY!!! Still, not as soon as I would have liked to, but at least it proves I haven't died like poor, poor L *sniffles* T_T But, at least he lives on through flashbacks. I should've put some in this chapter, but of course, I had to put Light suffering in it instead...-sighs- oh well :P I'll save that for another chapter.**

**Which reminds me, I've noticed that I haven't done ANY flashbacks of just Mello and Peace O_O though, that's probably because I can't really think of anything to do with them in a flashback. I'd love to do one, if anyone has any ideas, throw them at me. I'll see how I can juggle them ^_^**

**Anyway, this is chapter 18. YAY!!! It's one of the shorter chapters, yes, but it's got a bit of everything in it, so I'm happy. Still could be a bit better though...obviously.**

**...shoot, I'm rambling. Let me cut to the chase and use my favorite line ever:**

**Review Please ^^**

**I'll luffs you forever if you do 3**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

He sat up quickly, gasping for air. His hand outstretched over the left side of his chest, protectively over his heart. Light Yagami's brunette strands of hair fell gently into his face, soon sticking to his forehead because of the amount of sweat he was shedding.

Under his hand, he could feel his heart pounding like crazy. He could feel the fear pulsing through his veins with each pump of the struggling internal organ. His chest heaved as he panted, trying to get enough air to keep from suffocating.

"Hehe, that _Hideki _girl in your dreams again, Light?" The young man glanced up briefly at Ryuk, his honey brown orbs locking with the yellow irises of the shinigami.

He then glanced away, his hand slowly falling from his chest.

It was always the same. Since Ren-chan had…passed on. Almost every night since that day, he had been having nightmares. All of them the same. Exactly the same. Repetitive.

_Tch, and you said you loved her… _Okay, so maybe he felt guilty.

Even a god could feel guilty, right? Ren-chan was so kind. She only had the best intentions. Even if she did…betray him in a way. She was Peace. Kira's goddess. Now…she was dead.

It should have felt…right, in a way. After all, she did betray him. Still, Light felt empty on the inside. He felt…guilty. Guilt was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time, but he felt it all the same. The nightmares…they were apart of the guilt he felt. He knew that.

The nightmares…always were the same. Haunting him. Reminding him of how he had her killed. How she died because of him…

Ren-chan just wanted to stop Kira. Therefore, it wasn't unrealistic that she would do whatever it took to do it. After all, though she was obviously a gentle soul…she said once that she was going to risk everything for this case.

**Sayu's Kidnapping**

"Light-kun, I'll do it." It took him a moment to register what she had said before he spoke.

"You don't have to do this, Ren-chan. Really. Dad already said he would do it." He assured her, his heart pounding at the idea.

She was really offering that? Why? She was willing to risk her life? For someone she'd never met before? Of course that someone was his little sister, but…

Ren shook her head and offered a smile.

"I'll do the deed, Light-kun. I'll bring the notebook to Mello so you can get Sayu-chan back. Besides, we can always get it back, right?"

"It will be difficult, Ren-chan…"

"Maybe, but everyone here is dedicated to stop Kira, right? It shouldn't take too long because of that." She then flushed faintly and glanced down.

"Besides, you're L. I- I told you that I'd always be by L's side, didn't I? Th- this counts." Light watched her for a long moment, unable to help the smile that crossed his lips.

Even despite the situation, how could he deny that she looked beautiful? The thought that she was willing to do such a thing for him was enticing at that. Still, somewhere deep down, he also had to admit that he was worried. He didn't want her to die…

"Don't do this for me, Ren-chan. You could get yourself hurt or-"

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes, Light-kun." She interrupted, looking up.

Then, he could see the determination in her eyes.

"If it means that we'll eventually catch Kira, I'm willing to risk everything for it. My life, my sanity…absolutely everything. Please, let me do this." The determination slipped away and was replaced with pleading.

How could he really say no after that?

**Present**

Light winced slightly at the sudden headache he was getting and grabbed his forehead. His chest heaved and Ryuk watched him from his spot on the ceiling.

So…interesting. It had been awhile since he had seen anything remotely like this in Light Yagami. This guilt. Heh, not that it mattered. Ryuk was doubtful that anything else was going to change. He laughed a little, though, at the slight irony of the situation.

Light just had to go and fall in love with the girl he was trying to use. He didn't even realize that she was using him too. Light obviously had taken notice of the similarities between his precious "Ren-chan" and the late L, but had chosen to ignore them from the most part. Oh, if only he had accepted the "eye" deal way back then. Maybe he would've seen just how ironic this was.

L Lawliet. Leila Lawliet. Ryuk could see it. He had seen it. He'd made the connection the moment he saw that girl. Though, that was no doubt because of the eyes he had as a shinigami. Still, Light should have caught on the moment he saw the girl. He would have had he not gone and fallen head over heels for her.

Ryuk laughed again.

Oh, this was really going to get fun.

--

Peace sneezed and shivered lightly. Mello rolled his eyes as he handed her a tissue.

"I told you!" He scolded.

"All that rain made you sick!" The young woman peered up at him apologetically as she took the tissue and blew her nose, afterwards breaking into a coughing fit.

Matt watched the two of them from the armchair, glancing up from his handheld. A look of amusement flashed in his eyes. It almost reminded him of the good ol' days. Almost.

"At least it's not pneumonia." He put in and Mello grunted.

"Still, we have more important things to do than nurse Peace back to health." The girl glanced down shamefully, which went unnoticed by the blonde.

Matt glanced over at her briefly before he sighed.

"Well, we can't exactly do anything yet." He muttered.

"Besides, it was your idea to wait. It's not like she's slowing us down from anything." Mello huffed faintly, but resigned nonetheless.

"Ugh…true…" He muttered.

The blonde glanced back to Peace who had turned her attention to another tissue she had received from Matt. Her dark hair fell messily into her face as she sneezed again, contrasting perfectly her porcelain shade skin. Still, he focused more on the dark smudges under her eyes than the rest of her face.

They seemed to be darker than he last remembered…

"When was the last time you slept?" Peace looked up quickly and Matt fell completely silent.

"The- the last time I slept?" She was surprised, mostly for the fact that Mello seemed genuinely concerned about this small miniscule detail.

It was almost unlike him. Then again…it was quite possible that he was only concerned for the sake of her help with the investigation. The young woman sighed before she shrugged.

"About…forty eight hours now? I don't know…" She admitted softly.

"Then no wonder you got sick so God damn easily." He muttered in response.

"You need sleep. You look like a fucking zombie."

"It's more difficult than you make it sound, Mello. Insomnia prevents sleep…"

"So?! At least try! You'll be fucking useless if your brain turns to mush from lack of sleep!" Peace sighed softly.

She knew it was all because of that. Mello only wanted to continue using her. Well, that was something she could put up with. It was something she had come to terms with.

_Ugh! Are you just going to let him treat you like a tool?! _Well, wasn't that all she was really good for?

All she really was? Simply a tool? Mello's tool to use as he pleased, but with a mind of her own.

_Tch, sure! A mind of your own! That's why you let him talk to you like that!_ This was coming from the one who cared about him too.

_Caring about somebody and being a pushover are two completely different things! _…why was she talking to a voice inside of her head?

It made no sense, really. After all, this voice was probably just a figment of her imagination from all the stress she was going through. Something she had created to help push her forwards because she was so overwhelmed. Maybe she could try to sleep. It would do something…wouldn't it? Even if she couldn't fall asleep right away, maybe she could get in some sort of rest. Besides, this cold was really giving her a headache.

"Are you even listening to me?!" Right, she had turned him out when the voice had spoken…

"…I need sleep." She repeated quietly.

Still, she wouldn't be able to sleep properly with everything that was going through her mind right now. Peace knew that.

Mello gave a slight snort as he flicked her lightly in the forehead.

"That's right. You need sleep." He said calmly, though his eyes were firm and said not to fight because he wasn't going to back down from this.

Probably one of the gentlest tones he'd ever used with her face to face.

Peace really didn't care at this point. She didn't want to fight with him. She never wanted to fight with him. It was pointless to fight.

The blonde pulled back and glanced to Matt before looking back to Peace.

She did indeed look like a zombie, but she also looked troubled. Then again, given the current situation, it wasn't all that uncommon. Still, Mello had taken notice that whenever she thought he wasn't paying attention or was fast asleep, she had a habit of muttering to herself. Yes, Peace had always had the habit of talking to herself before when she was trying to get out her thoughts, but this time it was different. Like…she was actually talking to someone who was responding back. It was difficult to explain, but it gave Mello reason to worry.

Not that he'd admit it. Mello was too strong to admit that he worried for her. If he did, he would only look weak in her eyes. That was the last thing he needed when she was already standing at the border of breaking.

Mello needed to be stronger than her.

He needed to be strong enough to keep her from stepping over that line, or at least be able to pull her back.

--

The red and black dye he typically used in his hair was fading. He wasn't feeling up to dying it again, so he just let the sandy roots beneath the chemicals show. Serenity had also discarded the thought of wearing his contact lenses. His favorite purple lenses now replaced with his natural green irises.

Jacob was getting worried.

It had been just a little over two weeks since Lily's "death" and Serenity was breaking. For the first while, Jacob had managed to make him believe she was still alive, just like he honestly believed, but Serenity was still grieving nonetheless.

But, on another note, his bingeing had become less. Jacob was glad for that. All the junk food Serenity had been consuming before…that was more of a reason to worry than these new changes that had been erupting. They had only occurred after the two of them had found that letter from the real L to their Lily, after all. Maybe it was something else than grieving that Serenity was doing because it was on that same day that Jacob had finally learned of his lover's baggage.

Jacob hoped it was because of that these changes were occurring. He hoped that Serenity was becoming someone he wanted to be instead of felt he had to be. Still, there was a tugging sensation of worry at his heartstrings which told him to keep on the lookout for anything that told him otherwise.

"Jacob?" The grey haired male lifted his head and blinked when he saw Serenity peering over at him from the bed, biting at his lip.

A sign of some sort, Jacob was certain. Though, he didn't exactly know what.

Still, he walked over to his younger boyfriend and sat down beside him, watching him curiously.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice soft.

These last two weeks had been hard on both of them, but still, Jacob kept believing in Lily. He had no reason not to. She had never lied to them. Not once, unless she didn't want them to worry about her, but most people lied about stuff like that.

Serenity peered up at Jacob, green eyes filled with something that the older male couldn't exactly place.

"Serenity?"

"I found something yesterday…when I was looking through Lily's room." The twenty year old said softly, squirming a little.

Jacob blinked.

"What exactly did you find?" Serenity bit his lip again and stood up, going to his bedside table.

He opened up the drawer and his fingers wrapped around a small red leather photo album. He held it out to Jacob.

"I- I haven't opened it yet." He said quietly.

"I wanted to, but I think we should look at it together…" Peering at Serenity closely, Jacob honestly couldn't figure out why the former redhead had decided upon this.

Maybe it was a form of his grieving for a girl that probably wasn't really dead. Or maybe, just perhaps there was something a little more to it. Lily had told the men a lot about her past, but had always been rather secretive at the same time. She just had a habit of not going deep into detail, though it was obvious why. With this whole Kira situation up and about, it really couldn't be blamed.

Especially since she'd already lost someone she cared about.

Jacob watched Serenity for a long moment before he cracked a slight smile and took the small photo album from him. Serenity plopped himself back down on the bed and pulled his legs up, leaning against Jacob's sturdy shoulder as he peered at the little booklet. The grey haired man glanced to him, gently placed a kiss to his forehead before he glanced back to the album in his hands.

"Alright. Let's open it, shall we?" He was curious too.

He'd never seen this photo album before and he wondered why. It was slightly worn, so Lily had probably had it on her person for years. It should have been easily spotted seeing that it was also a bright shade of crimson.

Then again, maybe she hadn't wanted it to be known that she had this photo album. Maybe she was purposely hiding it, just like that letter she had received from L Lawliet.

Serenity gave a small nod and bit his lip nervously, watching as Jacob's fingers twitched and opened up the little leather photo album.

--

All she could really do was try at that point. Otherwise, Mello just wouldn't leave her alone about it. After he had brought about the importance of her getting her sleep (rather forcefully, though, since this was Mello), she just listened to him. What else could she do?

Peace didn't want any sort of confrontation if she didn't need one. Besides, he was right and it wouldn't really hurt for her to try and get some sleep. Especially since she now had a rather bad cold. Still, after several hours of laying on the bed, sleep just wouldn't come. She figured this would be the case, after all, she did have quite a lot on her mind. With the whole entire of the Kira case hanging over her shoulders in a rather "rain cloud-like" fashion, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Especially the thought…of what would happen if she died. Where would she go? There was no such place as Heaven or Hell, Peace was certain, because there was no God to pass judgement on people and decide who would go where. So…maybe it was a possibility that she would just be dead. Like…an endless sleep. Blackness. Nothingness.

She squirmed at the thought, biting her lip and turned over in bed.

But, if that were the case, then she never would see L again. The thought in itself terrified her. If death was just…death and there was nothing after, then what was the reason of living?

Peace mentally cursed herself then.

Here she was, sick in bed with a cold with a vigilante serial killer on the loose and so many lives hanging in the balance and she was _trying _to solve a question with no answer.

There had to be a Heaven and a Hell because there had to be a place for people's souls to go. Even if there wasn't any God, there just had to be somewhere for the people who had died to go. There didn't need to be someone to pass judgement on people's souls after all. Deep down, everyone was good and everyone was bad. Like…ying and yang. White always had a bit of black and black always had a bit of white. Even the most evil of people weren't really completely evil.

At least, that was what Peace believed. She believed that Light-kun had been white to begin with, but when he had discovered the powers of the notebook, the blackness within him had taken over and consumed him. Still, white had to be in there somewhere. It couldn't of completely gone away, no matter what anybody else thought.

The teenage girl opened up her eyes slightly and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Two o'clock in the morning…

The light snores of her male comrades told her that they were fast asleep. A feat she just couldn't manage tonight…this morning. So, she sat up slowly so not to make a sound. Then, she stood up straight, biting back a cough. It hurt, but she managed to stifle the sound and keep it from erupting out of her throat and waking both Mello and Matt. Especially Mello. He'd chew her out for getting out of bed and not trying to sleep.

But, Peace preferred to walk around or actually do something other than the hopeless when her insomnia got the best of her.

So, she quietly tiptoed outside.


	21. Admiration: When Peace Met Mello

**Okay, not the best chapter ever. It's all flashback O_O**

**Since I was complaining about not having a MelloxPeace flashback, I tried my hand at one. I have to say...it's not really MelloxPeace anymore, haha xD**

**It's okay though, because it turned out well. Hopefully you think the same thing.**

**I only got **_one _**review last chapter. It made me feel depressed. Was it really that bad? *sigh* I'd like to know these things. I'm more inclined to update break-speed if I get reviews. I think everyone is.**

Please Review this time.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Wammy's House: Thirteen Years Ago**

She hadn't been at the orphanage for very long. Only about a year. Still, that was long enough for her to make special attachments to a certain insomniac detective.

L seemed awkward around her, but still more open with her than with a lot of people. Except for Mr Watari, he didn't talk to many. Still, with this little four year old girl clutching at his shirt like she did and following him practically everywhere he went, he talked to her about a few things too. A little strange for a sixteen year old to have entire mature conversations with a girl who had just turned four, but there were many strange things occurring in the world. This was just one of them.

"L…where's Mr Watari?" Peace asked quietly as she lightly tugged on her friend's sleeve, peering up with him, eyes wide and full of wonder.

Shining with childish curiosity.

Watari had been gone for a few days, which confused the little girl. In her short time living here at this orphanage, she had come to know that the only times he left was when L left. L was here, so Peace was confused with where the old man could have possibly gone.

L glanced down at her, his feet still moving as he walked through the halls. Peace kept up, not once releasing her grip on his sleeve.

"Watari should be returning shortly." He told her softly.

The founder of the orphanage was bringing a new child in today. L was curious about him, seeing as he heard a few things about his…temperament to say the least. It was said that this new child was with a violent history, though barely six years old. Still, his intelligence was apparently remarkable, which made L curious.

If what he was told was true, then he was wondering why this newcomer was so violent. After all, he was simply six years old.

He glanced down at Peace again, who was peering around at her surroundings as they arrived at the foyer of the orphanage. Now, just waiting.

Then again, she was only four and she was bullied constantly when she first arrived. Whenever L wasn't around, she was stuffed in closets, pushed, kicked…the jealousy of human nature taking over amongst the other children. Still, Peace had never fought back. She hadn't cried. She simply just took it all with a smile.

She was strong in that sense. No amount of physical abuse seemed to bother her, it was when it got to the name-calling that she had to bite her lip. From what L had been told, the children's most favorite insult for her was "idiot" or "moron". Quite ironic seeing that she was first in line for his title. Still, even though she trembled with those insults, she never fought back. She tried simply to walk away, or just stood there and took them. It wasn't in her nature to fight. Especially since she felt she hadn't anything to fight about.

But, that was Peace's nature. Her name suited her quite well.

"L, look! Mr Watari is back." He watched as a huge smile broke across her face and she released his shirt to run out the door to meet with the old man before he even got out of the car.

Chuckling, L couldn't help, but follow.

Outside, it was sunny. The first time in what felt like forever. It wasn't often that it wasn't cloudy, or a bit damp. Though L typically wasn't one to enjoy such weather, he found that it was much more enjoyable when there was an excited little girl running about.

"Mr Watari!" The old man chuckled and returned the hug he was given, ruffling the girl's dark hair.

She smiled up at him happily and then paused as she noticed someone else get out of the car. Immediately, her arms dropped to her sides and she tilted her head slightly.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, and wearing all black. Seeing this stranger made Peace curious and she was only vaguely aware that she and this newcomer were being watched.

The little girl took note that this new child was older than her. Not by much, probably by two years. She also took notice that they seemed to look almost feminine. Almost, if it weren't for certain tiny details which caused Peace to believe otherwise. The slight scowl for instance.

Okay, so a lot of people didn't exactly enjoy her company because of her position in the house. Still, they didn't become hostile until later on when she got that position. This scowling person in front of her was obviously hostile now, giving her reason to believe that he was exactly that. A he. Boys typically were more hostile than girls.

"Hi…" Peace spoke quietly, blinking her eyes just once.

The blue eyed boy simply looked away and stuffed his hands in his pockets, not intent on saying anything. The girl's heart fell, but she smiled anyway.

He looked…nervous. Like she had been when she first came here. When she had been alone. She had been vulnerable then and she could only guess that this boy felt the same way. Vulnerable, afraid, nervous…alone.

"Peace, why don't you go to the library?" The girl looked up and blinked at Watari before she nodded and glanced to L.

She really didn't want to leave. She wanted to talk with this boy. To get to know him. Still, she was inclined to do what she had been told. So, bidding a quiet farewell to the blonde, she went back inside. Wammy's was big, but it still didn't take her too long to get to her destination. Though, instead of picking up a book and reading like she normally would have, her mind rested on the new boy.

He seemed so lonely, scared _vulnerable_. She knew what it was like to be lonely. Before Watari and L, she was lonely. Not anymore though. Now she had friends. Not many friends, just L and Watari and maybe Roger (she didn't cause trouble for him), but they were still friends. She wasn't so much lonely anymore. Except when L and Watari went away. Peace wanted more friends so she wouldn't feel lonely during those times.

Peace knew what it was like to be scared too. Before Watari and L, she was scared of a lot of things. Not so much anymore. Not even when the other children bullied her was she afraid; at least she wouldn't show that she was. They called her a lot of names, but they didn't scare her. She knew that she couldn't give them the satisfactory of knowing that they hurt her with the cruel words. The bruises she could deal with, it was the name calling that really hurt. It was okay, though. They only did that when L and Watari were gone and Roger dealt with a lot of it. Though, that probably made it worse, it was nice to know that she still had L and Watari to count on when they came back. Peace could deal with it then, though she had to admit that it was a little scary.

Vulnerability. Peace knew that feeling very well. She felt it all the time. It was only when she stood next to one of her so few friends did she feel remotely safe. They could protect her from the others who were forcing mental and physical harm upon her. Peace wasn't terribly strong, which was partially the reason she didn't fight the bullies back. It seemed that it was much too obvious to her "attackers" and they only escalated. Not to the point where they would cause any lasting damage, but it still hurt.

Peace was most vulnerable, lonely, _scared _when she was alone. Like she was now. She could relate with the new boy.

Maybe that was why she decided that she would befriend him. Either that, or she was just tired of being the scared, lonely, _vulnerable _little girl that she was. She wanted a real friend who would be there for her all the time.

L was there for her whenever he could be and so was Watari. They were very busy, so she couldn't expect them to be there all the time. Roger was there only when it was convenient, but he was still there at times. The rest of the times, the little girl was alone and left to rely on herself. She wasn't stupid, she knew that was what real life was about. Ever since birth, she'd known that was real life was about. She'd faced it often enough.

Still, she just wanted one friend. _One _friend that would always be there for her when she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. When she didn't want to put up with the bullies anymore. When she was scared, lonely, vulnerablejust so that those feelings could _go away_.

Of course, she didn't realize exactly what she was getting herself into then. Not that it really mattered. If she had known, it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway.

That's just how Peace was.

**Two Months Later**

Peace's studies had dropped significantly since the arrival of the new boy; Mello he was called which was completely opposite than his personality to say the least. Not that it mattered. Peace had still taken it upon herself to follow behind him at a safe distance, her eyes glowing with such admiration at how the other children scurried out of his way out of fear of possibly getting maimed.

A new boy had also arrived at Wammy's, not two weeks later. His name was Near. From what Peace gathered, he was a quiet boy who mostly kept to himself. She hadn't yet talked to him, but she had seen him. After all, he had been the one to claim her previous title of _"Number One"_. Not that Peace particularly minded. She had dropped down to _"Number Two"_ which she shared with Mello. Not that the blonde had taken any particular notice in her. Heck, as of yet he hadn't taken notice that he had gained such a strong and loyal admirer. Well, not that Peace knew of anyway.

If Mello did know, he ignored her and chose to talk with the only true friend he had in the house. Matt. The copper haired gamer who wore goggles and was rarely ever seen without his game boy or a smile on his face.

Peace had talked to him once. She liked him, but couldn't consider him a friend. One talk wasn't enough for that. Still, she liked him. He was nice. He had saved her from the bullies. After that incident, they never really bothered her much. Matt had been _"Number Two" _at the time. Now he had dropped down a rank, but shared the same disinterest in it as Peace did.

Apparently, neither of them held much interest in becoming the next L. Especially now since it was so obvious that Mello desperately wanted that title. Even if the blonde didn't notice it, Peace was quite willing to help him in whatever way necessary. That was why she had stopped working so hard.

Still, though, Mello hadn't taken notice in it. Much like the day she had first seen him, he hadn't truly acknowledged her. He couldn't see that the spot she tied him for was simply because she wanted to be recognized by him. Not as a competitor, Peace was never much of a fighter after all. Really, all she wanted right now was to be seen as his equal in some shape or form.

She really wanted to talk with him. Never in her life had she wanted something this bad. She wanted to talk with Mello and become his friend, more than anything else in the entire world. Perhaps a little naïve, but she was four. It was in her blood to look and crave that natural affection that human beings were supposed to give. Especially since she hadn't gotten much of it where she had been before.

Never knowing the love of a mother and father and having the knowledge that they never wanted her to begin with…yeah.

That's enough to make any child crave affection from even the worst of people. Not that Peace saw Mello as a bad person. Sure, he wasn't lonely anymore. He wasn't scared. He wasn't vulnerable. No, all of that had disappeared a long time ago. Still, though, Peace could relate with him.

He'd felt all those things at least once. And even if he couldn't relate with her, well, he still had everything she didn't have. Mello was strong. He was brave. He had a _friend _who would be there for him _all the time_.

Peace wanted that too. She wanted to be exactly like him. Even though Mello despised being second place. Even though Mello despised all those above him. Peace still saw him as everything in the world. She saw him as the only one she wanted to be her friend. Even if she had no one else to be her friend, she would gladly deal with that just to be Mello's friend.

He was number one to her.

Then again, maybe Peace was just being naïve. That didn't exactly stop her, though. Time continued to pass and she continued to follow Mello. Week after week, she watched him converse with Matt. Her eyes were wide with admiration as more of the children grew afraid of him and scurried out of his way lest they get hurt. There were a select few who stood up to him and even less that ignored his antics, Near being one of them. Still, there was only one person who actually _admired _him for what most people despised him for. That was the small dark haired girl who had even stopped clinging to L as often as she once had whenever he arrived back from a case.

Of course, Mello had now taken that spot. Not that Peace minded. He was always happiest when L came to visit. Peace liked seeing Mello happy.

There had been a few times L had come to question her about her newfound…obsession so to say. She would always look up at him and smile.

"I can have two idols, can't I?" Which would always leave L almost surprised.

Almost because even though Peace could be quite startling at times, he could also see why it was she was so interested in Mello. Even though she was simply a little four year old girl, she was intrigued by him. L had to admit that Mello was indeed intriguing and stopped asking her about it. As long as it wasn't too severe.

It isn't uncommon for children as young as Peace to grow attached to certain people. It was slightly bit of a relief too that she had stopped clinging to him as much, not that she stopped completely. It was mostly at night that it took place, though. Whenever everyone else was asleep and her insomnia took over.

It was on the fifth month anniversary of Mello's arrival at Wammy's House that Peace started losing hope of being noticed by the blonde. When she followed him, she followed him at a slower pace. Her heart dropping little by little as he ignored her existence.

Was it really so much to ask to be noticed? Was this how Mello felt when L paid his attentions to Near?

Peace, then again, hadn't really done much else than follow Mello. Of course, she had dropped from first to second with him, but that was hardly enough to be noticed.

She sighed softly and held her book closely to her chest. Her back rested up against a tree in the courtyard, her storm cloud eyes overlooking the soccer field that many of the children were now playing on. Mello played soccer all the time. He was one of the star players in fact. It was a good way for him to get his aggression out.

Peace liked watching him play. She'd never played the sport herself and doubted she would be any good, but she liked watching. Watching as she read her favorite book. Briefly, she glanced down at the cover.

_Edgar Allen Poe: Collected Stories and Poems. _

She liked Edgar Allen Poe. She had read the book and all of its contents over and over again, never growing tired of it. Of course, there were some days when she needed a change of pace from stories like _"The Tell-Tale Heart" _and on those days she would switch to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and one of his many novels starring Sherlock Holmes. Though, admittedly, she preferred the character of Dr John Watson. He always was the second banana and he quite enjoyed it.

Peace could relate best to Watson.

Suddenly, something or someone obstructed her lighting and the little girl blinked, glancing up. Her pale face grew even more pale, if that was actually possible.

Matt, goggles and all stood over her small form. He was smiling, one hand on his hip. He wasn't much older than Peace, the girl knew, but from where she was he looked so much bigger than her. If he weren't smiling, she would probably be intimidated.

"Hey, you're Peace, aren't you? You remember me, right? Matt?" The girl could only nod and the redhead smiled brightly.

"Good. Um…" He paused and glanced over his shoulder and Peace followed his gaze, biting her lip nervously when she saw that the soccer game had stopped.

This confused her. Why would it have stopped?

"They're trying to get me to play. It's not my thing." Matt murmured in explanation, glancing down at the girl.

Peace glanced back up at him, nodding slowly. Then, her eyes widened as she realized exactly why he was over here talking to her.

"They said I don't have to play as long as I can find a replacement. Mello's being an asshole and said that only because he thinks I can't do it." Whoa there, he was six, did he actually just say that word?!

"Why- why do you want me to play? I- I won't do very well…" Peace replied shakily, playing with her hair which fell loosely from her ponytail.

Matt smiled.

"Well, they'll probably take it easier on you 'cause you're so small. I know it's not very logical or whatever, but you're the only one that's close by and I'm on a time limit here." Peace's heart thudded heavily against her ribcage and she swallowed nervously.

"'Sides, I figured you could take this opportunity to finally spend some time with Mello instead of playing "stalker" all the time. He hasn't noticed, but frankly it's creeping me out." Peace blushed faintly and nervously looked up at Matt.

So…Matt had noticed her efforts then? W- well, at least someone had, right? Though it was indeed embarrassing to be caught.

Shakily, the girl placed down her book and stood up. Her legs quivered a little, but she looked up at Matt and nodded weakly.

"O- okay, I- I'll play." She knew how to play soccer.

So she'd never _actually _played it, but she knew how the game worked. She knew the basic rules, which would be enough.

She swallowed.

Hopefully, anyway. She doubted that if she was the reason her team lost that they would be very happy with her. Already she was lucky that the bullying had stopped when she dropped rank. She didn't want it to start up again.

Besides, Mello was there. She needed to…_impress _him. Then maybe he'd become her friend.

Matt beamed excitedly and grabbed her wrist, yanking her towards the field. The poor girl was beyond nervous now, but tried her best not to let it show. It didn't help that when Matt finally got her to the field that the other children merely laughed. Including Mello.

"Seriously?! You think that _girl _will be able to make it on my team, Matt? You're a moron, you know that!" Matt grinned and gently nudged Peace towards him.

So…she was on Mello's team? Then she definitely needed to do good. She couldn't be a screw up. Well, that just made her feel so much better. Still though, at least Matt had confidence in her. Maybe that could fester and grow so that she could actually be of use in this game.

"C'mon, Mello, she'll do fine. Give her a chance." Mello scowled and gave the small dark haired girl a once over.

"Tch, fine. She'll probably end up crushed and I carry the whole team anyway. It's not like she'll make much of a difference. She'll be useless either way." Peace felt her heart wrench at that and she tugged at the hem of her shirt.

"Useless? I'm not useless." She whispered quietly, though it wasn't really all that convincing.

Mello stared at her and rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever, Pipsqueak."

"My name is Peace."

"It doesn't matter. Let's just get this game over with." Peace nodded weakly and sighed softly as the teams split up.

Matt gently nudged her forwards again. He didn't say anything, but she knew what he was saying. Peace straightened herself out quickly and went to take her own place.

Maybe she'd never played before. Maybe she was nervous. Maybe she was just downright scared, but she needed to prove something. Really, she did. Mello needed to notice her. He needed to know her name. He needed to know _her_. Peace was going to make her mark.

Just once.

That's all she needed.

That would be all it took to make her blonde idol notice her.

Even if it was just for a moment.

Then he'd know her name.

Then she'd have her real chance.

Then she could be his friend.

--

Once the game started, Peace played as hard as she could. She was smaller and the youngest player there, as well as the only girl, so she did have to try. Her main goal was to stand out to Mello, of course, but her secondary goal was to make sure their team won.

From what she had learned from the months of watching the blonde, he wanted to be the most important player. Peace was fast on her feet, despite being so small and whenever she managed to get the ball, she passed it to Mello. Suffice to say, she got the ball a lot seeing that she was hardly noticed.

Being small has its benefits after all.

Of course, she tripped and fell over her shoelaces several times during the game, always getting back up and playing as if her hands and knees weren't scraped from the falls. As if she wasn't all sweaty and muddy and dirty.

She was determined to be noticed. She was determined to prove that she wasn't useless. She was determined to have Mello remember her name. She was also damn well determined to not let Mello lose this game.

She remained wary of the other team and wary of the eyes that were watching her. Peace saw L briefly standing where she had been before, a light smile playing across his lips. Of course, that was when the shy little girl managed to steal the ball from the other team once again. She didn't really focus on L for very long.

"Mello!" The blonde caught the pass she handed him with ease and ran towards the goal, kicking it in past the goalie.

Yet another goal for the team. The winning goal in fact.

Peace panted heavily as she watched the opposing team whine and complain while the rest congratulated and cheered Mello. She, however, stood off to the side. Her small form battered from the new stress she had put in under.

She was beyond tired, dirty, and sore. Several times, she'd just narrowly managed being squashed to death by the older and bigger children. Her jeans were ripped from the times that she'd fallen and her scrapes were stained lightly red from blood.

Mello basked in his victory and Peace smiled, despite being ignored and left on her own. She was happy that he was happy. Even if he wasn't going to come over and talk with her, maybe now he'd at least acknowledge her.

She caught her breath and limped back over to her tree, pressing her back to the bark and sliding down to seating position. L wasn't there anymore. He must have gone back inside. Matt, however, was still there and grinning wide.

"Hey! I knew you could do it!"

"No…it was all Mello." She replied quietly, picking her book back up.

"I simply just followed his lead." Matt rolled his eyes and leaned against the tree as well, pulling out his game boy from his pocket and beginning to play.

"You give yourself too little credit."

"Hey! Pipsqueak!" Peace lifted her head and her heart pounded as Mello came over to her.

His tall form towered over her much smaller form and they locked eyes. He held such a strong appearance. Most would be afraid of him and in a sense, Peace was, but her admiration for him outweighed that fear.

"U- um, yes?" She was nervous and he smirked at her tone.

"What did you say your name was?"

**Present**

Leaning against the brick wall of the building, Peace was strangely glad that the rain had finally stopped. Okay, yes, she was sick and yes, she had snuck out in the middle of the night just to get some fresh air and that would probably get Mello extremely pissed off at her, but she didn't care right now. Sometimes, she just needed to get away. Especially these days.

When was the last time she had a good memory like that, anyway? Of the time she and Mello first became friends? Or at least the first time he acknowledged her for existing…

It was nice. Peace missed those days. She missed Wammy's, she missed L, she missed Watari…

Most of all, though, she missed who they all were back then. Matt the gamer and not a criminal hacker. L the detective and not the lifeless corpse. Mello who stood out, the one she _admired_ and not the criminal he was today.

Yes, Peace still did admire him. She still did idolize him. Not to the same extent as she had when she was four years old, obviously. That would just be plain creepy. She was a stalker back then. Mello never did find out about that. Later she had asked Matt promise not to tell, not that he would. Apparently, Matt had kept that promise.

But…Mello was different. He was angrier. More aggressive. More…obsessive. Peace didn't really understand why she remained so loyal. She never got anything out of it. That really bothered her in itself.

Maybe she really was just a masochist. It would explain everything. Maybe, deep down, she really liked the abuse. Mello, of course, hadn't hit her since the day he left, but he still called her all those names. Maybe when he said those names, she liked it. Maybe.

Peace didn't really understand herself all that well anymore. Which was okay, because what she did understand was enough to keep her going.

She had loved L. She needed to put Kira's reign to an end. She needed to protect the others. She loved Mello with every fibre of her existence. She would die for Mello.

That was all she needed to know about herself to keep going. No matter how much she broke. No matter what names he called her. She'd put up with it for this long and even though she was on the brink of going insane, she'd put up with it for the rest of her life.

However long or short that would be.

Even though everything had changed since they were just kids, her admiration for him hadn't. That was something she also knew for certain.

Weakly, the young woman got to her feet and sighed heavily.

Three.

Two.

One…

"Damn it, Peace! You moron! What the fuck are you doing outside?! Do you want to die?!" She smiled faintly and glanced towards him.

Surprisingly, the little voice in her head didn't say a word.


	22. Time Limit

**Okay, I knew I needed to get the actual storyline kicking again and I know that I'm updating fast (yay!) so hopefully it's good. Maybe it's confusing, I don't know. I rewrote several parts of this chapter over and over again because it makes me feel iffy...**

**Maybe you'll still like it though. Hopefully. I could do a lot of things with the next chapter with it. Oh, and I'm thinking about introducing another character soon :P He'll be adorable if I ever get around to him. If he doesn't show up soon, he'll probably show up when the story's just about over. **

**Oh, and what do you think of the little title I came up with for Peace? There's already an L...so I figured I could try and be creative for her own detective title now. I thought about it awhile ago, but I only just now figured out how to insert special characters -____- **

**Please Review ^_^**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 20

The emotions she felt when she saw that woman on television? Peace couldn't place them. From old records L had given to her after his death, Peace knew that Kiyomi Takada was one of Light's old girlfriends. Now, there she was…preaching about how good Kira was for the world.

It couldn't be a coincidence. She had been the one chosen to replace the last idiot who got himself killed? No…coincidence just couldn't be possible.

Maybe that's why she _hurt _so much. Because it wasn't a coincidence. It just further proved that Light was Kira. She had never wanted him to be Kira, but now…she couldn't even doubt it anymore. There was just too much against him. Not any physical evidence as of yet, but Near was working on that with the skeleton of a plan Peace had laid out before her "disappearance".

She hoped Serenity and Jacob were okay…she really needed to figure out a way to contact them. Yet, Mello refused to let her out of his sight. She had taken notice that wherever he went, he made sure she followed.

Obviously, he wasn't intent on leaving her behind again. Or maybe he just thought that if he let her go, she'd ruin everything he'd worked for. Either way, Peace wasn't sure how to feel about it. She should have been overly ecstatic that the one she dare say _loved _was making sure she was always by his side, yet…she felt as if he was the one who was purposely holding her back from completing her own goals.

Not that she'd voiced this out loud.

_Damn woman! Kiyomi Takada! Definitely not a coincidence. With L taking note of her like that…maybe he thought she'd play a part? Well, it doesn't matter. Obviously, she is playing a part. Kira probably had made contact with her already. _Peace bit her lip and gripped the hem of her shirt tightly, eyes staring at the television with such intensity Matt had voiced that she might make it implode on itself.

Mello, however, watched her curiously. Rather quiet for a change.

This…wasn't like her. Obviously something was bothering her about this woman, more than the fact that she was working to prove how super duper awesome Kira was. Yeah, that last bit was sarcastic. Who cares?

The blonde had known that Peace was hiding something. Of course she was. Like the real reason she decided to put herself in this position to begin with. Mello could believe that she was doing this for L, but he didn't. There was more to it than just _that_, but Peace wasn't inclined to tell him. That pissed him off and he still did constantly pester her about it, but she never opened up about anything else.

Peace could be damn stubborn when she wanted to be and if she was hiding it from him of all people, then he felt inclined to know what the hell she was hiding. It had to be important. Especially if she was getting so worked up over it.

The constant muttering still hadn't stopped. Especially at night when she thought no one was awake and listening.

"_No…can't. Wouldn't work…give me something useful for a change instead of stuff I already know…" _

Like she was talking to someone else entirely. Someone else no one could see. Okay, so Peace was probably going insane. More of a reason to keep a closer eye on her, hence he brought her along wherever he went.

It was just better that way and she never argued, not that he expected her to in the first place. Arguing was never Peace's style.

"Tch, what a bitch." Mello suddenly ground out at a commercial break, snapping off another bite of chocolate.

Peace glanced over her shoulder at him, her expression slightly dull.

"Kiyomi Takada. Light-kun when to school with her. There's no doubt in my mind that he's Kira now."

"And you were doubting it before?!" Mello snapped, though mostly just annoyed with the fact that she was using such an affectionate honorific with the damn suspect's name.

"Mel, cut it out. She's giving us useful information." Matt calmly broke in from his corner, his face and fingers still glued to the handheld gaming device he held in his hands.

Mello growled and Peace bit her lip, nervously twisting some of her hair around her index finger.

"Right, so go on then?" Matt urged and Peace sighed, looking back to the television.

"Before L died, he made sure to send me all the information that he had on the investigation. I recognize Kiyomi Takada's name from one of the files he had on Light-kun. There wasn't much on her, but enough for me to know that Miss Takada is one of Light-kun's past girlfriends. L may or may not have known that she would play a part in the future of this investigation, but it hardly matters. What matters is that the chances of this being a coincidence are practically nonexistent. Which means, Kiyomi Takada is more than likely in contact with Kira who is masquerading as the real L at this very moment. If Light-kun is indeed in contact with her, then I have no doubts that it's through the Japanese Task Force." Throughout the long explanation, Mello noted that she never made eye contact with either himself or Matt.

"What aren't you telling us?" He ground out, eyeing her carefully and Peace shook her head.

"That's all I can say for certain, Mello. I'm not leaving anything out." Other than the fact that she was in an emotional relationship with Light, but that was hardly important.

"If I find out that you're hiding _anything _from me, Peace, I will beat the living shit out of you, got it?! Then you better pray that I don't fucking kill you for lying to me." The threat, Peace wasn't sure what to make of.

Besides, why would she pray? God didn't exist, right? And even if her very life was in danger, there wasn't a reason for her to pray. Her prayers wouldn't be answered. They never were in the past.

"Mello, I'm not lying to you. Everything of value I have told you."

"You better have." Then, Mello paused.

"Why the hell would L give you all this information anyway?! You didn't _want _to be a detective!"

"Mel, relax. It's not-"

"Shut up, Matt! It _is _important!" The blonde glared at Peace, awaiting for her answer.

Peace peered up at him almost nervously. Almost. She wasn't scared of Mello. She never really had been scared of him. More or less, she was just concerned that he would abandon her again once he received all the information that she had.

_Tch, no he won't. Trust me. You're pretty valuable at this point in time with everything you're spewing out. Plus, you got some connections. With the right amount of acting, you could probably worm your way back into Light's arms, however disgusting that may sound. Mello would find that little tid-bit pretty valuable. If you ever tell him, that is. Which you probably won't. _Sometimes that voice made sense and other times it didn't.

Peace wasn't sure of what to make of it right now. It proved some points, it did, but she wasn't sure if Mello would actually find that piece of information useful or not. He'd probably just find it disturbing that she'd stoop so low as to grow attached to the suspect. Though he probably already was growing suspicious.

She doubted she could hide it for too much longer.

"I have no idea, to be honest, Mello. The only conclusion I could come to was that he suspected that I would be in this sort of situation one day and gave me the information to spare me some trouble. Not even Near got this much of the information and during the time I was working with him-"

"YOU WERE WORKING WITH THE SHEEP?!!" Peace didn't flinch, she merely stared at Mello who was glaring at her with as much hatred as he could muster.

"Only briefly. I would have contacted you first, but you made it painfully clear the last time that we met that you thought it would be a waste of your time." No resentment on her tone, but her eyes were still dulled as she jumped back to the original topic.

"I laid out a skeletal of a plan for Near and myself to work with. This was months ago and the last time I spoke to Near was the day of the explosion."

"He _knew _you were going to do that and didn't try and stop you?!" Mello snapped.

"God damn sheep! You could've been killed and he didn't try and stop you?!" Peace was silent.

She wasn't sure what to make of Mello's tone. It was infuriated, but at the same time there was another emotion that she just couldn't grasp.

"If I died that day, it would hardly of made any difference." Peace sighed softly and stood up from her place on the couch, digging into the pocket of her jeans and pulling out a grape flavoured lollipop.

Both males watched as she unwrapped it and placed it in her mouth, shrugging slightly. Mello frowned as he watched her.

"Why the hell would you think that?!" She shifted the lollipop a little and glanced over at him, blinking a couple of times.

The only response he received was a slight smile before she glanced back to the television. Another frown crossed her face and she sighed, tugging slightly on the hem of her shirt.

_Is it just me, or does he seem slightly concerned? _

"It doesn't matter." Peace replied quietly, watching as Takada continued to talk.

Her brow furrowed as something churned in her gut. She didn't know this feeling, she just knew that she didn't like it. And she didn't like that woman either. Something about her gave Peace goose bumps. Perhaps it was just her overactive female intuition.

"Of course it matters, damn it!" Mello snapped, continuing to rave and rant as Peace paid him little attention.

Something…

…she was getting that feeling again. That cold numbness she got the week before L's death. Did…did that mean that someone else was going to die now? Or…was it something else?

"Are you even listening to me?!" Damn it..

She needed some air. Something. Her mind was so clouded it wasn't even funny.

"Mello…can you do something for me?" Mello fell immediately silent, his blue eyes staring at the girl with surprise.

She was…asking him for something? What exactly? If she wanted him to promise not to die, well, he couldn't.

"Depends on what it is." Peace bit her lip and took a deep breath before she turned to face him, smiling weakly.

"I need you to punch me. S- so that I can go back undercover and regain the trust of Light-kun. Then, I can get a closer inspection on what's going on. But, I need you to punch me first. Break my nose or something. I just need to look like the only reason I'm here was because you threatened my life and I escaped with luck on my side." The way she went about asking for this…

It wasn't so much the request, though that was surprising too, but it was the way she said it. The _tone _she used. Fearlessness, soft, monotone. Well, just short of it anyway. The tone she used could be compared to the tone L had used.

Matt and Mello stared at Peace with wide eyes and she stared back. Her arms hung limply at her sides as she stared passively through the blonde. Not at him, _through _him. Only L had ever done that and seeing Peace do it made Mello feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Y- you want me to punch you?" Punch her?

What the hell was she thinking?! Just so that she could go endanger her life?! No way in hell! Still, despite thinking all of this, Mello also had to consider it. Peace was good at worming her way into people's hearts and she was a fairly good actress.

He closed his eyes and reopened them, glaring at her.

"You dumbass! I'm not going to punch you!" Bitch slapping her four years ago was enough.

No, Mello didn't want to hurt her like that and he especially didn't want her to wind up dead either. Not for another seventy years, at least when she'd die of old age just like people are supposed to. Of course, it wouldn't be like he would be around during that time. He'd probably be dead long before that. Not Peace though.

He grabbed the collar of her shirt and held her up, her feet on the floor just barely. He glared into her eyes which only seemed to stare blankly back at him. They were devoid of emotion. Dead, almost. W- was she dying inside?

Mello pushed the thought back.

"And you're sure as hell not going back to them either! You're staying here, damn it, where you won't get yourself killed!"

"Mello, let her go. She can't breathe." Matt butt in, watching the two of them from his corner.

Peace did indeed look a little blue, but she still stared through Mello. Her eyes so dull…he'd only seen that look once. Just once. Just a few days before L died.

_"Do you think there's such a place as heaven, Mello? Matt? I've been pondering about it for days on end, yet I can't fathom the idea."_

He released her shirt and stared down at her for a moment before turning away. His back now facing her, he didn't have to see that dead look in her eyes. Comparing it to then, he now knew that there was a slight difference. Back then, her eyes hadn't looked dead. They had been fogged over, the way they always got when she was deep, deep in thought. He didn't quite understand why her eyes were so dead now, not quite.

Then again, he didn't quite understand what she was willing to do either.

_"I just- really want to know. When people die, is there really some place for them to go afterwards? It's a scary thought really, death. To think of nothing being there once I die- it unnerves me."_

_"Gah! Of course there's something on the other side! Once you die, you go to heaven and live there with friends and family and stuff! God will take care of you when you're dead! Now, shut the hell up about it and come inside before you die of pneumonia or something!" _

_"Of course. Whatever you want of me." _

"Of course, Mello. Whatever you wish of me." Somehow, he could hear the slight smile in her voice and he glanced over his shoulder, blinking when her eyes held a new light to them.

"Damn right." He ground out and Peace nodded slightly, shifting the lollipop she had in her mouth as she glanced back towards the television.

"It's not like I'm going to die anyway. I've made too many promises to do that. Gotta stay alive at least to the end of this or Serenity will find a way to revive me, then kill me again." She grinned and looked back to both of her friends.

For the first time since he had met her, Mello couldn't tell if her smile was genuine or just for show. Her new…cheerful mood had just some so sudden. He'd definitely have to watch her closer.

Not that he was worried.

No, he wasn't worried at all.

--

_You can't stay here forever, Leila. You gotta break free soon. _Yes, she knew that.

_Then why are you clinging? _She felt that feeling again and she just wanted to make sure-

_That's just an excuse and you know it! A really poor excuse too! Dumbass, the only reason you're sticking around is because you're afraid that you're gonna be all alone again. Once you run off, you're afraid that Matt and your precious Mello will never want to see you again. Or that they'll die before they get the chance too. _Isn't that a perfectly legitimate fear?

_Depending on them will slow everyone down. You know that. Besides, if you really love him, you'll break away so that he doesn't have to worry. You might not be able to see it, but I do. Mello worries that you're gonna go and get your sorry ass killed. _Sure he did.

Mello didn't see her as anything more than a simple tool. Not that she was complaining or anything. As long as Mello was happy, she could deal with it.

_Yeah? Well, obviously. You wouldn't have put up with it for so fucking long if you couldn't deal with it. But face it, it's just about time to split off. You're not four anymore, Peace. You can't follow Mello to the ends of the earth. You'll just end up fucking dead. Do you want that? _If Mello died, did she really have much else to live for?

_You've got other friends, don't you?! Matt, Serenity, Jacob…hell, even fucking Near! _Mello was her protection.

_Learn to fend for yourself! _F- fend for herself?

_C'mon! You know you can fucking do it! Even with Serenity and Jacob, you were fending for yourself! Mello wasn't around to save your sorry ass every time you were on the verge of breaking! Neither was L. It's time to fucking grow up. You're not a little kid anymore. You're fucking L now. At least, temporarily. _Right, she had forgotten about that.

She was L now, wasn't she? Or, more correctly L². Hm, that had a nice ring to it.

_Heh, see? _Yes…but still, Mello was important to her.

L had died and she didn't want Mello to die too, because that would mean that she would no longer have anyone to look up to. They would all be dead and she would be someone that people looked up to. She wasn't fit to be a role model.

Besides, if Mello died, she would never get the chance to tell him how she felt.

_Pft, sure! If you're so concerned about him not knowing about your damned feelings - _Their _shared _feelings.

The voice was seemingly forgetting that it also had a strong liking for Mello as it had urged Peace before the explosion to go and save him. Plus, the voice had often said that it loved Mello as well.

…_shut up. Anyway, the point is, if you're so concerned about him never finding out __our __damned feelings, then go fucking tell him! _No.

Now wasn't the time for that.

_Then when will be the time?! _When this investigation was over.

When everything was back to normal.

_And if that never happens? _Peace was silent for a long number of moments and the voice was impatiently waiting for her response.

_Well?! _Then she supposed that she would have no choice, but to die as well; the last possible way for her to show just how much she felt for him.

Peace lived four long years without being by Mello's side. Without being behind him or beside him in any way, shape, or form. To go through something like that again, she knew she wouldn't be able to bare. Even if she lived another fifty years, she would still be dead inside. Perhaps she wasn't a genius when it came to giving away her heart, which had been shown with both Mello _and _Light-kun, but she still knew that her heart wouldn't be able to handle such a strain.

It was hurting enough as it was.

_So you'd fucking die? _Yes.

_You're a dumbass. _She had heard that many times.

_Hopefully, though, it won't come to that. Tch, he'll finally learn just how obsessive you are. _No.

Obsessive wouldn't be the correct word for it. Addicted, perhaps? Yes. Peace was addicted to Mello and had been since the day they had first met. Okay, so she hadn't been in love with him back then, but she had been addicted. Something about him had drawn her attention.

_Addicted? Right…_ Mello was her opposite.

It made perfect sense.

_For a genius, you're stupid as fuck. _Even if Mello could never love her, Peace would remain by his side loyally.

She didn't need his affection, just the simple acknowledgement that she made some sort of difference. Maybe that's what she was really waiting for before she decided to follow through with her own plan and break free.

_If that's the case, you're never going to fucking get it. _If that's the case…then Peace would just have to try even harder.

_You've got a week. If you don't get what you want in that time, then I'M fucking taking over, got it?_ …could the voice even do that?

_I'm a part of you, I can do whatever the hell I want. _Oh…then a week it was.

A lot could happen in a week.


	23. Letting Go and Movin' On: Goodbye Mello

**Songs featured **_Let it go - Tim McGraw _**and **_I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts_

**I know these songs differ from what I was using before, but I merely chose them because I thought they fit the mood. Plus, I'm a sucker for both Rascal Flatts and Tim McGraw. Hopefully, if you don't like these, you can overlook them. I don't go overboard with lyrics anyway, at least I don't think I do.**

**Please Review**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 21

Peace had known from the beginning that she wasn't the same person she had been four years ago. When L was still alive, she laughed and played and was Mello loyal servant. Back then, nothing had bothered her and she felt that as long as she was by Mello's side, nothing could ever go wrong.

Of course, though she may not ever admit it out loud, she still knew that she had been naïve back then. Peace was open about however many faults that she had, except for that one. Because admitting her naivety meant that she would only feel even more guilt for laughing and smiling throughout a time when she should have been more concerned. Then again, maybe she was just taking too much of the blame upon herself. It wasn't as though she would have been able to stop L's death.

Logically, she knew that, but that didn't mean that she felt any different.

Four years of festering emotions can do a lot to a person. Often, she wondered what difference it may have made if she had chosen to go with Mello that day. Serenity and Jacob wouldn't have been brought into this mess, that was for certain. It would have also given her more time to gain the acknowledgement she was now so hungry for.

If only she could turn back time, but she couldn't and she was left to face the consequences of the path she had chosen. She wasn't L, she could never be _L_. That was so obvious that it was almost funny. Compared to L, Peace was nothing.

Peace was nothing compared to a lot of people. What importance in this case was she actually playing? She wasn't L, nor was she any Sherlock Holmes or any other form of detective. She was _supposed _to be a musician.

Just the thought of music now, made her feel sick to her stomach.

How could she have played music for _four _years throughout this entire mess? How could she? She should have been doing something. She could have been doing something.

Peace felt that there were a lot of things she should regret in her life and she was only seventeen. Eighteen in another month or so.

November fifth was rushing up fast. Another year. Another anniversary of L's death. Of the day she made her first true mistake. She wished so badly that she could go back and fix the mess. If she did that…then maybe everything would be better.

But, she couldn't.

She couldn't and she never would. Time travel is impossible. At least now, Peace knew exactly what she would have to do. Even if she had so many regrets, at least she knew what she would have to do to make everything better again.

That was a start.

* * *

Day one, Peace realized that time was going by too quickly. Really, was it that close to that day again? Peace honestly didn't want to think about it right now. Especially since she only had one week left before she went about with her own plan. Well, her and the voice's plan.

Man, she felt crazy thinking about it like that. The voice…maybe she was crazy. Crazy, but still sane? Was that even possible?

She decided to stop thinking about it. Especially now. It was stressful to think about it and she didn't need anymore stress than she already had. Besides, Mello was obviously beginning to suspect something was wrong with her.

…maybe she just needed a break. Not that Mello would let her have one and her mind would still probably be on the situation even with a break…but maybe she needed one all the same. Like…it would be nice to just go outside to the park or something and just sit there on a park bench. Or go shopping or…actually be a girl for a change instead of L². Mello would probably just chew her out for it, but Peace was actually looking forward to the idea.

But she said nothing about what was on her mind and continued what she was currently working on. Which wasn't really much, to be honest. Watching Kiyomi Takada on television and trying to come up with anything that could be remotely useful.

Peace was good at making predictions and some forms of strategies to go with them, so it made sense that Mello would put her in charge of this. Still, even though it was fairly simple, she really just wanted to get her mind away from all of this. To focus on the short time she had before she followed through with her own little plans.

A week. Seven days. Really, it sounded like a long time, but for her to do what she wanted to do, to hear what she wanted to hear? It might as well have been seven minutes.

Not really all that much time, really.

Seven days, each being twenty four hours long. That was only one hundred and sixty eight hours. In fact, even less than that now. More like one hundred and sixty five hours, twelve minutes, and thirty four seconds.

Peace gave a careful, quiet sigh as she closed her eyes.

Maybe what she wanted was too much. Of course, it wasn't as though she was asking for every ounce of Mello's affection. No, she knew that she'd never get the love she felt for him in return. She just wanted to be recognized as his equal. After all she had done…was that really all that much?

The voice had told her that it was. That the love that they felt for Mello was pretty much in vain because not only would he never love them in return, but they would never be acknowledged for all they were willing to sacrifice. If Mello even recognized that.

"Misa Amane, what do you know about her?" Peace opened her eyes and glanced over to Mello, who was staring her down intently, awaiting his answers.

"Misa Amane?" Peace tilted her head slightly in thought, using her tongue to gently shift her grape lollipop to the other side of her mouth.

"Yes. Don't make me ask again." The girl nodded slightly and sighed, removing the lollipop.

"I honestly don't know much, other than the obvious. She was accused of being the second Kira, held under suspicion in solitary, she has an obsession over Light Yagami and Kira…and is currently living in his place of residence. Sadly, during the short time I was with the Task Force, I didn't get the chance to meet her and therefore can't hold any real judgement." Mello frowned as he took another bite out of his chocolate bar, glancing back over the notes that he had.

"That's it?"

"Sorry…"

"Damn it. Worthless…" She didn't flinch, she simply returned to what she had been doing.

Which really wasn't much, but it was taking her mind off of what little use she actually was. More of a reason for her to want to take a break and get out of there. If only for an hour.

_You sure you want to go through another week of this? It's highly doubtful that he'll acknowledge you for anything other than existing. Which he barely does as it is. _Peace frowned faintly and shifted her candy again, trying her best not to sigh as it would probably gain attention.

"Perhaps surveillance would be an idea?" She suddenly murmured, capturing Mello's attention once again.

"As far as I know, Amane-san isn't the brightest crayon in the box and Light-kun spends the majority of his days "working". She would be home alone. A simple disguise and a little white lie and placing cameras would be easy." Matt lifted his eyes up from his laptop and glanced to Mello, who was obviously pondering the idea.

The blonde leaned back on the couch, his left arm resting on the back of it as he bit into his chocolate bar.

"Surveillance, eh?"

* * *

_Seven blackbirds in a tree,_

_Count them and see what they be._

_One for sorrow_

_Two for joy_

_Three for a girl_

_Four for a boy_

_Five for silver_

_Six for gold_

_Seven for a secret that's never been told._

_One for sorrow._

Day two. Five more days left…or more correctly, five more _nights _until she finally pulled away. It's not like Peace wanted to do it. She really hated the idea of pulling away from Mello, but she knew it needed to be done.

"One for sorrow…" Her eyes focused on a single blackbird which sat just outside the window, which was strange seeing that it was night time.

Rather, it was four o'clock in the morning. Peace hadn't been able to sleep that night, which wasn't anything unusual. Since this entire thing started, she'd never been able to sleep that well.

"…is this an omen?" Never had she believed in such things before, but nowadays she supposed anything was possible.

If a notebook could kill people, who's to say that there isn't something weirder out there? Logic says it, sure, but Peace was beginning to lose all sense of logic anyway. Especially since she had begun to listen to a frick'n voice inside her head which was probably just a figment of her imagination formed by stress.

"…" Silence.

Mello was asleep. Matt was asleep. Peace was pretty much alone at this point in time, going over whatever she could so that she could be of some sort of help. Much of what she found, she jotted down onto pieces of paper before slipping them inside the drawer. It was collecting at a decent enough pace, not only pieces relevant to the investigation, but relevant to her sanity as well.

She watched as the sun started to come up and a slight smile passed her lips as the bird fluttered off. After a few more moments of staring at the window, the girl stood up and went to take a shower. It wasn't a fast one, but it wasn't slow either. It was just long enough so that by the time she got out, she knew Mello would be awake and Matt would still be asleep because he slept like a rock.

The rest of Day two went by eventless.

* * *

Day three. She was getting tired of being confined indoors, but Mello wouldn't let her go outside. He wouldn't let her stop working. Peace didn't argue with him, she never did. That still didn't stop her from being rather withdrawn on this day. She also consumed a lot more of those grape flavoured lollipops than she normally did, which went unnoticed by Mello.

That just ended up making her feel worse than before. But, she still said nothing and still kept working just like a good little girl.

She really missed the old days.

"_C'mon, Peace. We're going to do something fun."_

"_What is it we're going to do, Mello?"_

"_Dye the sheep's clothes pink."_

Then, even though he was still the leader, at least she had an opinion. At least she had a life and at least he would listen to her once in awhile. Not anymore.

She knew things had changed, but to change this much? It was just depressing now.

_You're the one who wanted to stay. If you want to do anything in this time you've got before we get our asses out of here, hurry up and do it. You might never see these two again. _That would mean that she'd have to do something drastic…wouldn't it?

_If you really care about it that much. _Peace sighed softly, twirling the stick of her lollipop in her mouth.

She was unable to bring herself to do anything on Day three. It passed like the days before had. Working, working, and more working.

Day three, Peace was getting restless, but she still said nothing. Not for the next three days.

* * *

_I've been caught sideways out here on the crossroads_

_Trying to buy back the pieces I lost of my soul_

_It's hard when the devil won't get off your back_

_It's like carrying around the past in a hundred pound sack_

Strange…what was that? Mello twitched faintly as he roused from his sleep, a light frown on his features. He could make out the pattering of rain against the windows of the building and the sound of breathing from across the room.

Slowly sitting up, he glanced and saw that it was simply Matt who had fallen asleep in the armchair again. Tch, the idiot. He couldn't even take the couch, no, he just had to fall asleep in the chair.

Still, something seemed off.

_Today I'm gonna keep on walking _

_I'm gonna hold my head up high_

_I'm gonna leave it all behind _

_Today I'm gonna stand out in the rain _

_Let it wash it all away Yeah wash it all away_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

That was when the blonde registered the soft sound of a voice that wasn't inside the room, but was outside. Taking a glance around, it became obvious that Peace wasn't anywhere to be seen. Mello growled in annoyance and pushed himself from the bed, going to the door and yanking it open.

Stupid girl! Didn't she learn from the last time?!

He was too caught up to register the words that were hanging in the air, though he vaguely recognized that it was indeed her singing voice.

_Skeletons and Ghosts are hiding in the shadows_

_Threatening me with all the things that they know_

_Choices and mistakes, they all know my name_

_But I'm through holding in and holding onto all that pain_

Of course, with that simple, swift movement of opening the door, Mello found himself frozen in the doorway as he stared out. He was still safe from the rain, but he could easily see the scene before him taking place. It was unusual for him to be taken aback like this, but he was finding that it was happening more often since Peace was hanging around.

That girl was just so fucking confusing, it was ridiculous. No matter how much he pried, he couldn't get her to give up and tell him what she was hiding. Every time he pestered her too, she seemed to close up in some shape or form, reverting to a personality so eerily like L's. It was scary, not the he'd admit it or anything, just how she made it work so well.

Almost as if L was a part of her.

_Today I'm gonna keep on walking _

_I'm gonna hold my head up high_

_Got no more tears to cry_

_Today I'm gonna stand out in the rain _

_Let it wash it all away Yeah wash it all away_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

Her arms were outstretched, her face turned up to the sky, voice ringing out clearly sounding almost as if she were singing to the heavens. The rain poured down, her clothing soaked and clinging to her small frame. If she were aware she was being watched, she didn't seem to care as she just kept going.

Normally, Mello probably wouldn't have been so…entranced by this sort of thing. Still, though, something about her expression made him not go down there and drag her back inside. It was almost remorseful in a sense.

Mello typically was pretty good at reading people's facial expressions, he didn't get to be _"Number Two"_ without reason, after all. Still, he almost always had difficulty with Peace which was a fact that annoyed him to no end.

She was someone who actually could hide what she felt from him if she wanted to. That small, miniscule fact really hadn't sunk in until now.

It annoyed him, but still he couldn't bring it in himself to go down there and interrupt her. He could chew her out when she finished after all.

_And I know I know I know I know I've been forgiven_

_I know I know I know I'm gonna start living_

_Today I'm gonna keep on walking _

_I'm gonna hold my head up high_

_I'm gonna leave it all behind _

_Today I'm gonna stand out in the rain _

_Let it wash it all away Yeah wash it all away_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

_I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah_

_Oh yeah_

Silence followed and Mello still remained in the doorway. His eyes focusing on Peace's back. She could feel his stare and it made her slightly uncomfortable, though in a way, happy.

She would be leaving tonight. Breaking away and Mello was paying her attention for more than the sole reason that she had some information regarding the case.

Slowly, her arms dropped to her sides and she heaved a small sigh before running her fingers through her hair. It was soaked from the rain, but that was fine. She liked the rain and always had. Being a little wet had never bothered her. It just helped her think better and come to conclusions.

"Dumbass…why are you singing in the rain? Do you want to get sick again?" Her back still to the blonde, she smiled faintly.

His words held no bite to them and it made her feel rather at ease. More so than she had for the last week.

"I needed to think…the rain makes me feel better." She admitted quietly, lifting her head to peer up at the sky.

In the distance, she could swear she heard the chiming of church bells, but she ignored it. It was early in the morning, so it wasn't anything unusual really.

"Did I wake you? I apologize. That wasn't my intention…"

"Cut that out." Mello's voice was closer and she heard the closing of a door, soon feeling his presence just hovering behind her.

She turned her head slightly, her storm grey orbs meeting his own blue irises.

"Cut out…what?" Mello's eyes were hard as they stared into hers.

"Acting like L. You're not him. Quit trying to be." His tone was harsher than it had been and Peace couldn't help, but smile faintly as she looked up to the sky.

The rain was still pounding down and she sighed softly as she pushed her fists into the pockets of her worn jeans.

"I know." He frowned.

"Then why the hell do you keeping doing it?"

"He's a part of me, Mello…I can't help it." It was probably as close to the truth as she could give him.

"Of course you can, just don't fucking do it. Not only is it creepy, but it's degrading to his memory." Peace glanced back to the blonde, her eyes staring through him once again.

He didn't flinch, nor did he look away. But it wasn't like he didn't want to. The way she looked at him sometimes sent shivers down his spine. It was just…that whole L-like thing she had going on. She really did look like him and that made the effect even worse.

Her storm colored orbs softened immensely and she smiled gently before looking back to the sky.

"Mello…?"

"What?" He was glad she wasn't looking at him anymore.

Peace sighed softly and stuffed her fingers deeper into her pockets.

"Never mind…"

* * *

_Tch. What a wasted week. It didn't change anything, did it? _The young woman frowned faintly as she tied her hair tightly and tucked it into the hood of her sweater.

The rain had long since stopped and it was dark outside now. Considering it was about three o'clock in the morning. Mello and Matt had faded off to sleep about half an hour ago, which Peace spent preparing herself.

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons_

_Finally content with a past I regret_

_I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness_

_For once I'm at peace with myself_

_I have been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long_

_I'm movin' on_

It was for the best that she got away. Even if she hadn't been able to change anything with her friendship with Mello, if one could call it that, at least she felt some peace for having stayed behind to try. Talking to him about feelings was definitely harder that it would seem. Mello was full of emotions, the most common of them being anger.

Peace figured it would be best for him to be a little angry at her for something she could control than for him to hate her for something she really couldn't.

_I've lived in this place and I know all the faces_

_Each one is different but they're always the same_

_They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it_

_They'll never allow me to change_

_But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong_

_I'm movin' on_

She didn't really need anything. There wasn't anything she could bring with her either. All she knew was that she needed to get to the city, back to Serenity and Jacob so at least they would know she was alive. She had a plan for what she was going to do and how she was going to get there.

Grabbing a pen and heading over to the desk quietly, Peace pulled open the drawer where she had hid several little notes to herself regarding personal feelings. She still doubted Mello would ever look in there, which was good. She wasn't going to bring them with her. She didn't need to. Almost everything was clear now.

Pulling out a blank piece of paper from the mess, she jotted down a quick note. It didn't say where she was going, just that she was.

_I'm movin' on_

_At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me_

_And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone_

_There comes a time in everyone's life_

_When all you can see are the years passing by_

_And I have made up my mind that those days are gone_

It was only about ten minutes later that she was on the move. Of course, in order to be she needed to successfully "borrow" on of the unguarded motorcycles whose owner obviously didn't believe that hotwiring was possible. She hadn't a helmet, but that didn't really matter. Slightly nervous from the fact that she'd never driven anything before, it took her awhile to get comfortable.

Then, she was gone.

_I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't_

_Stopped to fill up on my way out of town_

_I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't_

_I had to lose everything to find out_

_Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road_

_I'm movin' on_

By the time Mello awoke, it was painfully clear that something, or _someone _was missing. Taking another quick look around the room, and then outside, he growled under his breath when he caught sight of the note on the desk.

"Damn it, Peace, you idiot!"

"Nng…Mel, what's wrong? What're you doing shoutin' this early in the morning?" Matt mumbled and the blonde stomped over to the bed, shoving the note in the redhead's face.

"The bitch took off on us!" Matt blinked, his hair messy and his vision bleary.

He still took the note from his best friend's hand and read it over.

_**Dear Mello,**_

_**By the time you read this, it's fair to say that I'm long gone. I'm not telling you where, even though I highly doubt that you'll come after me, but I will tell you why.**_

_**We all have the same goals and as much as I would like to stay, I find that we're just slowing each other down. If we really want to bring Kira's reign to an end, we need to cooperate so that such distractions aren't possible.**_

_**I know you're angry at me, if you don't hate me for being the idiot that I am, but I'm following my heart. I left all notes that I have on Kira and "Friends" behind so that you can keep working on it without me around.**_

_**After all, that's the only reason you kept me around at all, isn't it? Not that I can blame you. I am rather useless otherwise. Retaining information is the best I can do at this point.**_

_**Hopefully, you will forgive me. If not, then I hope you know that you'll always be number one to me, stupid and sappy as that may be.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Peace**_

_I'm movin' on_

_I'm movin' on_


	24. Recollection: Something in Common

**Okay, so it's been awhile, but not too long I hope O O **

**I hope I haven't lost readers...that would make me very sad. Though, on a bright note, I have **_99 _**reviews!!! That makes me very, very happy! Of course, it'll make me even happier once I get to **_100 _**and if I ever get to **_200 _**I'll be ecstatic!**

**So, about this chapter. I liked it. I did. It pleased me, though maybe I could do a little better with the sorta middle part of it...I honestly couldn't think of much else. This is pretty much another filler chapter - sadly. Considering I'm tweaking the timeline bit a little (makes for better reminicing for the characters). I'll forewarn though that there's probably going to be a large time skip in the near future. Just a warning. I'll have to get the original storyline back on track in order to finish this story.**

**Also, I'm thinking of renaming the story. I know that it started out Peace-centric, but now it's sorta not...and I'm not entirely certain if it fits anymore. Suggestions are most welcome and I'd like to hear your ideas.**

_Please Review_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 22

What compelled her to come here? Misa wasn't entirely certain. She didn't remember ever wanting to come here before. A graveyard was such a dull and ugly place. It was always sad. Misa didn't want to be sad. Still, she came here and she was hovering here in front of a single tombstone.

_Ryuuzaki. _

Weird, she didn't remember ever knowing such a man. So…why was she here? As much as she wanted to turn around and leave to go back to her precious, precious Light-kun, she found her feet stuck in place. It sent shivers down her spine.

Misa didn't like graveyards. She especially didn't like standing in them. Not alone, not even with company.

"…sad, isn't it?" The model gasped and turned quickly, eyes widening when she came face to face with a new companion who had managed to sneak up beside her.

The face wasn't really visible, giving it was hidden by an ugly, ugly hood from a sweater that was obvious too big for this person's frame, but that was the least of Misa's worries. The person's hands were stuffed into the pockets of their jeans, no emotion visible on what little of their face that could be seen. It unnerved Misa.

Though she had obviously never seen that look before, it seemed eerily familiar. She didn't like it.

"Ah! Who are you?! Why are you here?!"

"I could ask the same of you." Was the soft response and Misa stared at the unmoving stranger for several long moments.

"Misa is here because she wants to be!" The blonde finally replied, lying through the skin of her teeth.

She had no clue why she was here, but there was no way she was going to let some stranger know that.

"Oh? That's the same reason I am here." Of course, there was an immediate reaction on the model's part.

"So you're stalking Misa?!" An immediate response from the stranger.

"I'm merely here to see my brother, who you're so kindly visiting as well." Misa could make out dulled grey irises from under that hood now and she almost flinched as she squirmed a little away from this weirdo.

"O- oh!" Brother?

Misa felt her heart drop with sympathy for this stranger.

"Misa is sorry…"

"For what reason? It's not like you killed him or anything." If the tone was anything, but honest, Misa didn't catch it.

"Misa is sorry for your loss, Mr Stranger!" It seemed to be a guy.

Judging from the clothes and the soft voice. Misa was good at these things, so she knew it was a guy underneath all of that. She didn't need to see the rest of his face to see it! Perhaps he was short for a boy, but it was obvious to the model that he was definitely a he.

The stranger didn't move for a moment and sighed softly before shifting a little so that he stood directly in front of this _Ryuuzaki's _tombstone. Then, he just stared down at it. The grey eyes Misa had seen closed and she wasn't entirely sure whether she should feel relieved or sad.

"He's been dead for four years. The only biological family I had that actually wanted me." It was almost a bitter tone that came out and Misa flinched, but watched the stranger intently.

She couldn't bring herself to leave now that she had a companion and the fact that she was in an ugly, ugly graveyard seemed to have melted away from her mind.

"H- huh?" As unintelligible as it was, it was the only sound the model could muster after the muttering of her new strange companion.

The stranger opened his eyes and glanced to her, the majority of his face still hidden.

"It doesn't matter…you should return home. It's dangerous for a pretty girl like yourself to be out this late. Especially alone." Misa was torn from her stricken curiosity of this stranger by the careful, cautious sound of his voice.

Even she had picked up on that, but honestly didn't think much of it. Not when she noticed just how dark it was getting and the rain was still drizzling down too…Light-kun must have been worried! After all, he was usually home by now!

"O- oh! Thank you, Mr Stranger for reminding me!" It didn't cross her mind that she could have simply just asked for his name instead of just fabricating one that could almost be taken as offensive by most people, the few others finding it somewhat adorable.

Still, given that she was an adult woman, adorable should no longer suit her. Not if it required numbing down her intellect, but that thought never crossed the blonde's mind. She was much too stricken with the idea of returning home to her _one true love_. Though, before she completely turned away, she looked back at her new companion and smiled.

"Goodbye, Mr Stranger!" She hoped, for some strange reason she wanted to see him again even though she hadn't said it.

He was indeed very strange and quiet. Though, despite initial impressions, Misa had to say that she liked him. Not in the way she liked her precious Light-kun, but she definitely liked this stranger she had met only a short time ago.

Though, Misa probably should have known better than to trust strangers, that never really stopped her before.

So, as the twirling and excited blonde rushed from the cemetery, the short stranger was left all on his own. His shoulders heaved with a sigh and he shook his head, a weak smile passing his lips as his grey eyes focused on _Ryuuzaki's _granite tombstone.

"Goodbye…" He murmured the word and then chuckled slightly.

"…I wonder which of the two meanings for the word she meant?" It wasn't all that surprising when the only answer that was received was the sound of the wind.

Or maybe it was a voice? It wasn't exactly as though the two could easily be deciphered nowadays. Either way, if it was a voice, the stranger wasn't able to make out what was said. He just turned on his feet, gave a quick glance to the tombstone and then continued on his way.

* * *

"I'm tired, Jacob…" Serenity murmured softly, curling up close to his grey haired boyfriend on the couch.

Jacob immediately draped his arm around his lover and held him close, placing a tender kiss to the former redhead's forehead. Serenity immediately smiled and closed his eyes, yawning and managing to snuggle up closer to the grey haired man who honestly didn't seem to mind right now. He never really minded anymore as his worry for Serenity was much more intense than his sometimes squeamishness when it came to just simple cuddling.

Serenity just seemed…off. Like, extremely off these days. First it was the lack of contacts and the stopping of dyeing his hair and now…lately he seemed to be either overly clingy or just extremely tired. Jacob wasn't a doctor, nor was he a psychiatrist, but he was worried that his boyfriend was depressed in his grief over Lily.

Even though the girl wasn't dead.

"…then sleep, okay?" Jacob soothed softly, brushing Serenity's sandy colored hair from his eyes.

Serenity immediately shook his head and grunted a little. Jacob frowned and was about to reply when there was a light knock at the door of the hotel room. Immediately, silence followed and both men looked to each other with curiosity, unable to make much out of this.

No one came to see them. They didn't know anyone in Japan after all. Still, the two stood up - Serenity didn't want to leave Jacob's side - and went to the door. The older male grasped the doorknob in his hand and twisted it open, though slowly and cautiously.

Brown and green eyes immediately widened and they were at a loss for words. Still, though, a relieved smile made its way to the grey haired male's lips.

"'Bout time you got back here."

**Three Years Ago - New York City**

In all honesty, Jacob had been pretty much alone for his entire life. He had parents, though he never referred to them as such. They didn't really refer to him as their son either. It was a mutual agreement. Jacob's family had never been close, though it was never really understood why. It was just accepted. So, it wasn't much of a surprise when he moved out of the house he shared with those people as soon as he could and got a relatively nice apartment as far away from them as possible. Not out of spite, he just didn't want to be near people he didn't know nor did they know him.

A lot of people would disagree though, which was sorta why Jacob kept to himself and legally changed his name when he was old enough. Jacob "Ashley". Much better than what it had been. He was his own person and now had no connection to those who had sired him, apart from blood. He didn't even focus on that too much, so it was more or less a distant thought from time to time.

Though, being a teenager and juggling rent, school, and a job was difficult, Jacob had always been able to spend his time sparingly and managed well. He worked as a waiter throughout his school years and even afterwards. Though, it was true that being separate from one's parents made it difficult to go past anything after high school, the grey haired male always had plans to someday go to college. Someday. Even if it took a lifetime, it was a bit of an aspiration of his. Though, being someone who kept mostly to himself - with limited friends - practically no one knew of this little dream of his and Jacob was happy with his way of life. It was a routine and it was easy for him.

Yet, Fate sometimes likes to throw hardballs that cause one to veer off course.

Jacob could be called stone faced by a lot of people. It was rare for him to smile, always being a rather serious type of person. Though, with the lack of affection he had neither given nor received, one can't exactly say that it wasn't expected. Jacob, though, couldn't exactly be called anti-social. When he felt truly relaxed, or maybe that he had to, the grey haired young man could be quite the opposite of his deemed personality. Joking, teasing, playful. Still, not one person had seen that side of him. Not until that day when a young teenage girl and boy entered the café.

It was a little later in the day - a time where few people came to this particular café - so the black haired girl and the crimson haired boy (Jacob assumed that his hair wasn't naturally that color because of the black streaks in it) were the only two customers. Business had been slow lately, so Jacob was the only waiter on shift that evening.

He hovered around behind the cash register for a few moments, grabbing two menus as he watched the two customers from the corner of his eye. He found them…intriguing, so to say. They conversed so freely with each other - though the male was doing most of the talking - and it was obvious to him that they weren't from New York. Their accents (predominantly British) gave that away.

Strange. They seemed to be rather young. The boy no older than eighteen (if that) and the girl was probably around fourteen, if not younger. Shouldn't they have been with their parents? But, Jacob quickly decided that he shouldn't judge, given his own position with that particular subject. So, he silently brought the two their menus and plastered on a smile that he had practised so much throughout the years. It looked real enough to fool even the most observant of people. Waiters needed to smile to get better tips, after all.

"My name's Jacob." He said, that same plastered smile on his face as he spoke oh-so-warmly.

Immediately, the one-sided conversation ceased and the dyed-redhead looked up. Purple contacts, Jacob immediately noticed. He didn't see those often.

Still though, it sort of surprised him when the talkative Brit teenager immediately turned a heavy shade of red (enough to rival his hair) and turned his face away quickly. The girl blinked once and then laughed a little before turning her attention to Jacob. Jacob could have sworn he felt his lungs and most of his other organs stop working when those eyes of her stared into his.

Such unusual eyes. Though he knew the color of them was common, there was something about them that could stop even the toughest, most burly man in his tracks. Jacob wasn't either, so it wasn't much of a surprise that he nearly wet himself (for lack of better terms). The girl seemed to be staring directly into your soul, threatening to reveal your deepest darkest secrets. Yet, she wore a brilliant, heart warming smile that completely contradicted her eyes which could melt the polar ice caps if she weren't careful.

"Good evening." She smiled, her ponytail bouncing slightly as she turned her head back to her companion.

The redhead mumbled something and the girl giggled again, turning back to Jacob as he slid down the menus in front of them. For some reason, he wasn't surprised when she quickly decided upon something both to drink and to eat.

"Lemonade and apple pie, please." The redhead stared at her for a moment, having finally lifted his head.

"Apple pie, Lily?"

"Yup! I'm not terribly hungry and I feel like something sweet today, Serenity. Besides, I heard this café is well known for its apple pie." There was only a momentary pause before Serenity (a strange name for a male, but Jacob wasn't one to judge) smiled brightly himself, becoming as animated as he had before as he placed his own order which was larger than Lily's.

Jacob, though, couldn't help, but notice that when the young teenage girl spoke, she seemed so much like an adult. He felt that there was definitely more to her appearance, which intrigued him. Which was only the first step of course.

Over time, Lily and Serenity returned to the café every evening and Jacob found himself growing even more comfortable around them than he was with his own…friends - if he could properly call them such. Jacob wasn't what one would call personable, but it seemed - to himself and Lily at least - that Serenity had taken some sort of fancy in him. Not that Jacob particularly minded as he had been open about his sexuality for the longest time (which was difficult to say for a lot of people). Besides, Serenity was indeed personable and everything Jacob was not which made the grey haired male like the younger male even more with each time they spoke (even if Serenity made a habit of poking fun at his hair which Jacob couldn't do anything about).

It was inevitable that at a later time, they would start to openly be in a relationship.

Lily, though, she was not as open as Serenity was. Jacob liked her, that was certain, but she always had an element of mystery to her. Though she seemed to be so happy and smiling everything that's fluffy and colourful in the world, Jacob could sense that she somehow had something cold and dark and black hanging over her shoulders.

He never asked her about it. It wasn't his business. Besides, he wasn't honestly sure whether or not the young girl was as willing to talk to him as she seemed to be. He didn't want to pry. He liked her and considered her a good friend that he could trust. Even if he had only known her for three weeks at this point in time.

"Lily and I are going to start a band!" Serenity said one evening and Jacob quirked a brow as he looked to the younger girl.

He honestly didn't see her as the 'band' type. She was incredibly shy at times.

"A band? Of what kind?"

"Rock band. Lily's an amazing song writer and singer and she plays really kick ass electric guitar! I'm only good at back up, but Lily's been teaching me the guitar." Serenity beamed, proud.

Lily flushed faintly with the compliments and Jacob blinked once and then smiled faintly.

"When do you plan on starting this band? What will it be called? How many more people do you need?" Jacob asked the questions all back to back, glancing from the girl's face to Serenity's face.

Serenity blinked and then flushed faintly, glancing down at his hands in some embarrassment.

"W- well…soon, we hope." He murmured softly.

"We decided that it would be called **Peace's Keepers** because it just seems to fit…"

"We need a drummer." Lily spoke, her voice soft and smooth as her storm colored eyes (Jacob had now grown accustomed to their stare, though it still somewhat unnerved him) locked with his own brown orbs.

Jacob blinked once.

"A drummer?" Should he let it be known that he had picked up that hobby in the last three years?

A band would be a gamble, after all. He might have to quit his job and watch his dreams of going to college fly out the window. Still though, looking back into Serenity's purple contacts and then Lily's soul-searching irises, he felt his heart clench.

How could it be that two people he hardly knew had so easily wormed themselves into his heart?

"Where do I sign up?" It was bold of him.

Jacob was going to gamble, something he had never done before. It would ruin his routine.

Still though, he felt a strong connection with these two Brits who he never really knew to begin with.

So…how was it that two people like them could so easily catch his interest and his affections? Jacob learned several years later that there was definitely one thing the three of them had in common, despite being so different.

They were searching for someone to love them and someone to love. Something that was honestly difficult for the three of them to grasp and hold on to. At least, until Fate threw that hardball that had smacked each and every one of them right in the face.

Jacob didn't mind that derail in his plans. As long as he had Serenity and Lily, he could put his dreams aside and just hold onto them forever and ever. He doubted, though, that they knew just how much they had affected him.

That was fine though. He didn't really know how he had affected them either.


	25. No one Knows Her Better

**Oh, my God! This was such a difficult chapter to write O_O I loved writing it though. It pleased me. I especially like how I ended it. By the way, if the second part is repetitive, it's supposed to be that way. Hopefully, it's not too repetitive though because then it wouldn't have the same effect.**

**Either way, it was fun and I really like this chapter. Hopefully, you like it too.**

_Please Review._

* * *

**Chapter 23**

The dark haired girl, seemed so much smaller as she stood there in the doorway staring at her friends. The hood of her hoodie had fallen from her head and dangled on her back and her damp hair was messily hanging in her face which seemed that much paler than when she had vanished.

Serenity's eyes were wide, his heart pounding as he stared at her. Tears welled up in his eyes and she never even got time to speak before he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pressing his head into her shoulder. He trembled as she remained rigid in his arms, glancing down at him for a change as he had to crouch to hold her as he was.

"…Serenity…" Her voice was hoarse, Jacob noted as he watched the two of them silently for several moments, his previous smirk having slipped from his lips.

Silence, apart from Serenity's quiet sniffles of relief overwhelmed them and it lasted for several long moments before the girl finally managed to return the hug. Her small arms wrapped tightly around Serenity's waist and she closed her eyes tightly as she gently rested her head against his shoulder.

It hung in the air, what she obviously wanted to say, but neither man wanted to hear it really. The words "I'm sorry" wouldn't really do much and it was even more obvious that they had forgiven her. Serenity hadn't cussed her out, he hadn't said anything. Jacob had greeted her, not even needing an explanation for why she hadn't let them know sooner that she was alive and kicking.

So, unable to say what she wanted to and knowing it would be fruitless, she merely opened her eyes and gave a tired smile as she lifted her hand and ran her fingers through Serenity's hair.

"…you stopped dyeing your hair." Serenity blinked back the tears and pulled back just enough to look into her eyes and smile weakly.

"I- I was trying for something new…" He managed and Peace pressed her head lightly against his chest.

"Oh…is that all?" Serenity gave a weak laugh.

"Y- yeah. It- it really doesn't suit me though, does it? I- I'm going to dye it back and start wearing my contacts again. I like them better." Jacob watched them for a few moments before he could finally bring himself to smile again, stretching one arm above his head.

Together again, the three fools were, as it seemed that no matter what the situation was that little fact was never going to change. Death couldn't even separate them, which was now plainly obvious with Lily's return though she hadn't really been dead to begin with.

_You need to tell them our new plan. _The voice chimed in Peace's head and she fought to keep herself from scowling.

She had only just returned.

_We can't waste time, you know that. Or are you really that stupid? Seriously, we didn't run away from Mello for no reason! Kira is still out there! _Peace sighed softly.

Yes, that was true. It needed to be done. She just prayed (though not really to God as no such person existed) that this was going to be somewhat useful in the current situation. After all, when the voice had explained it to her first, back when she was with Mello and Matt, it sounded reasonable. Now, she was having second-thoughts.

Though, they were only brief, so she would go ahead with the said plan anyway. She would just be extremely careful with it, especially since it would involve bringing Serenity and Jacob along for the ride. For the most part, they had remained out of the mess just there for support, but now they had to become part of it. If only a small part, they needed to be brought into it. That meant…they could be killed and if that happened, it would be her fault.

Then, that would be yet another thing on her conscience. Oh, she had so many things on her conscience right now.

"_You said in there that you were willing to give up everything for this investigation." _

She honestly was willing to do anything.

"_If that's really true, then you're not only going to have to be willing to give up your life and your sanity, but also your morality." _

But, to give up her morality?

"_M- Mello…"_

That was one step she just didn't think she could make.

"_Get over it, Peace. If you really want to avenge L- to finish what he started. To be L yourself, you need to really be like him. Easy enough for someone like you to do, right? You can't be a snivelling twit and expect everything to be all fine and dandy. It isn't going to happen like that." _

After all, as much as she loved and admired and idolized Mello (almost like he had love and admired and idolized L), she wasn't Mello and she never would be. Though Peace knew she was a coward in many ways (many, many ways), she also knew that there were a lot of things she could do that Mello could not.

_Peace could admit she was wrong. Peace could bottle up her emotions and deal with more situations than Mello could. Peace could give her life for someone she loved, but never loved her in return. _

Peace just chose to ignore these things. In her eyes, Mello could do anything and she could only help him along the way. Even if that meant putting her and her companions' lives in danger (as much as she didn't _want _to, she knew she had to). After all, even though she was partially doing this to help Mello, she was also doing this to avenge L.

Yes. Avenge L. Avenge L by putting an end to Kira.

Though, that also meant putting an end to Light-kun. Peace had to wonder at that moment if all of this was worth it.

Though, it was only briefly. In the end, she couldn't exactly turn back.

"_I know you well enough to know that the one thing you won't be able to give up is your morality. You're just too much of a human being to do that…still, there's nothing that can be done about it now. Once you're in, you're in. And you're definitely in." _

Yes. She was in. That also meant Serenity and Jacob were in too because they had made a promise to never leave her.

Her eyes changed as she shifted them from Serenity to Jacob. Her face unreadable. Jacob resisted the urge to squirm under her soul-searching gaze and Serenity blinked at the change of mood.

"L- Lily?" Peace looked back to Serenity and sighed softly.

_Now or never, Leila. _The voice chimed, though it was softer and more assuring than it usually was.

However annoying it could be, at least it was there for her in times like these. At least she could count on it to give her the necessary push and prods that she would always need.

"…I need you two to help me with something. Something that's incredibly dangerous." Her eyes flashed.

"Something that no one would expect from us." Not even Near would see this coming.

No one would see this coming and if Kira didn't kill her, Mello probably would.

That is, if he cared about her as more than just a tool.

* * *

**How long ago was it? Huh. I don't really remember. I just know it was a very, very long time ago that I came into existence. Though, I suppose a more accurate chronological date would be approximately fifteen years ago, November 5****th****.**

What I remember is darkness, of course. Before someone is born (or simply created), that's usually the cliché way of describing what they remember beforehand. Even so, it's very true. What I remember is darkness. A warm darkness, though that's probably because I was coming into existence inside a host with nothing more than a warm, pure mind. Again, cliché, but that's just how it seems to work around here. Clichés are around many, many corners and are really the perfect way to describe a lot of things. Especially in my life (if one so chooses to call it such, which I obviously do).

But, after the darkness, there was a bit of color. Well, more specifically, a shade. Grey. A nice, deep dark grey. It spread throughout the darkness, eventually taking up the entire room (I honestly don't know if I can call it such a thing) I occupied. That was when I was able to see that it wasn't _just _grey. It was an assortment of colors. Grey just stood out because it was the color of the eyes I was seeing.

Yes, eyes. Dark eyes. Dark, dark grey eyes that made me shiver yet feel so…alive.

That was my first time seeing something other than darkness, though it honestly didn't make too much of a difference to me. To _her _though. Well, she wasn't confined into this room like I was. She was seeing the eyes in first person, while I was seeing them through her own eyes.

Weird? Well, I don't care enough to explain it. So, screw you and try to put it all together yourself. Honestly, one would think it would really be so obvious…

Anyway, then, she didn't know I existed. Every once in awhile, I would talk to her. Mostly out of boredom because I had no company in my room, but she never responded. Not unless she was dreaming. It was in her dreams that we got to have face-to-face conversations, which she always forgot when she woke up. Oddly enough, though, she did remember when she went to sleep the next time and we would continue where we left off.

I saw (and still see) everything that she saw. All through her eyes. I knew (and know) how she felt, how she thought, and how she perceived things. To put it simply, nobody knew (or knows) her better than I do. Not L, not Matt, not Near, and especially not that Mello-bastard.

Oh, he thinks he knows her, but he's obviously horribly mistaken. There were times when he was bluntly correct in being able to read her, but that was only when she let herself slip. Purposely too, I might add. To put it bluntly, he knows shit about her. Nothing. Zilch, zip.

He hurt her and she gave him presents to make up for whatever "she" did (which was nothing, really, she knew that, but just wanted him to smile at her; not that he did). I took notice of this when he finally came into her life.

She followed him like a puppy dog does his master, just like Matt. Those two were (are) alike in some ways, but more obviously in this one.

Mello could (can) do no wrong. Though, at least Matt will fight back sometimes when the blonde bastard takes it too far. She doesn't. She just fuckin' takes it. Hoping, praying. Ugh. He doesn't see it either, which probably makes me more mad.

How stupid can a person be? Then again, I'm the only one who knows her better than anyone. I'm the one who knows why she really put herself in danger like this. I'm the only one who's working constantly to make sure that all her hopes and dreams become reality for her. Hell, she doesn't even do that and their her own dreams.

Another side-effect of being Mello's fuckin' puppy dog, which she doesn't care about. She loves the idiot too much. I honestly don't understand love. It's weird and complicated and it hurts more than a bullet does when it hits you in the sternum (not that I would know).

Which is all the more reason I'm here, I guess. She needs someone to look out for her. Now that L is dead, who will do it? I could take a break when he was alive. He did a decent job and Matt isn't too bad at it either, but like hell I'd let him do my job. She needs to rely on me, since when she relied on L he fuckin' got himself killed (the dip-shit).

I help her the best I can. I give her ideas and help her execute them, though she definitely tweaks them to make them better (she is a fuckin' genius after all, and what am I? Chopped fuckin' liver compared to that, anyway). My job is to keep her alive. To keep her alive and to keep her happy.

Happy, though, that's something very difficult to do. Especially since she will only be happy under the following conditions:

1- DOWN WITH KIRA-BASTARD (this is pretty significant, hence it is at the top of the list. Though the rest of this list is pretty much random)

2- Avenge L (this goes with number one, which is again pretty obvious and those who think otherwise, are complete douches and morons who really need to get some logic cells)

3- Saving the world would also count as number one, wouldn't it?

4- Have Mello see her as something else than a tool!! (love is something very difficult to attain. Especially from someone who's so stupid to not see it right before their very eyes. If I could, I'd strangle the bastard. Maybe if he lost a few brain cells he'd see what's right in front of him)

5- Light-kun needs to see the light ~! (honestly, I don't know why she feels the need to do this. Though, it might have something to do with the fact that she's just too…pure and forgiving. Then again, maybe she just knows something I don't, which wouldn't surprise me in the least)

6 - No one else can die (…pretty self-explanatory, but she's really aiming high here.)

Her list has almost nothing to do with herself, save number four, but that really was to be expected. She's just so…wonderful, to say in the least. Honestly, couldn't she do something for herself other than kill herself along the way of getting some ungrateful bastard to notice her for who she really is?

No.

It's stupid for me to think like that.

That's just the way she is.

…and maybe I'm just jealous that she loves him and thinks I'm just an annoying voice inside her head.

Even though I've been here for fifteen years.

Fifteen years.

…I know her better than anyone, you know.

….not even L, or Matt, or Near, or Mello-bastard know her like I do.

…..at least she knows they're real though.

……maybe that's why she doesn't love me.

…….which is fine. Yes, that's fine.

……..I'm not really asking for anything in return here.

………no, I'm not asking for anything at all.

……….I'm just doing the best I can.

………..even if she doesn't think I'm real.

…………even if she thinks I'm just a figment of her imagination.

………….even if she thinks I'm annoying and more a burden than a help.

……………at least I know that I know her better than any of them.

…………….at least I want her to be happy.

……………..at least I'm doing the best I can to help her mark off each and every one of those things on that list of hers.

………………at least I know that I love her more than they ever could because I've known her longer.

……………….I might be a figment of her imagination, I may not be.

………………..that's why she doesn't love me.

…………………which is fine. Yes, that's fine.

………………….at least I'm doing the best that I can to make sure she gets everything she deserves

…………………..that's more than Mello-bastard can or will ever say.

**He doesn't know her.**

**He doesn't love her.**

**He doesn't really even **_**see **_**her.**

**But that's why I'm here.**

**To keep her happy.**

**To make sure she gets what she needs.**

**To make sure she gets what she wants.**

**Even if she can't see me.**

**Even if she thinks I don't really exist.**

**At least I know I exist.**

**At least I know **_**why **_**I exist.**

**To take care of her when she feels alone.**

**To love her when she feels unloved.**

**To keep her safe.**

**That's more than anyone can ever do for her.**

**That makes me special.**

**Because I can do all these things for her.**

**No one else can.**

**L is dead.**

**Serenity relies so much on her that she feels heavier than she should.**

**She feels that she has to be the one to save the world, which is a burden no one should have.**

**Jacob can't pick her up when she finally decides to break; he already has his lover to worry about.**

**Matt can try, but he won't succeed.**

**Mello could probably succeed, but that's only if he cares enough to notice.**

**Me?**

**I can save her.**

**I can save her because I know when she'll break before she even does.**

**I can pick up her pieces.**

**I can pick them up and put them back together.**

**Even if she doesn't want me to.**

**She isn't Humpty Dumpty.**

**I'm not a royal servant to some **_**king**_** (that I know of).**

**But I'm here and she's here.**

**That means I can do more than anyone else could ever dream of.**

**But I'll always be the last on her list.**

**Which is fine.**

**Yes.**

**That's fine.**

**Because I love her.**

**Whether it be romantically or not.**

**That doesn't matter.**

**I just know that I love her.**

**Nothing will ever change that.**

**I'm not sure if I can die.**

**But if I can.**

**I would die so that she could live on.**

**So that she could be happy.**

**She deserves to be happy.**

**After all.**

**I might not even really exist.**

**Not to her.**

**Not to anyone.**

**Her death would affect so many people.**

**So many people rely on her.**

**Even if I do manage to get her to rely on me.**

**If I died.**

**If that's even possible to happen.**

**She would so easily move on.**

**I'm just the voice inside her head.**

_What I remember is darkness, of course. Before someone is born (or simply created), that's usually the cliché way of describing what they remember beforehand. Even so, it's very true. Then, she came into my life and color existed in my room._

_**The color grey is my favorite color now. It was the first thing I saw and it's the color of her eyes.**_


	26. God Loves Her

**Okay...I know it's been forever, but it's also been awhile since I've had the urge to write anything remoted to Death Note. Ah...I've jumped on a new bandwagon. Hehe, Hetalia and its awesomeness.**

**Anyway, I've gotten some new inspiration and though updates probably will be extremely slow, I promise to finish this story. Eventually. This chapter is the proof of my promise. I worked hard on it. Also, it seems that my normal way of breaking down certain jumps has been discarded in previous chapters by something. It bothers me, but I'm too lazy to go back and fix them like I did this chapter. **

**Song used: **_All These Lives - _Daughtry (sp?)

**This song is epicness and in my head, it totally fit. **

**Also, don't kill me. **

**Please Review**

* * *

Chapter 24

Chest heaving, Peace would only inwardly admit that she was frightened of what was to come. Not of the danger, no never the danger as that was something she had long since accepted. She was afraid of failing yet again, just like she had done so many times in the recent past. After all, the main reason behind this was to succeed, not to fail. If she failed (which was just as likely to happen as would if she succeeded), then that was what she would be.

A failure.

Peace did not want to fail as to fail would be just as bad as dying which was something she wasn't scared of. At least if she died, she would get to see L again. Hopefully. Though, she did have a checklist to go through before that happened. Therefore, to die was to fail.

Peace did not want to be a failure.

"Lily…"

"…a few minutes, Serenity."

"Okay." Silence.

Standing a top the roof of the apartment complex, Leila's eyes went out over the city. Scanning each and every single ant-looking person down below. After all, from way up here, that's exactly what they looked like. Ants. If she had more of a complex, she would even say that the human beings down there being so small made her feel…alive. But she hadn't such a complex. At least, not one that she knew of and she knew herself best after all.

_You ready, Leila? _As ready as she could ever be.

_Good. Trust me, you won't fail. As long as you do as I tell you to, you'll be fine. _The young teenage girl released a shuddering breath and nodded, absently adjusting the microphone attached to the collar of her shirt.

Long sleeved, a little on the baggy side, striped black and red. Her coal colored ponytail whipped around her pale porcelain face and she opened her eyes, the stormy irises looking back out over the city.

Behind her, she could pick up on Serenity and Jacob absently shuffling and adjusting the black masks they wore across their faces. Jacob donning a blonde wig. They were a band after all, relatively known by some. They couldn't risk anything. Peace wasn't willing to risk anything.

Leila though…she wasn't sure anymore what she was willing to do. After all, she was listening to a voice inside her head and was about to do something completely insane that may or may not get them all killed.

Wow, she really was losing it.

_The last thing you should be worrying about is whether or not you're crazy. Focus more on the task at hand. _Why should she listen to it?

She didn't quite understand, but she always did anyway. Perhaps it was just in her nature to always be the follower. Even if it didn't even make any sense. After all, she was always so willing to chase after Mello, though that may have had more to do with her heart than with her need for a leader. Though, back when she had been younger, she hadn't known that.

Maybe she needed a leader anyway. But, given the current circumstances, that would have to be something she would need to get over. She was L now, not _the _L, but she was L. L was a leader. L needed to be a leader.

So, putting all of her thoughts, concerns, fears, and worries behind her, Leila Lawliet - L - prepared herself for the most dangerous thing she would ever do in her life. At least she hoped it was the most dangerous thing she would do, but she really couldn't speak for the future, could she?

* * *

Civilians and police and criminals alike all stopped walking when they heard the loud music echoing through the city. A loud chatter began as they all searched for the source, awe-stricken and confused. No such thing was supposed to occur today, after all.

However, soon enough the location of the music was found. It belonged to three people who stood atop one of the taller complexes. The two males had their backs facing the crowd and the small, dark haired female was brave enough to stand close to the edge. She wore a mask across her face and even from down below, the way her eyes shone was so…entrancing.

Her fingers moved with so much grace, strumming the strings of the electric guitar she held in her hands. All of the people down below turned to their closest neighbour and continued to chatter about this development, still in stricken awe and unsure of what to make of this.

What was going on? Who were these people?

Eventually, a voice rose up over them and the chatter fell silent as the people gazed up at the singing girl.

_Doesn't come down when she calls,_

_"It's time for breakfast._

_"Momma can't get down those halls_

_Fast enough to see_

_Glass is sprayed across the floor_

_From the broken window_

_She can't breathe anymore_

_Can't deny what we know._

"Wh- what the hell?" Mello blinked a couple of times as he peered at the dusty television, unsure of what he was seeing.

"Weird." Though he probably should have changed the channel (he didn't find what was so interesting about some random girl singing on top of a building for it to be taped by a news channel), he didn't.

He wasn't sure what kept him from doing that, though.

_They're gonna find you, just believe_

_You're not a person; you're a disease._

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_Broken homes from seperation_

_Don't you know it's violation?_

_It's so wrong, but you'll see_

_Never gonna let you take my world from me_

_The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,_

_But you ain't comin' _

_You ain't comin' in._

The people were confused. Some of them. The smarter ones were the ones who managed to clue into immediately what the hell was going on. There were the few of those who were smart enough to hurry away so not to be caught on camera themselves. The others were the ones who just were much too curious about what would happen to the girl than to actually care about saving themselves.

_Posters hung on building walls_

_Of missing faces_

_Months go by without the cause,_

_The clues, or traces._

Light Yagami had just happened upon this television showing. At first, he was simply curious about what was going on. Now, he was entranced as well. The voice of the singing woman was vaguely familiar, though he honestly couldn't place it (which he wouldn't admit to anyone), but he knew exactly what she was doing. How could he not? He was the man who had defeated L after all. He was a god and therefore needed to know such things.

He would be a pretty pathetic god if he was so clueless to not even figure out something so simple as this.

_They're gonna find you, just believe_

_You're not a person; you're a disease_

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_Broken homes from seperation _

_Don't you know it's violation?_

_It's so wrong, but you'll see_

_Never gonna let you take my world from me_

_The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,_

_But you ain't comin' in._

Teru Mikami felt his hand quivering over the blank page of the notebook, his eyes glowing red as he stared at the television screen.

He needed to delete such a presence from the world. He knew this evil doer's name. He could see it with the precious eyes God had gifted to him. However, such eyes had their downfalls. The devout Kira follower needed to see this rebel's face in order to show her God's power.

_Shed the light on all the ones who never thought they would become_

_A father, mother asking why this world can be so cold._

Matt watched the television channel. The cigarette in his mouth hung loosely from his lips and he tried desperately to cease the heavy pounding of his heart lest he die an ironic death of a heart attack caused by stress.

"This is…" Ridiculous, insane?

He wasn't sure what to call it.

What he was sure of, though, was that the singing girl was someone he knew and that when Mello found out he would be furious.

_Doesn't come down when she calls,_

_"It's time for breakfast."_

_The memories begin to fall_

_She asks, __"When will I be free?"_

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_Broken homes from seperation_

_Don't you know it's violation?_

_It's so wrong, but you'll see_

_Never gonna let you take my world from me_

_The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,_

_But you ain't comin' in._

Near's eyes focused solely on the television that had been placed in front of him. Not that he would care to admit, but he was indeed slightly surprised that she would go to such lengths. At first, he had suspected that perhaps Mello had put her up to this, but quickly dismissed that idea. No, though she was devout to Mello in nearly all aspects, this was clearly of her own doing. Mello would not allow her to do something so rash, despite being so rash himself.

Still, Near wondered what she had to gain from this rash action.

He knew that if he were to watch the broadcast long enough, he was going to find out.

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_All these lives that you've been taking,_

_Deep inside, my heart is breaking_

_The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,_

_The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,_

_But you ain't comin' in. _

Peace knew that the moment she stopped, she would need to take advantage of the stunned audience below her. This, after all, was merely a way to capture their attention. Apparently, it had gone just the way she had wanted to as she had caught their attention. Not only that, but she was being broadcasted on television too.

Inwardly, she winced.

_Hey, this is all part of the plan. _The voice explained to her.

_Now, get on with it before they start to riot. _Right.

She relaxed her hold on the guitar and lifted her hand up into the air, forming a fist. Her eyes hardened and her heart pounded. She hoped she had the energy to shout and be heard over the quiet chatter below. The fact that she was high up had to do with everything. The wind was stronger up here and she felt like she was going to be knocked over the edge of the complex.

"Kira, is nothing but a cold hearted monster!" Collected gasps from the crowd below and immediate silence from most of them, apart from the several that were obviously devout followers of the claimed "God".

Peace carried on, ignoring them. Though, she remained alert to each and everyone of them all the same. The last thing she needed was to get herself killed. Though, then again, it seemed like she could get herself killed anyway.

If Kira and his "sighted" followers were watching this like she hoped they were.

"Ah! What do we gain from the murders he commits? Nothing! So, our streets are a little cleaner of criminals, but not because he's helping! But because he's scaring us out of our minds! We should not live in a society surrounded completely on fear!" She really felt like she was going to collapse from all of the stress of this.

Perhaps she should have rehearsed this more…

_Too late to do anything now. _

"Kira has taken over using _murder _and fear! Do we really deserve to live in such a cold society? No! He's killing _people _! Kira is no god, he's just a pathetic dictator set on having everything done his way! Therefore, not much different than a toddler throwing a temper tantrum!"

_That's right. Keep going. You can do this._ Her eyes flared.

"We need to take our lives back! We still have so many years to live and already we're so dead! We are owned by the power of fear he has instilled in us! That is not a way for us to live! We are human beings and so is Kira! He is no God! Just a human being that can be struck down as easily as you or I!" The crowd below was getting extremely loud at this point, but Peace was taking care in being louder than she had been in a long time.

"There are so many of us and only one of Kira! In order to take our lives back, we need to rebel! To show him that he doesn't scare us! That we're _stronger _than he ever will be! The times are harsh! Human beings are dying at the hand of a disturbed person claiming to be God! Are you honestly going to let some immature _child _tell you how to live your lives?"

"Kira _is _God!" Voices chorused.

"Kira makes things better!"

"If you're so fearless, show us your face!" Peace twitched faintly and then smirked ever so slightly.

This was happening exactly as she thought it would.

* * *

"What the _fuck_?" Mello stared at the television, leaning forwards on the couch with utmost interest.

"This kid is seriously stupid." He muttered, slightly annoyed.

It was a shame that she was going to die because she actually had the guts to rebel. Well, at least she had the sense to wear a mask, but by the looks of it, she was about ready to toss in the towel. With all those stupid assholes already saying that _"Kira shall smite you" _crap and "_If you're so brave, take off your mask"_,she actually seemed to be considering it.

"Matt, what the hell do you think of this?" The blonde asked.

The redhead shrugged, his fingers mashing at the buttons of his handheld. Still, he was keeping a close eye on the ruckus coming from the television broadcast.

Apparently, Mello had no idea who that was. Either that or he was suffering an extreme case of denial. Either was good, Matt supposed. Less likely that Mello would get the chance to flip out because that meant it was less likely that he would find out who it was.

"I dunno. Seems like this one has some sort of idea to me. I mean, she has the common sense to wear a mask, right? That means she at least is up to date with _some _information."

"Tch…it's a pity she's going to die." Matt felt an overwhelming sense of dread.

Oh dear…he hoped not.

* * *

"_The anti-Kira Revolution starts now!" _Her voice echoed and Near sighed softly, his fingers gently toying with a single finger puppet.

For once, he was entirely unsure of what to do with it. After all, it was not exactly in Peace's nature to do such rash things. It was unexpected. Still, Near could only assume that she was going to gain _something _from this. Even if he wasn't entirely sure of what this _something _was.

He absolutely despised admitting that at this current moment, he had no idea what was coursing through her mind. Though, the idea of an anti-Kira Revolution seemed to be playing into it somehow. Did she plan to remove her mask and get herself killed?

No, that wouldn't do. Peace - L - was not looking forward to dying. No, she had made a vow to put Kira to an end.

How…confusing.

* * *

"_We must band together a__s a single unit! To unite all of the power we have as human beings to stand up for what is right! To strike down people without a fair trial is __**wrong **__and Kira is nothing more than a criminal himself for doing it!" _

"No, no, she's _wrong._" The voice of the worshipper was hissed, his eyes glaring at the figure of the masked woman who even _dared _to slander God's wonderful, beautiful name.

He awaited the moment where she would let down her guard. When she would cave and surrender to the people who wanted to see just how she planned to start a revolution dead. Well, she wouldn't.

"All those who go against God must die. It is the only way the world will learn."

* * *

"…_you want me to reveal myself?" _Yes.

Light wanted to see her face. To see her expression as her heart stuttered and came to a stop. He wanted to feel that sickening pleasure that came with the feeling of winning over someone who clearly had no idea what they were getting into.

Yet, at the same time, he just wanted to see who had the bravery and the beautiful, familiar voice that held so much strength, to stand up to him. To stand up to God of all beings. Clearly, whoever she was had a death wish. Or she didn't believe in God and therefore believed that she wouldn't be touched.

* * *

_Her finger lightly went around the circumference of the glass' rim. The grapefruit juice was half gone by that point. After all, it had been about two hours since she'd gotten in._

_Dark, coal coloured waves fell slightly into the endless grey abyss which were her eyes. Light found himself unable to look into them that day. Somehow, in that long sleeved red shirt and those washed out jeans, she __**still **__managed to remind him of the detective that had been his greatest rival, enemy, and perhaps his closest friend. _

_They looked similar, L and Ren, but today she was dressed in colours which resembled the deceased detective in no way whatsoever. Light wouldn't care to admit it, barely to himself even, but that made him extremely uneasy. _

"_So, tomorrow's the day." They were off in the back - alone._

_They could talk freely about what she was going to do tomorrow. Light couldn't say he liked it, but Ren was willing and she was proving that she wanted to help him. Such loyalty pulled Light to her, but mostly it was her resolve and determination. Normal women - girls - her age would have likely ran out of there as soon as they realised the dangers (Misa was an annoying exception…sadly.) Ren stayed, though, and was willing to die to help stop Kira - to help Light get back his sister from Mello. She knew the dangers, that was certain, but even so…she didn't care._

_This was probably the time realised just how much he liked her. Perhaps he could risk saying that this was the time he realised that it was very, very likely that he loved her. A truth, for once, and not the lies he told Misa just to get her to shut up. _

_He loved this woman who was brave, slightly shy, but strong and willing and charismatic, despite being younger than himself. Perhaps she wasn't as __**intelligent **__as himself, but few people were able to claim that they defeated L and __**got away with it alive**__**without being caught**__. _

"_Yes, it is." Her voice was soft, quiet, unconcerned for the most part._

"_You know, you could die." He was blunt, maybe because he wanted it to be obvious that he really didn't want that to happen._

_He wanted her to know that he cared._

_Ren laughed. It wasn't strangled or upset. It was everything but. In a way, it was disturbing. Light voiced this opinion using his words carefully as he always did._

"_What a strange time to laugh. I was being serious."_

"_I know."_

"_Most women would be afraid."_

"_I'm not most women. I am a single woman who is willing to do everything she can to do what's right."_

"_Even if you die?"_

"_Light-kun, __**God loves me too much to kill me**__. L himself should understand that." And that was the end of that._

_Still, Light found himself disturbed by that strange statement because he could distinctly recall Ren previously telling him that she had reasons to despise and not believe in God. Still, even though it bothered him and even though he wanted to call her out on it, he didn't._

_That was a mistake he would never realise he had made._

* * *

And just like that, the self-declared God was more than relieved with the fact that he was currently home. _Alone_. Why? Because he finally pieced together why everything about the strange, familiar masked woman seemed as thus. _Familiar._

* * *

Fingers lightly played against the soft silk material of her mask, a strange cocky smile splayed out across her expression that only one other knew was there. One other who couldn't even _see _it, but knew it was there all the same.

Voices from below chorused into nothing, but white noise. Still, both Leila and whatever was inside her head knew what they wanted. Both Leila and the voice within her head were willing to give it to the other voices too.

"Take it off? Yes, I think I will and then you'll know how right I am." By that point, she had turned the microphone off as there was nothing else she wanted to say.

Or, in reality, there was nothing else that she could think of to say. She was left with a sort of numbness. No doubt there in case she was going to die. This way she wouldn't be scared or anything of the sort.

_Ripitoffripitoffripitoff. _The voice spoke in rapid succession, encouraging her in such a way to remind her that there was no way to turn back.

Then, she did.

Across the city, a phone rang.

Mello cursed at the top of his lungs.

Matt bit down onto his cigarette to the point that he found himself chewing on the bitter butt.

Near smirked.

Somewhere, a voice laughed.


	27. The Countdown

**Alright! Another update! **

**Though, it's painfully short -cringes- it's the shortness which makes it work, methinks. Though, you're to be the judge of that. I know my last update was just yesterday and all, but I feel pouty. I only received **_2 _**reviews. Perhaps it's payback for not updating fast enough...**

**Anyway, enjoy. I'll try to get another chapter out soon.**

Please review.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 25**

_

* * *

_

1.

People always say that time flies by and before you know it, all the things you've wanted to do in life, you can't. You're either too old or you're dead and all the chances you had in previous years are too far out of your reach now.

_

* * *

_

2.

Peace now realised, as time seemed to freeze, just how true that was as she watched her entire life flash before her eyes.

_

* * *

_

3.

There had been a lot of things she'd wanted to do in life. Many, many things. She had once, long ago - or perhaps not as long as it felt - told Near that she wished to locate her biological parents. To figure out who had birthed her. Maybe not speak to them or question why they had thrown her away as they did, but she just wanted to know who they were to see if it would make the hole in her heart which so desperately _yearned _for love and affection…she wanted to see if it would heal it.

Leila knew now that such a thing would prove fruitless. She was older than she had been then and had learned so much. Still, one could say that she _regretted _not following through with that wish because she knew that she could have done it. So easily too. She just didn't because she figured she had all the time in the world. A lifetime.

_

* * *

_

6.

Lifetimes are sometimes much shorter than they should be.

_

* * *

_

10.

She hadn't been to L's grave in awhile either, now that she thought about it. Not since she had gotten back from her brief stay with Mello and Matt. That had been nearly three weeks ago.

_

* * *

_

12.

It made her feel guilty.

_

* * *

_

13.

The last thing someone feels before they die shouldn't be regret or guilt. Especially not since she was doing this for the greater good. Leila knew all of that, but…

_

* * *

_

15.

That had never stopped her from feeling it before and she was more than certain that all these regrets were what people usually felt before they were to die. So that they could prepare themselves for the next life - if there even was one.

_

* * *

_

17.

That way the same mistakes would never _ever _be made again.

_**

* * *

**_

20.

Unable to tear his eyes from the television, he found himself tracing the pale, porcelain complexion he knew so well. Or…thought he knew so well. Mihael wasn't entirely certain if the young woman who stood there, expression stoic and disturbingly _L-like _was the little teenage girl he had left behind those years ago.

_**

* * *

**_

21.

A brief look to Matt's expression told him that they were thinking the same thing.

_**

* * *

**_

24.

Something painful wrenched in his chest. Something painful that Mihael was much, much too acquainted with for his own good.

_**

* * *

**_

25.

Regret.

_**

* * *

**_

27.

He knew why he felt it too. How could he not know? Mihael was a genius. He was good at knowing things. Knowing things and scaring the shit out of people were what he was _born _to do. And he had no complaints. He liked everything about himself.

_**

* * *

**_

29.

But he still regretted the day he had slapped her across the face and left her behind to wallow in her own misery - completely alone and knowing _full well _how much she relied on him. Peace treated him so much like a god, after all. Always so loyal.

_**

* * *

**_

30.

He was the one who had left her behind and discarded her, more or less, like trash. She wasn't trash, that he knew. Peace was everything but - he never told her how much that loyalty meant. Then again, he stupidly figured that he didn't need to.

_**

* * *

**_

32.

Stupid wasn't a word Mihael used casually when talking about himself either.

_**

* * *

**_

33.

Peace was a social butterfly compared to the majority of children who came from Wammy's. She thrived the most when acknowledged, though became embarrassed when complimented. Though, Mihael remembered specific times - when _he'd _thanked her - that her eyes would light up and she would flush, look away, and mutter that it really wasn't a problem at all.

_**

* * *

**_

34.

He'd never seen her eyes light up like that when L thanked her, complimented her, paid her mind and he did that often when he was alive.

_**

* * *

**_

35.

Or Matt. Her eyes never lit up like that for Matt either.

_**

* * *

**_

36.

Not even for Near and _Near never_ complimented _anyone. _

_**

* * *

**_

37.

No, the only one who ever got that almost pathetic reaction from the young woman was Mihael.

_**

* * *

**_

38.

And for some reason, it was now that he was realising this. Especially when he had lived with it for years. He wanted to question _why _he didn't realise it, but he already knew that the answer was because he was already too self-absorbed with his own multitude of feelings to care.

_**

* * *

**_

39.

All Peace had wanted from him was his recognition of not only her existence, but of her abilities and he regretted not realising it sooner.

* * *

_40._

Leila had loved Mihael since she was just a child and though she wished she had been able to tell him, she did not regret not being able to. No, what she regretted was that at the very end of it all, her life had made no significant impact and that her death had meant more.

No one's death should be worth more than their entire life put together.

* * *

_**BANG!**_

"Lily!" The mingled cries of strangely familiar voices filled her ears, but the young woman found that with the oxygen lacking in her brain, her memory was fogged.

A strange constriction occurred in her chest and she coughed, rivulets of blood trickling from her paled lips. She crumpled, into the warm - so warm arms of a stranger whose face was blurred. Or was it two faces? She couldn't tell.

Below the complex, the white noise of the large crowd grew to a point she could hardly recognise anything.

_Relax._ The voice was the only thing familiar and it soothed the panic she didn't even realise she was feeling.

_Leila. It's okay. Things went well. _She smiled.

She couldn't tell _exactly _what had gone well, but the voice seemed soothingly pleased. Besides, she felt tired.

The faces above her made some sort of strangled sounds, but she found herself unable to recognise it in any shape or form. So, instead of trying to and stressing, she did the most relaxing thing she could think of.

She closed her eyes.


	28. Look Alikes

**Well, here's the next chapter. It's longer than the last one, though shorter than my overall average. But, I'm happy with it. Finally, I have revealed a little more :D**

**I think you'll like it even though not much happens overall. If there's any break in character, I'm sorry -_-**

**_Please Review_**

* * *

Chapter 26

* * *

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

**

* * *

**

"_Things went well." His voice was soft, his back to her._

_Leila watched him curiously, storm eyes following his every movement; noting he seemed restless._

"_Did they?" He hummed._

"_Yes. Very well. Apart from the fact you won't be able to leave your hotel undisguised for awhile."_

"_It's not like I leave the hotel much anyways." She responded, absently shifting her feet before wrapping her arms around herself._

_He remained with his back to her._

"_True."_

"_But this guarantees that Light is Kira. Most certainly in both our eyes, doesn't it? Had Kira been anyone else, I would've died."_

"_That means?" He urged._

_She sighed._

"_We need to finish this soon." _

"_Don't skip over the answer just because you don't like it." His voice turned firm and she couldn't suppress a shiver before nodding._

"_It means that for some reason or another, Light Yagami - Light-kun - wishes me to remain alive." He smiled, though she was unable to see it._

"_Exactly. We need to use that somehow. Maybe to infiltrate the Task Force? No…"_

"_I need to go to Near. He'll figure something out better than either of us can, Eli." The use of his name nearly made him flinch, but he nonetheless peered over at her._

_The bright crystal blue of his eyes added some colour to the empty grey room they currently stood in. The golden of his hair; its length tied back with a black ribbon so to remain out of his face which was gentle, despite wanting to contort into something not as beautiful almost desperately._

_Across from the dark haired girl who looked so much like L, stood a young man who bore uncanny resemblance to one by the name of Mihael Kheel. _

"_Near? Leila, you do realise that you're smarter than him right?" Eli responded, turning so his entire body faced her._

"_But my ability to put together plans is limited. Yes, I've been predicting certain outcomes, but this one has left me rather stumped. With all due respect, Eli, I thought this last plan would kill me."_

"_Well, you did get shot by one of those crazy protestors."_

"_You know what I mean." Eli sighed and crossed his arms, eyes flitting upwards in thought._

_No amount of roughness touched his expression. It remained gentle as he thought things out slowly. After all, in this room they had nearly all the time in the world. This room which remained in the vastness of Leila's mind - the only place she could come to remember exactly who that voice was. _

_When she woke up, she would forget again and Eli would relay to her what they spoke about during their meeting. And she would be left confused by the familiarity, unknowing of the man who more or less resided within her. It had been this way for as long as she could remember - since her early childhood._

"_Mello won't like it at all, you know. That you'll turn to Near instead of him." She looked down and continued to hug herself close - offering herself some lame sort of comfort._

"_I know."_

"_Well, as long as you do. I know how much you care for him, but Kira comes first. Especially now."_

"_I __**know**__, Eli."_

"_I'm just reminding you. Your friendship with him has been rocky from the start and it may get worse. Especially if he realises you're alive and rather well because you were wearing a Kevlar vest when you were shot." Leila sighed softly and looked to her companion with an almost pleading face._

_A normal person probably would have crumpled with that look, but not Eli. Then again, he wasn't entirely __**normal **__anyway._

"_Don't look at me like that. The truth needs to be blunt."_

"_And finally, your mouth matches your face." Leila whispered with a light smile._

_Eli looked thoroughly disgusted._

"_I look __**nothing **__like that bastard, got it?" _

"_You wouldn't know. You don't exactly have any mirrors in here." Eli faltered momentarily before glowering faintly, though it looked more like he was pouting to be quite honest._

"_I don't, Leila! I know that for certain without even having to look in a mirror!" _

"_If you say so." Her words came out as a surrendering sigh and Eli's expression became concerned._

"_Leila?"_

"_I'm not ready to die yet, Eli. There's still so much I need to do first."_

"_That's why I'm here. Trust me, as long as I'm around, you're not going to die before your checklist is done."_

"_Eli…how can you promise that?"_

"_I just can."_

* * *

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

* * *

"Serenity…Jacob…"

Hoarse whisper.

"Lily!"

Relieved excitement.

"I- I can't feel my fingers."

Pained gasp and smile.

"Sorry…"

Brief silence.

Jacob frowned faintly as he watched Lily and Serenity. The quiet of the current hospital atmosphere - a private room easily paid for - was somewhat comfortable. After all, there the girl was, very much alive and sporting a couple of broken ribs.

"How did you know Kira wouldn't be the one to kill you?" His voice was calm as was his expression.

Serenity looked to his boyfriend with wide eyes before he shook his head.

"C- can we not talk about -"

"It was just a hunch. You could say…a little birdie told me." Or perhaps a voice inside her head, but they didn't need to know that.

"A hunch?"

"…why do think I had us wear the vests? And you wear a wig? I took all precautions for your safety."

"And not your own?"

"I told you before we set out…this was something that very well might have killed me. But…I felt it was necessary." Neither Serenity nor Jacob could find anything to say to that.

More silence followed until Jacob recalled something.

"Oh, someone of interest stopped by to visit you. Apparently they figured out where we took you after the incident at the complex." She peered up, looking a little tired, but mostly intrigued - though not terribly surprised.

"Oh?" Serenity frowned faintly and nodded.

"Yeah, that git, Yagami. He wanted to see you." Peace blinked once before she closed her eyes and smiled.

"You didn't let him?"

"Of course not. He said he'd be back tomorrow though."

"Good…"

"Lily?"

"Don't worry, Serenity. I don't plan on dying anytime soon. I may have been lucky this time, but from now on, I won't need luck." She paused slightly before she smiled again.

"Can you get me a phone please? I- I need to make a phone call."

* * *

Mello was not pleased. To say he wasn't pleased would be an understatement as he was downright _pissed_. The sheep had to contact him _now _of all times? The fact that Near had contacted him at all was enough to piss Mello off. Especially at this point in time!

Mello was still in silent mourning. Even though he wouldn't admit it, Matt could see the new dullness to his eyes that had been there ever since that broadcast. While Matt himself felt that mourning over the dead was an insult to memory, Mello was clearly feeling the guilt that came with Peace's sudden passing.

Matt could understand why Mello was feeling like this. Peace was one of his closest friends - _their _closest friends. Ever since Wammy's, it had been the three of them. They fit together so nicely. Their contrasting and differences were what had done it. They were a balance and even though Mello didn't show it, he cared about them and he worried.

Especially about Peace.

He had never voiced it out loud, but Matt was more than certain of it from simple side-ways glances. Mello's eyes gave away a lot of what he was thinking, even if he didn't even know it.

"What the fuck do you want, Sheep? We have more important things to do than chat!" Mello's voice was course, bitter as he glared at the pale face on the laptop monitor.

Near merely twisted his hair around his index finger, staring impassively at the blonde.

"It is common courtesy for me to contact you at such a dire time, Mello."

"Common courtesy, my ass!"

"I imagined you would be acting as such. Giving Peace -"

"Don't you fucking say it, Sheep!" The blonde barked and Matt himself couldn't help, but recoil slightly and he was used to such outbursts.

Near, however, was unaffected. Nothing ever seemed to shake him.

"- Peace's current incident. She requested I contact you and pass on the knowledge of her survival." Mello froze, eyes wide.

"Sh- she's alive?" The vulnerability that Mello would normally not show, was plain as day.

Matt wasn't entirely surprised.

"You believe that she would be so careless?" Near questioned, eyes no longer focused on Mello's reaction so much as something clearly out of view of the camera.

Probably one of his stupid ass toys, Mello inwardly seethed - though such annoyance was quickly short lived.

"She _challenged _Kira and then showed her face! What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"I thought perhaps you knew her better, Mello. Given how close you are."

"Don't you fucking - !"

"How did she manage to pull it off?" Matt interrupted, stepping into view of the camera.

Near's eyes flickered to him.

"Apparently, the reason behind her collapse was not caused by a heart attack. Do you recall a loud sound going off during the concert she chose to hold?"

"Now that you mention it…"

"You mean to say that she was _shot_?" Mello ground out.

"Precisely. She was lucky to have decided to wear Kevlar beforehand or else -"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Where the _fuck_ is she so that I can kill her myself?"

"Such details I am not inclined to say, Mello, on her request. No doubt because of such a threat." Mello's gaze turned cold.

"Tell me where the fuck she is, Near, or so help me, I will find her myself."

"Then proceed to shout at her for idiocy? I do believe that Peace had ulterior motives, Mello. For example, she was shot as I earlier mentioned. Despite showing her face and most likely starting a revolt against Kira, she was not killed directly by him or any of his subordinates. She was shot. Pray tell me why you think such a thing would occur?" And Mello was left speechless.

The burning desire to punch Near's face in was all that was left when the little sheep vanished from view of the monitor - the screen turning quite black.

Silence echoed painfully throughout the room. Matt broke it.

"Mello, she's alive." He murmured - why had he been so shocked?

Really. He knew so much more about this and he should have known in the first place that she wasn't dead. Not only was Peace smarter than that, but…

"…why didn't Kira kill her?" Mello muttered, previous anger replaced with a nagging curiosity and the feeling that Peace hadn't told him something important.

Then again, he had always known that she was hiding something and even though it bothered him, now he knew that whatever she was hiding was the meaning behind her survival. He _needed _to know what it was.

Matt glanced to him, the green eyes behind his tinted goggles already filled with realisation. Perhaps he had made a promise, but Mello was going to drag it out of someone sooner or later. That someone being Peace. Even though she was stubborn, she would eventually cave and it wouldn't be pretty. Mello seemed about to go and hunt her down now anyway.

That meant, in his own way, Matt needed to protect her. Or at least give Mello more of a reason to want to catch Kira. That Yagami bastard had played with the wrong person.

"I believe I know the answer to that." The disbelieving stare he got in return was almost enough to make him quiver - if perhaps he didn't know that it was a notion for him to continue.

He'd call Peace's personal phone later when he had the chance to let her know that he'd spilled the beans. Or, at least _some _of them.

* * *

"_So, you got Near to contact Mello for you…"_

"_It's best if I avoid speaking to him at this given moment."_

"_You honestly think that he won't come find you to get the answers to his questions? He is a bastard." _

"_I really wish you would stop calling him that. And I __**know**__ he would find me if he wanted answers. But, the thing is…" She trailed off and glanced down._

_Eli watched her carefully before he sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest._

"_Oh. I get it. There's a reason you had Near do it. An underlying reason." His eyes flickered up as did hers._

_Storm grey locked with crystal blue._

"_So you wouldn't be forced to do it yourself. After all, you did tell Matt __**everything **__Mello-bastard needs to know about the key to your survival." She smiled faintly and turned, back facing him and eyes lightly shut._

"_Matt is just as loyal to Mello as I am. Besides, it is a rather dire situation. You can't trust anyone, but L with great secrets. Especially ones regarding personal feelings."_

"_I guess when you say __**L**__, you're not referring to yourself, are you?" She stiffened, though it was only ever so slightly._

_Hardly noticeable, but Eli still noticed._

"_Even though you __**are **__L. You have the title, the brains, and the -"_

"_No matter what our similarities may be and no matter what title I have, I could never be L. No one could ever replace him. Not even someone who shares his blood and a similar face." _

"_Leila…"_

"_I'm not L, Eli. I never will be, but despite that, I still have to act the part. Just until this is over…" The blonde sighed softly and gave an assuring, gentle smile._

"…_and it's almost over, isn't it?"_

"_It's almost over."_


	29. Unexpected Developement

**Whoo! Another update! I'm extremely proud of this one. Again, it's short. But, short and _sweet_. I make up for the shortness with the content, I guess.**

**Anyhoo, hopefully you like : D I'm really, really happy with the reviews I'm getting. I hope I get a lot more with this chapter. They motivate me so much 3**

please review

* * *

**Chapter 27**

"So, going to see her again, huh, Light?" Ryuk cackled, opting to fly upside down today.

What? He was so ridiculously bored. Flying upside down was the closest to excitement he was going to get right now; especially considering he couldn't even eat an apple in this place. Unless Light got a face-to-face with that oh-so-deceptive "goddess" of his.

The shinigami absently snorted, but with a glance to Light, the twisted smile which crept across his lips.

Hah, he could only imagine the expression on Light's face when he figured out the entire truth.

Light didn't respond to the initial question, but that was no doubt because of the annoying ass humans which surrounded him. Damn it, these creatures were everywhere. They multiplied so quickly too.

"Excuse me, Miss?" Smooth as silk, Light's voice caught the attention of the pretty receptionist behind the desk; he didn't give her a second look as she batted her large doe eyes and smiled much too sweetly in his direction.

"How can I help you today, Sir?" Light gave his own smile; breathtaking from the point of view of the nurse.

Light knew that too.

"Ah, I'm here to visit a Miss Lily Loliet." The pretty woman blinked and though she faltered, she picked her smile back up.

Light nearly scoffed, but held it in. Did this woman really think she could even be compared to the one person who had stolen his heart? No way in hell. Especially not when his goddess was very much alive and well all thanks to a single phone call he had made.

It had been close - extremely close. But he had made the call just in time to stop the devout Mikami from taking her life. It was easy enough to get the other to not fall through with his own plan, giving that Mikami was completely devoted to Kira - God - and just Light's word had been enough.

So, Ren Hideki wasn't her real name - that never really surprised Light. Though it wasn't often, the thought that she gave him an alias _had _crossed his mind. It made sense too. All those who were somewhat smart were concealing themselves behind aliases. Lily was just doing a damn good job of it and being so damn convincing.

Further proof of just how deserving she was to be his goddess and damn it, she _would be his_. He would convert her, definitely. It may not be entirely easy, given how obviously devoted she was to ending Kira's - _his_ - reign (even going so far as to temporarily join Mello of all people), but he would do it. He would succeed because succeeding was all he did.

Light Yagami, Kira, was no failure.

"I'm sorry, but it seems that Loliet-san was released on her own request, last night." Light blinked and looked into the receptionist's eyes.

One fist clenched at his side as he so easily plastered a so-real smile on his face; so charming, so _not fake_, even though it was indeed fake.

"I see. Thank you for you time." God damned woman.

Twenty minutes and a photo I.D later, twenty six year old Itsuko Kakyou committed suicide through an overdose of morphine which she injected into her carotid artery.

Light Yagami found himself feeling slightly better and somewhat accomplished.

* * *

**Click.**

* * *

The soft, nearly monotonous voice which fell from his lips was unmistakeable to her and despite the pain she felt in almost all of her torso, she continued to hold the candy apple red cell phone to her ear even _despite _Serenity protesting and volunteering to hold it for her. Just because she was injured did not mean she wasn't capable of dealing with it. Besides, hearing the voice of someone from her childhood felt so unbelievably good right now; it made her feel as though she had done something good for a change.

Near had called _her_ after all. The second time. Proof in itself that he thought her valuable. For good reason too. She had proven something and even though she hadn't told him what she was trying to prove, he still caught on.

His voice was soft, methodical, just as she knew it would be. This was Near, after all. She knew him well and he knew _her _well. Probably even better than she knew herself. Maybe even better than the little nameless voice inside her head, but that was something or _someone _she couldn't be entirely sure about because it was indeed something or _someone _which was located inside of her own head. Who knew what it knew?

"_With your obvious connections, I believe your presence will be of benefit to this particular goal. Though, I assume that you plan to join me in this cause whether I give you permission or not." _

"You're correct in assuming." No names, that was the unspoken deal.

Not even their designated aliases. Even from the safety of their current locations could they be less than careful. That news wasn't anything new. They both knew that from the very, very beginning before they had even agreed to accept to step into the shoes they were trying to fill. One much more than the other, but that hardly mattered.

They were similar in some aspects, but so different in others.

And hearing that praise from Near didn't mean nearly as much to her as the praise would have meant from Mello. Praise from Mello meant something as it was rare - so rare -, whereas the praise she currently heard from Near came so much more often when he spoke to her. Near already acknowledged her, which was why he was contacting her now.

She meant something to him, whether it be for the case or not.

"_I thought so. I made the call you requested of me. Suffice to say, he was not pleased." _Surprise, surprise.

"I know."

"_He will be even less pleased when he discovers that you are agreeing to converse and work alongside me." _Why did this seem like such a conversation of déjà vu?

She didn't think too much on it though, pushing it to the back of her mind. Her main focus now was ignoring the pain from her broken ribs and keeping her voice level.

"I know." She kept almost all signs of resignation from her voice if she felt any.

"_Then you've decided which is more important at last then."_

"Yes."

"_Good. I have tracked your location through this call. Expect a meeting in exactly two hours. I suggest you be prepared and well-packed. Though, I don't doubt in the least that you will be." _For some reason, she could picture the Near-esque smile across his face.

"We will be."

"_I will see you then."_

**

* * *

**

Click.

* * *

Serenity peered at her, his violet contacts peering at her nearly dull expression for any sign of what was going on.

"L- Lily?"

"We need to begin packing. Two hours from now, we'll be picked up from this hotel to meet directly with Near."

"Two hours?" Jacob asked, eyes flitting to watch Serenity who reached and gently covered the small woman's hand with his own.

Peace winced as she nodded, the movement jarring her tightly bandaged torso.

"Y- yes. Two hours."

"Serenity, you stay with her. I'll start packing." Without even waiting for the protest he knew was about to come, the grey haired man left the room and left Serenity with Leila.

Not a word was said after that. Then again, words weren't really needed anymore.

* * *

Mello had to sit down. He just had to. For once in his entire life, he found himself entirely and completely speechless.

_It all…makes so much sense now._

Matt had taken it upon himself to leave him alone for awhile to digest the information that he had been bombarded with. So much information all at once. Well, maybe it wasn't so much the amount of information as the content of it. This was _huge_ after all. And…it explained exactly why Peace had been acting so strangely.

Peace, that goody-little-two shoes…she had really managed to do that? And successfully keep it a secret? Well, with Matt's cooperation, but at the moment that really didn't matter. What mattered was that she hid it. She hid it…_from __**him**__._

Mello had figured that something like this, she would have told him. Not only was it huge, but he could have used it to his advantage. She must have known that. Damn it, the little bitch should have known that!

"Fuck." Still, deep down somewhere, Mello could feel something dreadfully painful.

Like…somewhere in his chest. It hurt like hell. Worse than anything he'd ever felt before. For a brief moment, he thought that Kira had found him and that he was dying, then he realised that this pain was worse than anything physical.

Absently, he gripped at his chest. His rosary got caught in his fingertips as he felt the quick, painful beating of his heart and Mello blinked before he grit his teeth.

Damn it, he knew this feeling now. He wasn't having a fucking heart attack. No, it was worse than that.

"Oh, _fuck._" Just how long had he been in _love _with her?

Apparently, long enough that when he discovered that she had a romantic affair with _Kira _of all people, he thought that he was going to fucking _die._

"Fuck, _fuck._" Well, this was an unexpected development.

No, damn it. It was more than unexpected. It was an eye opener.

_He was going to fucking kill Light Yagami __**one hundred times over.**_


	30. Kill For You

**Alright, I am so terribly sorry for the lack of updates. And for the shortness of the chapters. Ugh, I just can't seem to be thinking of anything to add to make the chapters a little bit longer. I hope that this works for now though. **

**By the way, the 5th of September was my 18th birthday! Oh yay!**

**Oh! By the way, I don't know if anyone caught this, but in the previous chapter, Light actually killed the nurse out of mere annoyance because he didn't get what he wanted. Then, he ended up feeling better because of it.**

**Oh! I almost forgot, - how could I forget? - MaskedAngel18 wrote a oneshot based on my fanfiction! The greatest form of flattery out there! It's completely amazing and I say that you should read it and give them props for the awesomeness.**

**www . fanfiction . net/s/6266064/1/Peace_According_to_You - just remove the spaces or whatever. And give them a review, yes? **

_Please Review_

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**She's been getting numb these days. Even when she talks to me during the few hours of sleep she gets, it's like - it's like she's not really there. **

**I don't understand why. She's safe and every day during this last month with Near, we get a step closer to proving that the Yagami bastard is indeed Kira. She's like…turning into an empty shell of sorts that I hardly recognise. **

**It's the same way she acted during that week she discovered the upcoming death of L. The knowledge of knowing the upcoming capture and quite possible death of Kira eats at her piece by piece. And Mello-bastard…that God damn Mello-bastard…**

…**the fact that he knows so much about her now - about what she was willing to do for this investigation without telling him, that eats at her too. She might not tell me this, but I know it all the same. It's the advantage of being the entity inside her head. The entity that knows why he's here and knows that he's failing miserably.**

**I tried to protect her. I tried to give her a safe path to take, to follow.**

**If things keep going at this pace and Kira - Yagami, isn't caught soon, things for my Leila will not turn out well. I could say that things for me wouldn't turn out well either, which is true, but it isn't about me.**

**It's never, ever been about me. **

**My entire existence has been about her, since the day I took form in the darkness of her mind.**

**Whether I live or die doesn't matter, so long as she is happy and alive.**

**Though it seems that nothing can ever make her happy and the course she currently travels will probably lead her to death as she's being terribly, terribly careless.**

…**that's my fault though.**

**All of it is my fault.**

**Oh God, what have I done?**

* * *

"I'm surprised."

"Mm." Sitting across from each other on the floor of the room, Peace and Near locked eyes with each other in an exact moment.

Her expression almost mimicked his at that precise second. It was blank and dull, but her eyes…her eyes were not the same as his. Hers were full of some inner deep emotion that he could place as guilt where Near felt no such thing. Then again, he had nothing to feel guilty about.

"What are you surprised about, Near?" Voice soft, her dulled storm eyes continued to peer into his.

Near remained undeterred and unaffected, as he typically was.

He was completely silent, eyes never moving from hers as he shifted the female black, pale doll from hand to hand before finally placing it in the middle of the current board. A quick glance down on her part was all it took for her to realise the unspoken statement.

The doll was with a tired, almost broken expression and though in the middle of the board near all of the other players, it was facing in one certain direction. The direction of another doll. A blonde, long hair, narrowed eyes, angry expression - it stood next to a doll with red hair and a casual smile.

Peace knew better than to say anything regarding it in that exact moment. Anything about the unspoken statement - that was taboo right now. If not to Near, than to herself. She had chosen what she had for very good reason.

Because it was for the best regarding the investigation.

L would have understood and probably figured it the best thing to do, considering she wasn't nearly of his intellect and genius, especially when it came to such things as murder investigations.

"Near. You haven't yet said what you thought of my plan."

"Mm…" His eyes still hadn't left hers, but the barest of smiles twitched on his pale exterior.

"You already know what I think."

"I don't read minds."

"Perhaps not, but you read body language fairly well. You are much like L in that aspect. In fact, I would go as far to say that you are nearly exactly like him in all aspects…"

"Don't compare me to someone I could never be."

"If you could never be L, then why do you bare his name?" Silence.

The weakest of smiles made it to her lips as she closed her eyes. Were those tears? If so, they were only small, just the forming of the liquidised crystals. Perhaps he had been too harsh? No, sometimes one needed to be blunt. Peace had many challenges to overcome. There were many things that she needed to figure out. Being gentle would not work. In a way, Near figured he needed to adopt a Mello-esque persona when dealing with Peace. She responded best to the blunt truth, however hurtful it may be.

"…you already know the answer to that."

"Do I?"

"Near…don't play games with me, please." That was all that needed to be said - and that was all that _was_ said.

The unspoken plan of what was to happen and what was to be done hung in the air.

Near felt that he should also begin preparing for a funeral while he made those phone calls. He wondered if he had any black.

**Wammy's House - Years Ago**

"If I ever asked you to kill someone, would you do it?" Mello's blue eyes bore into the both of them.

The form of a seven year old Matt and a five year old little girl with wide grey eyes. They both stared at him, Matt's fingers working so easily on the handheld game he operated with his fingers even though he wasn't even looking directly at it. Peace, her hair as messy as it was seemed unusually neat this day - a small little daisy held in her fingertips.

It was to be a gift for the aggressive blonde before her, but no sooner had she stepped into the small little bedroom that he shared with redheaded Matt, had he thrown this question upon all those loyal to him.

"I dunno, Mels." Matt began, ignoring the glare he received from his counterpart as he returned his attention to the game.

"…killing someone? That's a bit much. I'll need to think about that one."

"I- I would!" The exclamation was squeaked, unexpected, but somehow strong all the same as both boys looked into the firm, but yet nervous eyes of the girl.

Peace swallowed faintly, squeezing the little flower in her hands as she peered up at the taller blonde. Her eyes were wide, almost too innocent - yet they said that she spoke the truth.

"If you asked me to kill someone, I- I'd do it, Mello. B- because you'd never ask me to kill someone unless they were a dangerous person who wanted to harm you, o- or anyone else!" The blue of Mello's irises flashed faintly, an almost-smile making it's way to his lips before he glared.

Her response had been too innocent for his liking. Not very well thought-out in the least. That angered him and it _scared _him - not that he would admit that. Not even in his later years.

"You _idiot_! You're saying that if I asked you to kill Near, right now, that you would do it?" The little girl whimpered faintly, tears already beginning to fill up in her eyes.

"Near…h- he isn't bad though, Mello! I- I know you don't like him, but you'd never ask me to kill him because he doesn't hurt anyone! You want to do good things, like L!"

"Tch, then you wouldn't kill someone if I asked you to, would you? You'd have to think about it first!" Stormy eyes finally began to water, but being determined as she was _not _to cry, Peace merely sniffled as she held her head up strong.

"Of course I'd think about it. I'd be an idiot not to. But I would kill someone if you asked me to, Mello. It just depends on who. I'd never kill _anyone _for you. I'd never kill _anyone_ for anybody. Someone though, I'd do that for you. Even if it killed me in the end."

**Present **

"R- Ren-chan!" The cool November rain dribbled down upon burning, injured flesh - a soft whimper escaped bloodied lips.

Even unable to open her eyes due to exhaustion and pain, Leila still found herself coherent enough to recognise the voice which was clearly directed at her. It was concerned - she could even see the honey brown eyes in her mind's eye as she felt the gentleness of his touch against her cheek.

"Who did this to you?" She couldn't bring it upon herself to respond - she hadn't the energy, nor the ability to do so when her body hurt so badly.

Previously injured ribs from her dangerous escapade a month ago were still healing and now probably re-injured all over again. It would explain why that section of her torso hurt so badly.

Perhaps that was why he was able to lift her head onto his lap. He must have known. No kidding he knew - he'd probably been tracking her for weeks. He was good at that sort of thing. Very good…he was good at pretty much everything though.

So gentle…why was he so gentle? He knew now just how much of a liar she was…but that's why he was so good. How could he be like this? How could he be who he was? It didn't make sense? He cared so much…it didn't make sense.

"I've called an ambulance. Just…hang in there, okay, Ren-chan?" Another whimper - it was all she could manage.

_It's going to be alright, Leila. Remember, this is all part of the plan._

How could that voice be so calm? Then again, Leila supposed that it wasn't the one in pain. It was just the one telling her to go out and put herself in danger. The case was so much more important than her life, after all.

_Leila…_

"Ren-chan…say something. Open your eyes. Do _something_ to convince me that you're alive."

"L- L- Light-kun…" She whimpered, tears beginning to well up in her eyes as she opened them.

The smoky orbs were foggy with pain, exhaustion - they tried to focus on the blurry figure of the brunette hovering above her face. The hotness of the tears mixed with the coolness of the rain, her lips parted slightly as she attempted to say something more.

"I- I'm sorry…I- I'm sorry I lied to you…" It was true; she was sorry that she had lied - so incredibly sorry.

"It's okay, Ren-chan, I understand." How could he be so easily forgiving?

She had at least expected him to get angry with her. But, then again, she figured that would come later. When she wasn't so injured. When she was back in the confinements of a hospital…

_Don't be so sure._

"L- Lily…" She corrected weakly, eyes falling shut again.

"…my name is Lily."

"I know." He responded softly, and she could feel the gentleness of his hand against her cheek.

"I- I know…I…I just wanted to admit it." Her breaths slowed slightly as she opened her eyes again, body becoming somewhat numb.

"I'm sorry, L- Light-kun. I…I didn't want to."

"I know, Ren-chan." In the distance, even in her tired, pained, bleary state, she could make out the sound of ambulance sirens.

Perfect.

_All part of the plan. I'm sorry._


	31. Casualty

**I feel like a complete jerk for this chapter because I've gotten so mean to her...all the same, it's finally some inspiration. Lots of David Cook, Nickleback, Green Day, and Anberlin - and some Lee Ann Womack helped to form what has sadly become the reality of this apparent love story/hurt comfort/sort of tragedy. Hell, there's a lot of tragedy here. Lots of death and lots of screwing up of the feelings.**

**Still, at least it's an update. Still not as long as I would have liked, but longer than the last few chapters have been. **

**Oh, by the way, Cassidy is Jacob. Cassidy is simply his alias. I think it was mentioned before, but this is simply a reminder.**

_I only got like...3 reviews last chapter. How sad :(_

_I hope to get more reviews now. _

Please Review

**

* * *

**

Chapter 29

When she had said that she _didn't want to_, Peace had been nothing, but honest. However, in more than one way. Such ways, though, she hoped would never come out in the open. It was hard enough for her to face just exactly what she had done. Already, the scars were there - beneath the bandages. Though the scars were not there quite yet, the doctors had said that the likelihood of the injuries healing without scarring over would be slim to none.

More or less.

Peace knew she deserved it though. Every last bit of it. The scars - physically, she could live with. It was a reminder just how low she had to go.

She wondered if L could forgive her for the crime she had committed. True, it was for the eventual good of the world but…

…what was happening to her?

The fact that she wasn't nearly as disturbed as she once would have been was troubling enough. The fact that the voice had grown extremely quiet was another worrying sign. Now, she had been growing so incredibly used to it and to not hear the familiarity of it was unnerving.

_She felt so alone now._

"Lily-chan." Dulled, nearly dead looking eyes flickered up from bandaged hands to meet with the should-be comforting honey brown orbs of Light.

His expression was concerned and though it was clear that he wanted to reach out and brush his fingers against her cheek, he refrained himself. The bandages across her face would have kept him from making contact nonetheless.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No…" The morphine and her own general numbness overall kept her from feeling the pain that she should have been feeling.

It was so worrisome and felt so wrong.

The young man peered at her quietly, gently seated by her bedside. No words - none of what he wanted to say - were forming on his lips. None of them. It was strange for him to be so speechless in such a situation. Especially when it was so clear to him what she had done.

All the same, Light - Kira - could not bring himself to hate her. He knew that he would have ended up doing it himself anyway.

"Lily-chan…" Her true name didn't taste wrong on his tongue.

It felt normal. Then again, in reality, it was not much different than the alias she had chosen for herself. But, Light figured that it had something to do with the fact that he didn't care what he called her - just as long as she was there.

So…she would be scarred. The flawless face he had grown accustomed to would be marred and damaged from the burns, but he was fine with that. Though Light himself was a perfectionist, he still thought her beautiful even with the flaws.

He doubted scars would ever change that if her betraying him hadn't. If this hadn't.

"Light…" Oh…she was speaking English now - the slight accent to her tone was surprising.

British? He wasn't terribly surprised. All the same, he was amazed that her Japanese was flawless to conceal her origins.

He said nothing as her eyes drifted past him, to the whitewashed wall of the hospital room. She was preparing to speak - it was wise not to interrupt her with his own words.

"…you know what I did." It was a simple statement, her voice low as she spoke the words.

"I know you do. How could you not? All the same…you do know what I am now."

"…Takada was working for Kira anyway. You know how he recycles his toys. She was bound to die. I'm only curious as to why you took it into your own hands. With fire of all things." He probably didn't sound as sincere and gentle as he would have liked to, but the situation was serious.

He needed to know what had provoked his precious goddess to go so far as to kill. Peace…it was surprising.

What was even more surprising was her answer.

"She tried to kill me first. I only called her to the church in Nagano in hopes to talk her out of what she was doing. It was not to escalate any further. However-"

"Lily…"

"- the moment she saw me, I knew it was useless." Her voice was sturdy, devoid of most emotion.

Her face held the same expression.

"She recognised me from my broadcast last month. It happened much too fast. My intent was to save myself - nothing more. I understand if you don't believe me. I have lied to you often enough before. All for the greater good - to put a stop to Kira - but I have lied all the same." Silence flowed through the room for several minutes and when Peace expected some sort of anger, hatred - anything, she was genuinely surprised by what she received.

Light's lips were gentle against her forehead. Soft. His fingers weaved with those of her undamaged and free hand, his other hands reaching up to gently caress the side of her face not covered by the white bandages.

"I believe you." He breathed softly.

"I will always believe you."

"B- but…" Now tears were welling up in her eyes, her emotionless mask finally cracking as she stared at him.

Her eyes were wide, watery, so full of so many things. Light preferred them this way than the way they had been. The previous look had been much too L-like for his tastes. At least now with these scars, she couldn't possibly look like the dead man. However…sound like him, that she could do. He hoped it would be rare as it was completely unnerving.

Pushing the off-topics to the back of his mind, the young man leaned forwards and pressed a tender kiss to her lips. He was concerned when she didn't return the affections at first, but was pleased when a shaky albeit bandaged hand pressed to the side of his face.

Her gut churned as she forced herself to return the affections. It felt so terribly wrong, but this was all for the case. All of this was for L.

She was simply just another casualty.

* * *

**News travels fast. Especially regarding the death of someone like Kiyomi Takada. **

**With the news clips which flashed across the televisions of the fire - censored clips of the corpse, it's surprising that they didn't catch any footage of Leila escaping the wreckage bloody and burning.**

**I can't believe I've done this to her.**

**She's so incredibly empty now. Not that I blame her.**

**Now she has blood on her hands. Blood that she wasn't supposed to have dabbled in.**

**Takada's death was not part of the plan in the least. I'm sure that even Near will be surprised with the news.**

**Damn it…**

…**I'm beginning to think that my existence in this ****world ****(if one can call it that) is making things worse for her.**

**None of this was supposed to happen.**

**Leila is supposed to be safe and unharmed by the cruelties of this world.**

**I've failed. Epically.**

**I need to find a way to fix this - there has to be a way.**

**I can't fail her again.**

**Those scars - the emotional baggage….**

…**I gave them all to her.**

…**it's all my fault.**

…**the scars and the baggage are supposed to be mine.**

**She was never supposed to get hurt.**

**I guess I never really thought this through after all.**

**

* * *

**

_"…the flames engulfed the abandoned church in a matter of minutes according to eye-witnesses and an investigation is being held. Unfortunately, by the time authorities were able to retrieve the body of well-loved reporter and well-known Kira supporter, Kiyomi Takada, she was already deceased. An autopsy will be held to officially state cause of death. In other news, Kira -" _

"That's enough." It was a soft statement coming from someone who was not normally equipped with such tenderness in his tone.

"Cassidy, you may turn of the television now."

"Yes, Near." The grey haired man responded softly, brown eyes devoid of any tell-tale signs of what he was currently feeling.

The way his body tensed as he did what he was told though…that said it all. Especially when he quickly returned to the side of his redheaded companion who was quaking with wide eyes at the scene all in the room had witnessed.

Near's eyes focused on the puppets and toys all set out in front of him.

He would not admit it, but all of this was frustrating. None of what occurred had been part of the plan he knew Peace had. Which meant to say that something happened. It was unlike her to have things not go her way. It was reason for concern.

"…her body wasn't found at the scene? It was only Takada's?"

"Yes. That in itself suggests that L got out safely. She's most likely alive. I have my men searching all hospitals at this very moment."

"…L?" The name was not said in bitterness, Near noted before he allowed his eyes to flicker and meet with the crystal orbs of his blonde companion.

Mello was acting quite unlike himself as of late. Even going so far as to come to Near. The white haired male supposed that perhaps Peace had some influence on him after all. Or there was an underlying reason for it all. All the same, it didn't seem to have any relevance to the case, so he did not pry. If he could piece the puzzle together later, he'd do so.

Right now, Mello was being cooperative. That was all that mattered.

"Yes. Several months ago, she sent me a letter. It indicated that she had chosen to take up the name of our predecessor - if only temporarily."

"Ah…" No anger.

Interesting.

"Why would she want to confront Takada directly, anyway? Confrontation never was her style…" Matt suddenly piped up curiously, ignoring the look he received as he snuffed his cigarette out against the wall.

"You clearly haven't been paying much attention to her actions, then." Near responded bluntly.

"Since the beginning of the case, L had gone undercover personally for the Japanese Task Force. She has made it her personal mission to get as close to Light Yagami - Kira - as she can. However, it's also had many setbacks. I do believe she's making emotional connections which isn't entirely surprising giving her social disposition…" He noted how Mello's hands clenched there, but again (and probably very wisely) said nothing.

"The confrontation with Takada, I wasn't given specific details on the particular escapade. L is directly in charge of this investigation. I have been following her commands and her orders. Down to the final, minute detail. She is a very thoughtful planner and such plans usually are pulled together quite well. However, I was wondering when something would backfire. It's simply a shame that it was at such a crucial moment…and in such a way."

"Don't sound so fucking detached, you Sheep!" Mello quietly snarled - honestly, he hadn't the energy to argue, but the way Near could be so fucking…Near-like bothered him to no end.

"Knowing Peace, she's fucking blaming herself! Someone is dead! Whether directly involved with Kira or not, the blood is on her hands!" The thought that Peace could be so involved with someone's death just didn't feel right.

Especially since she had long ago decided that her morals would not allow her to take a human life. Mello, no doubt in his mind, knew that the Takada bitch had done something. Unfortunately, seeing that she was fucking dead, it wouldn't do any good to interrogate her.

Burnt corpses really didn't do much talking back, after all.

"I do understand the situation, Mello. I'm quite well informed of it, actually." Near responded coolly, attention flitting back to his figures.

"L is a sensitive person. However, her own disposition has been changing as of late. The hours before she left to meet with Takada - and for the last several weeks - she has been rather…how do I put this…L-like. She reminds me more and more of him every day. I cannot say that is a bad thing, but it is concerning." Grey eyes met back with shocked blue.

"Never have I seen her like this before. I knew that she was capable of falling into such a slump…giving her bloodline, it's to be expected. But, to see it for myself is something entirely different. You, on the other hand, are much more equipped to deal with it. You have seen it before, after all."

"…yeah, I have." Mello muttered faintly, absently running fingers along his cross.

His attention then focused completely on Near.

"What the hell do you mean by bloodline?"

"That…is not in my place to say. I made a promise to not say anything directly about it. However, given that it may indeed prove to be crucial in the future, I have given you a clue. Do not disregard it. Use it to the best of your ability."

"I really hate how nonchalant you are about this entire mess!"

"Please! Don't fight! D- don't shout! Lily wouldn't like this at all!" Mello fell silent at the sudden demand, blue eyes a little wide as he allowed his gaze to fall on the redhead next to the man dubbed Cassidy.

"Serenity…" Apparently, the contact wearing male had finally lost his temper as he pushed his companion away and stomped towards the blonde with utmost fury in his eyes.

"You shouldn't be fucking arguing anyway! If you care so God damned much about her, you'd be out there finding her yourself! You coward!"

"Serenity! Enough!" Cassidy exclaimed, hurrying and reaching out.

Serenity fell silent as he was tugged to the other's chest. The grey haired male then looked up as he watched his companion press his face into his chest. Brown eyes were soft, though firm all the same. It was clear that he felt similar to his clear…partner, but was clearly less verbal about it.

"You're tired, Love. Off to bed. I'll join you soon." Serenity sniffled faintly and nodded, reluctantly pulling away.

Mello wasn't sure what to say to that. Clearly, to him, these two were closer than he'd ever seen two men. To save his mental sanity (or what was left of it), he tried not to picture just how close.

Cassidy, once Serenity was gone, turned his attention to Mello.

"Find her." He said harshly.

"I'm not a genius. I don't have anything past a high school diploma, and I can be a real jackass sometimes. I'm not the most social guy around. Hell, I've got a lot of problems. However, that's nothing compared to what Serenity or Lily have gone through. You've known her a hell of a lot longer than I have, so I trust that you at least know her a little better." He paused.

"The pictures we found suggest that much. The name on her guitar that she never talks about says that she at least cares enough to protect you from even her own friends. Damn it, she cares and I've never seen her so fucking miserable because of it! Find her and bring her back! Body and mind, because she's going to die if you don't. Either by Kira, or by her own hand. Serenity doesn't need another funeral. He's seen one too many - and that was even a fake one." Mello would not admit out loud that he was slightly nervous of the cold, nearly possessive tone that this "Cassidy" had when it came to his partner and friend's mental and physical health.

He loved Serenity and he really cared about Leila - even though he clearly didn't know her real name. Though Mello didn't want to think of the clearly homosexual relationship, he couldn't help, but admire it all the same for some strange, odd reason.

"I love them both." Cassidy said.

"I don't want either of them to hurt anymore."

"…I'll find her and I'll drag her ass back here and I'll return her to normal." Mello muttered as Cassidy began to follow after his boyfriend.

The grey haired male paused and some tension in his shoulders relaxed.

"You better. Or else I'll have someone else to blame for everything that's happened other than Kira."


	32. Imagination

**I am so, so, so, so, soooooo sorry for the huge delay of this chapter! I've had a lot of things going on quite honestly and have been fangirling over Hetalia -_-**

**But, here it is! It is the new chapter! With insight and yada yada and even though it's shorter than I would like it to be and maybe not as good as I would like it to be, but it is an update and I worked hard to make it legible anyway.**

_Please Review_

**

* * *

Chapter 30**

"_If you asked me to kill someone, I- I'd do it, Mello."_

It was so incredibly sad that even though she had, quite obviously, been at least involved with the death of Kiyomi Takada, that she did not regret making that statement. Peace still meant it fully, even as she removed bandages to reveal the extension of her healing injuries with the help of the nurses - in Light's presence.

Right now, if Mello burst in, gave her a gun and told her to shoot Light in the face- she probably would hesitate, but she would do it. The extent of her feelings really went that far. She recognised that now. A pity that she hadn't known it throughout the time she had been with Mello. It probably would have saved her a lot of pain now.

If she could really even feel pain at all.

"This might sting, Loliet-san. Do try and hold still." Silence was the response apart from a small nod.

Light squeezed her uninjured hand and watched her closely as he whispered some incoherent things in her ear. Incoherent only because she wasn't listening - too lost in her own thoughts really and focusing on the dull white of the distant wall in front of her.

Vaguely aware of the removal of the bandages, her eyes flickered to meet with Light's.

"Today's my birthday." She mumbled softly, eyes fluttering shut.

Hideous scars were now visible - not completely healed, but no longer blood ridden. Down her left arm and part of the left side of her face. The burns stopped just below her eye.

Light found himself staring for a long moment, swallowing thickly before placing a gentle hand to her unscarred cheek. He gently forced himself to smile, because, despite all of this, his feelings could not be changed. They should have been - they would have been in many people, but not him.

Kira loved his goddess.

"Is it?" He asked softly.

"Yes…"

"Then we should probably celebrate. I'll-"

"…no. I don' t want to celebrate." There was a firm undertone to her voice, also filled with more heavy emotion that Light really couldn't place.

He blinked, squeezing her hand gently.

"…no, I suppose you wouldn't want to. Not while you're in the hospital. When you get out -"

"No, Light-kun. You misunderstand. I don't celebrate my birthday because today is not a day worth celebrating. At all. It is simply the day where I get another year older and the day of morbid anniversary." For some reason, Light wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that.

So, he said nothing.

If he had of kept prying, Peace might have caved and spilled out the entire truth. In fact, she probably would have.

Instead, he was quiet and she received new bandages before finally being discharged.

* * *

Mello was very much aware what day it was. If he was not aware, he would have had to have been one of the most stupid people to ever exist. But, as a genius and Wammy's second best, he was far from stupid. No, if he were to forget this day of all days, then there was little reason for him to keep living. He might as well just go and throw himself off a fucking cliff.

Which is why he stood in the middle of a graveyard, in front of a granite rock on this precise day, hidden only by a dark hood.

November fifth…

Time went by much too fast and he was almost regretting it, because honestly, he could have made so much more use of it. Instead, here he was, blank and rather miserable as he stood completely alone at a dead man's grave - thoughts of a lonely little girl he had left behind this day years ago on his mind.

Sometimes, he wondered what things would have been like if she had of agreed to come that day exactly five years ago. He didn't usually focus long on them, because really it was useless to think of the "what if" of a situation that had already occurred. Still, once in awhile he allowed himself the luxury - then he cursed himself.

It wasn't until recently that he figured out why he had felt so betrayed by her back then. It wasn't until he discovered that the burning of unrecognisable emotions in his chest was actually the emotion he knew that she desperately craved; she had always been one who had strived to please, if only to get a taste.

Love.

So bittersweet - like dark chocolate.

"You'd know where she is, wouldn't you?" He muttered faintly, eyes fixated on the stone.

Unsurprisingly, he didn't get a response. Still, he couldn't bring himself to be mad.

Mello couldn't bring himself to feel much these days. Between anger, to sadness, to extreme bitterness, he knew that he was a man as predictable as a rollercoaster you've never been on. It was something he prided himself in and Mello honestly didn't pride himself in much; it meant he was _unpredictable._

Though, now that he thought about it, there was very little he could predict about Peace nowadays. Looking at her, she was hardly the same as she was. He wondered how he could have possibly thought that she would remain the same after all of this, but pushed the thought away as he continued to stare at the stone.

"…you knew this would happen." He murmured, voice flat.

"You knew everything, so of course you knew this would happen." Now, if only L could speak and lead him in the direction which she was.

Somehow, Mello figured this so much easier than it was. He should have remembered that the first time he had tried to find her, it proved to be fruitless. If Peace wanted to be found, she would make herself known.

Unless she wasn't able to…

"…Yagami." Ah, there was the emotion.

The bitterness.

The anger.

The _jealousy._

A cold, bitter, angry breeze blew by him. It was a wonder that his hood didn't blow off, but Mello was one to believe in small miracles. Small, small miracles.

Miniscule miracles.

Like the idea that perhaps someday, he could make it up to her. The small little girl who he had probably forced to grow up so much faster than he himself would have liked.

And this time, he didn't wonder how things would have been different if she had come with him; he wondered what things would have been like if he had simply _stayed_.

If Mello had of stayed when he saw that she probably needed him so much more at that moment - that day - than any other day of her life, would things have ended up this way? Or would he have realised these feelings sooner?

Would he have been able to put away the bitterness? The jealousy he always seemed to feel towards _someone_, would she have been able to help him finally put it to rest? He wasn't entirely sure if even she would have been able to do that then, but it was nice to think so.

Now though…now, she was so much different and he knew that when he found her, he wouldn't like what she had become. What he had pushed her to become.

"_You're never going to be like L, you know."_

"_I know. If I was L, I wouldn't be Peace anymore."_

And…now she was L.

Mello knew she wasn't Peace anymore and he doubted that she ever would be.

* * *

"_Who are you really, Eli?" Her face was perfect in this realm - unmarred as it was in the physical world._

_It admittedly made the blonde feel at least a little less guilty. It made him temporarily forget what he had led her too._

"_What do you mean, Leila?" He could only stare as she stared blankly back, face expressionless._

_Her eyes didn't even give away what she was thinking or feeling. Not the same as they used to. No, they were almost dead. _

_This is what made him remember the guilt._

"_I mean what I asked. Who are you? Perhaps you may not be able to answer the question as to __**what **__you are, but __**who**__? I wish to know the answer." Somehow, he wasn't entirely surprised by her question now._

_He wasn't prepared for it, but he wasn't surprised. He supposed that if he were in her position, he would want to know the same things. He would have been a little more demanding about it as well. He would have shaken her to get his answers._

_Oh…fucking hell, he really was like Mello-bastard._

"_Who do you think I am?" Answer the question with another question, how brilliant of him - sarcasm intended._

_Still, it was effective. Apparently, the young woman was taken aback by the question as she seemed to stiffen. It was only brief, but it occurred nonetheless. Eli noticed it and Leila knew that he noticed it. Because she had a feeling that she knew exactly __**who **__he was._

"_Well?" He urged - watching her intently._

_Maybe…maybe he could teach her something useful after all. Maybe he could push her in the right direction. Maybe he could actually help her save herself before it was too late._

"_You are who I strive to be." She whispered simply, eyes dull and…were those tears?_

"_You are my untouchable desires. I can never be you and I can never have you." To prove her point, she reached out to grab his hand, an almost longing look suddenly springing to her once lifeless eyes - only to fall through._

_Eli fell translucent - partially faded almost like a ghost. His expression was null._

"_You are Mello and you are L and you are strong and intelligent and perfect. Something I shall never be." She turned her head away, her shoulders shuddering with her revelations before she looked back and Eli's eyes were now faced with the grotesque scar which marred her face._

"_You are the reason that I am prepared to die. You are the reason I am scarred. You are the reason that I am no longer myself." And that was that._

_The sad thing was, Eli quietly noted - was that she would not remember these revelations when she awoke. They would be a wisp of something that she could not grasp and if she did eventually come to grasp onto them when in the waking world, it may perhaps be too late._

_The ending of this story would not be a happy one, but Eli desperately hoped that he would be wrong. _

_No…_

_Perhaps the correct way of wording it now would be that he hoped that Leila was wrong in believing this because now he knew exactly what he was._

**I am...**

**Nothing more than a figment of her imagination.**


	33. The End is Nigh

**So, it's been forever and most of my reviewers and readers have probably left me, but now here I am with an update to Peace and I must say that this came from out of absolutely NO WHERE. I was just reading through some one shots and then BAM I got my muse and I wrote it down and yes, it's short, but it's going to be all over soon guys. **

**The ride for Leila has been a bumpy one and just throwing it out there, I need to know if there's any loose ties that you feel that should be taken care of before I end this. Because, I feel that there's only about one chapter left before I post an epilogue. **

**It would be kind of you to let me know. Other than that, thank you for sticking with me for so long. I will finally finish a Death Note multi-chapter, even if it kills me. **

_Please Review_

* * *

**Chapter 31**

The truth of the matter was, Leila Lawliet could only live so long like this. Perhaps it was cold reality, but she was only a human being and thus, was not with the gift of everlasting life. Even despite everything she had lived through. The fact that she was alive at all with everything she had survived was a miracle in itself.

Leila – Peace – realised this and thus, she was prepared for anything to happen to ruin or change any of the 'set in stone' plans that she had come up with along the way.

So, as she stood there, in front of the mirror, taking in her scarred face as the bandages fell, her mind was quite accepting of all possible fates. Or, the one most obvious possible fate.

Death.

It didn't bother her and it was disturbing to her because Leila knew that it should have. Peace knew that it should have.

She figured it was the L in her finally coming free. The realisation of her morals and her fears slowly ebbing away as she sank into this new identity she had only initially hoped to temporarily have.

L was only supposed to be a temporary title for this case. To avenge the real L's death – the death of her loved one. Now, it had eaten away at her until she had become nothing more than an empty shell. Even the voice had silenced itself – Leila's one grip on what was left of _her_.

She half-expected to hear the bells chiming that L spoke of in his final conversation with her. She was almost disappointed that she didn't. That thought itself...that actually did disturb her because it made her realise that yes, maybe she actually wanted death to come and that was why she wasn't really all that afraid of it.

"Lily, you should eat something." Light's voice fluttered through one ear and almost out the other, but Leila heard it and she caught it – if only barely.

"Yes, Light-kun." It was an automatic response really – because he was right, she knew he was right and what use is arguing with someone who is right?

Something inside of her churned at the thought as though greatly disturbed with the lack of argument and fight put up. Maybe it was the last and final shouts of that voice? No, maybe it was L. Or, the identity of L. But, if that was the case, then was it really Leila – Peace – who was being so submissive to Light's wishes and demands?

He was the one who was nursing her. Making sure she remained healthy and without fever. No one, but Light saw her. He protected her and embraced her and kept her alive. Not happy, but he kept her alive. Leila then realised exactly where she was and it dawned on her then that she had sunk to an all new low because she had become so detached that she could no longer even keep track.

"...why did you bring me to your apartment, Light-kun? What about...Miss Amane?"

"Misa? Oh, don't worry about her. She's a little busy these days and she stays in the room across the hall. It's unlikely that you two will even meet."

Lies lies lies. Leila knew it. Leila knew a liar if nothing else. But, Light was here and he was taking care of her and he loved her and really, what else could she want?

Someone who never lied to her.

Someone she could tell everything to.

Someone who wasn't Light.

But, Leila kept this to herself and she complied and she was malleable to his wishes because, if nothing else, she could play a part and she could lie to. As much as she detested being lied to, she could definitely lie. That is, after all, all that she had been doing since she met Light. Since this investigation began for her.

She had been lying. She was still lying. She hated it, but it kept her alive and it helped people and in the end, it would be worth it.

So she told herself.

Maybe she was lying about that too.

* * *

In just a few short days, everything was coming together. Near knew this. He had known it from the start. The dolls were in position. The blocks. The cars. The actual real-life people. Everything was ready and everything was prepared for the final act.

Except for two people.

Peace and Mello.

Mello was still gone – searching for the missing young woman. Near found it unlikely that she had gone far. With Light Yagami's inconstant responses as of late, the white haired young man assumed that it was indeed Kira who had hold of the young woman.

Near wouldn't admit it to himself, but he had no idea why Light Yagami would really want to hold onto Peace. Unless, of course, there was something there that the self-appointed detective didn't really understand. Some emotion, maybe.

He didn't really understand emotions all that well. He knew that he cared about Peace. He knew that Cassidy and Serenity cared about Peace. He knew that Matt cared about Peace. He knew that also, somewhere deep in Mello's deranged mind, that blond cared for Peace as well.

Near didn't know what to make of that, though. He could understand what words like 'love' and 'affection' meant. He knew the definitions. However, he didn't truly understand the actual 'feelings'.

He knew there was physical love. The act of reproduction. Marriage. The like. Yet, the actual feeling, he didn't quite comprehend.

He was devoid of such things growing up. That's what happens when you're an orphan, after all.

However, even despite not quite understanding, Near could understand that Peace did love Mello. It wasn't for the sake of normal 'caring' that someone did what she did to protect and devote to him. No, that was pure and misunderstood love.

Near could see that.

He found it strangely ironic that Mello could not.

* * *

Just because Mello knew where Peace was now did not mean he was just going to jump in there and save her. He wasn't a complete moron. Okay, so maybe he didn't realise he was in love with the stupid girl until recently, but he wasn't about to do something that could get them all killed for the sake of saving just her.

She'd never forgive him for that.

So, it was with much distaste that he returned and he bore through the tears of Serenity and the annoyance of Cassidy.

He didn't them where she was – only that he wasn't stupid enough to go in there and get her. Not when it could endanger all of them.

Near seemed to weirdly enough understand. Matt gave him this knowing look. In the end, the subject was dropped and Cassidy and Serenity were sent off somewhere to be safe while the plans were finally carried out.

"Mello, if you are to come with us on January 28, then it is to say, that you will be coming with me _for _me." Near's voice echoed through his ears and Mello could do nothing, but grind his teeth.

He said 'fine', but not for Near.

Peace had always wanted them to get along – if only just once.

* * *

"We'll be going to finish this off for good in a couple of days, Lily." Light had told her and Leila looked up at him and managed a strangely pretty smile, despite her scars.

"Oh?" She murmured softly.

"I want you to stay here."

"That's not going to happen, Light-kun, you know that."

"I do, but I want it all the same." Gently, he brushed his fingers against her cheek before he kissed her lips and he was so gentle and so loving.

Frankly, now the thought of it made Leila sick to her stomach.

It was all so clear now exactly what she wanted. Light wasn't it. He was clouded and childish and all he wanted was this unattainable utopia. He was working hard and his motifs were genuine and pure, but his actions to achieve this utopia was not.

No good could come of wrongs.

"I will come with you, Light-kun. I feel much better now. My scars have healed and I can walk again." She smiled again, tilting her head so that her grey eyes like storm clouds peered into his and she watched his rigidness and she was pleased.

Damn right was she going to haunt him.

"It will be a nice day, yes? I look forward to it."

It was going to be the end at last.


	34. Tranquility

**Here we go guys. Another update. I finished it sooner than I thought I would. Now, there will be an epilogue and as of yet, I'm not entirely sure what it will consist of. You may hate me or you may love me. The ending will pretty much write itself.**

**I hope you like this anyway.**

**The entire time I was writing this chapter, I was listening to Rascal Flats' **_Why_. **I highly suggest it as a song to listen to while reading this.**

_Please Review._

* * *

**Chapter 32**

"_I forgive you."_

He stared at the dark mass that stood above him. Choppy black hair, pale visage, stormy eyes and he felt his heart struggle to pound harder, even as it was about to give out.

What was _he _doing here? How? It was impossible! He was dead! Wasn't he? Light killed him _practically _with his own two hands (with the help of a shinigami of course - Rem was so much more useful than Ryuk).

This just didn't make sense.

"_Justice has been attained, Kira. Light Yagami…Light-kun, your death is not in vain. I promise." _

What _was _this?

The shadow above him looked so decrepit, but those eyes seemed to say that they held a deeper understanding of the world than even Light himself could comprehend. This bothered Light, even as he lay sprawled out across those stairs, the last of his life leaving him as his chest constricted in an attempt to keep his heart pumping.

Honey brown eyes stared into grey and something sparked and then died as the dying man reached out to grasp a ghost with the last of his energy.

"_Kira has died today. It is just unfortunate that you had to die as well, Light-kun. For the ill uses of your body and mind throughout the duration of this darkness - this corruption - I forgive you for everything."_

Everything…?

The countless lives lost. The innocence that was destroyed? The loss of laughter? The loss of life? The loss of _everything_? He could be forgiven so damn easily? Light couldn't make sense of that. Was…was _he _really that merciful after all?

"_Can you forgive me?"_

Light's fingers feebly clasped around the thin, pale wrist and he squeezed. It was a simple action for a dying man who could have used the rest of his energy to attempt to survive. Instead, he used it, and it was minutes later that he was dead.

The words were unspoken in the air, hanging silently from his lips as though they were the gallows, but also the bridge to the impossible. For such a sickening and deathly silence, there was also a strand of hope that glowed much brighter than any halo.

"_**With all the death, there has also been Peace because of you."**_

Tears dripped from a pale face, slipping and splattering upon the face of a dead man who was also the victim in this tragedy.

After death comes Peace. Tranquility. Life.

Leila Lawliet cried, not for a murderer, but for a man who became corrupted by something so much bigger than himself. A man who had died long before L himself. A man whose death was likely slow and painful and unknown - more unknown than even L's.

…

She swore she could hear an inhuman cackling in the distance, but the scarred young girl was caught up in her mourning of Light Yagami - a man who had lived up to his name in many, many ways. After all, he was the man who had illuminated her life and made all the dark corners to which she had ventured slightly less terrifying. Whether he knew it or not, he had done something so tremendous - not one other would have been able to do it.

Leila Lawliet may not have been in love with Light Yagami, but that did not mean that she did not love him. After all, she loved him enough to forgive him. Even if no one else could understand. In her mind, at least, she could justify everything that had been done. Even though so many she knew had become involved, had been endangered, had died, she could still justify it and she could understand his path. Perhaps it was this understanding that made him so easy to forgive.

* * *

The details of the happenings were blurry in her mind if she was entirely honest. Leila could make an attempt to tell the story to Serenity and Jacob, but it would do no good. All she remembered were the bits and pieces - the violence and the tragedy and the closure.

It was a humbling, numbing experience and if she were entirely honest, the young woman was not entirely sure what to make of it. Life and death were things that should not be controlled - and in most cases, they could not be controlled. Her mind was buzzing and maybe she should have spent more time dwelling on the importance of what had just happened, but she couldn't.

Kira was dead, but so were a lot of people. His death brought no one back and it certainly did not help her to feel better. If anything, now it was more obvious to her that she had no real purpose. At least, if she did, it was not the most obvious of purposes.

"_Lily…?" _

Most were in honest shock, she recalled, when she stepped forth beside Light. The scars on her face and the tiny little smile she wore that wasn't entirely _hers_.

The changes that people go through in such a short amount of time is sometimes surprising. Adaptation to their circumstances - that must have been it.

The bits and pieces she could remember involved so much waiting - so little talking. So much staring. She had stood in so much silence, diligently by Light's side and her gaze was so fixated. She couldn't quite remember what she was staring at, but she knew she was the object of someone's gaze.

She never did look up to see who. Perhaps she should have, but now it didn't really matter.

What she could have done and what she should have done hardly would do anything to fix all of the world's happenings. All of the death and all of the agony.

There was nothing she could have done and that, perhaps, was what bothered her the most. She was there for the closure and for the end, but all she felt was empty and there was no one to tell her what to do anymore. The voice was gone - it had abandoned her. Just like everyone else she had come to love.

Even as she stood there, jacket tugged around her in an attempt to keep warm in the frigid winter wind. Snow fluttered down - the snowflakes large and fluffy and freckling her hair. The cemetery was oddly pretty in this light, in this weather. That thought wasn't lost on her, but the air of sorrow was still there and from the corner of her eye, Leila watched the funeral of a well-known pop star who had recently committed suicide.

"It's too bad, Miss Amane."

Her voice was quiet, breathy, and a little hoarse as it slipped through chapped lips. Stormy eyes fluttered closed and she bowed her head and there was just a mumble now. It was low and soft, but honest.

"But that is what love does. It causes one to lose all rationality. To act without a thought as to why you act."

Opening her eyes, they fell to the slab of cold stone before her. Reaching out, pale fingers brushed along the engraving and she sighed.

"It's over." She whispered.

"It's over, but at the same time it's not."

Her eyes flickered over the simple words and a dull smile slipped across her lips.

"I don't think it ever will be. Not for some. Not for us."

Gun shots echoed in her mind - and she shuddered. The sight of blood and the inhuman cackling was a brief memory she had that she wished she could reduce to a blur like the rest of that night.

She sighed and regained herself briefly, looking down and seeing the remains of a tattered stuffed animal before the stone and part of her longed, but she pushed it back and smiled instead.

"But that's okay. It's going to be okay."

Leila nodded, and reached her hand up, brushing it against the scars across her face. It was difficult to hide, but she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hide it. It was best to have your scars out for everyone to see rather than suck them in and hide them where they could not be dealt with.

"Those of us who live can adapt. We will always remember…" She trailed off and her shoulders shook, an absent tear slipping from her face and to the snow covered ground.

"…I'm leaving tonight." She finally murmured.

"Matsuda-kun is coming with me. He's a very good manager."

Another smile.

"I'm going to continue with the music industry. There are many songs to be written about this. While I have changed, I have not changed enough to no long want to do what I do. I am not meant to do what you do, L…"

She took too many unnecessary risks. She grew too close. She could relate too much.

"I'm not you, after all."

* * *

Mello had intended to go talk to Peace immediately after the incident at the Yellow Box Warehouse. However, he had the image in his mind…the image of her cries. The image of her horror.

The gun had been fired six times.

"_I'm going to kill that bastard! Like he killed his father!_"

"_Matsuda-kun! No!" _

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. **Bang.**

It was to the shock of everyone, really. How everything went down. The shots had been fired. Kira was losing and Peace was probably more scarred than all of them put together. That thought really angered Mello, but all the same, it was to be expected. This life filled with violence was not meant for her and she was never going to be the same.

Yet, all the same, it didn't change anything.

_The image of her spinning and running after the bleeding murderer. Tears streamed from her eyes, and he could swear he could feel them burning against his own skin as well. _

Why did she have to be so empathetic? Why did she have to fall in love with a murderer? Why did Peace have to be Peace?

Mello's gaze was numb as he stared at the chocolate bar between his fingers and in the corner of the little room, Matt was quiet and his hands were stuffed into his pockets. No game in sight and a cigarette hung from his lips unlit.

_When they found her, she was a hysterical mess. She clung to the dead man as though he was everything and she sobbed. She held him as though he were human. As though she loved him more than anything despite everything he had put the world through. Despite him being the one who killed the one they looked up to the most._

"_N- no, Light-kun…please don't…" _

It took everything to separate them and Mello wouldn't admit it out loud, but a part of him burned with hatred that she cared more about a dead man who was nothing more than a murderer than she did for those who had been there with her through everything.

A part of Mello really hated Peace. He couldn't let her know that because she would find out if he went to speak with her any time soon.

However, now he regretted putting it off.

Because she was gone.

"_What do you mean she's gone?"_

_The sheep had looked up at him so impassively, as though to him the little fact meant absolutely nothing. What Mello hated most about Near was this fact. He couldn't read him. He couldn't understand him. _

"_Peace and company left early this morning. They have left the country."_

There was no telling when he would see her again. Or if he would. However, maybe that was for the best. Even though he hated to admit it - maybe it was for the best that they never saw each other again. She could cope better then. She could heal and she could forget.

Mello was not someone who could understand someone like her. She could understand so much and he could understand so little. He would not admit it - not even really to himself - but his comprehension of human empathy was something that he lacked. It was for this reason, even if he did not understand it, that he knew it was for the best that perhaps they never met each other again.

While he could now admit that he loved her (at least to himself), he could also admit that he was the worst possible person for her. She had been through enough as it was.

And thus, a decision was made.

"We're going back to L.A."

His hardened gaze dared Matt to argue with him and it wasn't surprising at all, really, when Matt did not. Matt and Mello apparently shared the same thoughts.

* * *

All that was left was Near. He was the only one who remained, surrounded by things and surrounded by technology and surrounded by no one.

Perhaps it wasn't entirely obvious, as Near was much a clean slate when it came to showing his emotions, but he did realise that he was always the one who was left on his own. To deal with things his own way - alone.

It was very much something he had come to accept. It didn't truly bother him to his understanding. However, he had come to like the company of other human beings. Even though it usually led to much more drama than he would have preferred.

Near was not sure what he would do with himself now that the Kira Case was officially over. He could continue with detective work. He could continue to challenge himself - or he could find entertainment in other ways.

He wasn't entirely sure which would suit him for the better. However, he was also fairly certain that he did not like this feeling of loneliness.

It finally dawned on him why Peace was so adamant about becoming a detective. While he was used to being alone, he could admit that he did not much like the feeling. For someone like her, this was not the right life.

However, this life was all that Near could see for himself now. It was what he was meant to be - as he doubted he could be much else with his social inadequacies.

* * *

Serenity and Jacob were not sure what to make of their Lily now. While it was true that throughout this ordeal, they had come closer together and they had reached a deeper understanding - she was still very much a mystery to them.

She would not tell the story behind her facial scar and she would not tell the story of what had happened at the Yellow Box Warehouse. She would not tell the true reason behind her bringing along this new man who was strangely jittery, but a comfort to see for some odd reason.

More or less, over all, Serenity and Jacob were left out of the loop of the true happenings and this man - Touta Matsuda, he had said his name was - really wasn't much of a help getting to the bottom of it. However, as much as they hated it, both could understand Lily's reasons behind it.

Something had happened in their separation. Something had happened and it had scarred her in more ways than the scar upon her face.

Somewhere along the line, they decided perhaps it was best that they did not know the truth.

* * *

**_It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light_**  
**_Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud_**  
**_Now here we are gathered in our little hometown_**  
**_This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd_**

**_Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'_**  
**_Was there anything I could have said or done?_**  
**_Oh, I had no clue you were masking_**  
**_A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong_**  
**_And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song_**

**_Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old_**  
**_Roundin' third to score the winning run_**  
**_You always played with passion no matter what the game_**  
**_When you took the stage, you shined just like the sun_**

**_Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'_**  
**_And was there anything I could have said or done?_**  
******_Oh, I had no clue you were masking_**  
**_A troubled soul, oh, God only knows what went wrong_**  
**_And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song_**

**_Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze_**  
**_The golden sun is shining on my face_**  
**_The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing_**  
**_This old world really ain't that bad a place_**

**_Oh, why? There's no comprehending_**  
**_And who am I to try to judge or explain?_**  
**_Oh, but I do have one burning question_**  
**_Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?_**  
**_They were wrong, they lied, and now you're gone, and we cried_**

**_'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song_**  
**_Your beautiful song, your absolutely beautiful song_**


End file.
